Chapter 3: Sinking and resurfacing

They won their match against Mihashi High, but in turn Kadowaki-senpai got hurt. The first year trio finally got the story of what happened when the club lost many of its members, and about Hasekura-senpai's injury. At the beginning, Takeru had been all for recruiting Kuga-san, but Kohinata-senpai's explanation put lead into Takeru's stomach. He actually flinched when he heard that it was Kuga-san's fault that Hasekura-senpai's leg had been hurt. He hated violence, and with good reason. He didn't know if he could run together with someone that could so easily injure a teammate. No. He knew he couldn't–

"You're wrong. Let me explain."

He started to relax when he heard the full truth of the matter, the one that had been hidden to protect the club, even when it almost got disbanded for it.

He was proud of himself for not reacting negatively when Kuga-senpai appeared at the last minute before their race against Ichijokan High, whose Relationer gave everybody bad feelings.

He was proud of his team for overcoming the problems that presented themselves before them.

He was proud of their solid, indisputable victory.

He was proud of the results of their next matches, which guaranteed their entrance to the next stage of the tournament, putting them one step closer to the finals and the fulfilling of his promise.

Summer was upon them.

Takeru particularly enjoyed the hours spent trying to study at Riku's. Sometimes they were joined by Nana, who took it upon herself to make them actually study something for a change, but it was usually just the two of them pissing each other off and running in spontaneous race challenges. Sadly, this resulted in them not feeling particularly confident after final exams ended, but they weren't really worried about it. (And neither was Hasekura-san, for the record.)

Dan-sensei stoically decided to let it slide and informed the Team of their training camp with Galaxy Standard, which sparkled their interest greatly.

During the days they were at Saisei's, Takeru realized that it was no wonder those guys had beaten them so soundly every time they ran against them. Their training regime was insane! Even he, who was admittedly rather obsessed with Stride, couldn't finish without feeling completely exhausted. Losing against them at their last practice race didn't depress him nearly as much as the first. How could it? He was frankly astonished at how much those boys trained every day.

For the last night of the training camp they went to the beach, which made him feel nostalgic. Even the fireworks they lit reminded him of a similar night seven years before, with Nana and Riku laughing by his side after having won their first race ever. Riku smiled just as he had then, playfully and full of life, and Takeru's stomach fluttered – as it was inclined to do more and more in the other boy's presence.

He had felt so comfortable that he almost let it slip that that was the second time the three of them had done something like that. Luckily only Nana caught it, but before she could ask Riku took off his shirt and ran towards the water, and the rest of the team promptly joined him. Takeru was happy to stay sitting beside Nana, watching their antics together, amused.

The sound of playful splashes mixed with carefree laughter reached their ears, giving the moment a serene and relaxing atmosphere.

"Why aren't you there, Fujiwara-kun?" His friend asked after a while.

"Mmm?"

"Why aren't you fooling around with the rest, playing in the water?"

Takeru took off his eyes from the group of boys and turned towards his only female friend. He pondered what to say that wouldn't be a lie, while not giving away the real reason.

"I can't swim." He finally admitted. It was true, he never did learn. He hadn't had any reason to, his mother never took him anywhere on vacation and swimming had never really caught his attention. He shrugged at her surprised expression. "Besides, I like it better here. We haven't talked much after exams ended."

Nana smiled softly and nodded, engaging him in light conversation about the training with Galaxy Standard and Stride.

Takeru felt warm and oddly peaceful. He was glad that he had this time with his friends, away from home.

He had thought that they were making progress. Hell, he knew they were making progress. Riku had honestly been trying to better his form, his time, his running. He had been training just as hard as Takeru, with Takeru, and then everything started to fall apart.

It was the Time Trial race against Kakyoin. A club remade from scratch, whose coach was none other than Sakurai Joe – Nana's father. To make matters worse, its anchor was Yagami Tomoe – Riku's older brother. He had remembered then, when the name appeared on display on the screen, that Riku had used to adore his big brother when they were kids. He had bragged about his abilities and his form, and Takeru couldn't help but agree with young Riku's assessment after watching Tomoe run and win the race with such ease, even against Kuga-senpai.

Every member of Kakyoin High had been playing with them, almost as if they were only indulging them. They won so easily, they hadn't even needed to pretend to take Hônan seriously.

It hurt, being destroyed like that. And Takeru wasn't the only one feeling horrible about this particular loss.

It became apparent that Riku's actual problems with Stride were directly connected with Tomoe, and Takeru really didn't know how to help. Accepting that he lost was already difficult by itself, as the empty abyss inside his own mind was trying to drag him to depression. He fought against it, wishing to be of help to his best friend, which he knew he wouldn't be if he let himself be engulfed in darkness.

He tried, but his emotions weren't reaching Riku, and his words only made things worse.

"Work harder? Try harder?" A furious Riku muttered, throwing back in his face words that Takeru had said in hopes to make them work together – to connect again. It was just after Hasekura-senpai had accurately pointed out that they were not looking at each other, but at somebody running ahead of them. "Why are you always looking down on me?!"

Takeru was honestly baffled, because he had never looked down on Riku, would never do so, and why would Riku think that Takeru did?

He didn't have time to ask, because Riku ran away.

In class next morning, it became obvious that Takeru was being avoided like the plague. At first he had thought that it was just his overactive imagination playing a trick on him, but when Riku left for lunch with some classmate whose name Takeru had never bothered to learn and whom they had never really talked to instead of coming with Takeru for their usual pre-lunch training, he was sure.

The hand holding on for dear life to the cliff of his mental state slipped, and his stomach turned when he realized that it wouldn't take much more for him to fall.

(He didn't want to fall.)

(He hated the person he became each and every time he got seriously depressed. He hated it.)

Nana sat with him like usual, colorful lunchbox over her lap. She tried to lighten up the atmosphere, but Takeru could feel the tension she was failing to suppress, which was only adding to his anxiety.

When Riku skipped practice, Takeru's hand slipped further.

Three days later, nothing had changed.

Riku was still avoiding him, still not going to the club, and Takeru couldn't take it anymore.

He informed his teammates that he would go running some more, trying to hold his anxiety back, but it was no use.

Maybe it was his fault. It probably was, actually. He reminded Riku of Tomoe, even though he didn't know how, and it pissed the other off so much that he probably decided that enough was enough. After all, when has Takeru been anything but useless? When had he started to believe that he was somehow worthy of Riku's friendship? When had he started to think that he was enough to make Riku love Stride again?

It started to rain.

The desperate hold Takeru's hand had on his mental state was no more, and he fell.

He couldn't breathe.

He couldn't breathe and he had to stop.

He had to stop because he couldn't breathe and he couldn't recognize where he was and then he was suddenly dropping against a tree; his heart racing and feeling as if the world was closing in on him.

A hand clutched at his heart while the other supported him clumsily against the tree and between rattled, desperate lungfuls of air he absently noticed there was blood under his fingernailsfingernails – probably from where he was frantically scratching at the rough bark – though he didn't feel any pain at all. He might have worried more about it if he hadn't been panicking already.

His vision was getting darker at the edges and he still couldn't breathe and he was sure he was dying–

"Shit. Fujiwara!"

It was hard for Riku, watching his brother run again. He hadn't seen Tomoe for a year, as he had transferred overseas, and he sill wasn't over what happened when they were younger. He had come to almost hate Stride because him. Why? Why couldn't he ever catch up to his brother? He had always been being left behind, while Tomoe kept getting further and further away from him.

And Fujiwara was just like Tomoe. He practiced just as hard and he expected Riku to do the same. It infuriated him, because it didn't matter how much he tried, how hard he worked, he would never be able to catch up with those two, who had real talent for the sport. But just like Tomoe, Fujiwara didn't seem to understand that, and it was driving Riku nuts.

He had to stop. He couldn't continue going to the club if it meant feeling this miserable. If he had to avoid his teammates to forget about his feelings, he would.

For some reason, Fujiwara's stricken face – barely noticeable for those who didn't know him as much as Riku – when he avoided him at lunch for the first time almost made him reconsider his decision. Almost.

It was three days later, during the hour when he would usually have had club activities, when by chance he met Saisei's second year Mayuzumi Asuma.

He sat with him for a while, watching a group of kids playing happily by the river. They talked amicably, and the experience was really cathartic for Riku. They both understood and felt the pressure of having amazingly talented older brothers, and Riku felt comfortable talking about his burden with the other boy.

Asuma looked at the sky and let a sigh past his lips.

"I guess I should get going. It looks like it's going to rain."

"Huh. I guess so." Riku agreed, getting on his feet. He offered the other a wan but sincere smile. "Thank you, man." The other boy chuckled and patted him on the shoulder.

"You're welcome. We'll see each other at the semifinals, and I'm going to win… again!"

That sparked a flame of competition inside Riku, and his smile brightened some. "I wouldn't be so sure!" He shouted at the retreating back, but only received a hand wave for his trouble.

The sky darkened; some raindrops fell. The kids laughed and scattered, screaming delightfully at the sudden change of weather.

Riku had a sudden urge to run. After three days of avoiding it completely, it was as if his legs were protesting against being so still, so he decided to indulge them.

He trotted lazily for a while, before picking up the pace as his thoughts returned to Stride and his feelings towards it.

Twelve minutes later, it started to rain harder; a summer shower that reminded him once more of Tomoe's back getting further away. Of his inability to follow. It was as if his brother were there again, running in front of him and leaving him behind – just like he had done so many times before.

His heart constricted and he slowed down, thinking that it wasn't really worth it. Believing he was ready to give up again, but for real this time.

And then the vision distorted and vanished, leaving him with only wisps of his brother's image.

Because the figure that had been running in front of him was not his brother, but Fujiwara.

Riku was startled to see him stop abruptly and stagger towards a tree on the pavement, stumbling as if drunk. He worried when he noticed the other fall against it as if he had problems controlling his body. When Fujiwara doubled over in pain, Riku barreled towards him, suddenly really worried.

"Shit. Fujiwara!"

When he finally was by the black haired boy's side, Riku noticed Fujiwara was panting, breathing really fast. The hand that was clutching his jacket over his heart was trembling faintly and the right one's fingernails were bloody, still erratically scratching the bark of the tree in what must have been an unconscious gesture. Riku was at a loss. He could recognize a panic attack, but he had no idea what to do with that information. He couldn't remember what he was supposed to do in such cases!

He hovered uncertainly for a moment, a low and slightly hysterical mantra of shit, shit, shit, what do I do, what do I do under his breath.

The look of pure, unadulterated fear he saw in Fujiwara's wide blue eyes made the decision for him. Without giving it much thought, he took both the other boy's arms and made him turn around, crouching in front of him. Fujiwara clutched Riku's biceps in a death grip, probably to avoid falling, or to tether himself, Riku couldn't tell.

"Fujiwara. Fujiwara, focus on me. Can you hear me? Fujiwara, breathe." He was babbling and he knew it, but he was out of ideas. The other had a faraway, utterly terrified look in his eyes, and was still breathing shallowly. Riku swore mentally and quickly put both his right and Fujiwara's left hand over his chest, over Riku's heart. His own left hand was still grabbing Fujiwara's right bicep, helping them keep their balance in the uncomfortable position. "Can you feel it? Feel me breathing? If you can, try to copy me. Breathe in, breathe out. C'mon, Fujiwara. I know you can. Yes, like that! Once more, in, out. In, out… " He shut up and concentrated on inhaling and exhaling slowly and profoundly, and he was glad to notice that after a while, Fujiwara's chest started to rise and fall in a more healthy rhythm. When the complete terror in his face disappeared, Riku felt so relieved he could have fallen flat on his ass. "Good! Very good. You did it. You did it. That's it. It's over. It's over."

They stayed like that for a minute or so, and then Fujiwara lost the little strength he had left in his legs and fell backwards into a sitting position, causing Riku to waver and fall on his knees. The new angle put them much closer, with Riku looking down at the other boy, their hands still entwined over Riku's chest.

"Are you fine now?" Riku finally asked, softly and tentatively. After a brief hesitation, he received a shaky nod in response. "What happened?"

Fujiwara answered with a shrug, avoiding Riku's eyes. That wouldn't do. Riku scowled slightly and took the other by the chin, turning his face so that he couldn't avoid looking at him.

"Hey. Tell me what happened," he ordered, trying to sound calm rather than angry. Not that he was angry, but he usually seemed to, when he got really worried.

"Please," he added when it seemed that Fujiwara wouldn't talk. It must have sounded much more raw that he intended, because the other boy immediately ceased in his attempts to avert his gaze and looked directly into Riku's eyes. The confusing war of emotions reflected in those blue orbs made Riku lose his breath for a second.

"I… I panicked." He explained in a small voice. Well, duh. Riku barely refrained from rolling his eyes, and only managed to do so because Fujiwara was unsure enough already to risk it. "You weren't going to the club, and you were avoiding me, and I suddenly just… " He shrugged again, uncomfortably glancing to the side, a soft blush covering his pale cheeks. Riku's stomach did a somersault and sunk. This was his fault? Fujiwara missed him? Why? Why would he be wanted around when he was such a failure?

"Because I want to run with you," Fujiwara said honestly, and it was then that Riku realized that he had asked his last question out loud.

Riku's eyes grew wide and he stared, dumbstruck.

They locked gazes and suddenly Riku was looking into a much younger pair of blue eyes, misted over with tears and hidden behind a big pair of black-rimmed glasses.

It had been raining then, too.

He had been impressed by the speed of a small figure running past the store, and followed it to the elephant-shaped blue slide in the center of a small park. The boy had been crying heartbreaking sobs, and Riku had felt the sudden need to comfort him somehow, to stop those tears. He had introduced himself brightly and asked for the other boy's name, and then had asked…

His eyes widened even further, and he felt his heart stop in shock.

"Takeru?" He asked in a whisper, his voice adopting an incredulous, disbelieving tone. Fujiwara blinked, scrunching up his face in confusion for a fraction of a second, before a look of understanding softened it.

"You remembered?" Riku couldn't quite place all the emotions behind the question, but he thought there was relief mixed with them. He felt off-balance.

He had asked Takeru – the small boy – to run with him, receiving a tiny smile for his efforts. He had felt so relieved when the small boy had stopped looking so sad… Then they met Nana, and won a race, and they promised to run together again.

He was breathless.

"We promised. We… we promised." He couldn't believe that he had forgotten about it. "And I forgot. Forgot. How could I?"

"Hey. It's okay." Fuji– Takeru said, looking slightly uncomfortable. "You remember now." Riku gave him an incredulous look. How could he be okay with that?! Then his eyes narrowed and fixed the other with a hard stare.

"You… you knew?" The dark haired boy nodded, uncertainly. "Why didn't you say anything?" Takeru shrugged awkwardly again, lowering his gaze. "Why?!" A sudden idea popped into his mind and he needed to know. "Does Nana remember, too? And you didn't tell me?" His voice was getting higher, anger starting to surface. If they had decided to keep it a secret from him… Takeru shook his head furiously, as if reading Riku's thoughts. Or maybe Riku's face was simply an open book, easy to understand. He deflated. "Then, why?" He asked, confused and a little upset.

"I… didn't want you to… to feel obligated to be friends with me again." The other said softly, flushing a darker shade of red. Riku blinked, thought about it and then he figured it out.

"You were scared," he tried, and took Takeru's tensing muscles as a yes. It didn't make it any more clear, though. "You were. Why?" He pressed.

"I… "

"Guys? What are you doing here?"

Startled, they looked to the side and noticed that the entire team was there, watching them curiously. Without knowing exactly why, Riku blushed and jumped to his feet, hesitating a second before offering his hand to help Takeru stand. The other stared at it with his blue eyes round, but accepted it gratefully and Riku hauled him up. They traded glances that conveyed their mutual decision to continue this particular conversation later, and then Riku smiled sunnily to Nana and the senpai.

"We were running and this guy tripped!" He explained chirpily, gaining and half annoyed, half amused glare from Takeru.

Damn.

Takeru.

He had now the need to know what happened, to know what the other boy had been about to say. His reason for being reluctant to remind them about a promise that obviously had meant so much for him.

He stopped dead in his tracks.

Why would a promise made over seven years before have such an impact on Takeru?

Now that he thought about it, Takeru had known who they were since the very beginning. That was the reason he had been staring so intensely during introductions and been so adamant for them to join the Stride team! It wasn't that he had remembered over time, but he had never forgotten.

Why hadn't he told them, then?

What did he meant, "because he didn't want to make them feel obligated to be his friends again?" How did that even make sense?

"Riku?" Takeru asked softly, concerned. He snapped out of his musings and noticed that everyone was scrutinizing him again. He only avoided flushing because he was more worried than embarrassed.

"Sorry, it's nothing," he said, though it was a big fat lie.

Something was not right at all, and he had a very bad feeling about it.

Yay, chapter three! I struggled with this one, especially during the panic attack scene. I wanted to give the reader the feeling of hopeless desperation of both the one who is suffering through it, and the one who's trying to help. (Though I haven't experienced a panic attack first hand, so it may not be so accurate. Well, I did my best xD)

I hope you enjoyed! :D

Let me know what you think on a comment ~ It would be appreciated! :3