Remember when somewhere in the beginning of Defiance I warned that in this 'verse, Burt and Finn both are dead, and said it would come up in one of the next chapters? Well, this is this chapter.
Blaine didn't have to face Tina – at least, not right away. When she saw him in the hallway at school the next day, she turned and went the other way. She clearly didn't want to talk to him, but Blaine wasn't worried. He knew her well enough to know that she was probably just gathering courage or waiting for the right moment to bombard him with all the questions she might have. He sighed. He had wanted to do it today, when he still felt Kurt's hands on him every time he sat down, but there was nothing he could do about it. This had to be her move.
Kurt's and his 'honeymoon' was officially over. Today after work, Kurt would go back to his place, while Blaine would sleep in his own apartment. Their little bubble had been burst yesterday, and though Blaine felt a little sad about it, it had at least the advantage that he would be able to function again. Not being so completely wrapped up in his submission to Kurt all the time would no doubt help his concentration, his performance as a teacher – and his friendships.
There had been times, in the first days after he had been collared, that he had been scared by how much everything of him had been focused on Kurt. Everything he had done had been with Kurt in mind, he had been completely content to serve him, submit to him and be fucked by him, and just sit at his feet doing nothing the rest of the time. He'd have done everything for Kurt then – anything, he just needed to say the word – but at the same time, he knew Kurt would never abuse that.
And that was the whole of it, he thought. He didn't have to be scared by how deep he would fall sometimes, because Kurt would be there to catch him.
Tina came to him the next day in the teacher's lounge, just as he was reading a text from Chandler asking him to call after work. He was, of course, totally unprepared, and had to resist the urge to shift in his chair in the hopes of feeling the remains of the spanking Kurt had given him.
To his surprise, though, Tina looked actually apologetic and was holding a latte towards him, one from the coffee shop across the street that was so much better than the cheap coffee they could make in the teacher's lounge.
He took the latte and invited Tina to sit. Might as well get it over with.
She sat there, her hands curled around her own latte, and completely ignored the expectant looks he gave her. Finally, when he began to ask himself if this would come to anything because his next period would start soon, she looked at him.
"First of all, I wanted to say I'm really sorry about how I behaved on Wednesday. It's not really an excuse, but on that morning, I read on Facebook that my high school boyfriend, the "one that got away" you know, the one I always kind of thought I would get back together with at some point...well, he got engaged. And it's really hard to see all your friends...I mean, Ruth and David totally hook up...well, I got jealous. I'm sorry."
Blaine nodded. He had no hard feelings towards Tina – after all, she had been the reason for one hell of a night. Still, he hesitated.
"I want to say water under the bridge," he said. "But I also want to make sure an evening like that doesn't happen again. I really want you two to get along, Tina. At the very least, I need you to be able to tolerate each other's company."
Tina nodded, but then shook her head. Blaine sighed inwardly. Here we go.
"Blaine...are you sure about Kurt? I just mean...the way he talked to you...it was so wrong. I don't think he's right for you."
"When he said those things you think are wrong, Tina – he was talking to you, essentially. Not me. He might have been blunt, and he is certainly...one of the jealous kind. He likes people to know that we are with each other, and so do I. That means that we don't tolerate someone else fawning over our partner for the whole evening, and to be fair, you had been kind of provoking him, even if you didn't necessarily mean it that way. And had the roles been reversed? I'd probably not been as...direct, but I'd certainly have tried to get him away from you and home with me, too."
"Again, I'm sorry. Just..I'm worried about you. Tell me he's not mistreating you."
Now, he began to get angry. How dare she implicate something like that? Kurt was perfect for him, they were perfect for each other. But then he told himself that she was just looking out for him, that a relationship such as his and Kurt's might come across as...unusual to an outsider. Still, he felt it was time to end the conversation.
"He's most certainly not, Tina. I have been mistreated, as you call it. I know the difference."
Then he stood up and left, followed by Tina's stunned look, and berated himself for disclosing as much as he had.
…...
It was only when he saw the decoration at the supermarket that Kurt forced himself to recognize that tomorrow was Hallowe'en, which meant that the day after, November started. When he got home, he went straight to bed.
…...
Chandler wanted to meet Blaine for dinner, and he agreed eagerly. They hadn't really talked in a while, and he was looking forward to it. Besides, it wasn't as if he had anything better to do today (and how was it possible that he already missed Kurt?). So he just went home, took a shower and changed after work, and then met Chandler in a nice little Thai restaurant. After they ordered, Chandler got right to the point, confirming Blaine's lingering suspicion that this was not just a friendly meeting.
"I'm not really sure I should be telling you this, but my lord and master told me to, and I agree you should know."
Blaine was smirking at the 'lord and master' comment at one moment, and at the next one worrying what Chandler would tell him.
"November is coming up. Tomorrow there'll be a Hallowe'en party at the club, which you -" he pointed at Blaine with his chopsticks, "- will not be attending, because it's an all-out, every-sub-is-loaned-out-to-anyone-who-needs-his-cock-sucked party, and you and Kurt don't do this sort of thing."
"How conservative of us," Blaine quipped. He wasn't exactly sorry they wouldn't be going, though he would have sucked any cock that Kurt told him to.
"Now listen, darling," Chandler continued. "Kurt doesn't like Hallowe'en, and that's because he doesn't like November. Three years ago, in November, his dad died. They were close, it was fast, and now Kurt somehow puts everything bad that ever happened in his life – his dad, the death of his mom, the death of his brother - into this month. In November, he grieves. And because he doesn't like people seeing him emotional, he starts pushing them away."
Blaine was silent. He could imagine this, Kurt putting away all the grief, all the pain until the allotted time slot, and then taking care to be alone for it. What he didn't know was how to deal with it. Fortunately, Chandler had some advice.
"Don't let him to that to you. You'll have to figure out when he really wants to be left alone or when he just wants to spare you. He tends to deal with it by working, so you'll have to see he eats and gets enough sleep. Don't take everything he says seriously; you know him. You know how he feels about you. Don't let him make you doubt your relationship."
Chandler was leaning across the table while he was speaking, looking at Blaine with intense, honest eyes. Blaine found himself surprised to see him so serious.
"How does anyone ever deny you anything when you look at them like this?" he asked.
Chandler laughed. "Unfortunately, most Doms figure it out eventually." Then he got serious again. "I mean it, though. Don't let him chase you away. Just...care for him. He does it for you so often; now it's your turn."
…...
Kurt hated November.
He had never liked it; it was an unpleasant month at best, the advantages of being able to layer and wear scarves negated by the cold and the near constant rain.
But when three years ago, in mid-November, his father had died, Kurt had started to hate and dread the month.
The memory of the hard first part of the month, the hope and the fear until it was clear that there was no hope left. The desolation he had felt when he realized his dad wasn't there anymore, the realization that there was no one left of his original family and that, with the loss of his step-brother some years back, only himself and his stepmother remained of his new family. The way he and Carole had started to grow apart once there was no one left to connect them. The way Thanksgiving and even Christmas seemed ruined forever.
He just hated November.
He knew it wasn't logical, and he had never intended taking this one month and putting everything in it that had ever went wrong. It had just happened, that first year after his father's death, that at the anniversary he also remembered his mother, and then Finn. Later, after it had happened, his distress over the breakup with Chandler (although that had been in April) also surfaced again in November. It completely destroyed the month for him, but on the upside, it also kept the rest of the year more or less free of...this. The constant, useless ache as opposed to the sudden pains that were just part of daily life and that he could manage.
He just had to get through this one month. He had got through last year and the year before, and he knew that this year would be a little more manageable. He would make it. Even with caring for Blaine on top of it all, even though he had difficulties caring for himself during this time. He would make it.
…...
Blaine had plans. There wasn't much left of today, but he did as much laundry as he could, and then he started packing. He watered his plants and asked a neighbor to collect his mail. He didn't think he'd be here much for the next month, but as he looked around, he wondered how much he had been here – really been here, not just to get his mail or wash his clothes – at all recently. He sighed. He felt like he'd spent more time on the road than in his own apartment, and it was probably true. If just Kurt didn't live so far away from his school...but it couldn't be helped. The commute sucked, but he had done it before just to spend more time with Kurt, he could do it now to care for him.
Care for Kurt. The hardest part of that was that he didn't know if Kurt would actually want him to. He imagined if Kurt had broken his leg, he'd accept help; not graciously, but in the end he would have some fun ordering Blaine around. But with this? He didn't know if Kurt would want him to see him emotional and vulnerable. What was he supposed to do if Kurt straight up ordered him to leave?
What if he really did try to push Blaine away?
Still, he would go and try. He wasn't really sure if Chandler had been right telling him this, but now that he knew, there was no way he would let Kurt bear everything alone.