Chapter 2: Ups and downs

They had problems connecting.

They never used to, when they were children.

Takeru was starting to wonder if he should just stop comparing the now and then, because it hurt a little every time he did it and he realized things were not the same. That their relationship was different, that it would probably never go back to what it was. It ached, like a bruise a couple of days old – more yellow than purple, starting to fade but which still stung if touched without care.

Riku was not giving his all, and Takeru would not stop, would not slow down. Not when he knew what they were actually capable of. He had problems conveying this to his friend, though. It didn't seem as if Riku understood what he was trying to say. It frustrated him so much, but he didn't know what he could do to verbalize it. The closer he came to was by insisting that he believed in Riku's ability, and on trying again and again. Sadly, that only resulted in Dan-sensei, their coach, separating them and assigning Riku to watch Takeru's relays with the other runners. Takeru was slightly upset, but he understood that they needed a change of pace. Obviously, there was something they weren't doing right.

He hoped that this particular problem was over and done with by the time their first match took place, which would be sooner than expected. There was barely a week before the Kichijoji Spring Stride Festival, and though it was just an exhibition match, the club was aiming for the win.

(Takeru stepped up his training regime because he really wanted to win – the fact that running until late had him away from home and from his mom for longer was just a bonus.)

He didn't know what changed, but after their encounter with Galaxy Standard at Hasekura-senpai's sister's studio, Riku asked to run with him again. It was the last day before their match, and this time, Riku didn't slow down, and neither did Takeru. Their relay was flawless, and hope bloomed in their hearts.

"This is just the beginning. We can go faster."

A brilliant grin. "Obviously."

We can win.

They lost. The pairs had been changed just the day before the race, and even though they still ran to win, it was obvious that both teams were in completely different levels.

Takeru was disappointed, of course, but in reality he had known that it was probable. Their team was not yet working at their best. Objectively, he knew that if they trained more, if they put more effort, they could win. He knew that they could and would get better. But…

Losing always left him with a void inside his chest and a feeling of wrongness in the deepest parts of his being. He hated the hollow, oppressive sensation that engulfed him when it happened. Losing meant that he wasn't good enough, again. That he wasn't worthy. He had been the anchor and 0.4 seconds behind Saisei's runner. Not good enough. Not good enough.

Never good enough.

His head was filled chaotically with so much static and self depreciating thoughts that he wasn't paying attention when Riku announced that he really wanted to win their next race. Usually, that would have made him happy, but he was so busy thinking that they needed to train more, that he needed to train more, that he completely missed it. His fist clenched and the sting in his palm made him realize that he was losing it.

He needed to get away quickly, before he broke down.

(He couldn't afford to break down in front of his teammates.)

Abruptly, he stood up – the towel on his head falling to the ground, forgotten.

"I'm going to run for a bit." He said to nobody in particular, voice flat. Without looking at the startled faces that were suddenly staring at him, he beat a hasty retreat.

He ran all the way back to his house, ignoring the sound of his mobile vibrating in his pocket. He had left his bag with the team, but he supposed that somebody would give it to him the next morning. Right then, he couldn't really care less.

Only after collapsing in his bed did he take his phone out, typing a simple mail: Ran home. I'm OK. See you tomorrow. He sent it to the Stride group chat and then turned it off.

Making himself small under the covers, that night he cried silently.

Riku knew first hand that he was not very observant, nor perceptive.

It had been made apparent several times during his early childhood, when he would ask inappropriate questions or be blunt when he needed to be subtle.

It didn't change as he grew.

He usually didn't care, because it was who he was and the people who didn't like that were welcome to walk out of his life. Riku loved sports, loved being active, and even though sometimes it hurt too much (especially while thinking about Tomoe) he loved Stride. He loved making friends that shared his passion and even though Fujiwara had basically dragged his reluctant ass back to Stride when he didn't really want to, he still considered the other boy as a kind of weird, quirky friend. Fujiwara was blunt, stoic, scarily single-minded and had a leg fetish that gave him the creeps, but he was also passionate about the sport and always pushed Riku to his limits, goading him into wanting to do better. So yes, he considered Fujiwara a friend.

He cared about him and knew him well enough to notice that something was not right.

It started when they lost the match against Saisei.

Honestly speaking, Riku hadn't been thinking about winning when they competed. Since the moment the change was announced, he had known that they had no chance of victory. Not against one of the most powerful and talented teams out there. He had known they were outmatched.

Watching Fujiwara try so hard to shorten the huge distance that had formed, and actually manage to do it – to an impossible difference of 0.4 seconds against Saisei's best runner, even – made him regret not having tried harder.

He had been mesmerized as Fujiwara crossed the finishing line toe-to-toe with Suwa Reiji.

Afterward, he had noticed Fujiwara's hunched, tense form. He had had his hands clenched shut, a towel over his head, and Riku felt ashamed that he hadn't given his all, too. That he hadn't put his heart into the race as Fujiwara had. Kadowaki-senpai blamed himself, but Riku didn't. None of the other members did, either.

"Next time, I want to win," he had said, surprising even himself. But it was true. He peeked towards Fujiwara, but the other boy still had his head down.

"Hell, yeah!" Hasekura-senpai agreed, and everybody was suddenly filled with purpose.

They turned in unison when Fujiwara stood up without warning.

"I'm going to run for a bit," he had said in his distinctive voice, but they were all surprised at his flat, detached tone. Riku was confused and a little annoyed, but before he could snap at him, Fujiwara had went out of the room, and the dead eyes Riku barely caught before it happened completely extinguished his annoyance.

Those same dead eyes haunted him that night after reading that simple, curt message – the only hint they had that Fujiwara hadn't met his end in some freak accident during the time he had been missing.

Riku wouldn't admit out loud how much his heart rate had accelerated when Fujiwara failed to return after an hour of being gone; and how it kept on beating faster as he didn't answer his phone when the time to get back to school arrived. Sakurai-chan had been very flustered, her worry out there and clear for all to see, and the rest of the team had been panicking quietly. When they received mail and saw that it was Fujiwara – saying that he had ran back home, of all things – they finally relaxed and got into the bus.

Next morning, Riku had been more than ready to give the bespectacled, obsessive idiot a big ass lecture, but he refrained when he took in Fujiwara's appearance. He had dark circles under his eyes – which seemed so much darker than they actually were – and his expression was even harder to decipher than normal. He looked tired and completely out of it.

Riku knew he wasn't one of the most perceptive people in the world… but even he could see that there was something wrong with the other teen.

"Here." He said, instead of any of all the comments he had been preparing to deliver on the way to school. "You left this behind yesterday." He added, giving back Fujiwara's bag. The other boy blinked slowly, as if coming to focus, and accepted it mechanically.

"Yeah." He murmured distractedly. "Thanks."

"You're welcome, man." Riku said, and threw in a big smile that he hoped didn't look as fake as it felt. "Let's go to class, eh? If we don't hurry we're gonna be late and Yamada-sensei will give us another boring lecture."

Unfortunately, they were late rather regularly and they usually had to endure a different version of the same boring speech about responsibility, seriousness, yada, yada in silence. They would normally laugh about it after it finished, but that day Fujiwara didn't seem to even register they were being scolded.

What happened? Was it because they lost? Was Fujiwara so obsessed with winning that losing even a measly exhibition match made him feel this bad? Riku couldn't understand it, but he really didn't try to. He knew himself very well and he probably wasn't reading things right, and even if he was and that was the case, it didn't really matter. The only thing he knew is that he needed to bring Fujiwara out of his slump or their team was doomed.

"Fujiwara!"

The dark haired boy stopped and turned towards Riku, slightly surprised to have been called out. He looked at the other boy behind his glasses, silently requesting that he start speaking. Riku looked somewhat uncomfortable, shifting his weight from foot to foot and avoiding Takeru's blue eyes.

"Did you need something, Yagami?"

Takeru had changed into his uniform right after practice ended, because he had to buy groceries. He usually would still run for an hour or so before going to the market and then home – to prepare dinner and then to bed – but he was emotionally and mentally tired, not to mention that his mother was in a rather bad mood. In days like those, he preferred to get it over and done quickly, which sometimes helped him avoid listening to the usual tirades. His self worth was low enough to add his mother's slurred derisive words on top of it. He could really do without them until he recovered at least part of his confidence.

"Actually… Um… I was wondering whether you wanted to hang out for a bit?"

Takeru blinked, surprised.

"Huh?"

Riku laughed weakly, scratching his neck in a show of awkwardness.

"I mean. We could go running some more. I could do with the practice." He said with a smile, and Takeru felt his eyes widen. His stomach fluttered first with excitement and then sunk. The emotions might have been noticeable in his face because the other teen coughed and lost the smile. "Of course, if you want, if not I can just go by myself, or go home, or… "

"I'd… I'd like to." Takeru interrupted Riku's rambling. The brunette relaxed his posture and smiled again, but then frowned when he caught the torn expression in Takeru's face.

"But… ?"

"I have to do the shopping today." He explained rather uncomfortably. "I don't… "

"Oh. That's okay, I could go with you."

"Huh?"

Riku rolled his eyes good-naturedly.

"You're worried you won't finish shopping before you have to get home; but if I went with you, you'd be finished faster. What'cha say?"

For some reason, Takeru couldn't think of any words to respond. He didn't know what was happening, or why Riku had suddenly decided that he wanted to keep him company or go running with him for that matter. He was happy, nonetheless. The happiest he had been since he failed the last race.

He shrugged with one shoulder, uncomfortably aware of his rapidly beating heart, and nodded with his head before turning and walking hurriedly away. He hoped his face wasn't as red as he felt it should be.

"Sure." He murmured, but he didn't think that Riku actually heard it.

"Oi, damn it! Wait, Fujiwara!"

The month before the start of the Trial Tour to decide the teams that would compete in EOS passed faster than Takeru would have thought.

He had been surprisingly fine. His sudden episode of depression had ended much faster than any he had had before, and he strongly suspected that it was because of Riku. Nana and the rest of the team helped, too, but it was Riku who started to voluntarily stay later to run with him, and he had even invited him to study together in his house. (Of course, that had ended in them challenging each other to races and other silly competitions, and there hadn't been that much actual studying going on. But it had been fun. Takeru doesn't remember a time when he had smiled so much, laughed so much, felt so very lighthearted.)

The couple of times his mother punished him hadn't been enough to dampen his rather good spirits, not ever the rather painful kick to his right side the day he told her that he would be gone for the weekend because their next match was in Atami.

Takeru hid a wince when Riku elbowed him in his affected side after trading food with Hasekura-senpai. He smiled indulgently at his friend's happy eating and went back to his monotone lunchbox. Ugh. White meat… and more white meat. He didn't particularly hate it, but he didn't like it that much either. It was the only thing that his mother had said he could take from the fridge, and she didn't give him money to buy anything else, so it was his only option.

"Fujiwara, gimme some of your… Ah, er, it doesn't matter." Riku interrupted himself, hurriedly looking away with a slightly nauseous face. This caused the other members to turn their attention towards them, and Takeru internally panicked. What could he say? He needed to say something!

"If you are serious about training, you should eat white meat. It has a lot of proteins and… " He started to spout a ton of data about its supposed benefits that were all bullshit. He hoped that nobody actually tried looking them up because he wasn't even sure of what nonsense he was inventing. The others lost interest and went back to their own meals, and Takeru breathed easily once again.

He knew it was silly, but he didn't want them to think that something was wrong. It wasn't in his plans to let anybody know that his home life wasn't ideal, and he was aware that even simple things could give it away if he wasn't careful. For him, it was better to be seen as slightly nutters than the truth.

Getting out of the bus, he was suddenly reminded of the fact that Atami was, indeed, a Spring Resort – which meant baths. (He didn't understand how could he have forgotten, as Riku had kept going on and on about it since the very moment they had been informed.) He didn't like public baths. He tended to avoid them like the plague, and he wasn't sure how he was going to get out of joining his teammates when they got to the hotel.

Thankfully, he had time to ponder over it during the run proposed by Hasekura-senpai. He decided that the easiest way out of it was to go running for another hour or so. It would hopefully clear the baths of people by the time he got back, and then nobody would be able to see his naked body.

It's not that he didn't like it… Well, he didn't like the scars. And the fading purplish bruise on his side was sure to call attention, and that was something that he was trying to avoid.

Riku found him when he was going back towards the entrance. He was wearing a yukata, his hair was down. Takeru's heart skipped a bit.

"Aren't you coming to the baths, Fujiwara?" Riku asked, confused and a little irritated. "We're all going." He added, as if it were enough reason to convince Takeru to go.

He shook his head in a negative.

"I want to run some more. I'll take one later." He informed him and went out.

(He wondered what was wrong with his heart, and why was his face suddenly so hot?)

Riku watched Fujiwara's back as the other boy left, befuddled as to why he wanted to keep running even after the two kilometers they ran to reach the hotel. He shrugged and put it down to Fujiwara's obsession with the sport. He was going to enjoy the hot water as it relaxed his aching muscles, thank you very much.

He turned and went back to the baths. It had been Kohinata-san who noticed that Fujiwara wasn't with them, and had sent Riku in search of him, so he was the one who asked about it when he came back alone.

"Yagami-kun!" The small second year called. "Where's Fujiwara-kun?"

"Went running," Riku informed, taking off his yukata and lowering himself to the water. He immediately relaxed in bliss. "Ah, this feels so good!"

Kohinata traded worried glances with Hasekura, but they didn't say anything more about the matter.

The group played around for a while, enjoying the feeling of the hot water and preparing themselves mentally for the race next morning. Riku was exited, and he was determined to win, no matter what.

It was much later that he was reminded of Fujiwara, when said boy cursed silently, unintentionally waking Riku up. All the boys shared a room, and both first years' futons were placed side by side.

He groggily opened an eye and looked the way the sound had emerged from. He could barely distinguish Fujiwara's half naked form as he put on his pajama top, but his vision focused on the angry bruise he thought he saw on the boy's side. He blinked and it was already covered, and before his brain could process what he had seen, he fell asleep again.

He completely forgot about it in the morning.

Soooo, second chapter! I'm on fire! (Third chapter is almost done, too! Wohoo!)

I hope you enjoyed the ride. (Aaaah, I'm making Takeru suffer, poor him, asdalsjdasdas but it'll get better! I promise!)

Ah, before I forget! I've made a facebook page, if you're interested in contacting me or knowing about what I'm working on, or whatever, really. The link is on my profile :)