Yes, I've finished this. I can't believe it. I'm happy and sad at the same time, because this is the first multi-chapter fic in English that I've completed (and just the second, overall. It's a huge accomplishment for me, even if it seems silly.)
I wanted to thank everyone who read, followed and left kudos or lovely comments on this fic. You are all awesome!
I hope you enjoy the end of the ride!
Chapter 4: Confessions and resolutions
Riku was not happy.
Three days had passed since Fujiwara had his panic attack and Riku remembered their childhood friendship, and he had the time to think carefully about the other boy's words and actions.
He didn't like what he could infer from them.
A budding sense of dread was forming with each added observation, and the fact that Fujiwara was effectively not talking about it wasn't making him feel any better about the whole situation.
Every time Riku so much as hinted towards talking about it, Takeru would successfully distract him with another topic, or include a third person in their discussion, making it difficult for Riku to breach the subject.
It was suspicious.
Almost as suspicious as Takeru never changing with the rest of the team, always having something else to do when they went swimming or to the baths, never inviting Riku or anybody else to his house, saying that he hadn't wanted to make them feel obligated to be his friends again.
Almost as suspicious as Takeru getting overly depressed for losing a stupid practice match.
Almost as suspicious as the boy actually flinching when people got too close without warning.
Fuck. What was happening? Why hadn't Riku noticed something was wrong before? Why hadn't the senpai? Or the teachers?
Well, he knew that he hadn't noticed because he hadn't been looking. He had just seen what Takeru wanted him and the rest of the world to see, and only after starting to feel more self-conscious about the other boy and actually trying to find clues to understand him better was he able to see beyond the facade and to the boy beneath.
Riku was almost certain that the boy he interacted with under the rain was the most sincere Takeru has been to his true self in front of Riku – or of anybody – since they met in high school. Oh, he wasn't trying to imply that the Takeru they knew was a fake, just that it was only a small part of him, while another – the most vulnerable – was hidden away, protected behind strong shields.
That was what he had surmised from his memories of past interactions and new observations, but he hadn't had the chance to confirm any of it with the boy in question, because it was obvious that Takeru wasn't keen on discussing the matter any further.
And though Riku was convinced that his life would be much easier if he could just forget about it, he didn't want to. Takeru was important to him – even more now that he remembered the small boy Riku had once made smile solely with an honest offer of friendship and a stretched hand.
It was important for him to know, even when he was scared of verifying whether what he suspected was true. He hoped it wasn't, but he wouldn't hold his breath.
Despite his fears, he needed to know.
"Takeru." He called when they were finishing up with practice one afternoon. The other boy turned towards him with an eyebrow raised in question. "We need to talk." He stated, stressing the last word meaningfully while looking at the other in the eyes, trying to convey his seriousness.
The dark haired boy gulped and glanced away, nervously playing with the strip of his bag.
"I have to buy groceries today… "
"Takeru."
Fujiwara looked up guiltily, biting his lower lip. Crossing his arms over his chest, Riku narrowed his eyes and took a step closer.
"Takeru."
"Yes!" He blurted, annoyance and resignation permeating his tone. He lifted his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Yes, I know." Riku motioned for him to get on with it, but he still looked unsure. "I know. I will. But… "
"No buts, Takeru. You've been avoiding me long enough," Riku butted in, tired of the tip-toeing.
"But. Let me do it after the match with Saisei. Please. There's only two days until then, and I don't want us to get distracted. Please."
It was the almost desperate tone, together with the promise of after, the only thing that persuaded Riku to let it go for the time being.
But he was holding Takeru to that promise.
With a little less to worry about, he let himself be successfully distracted by Stride.
Even when the revelation of his quirky teammate actually being a dear childhood friend who he had regretfully forgotten about for a time, the words that were the catalysis for the memory coming back were not forgotten.
"Because I want to run with you."
Such a simple statement. There was no reason for it to have affected Riku in any way, right?
"Because I want to run with you."
There was nothing special in the words.
"Because I want to run with you."
They shouldn't have made him change his mind at all, right?
"Because I want to run with you."
Wrong.
They changed everything.
Why?
It was actually pretty simple.
For starters, they made him remember a time in his life when Stride had brought him so much joy – pure, simple happiness. A bright smile, a timid laugh. Two good friends.
They also made him reflect upon the memories of his brother, and about all the pain and anger they always carried. The fact was, Riku loved Tomoe. He adored his brother and he wanted to be just like him, and he was the reason Riku started to run in the first place. They ran together, for the simple enjoyment of it. It was after, when Tomoe started to think about the possibility of competing, and he was just that good that Riku had encouraged him enthusiastically. He had been so proud of his big brother, and so happy to be a part of something Tomoe obviously adored to do. Too much, perhaps. It had been frustrating, when Tomoe's training increased and suddenly he was running so much faster than Riku, getting further and further away. Riku could have borne it, though. For his beloved older brother, he could. But when Tomoe wouldn't stop to wait for him anymore, when he would just say a try harder without really trying to make Riku stand and follow, when he gave up on asking Riku to run with him–
It was then, that Riku felt so much hurt that he decided to quit. When Tomoe didn't say anything against his decision, but instead accepted it without a word, Riku felt his heart break and he did the only thing a boy who loved his brother too much could do: he blamed it all in Stride.
If they never knew what Stride was, if Tomoe never wanted to try to compete, if they never watched a race…
If it weren't for Stride, Tomoe would still be running with him.
"Because I want to run with you."
Those words changed so much, because through those words he realized that the only reason why he hated Stride so much was because it had once been unjustly blamed for his feelings of abandonment.
Tomoe had chosen it over Riku.
Well, it was different now.
Takeru had chosen both.
The match against Saisei was hard.
Riku hadn't been expecting anything else, and it made him grin with anticipation when he met Asuma at their starting point. It would be different this time, he could feel it in his bones. He would be different this time. Without the oppressive feeling of loneliness that Tomoe's memory used to cause, Riku felt almost as if he were a new person.
He had been at his best during their last days of training, without slowing down after the second half of his dash or feeling out of breath as he had before. It was becoming alarmingly clear that his problems had their roots in his small emotional trauma rather than being caused by his physical condition. It seemed so, at least.
Asuma had started to gain a lead and the memories were back, threatening to crush him and have him at their mercy, but it was then that Takeru's sharp voice cut through the veil and reached him.
The words were painfully familiar, and they were the only thing that Riku needed to put himself back together.
"Trust him, trust Riku! Riku, don't give up!"
Riku flew. His legs were on fire and he felt short of breath but he didn't let that stop him. He saw Takeru approaching from the corner of his eye and smiled.
They connected beautifully, seamlessly, and in that moment they were the only people that existed. Two boys in a world of nothingness, during a second that was both endless and ephemeral, lasting forever but over too soon. Riku was sure he had tears in his eyes, but he couldn't care less.
He smiled brightly and whispered a thank you, and the world started moving again.
Riku fell with a roll, watching as Takeru's back got further away, but the loneliness didn't reappear. Instead, a rush of happiness, of pride surged in his chest and he grinned, even as he gasped for air.
"TAKERU, GO!"
Panting and exhausted, but determined Riku got to his feet and hurried to the finishing line. Takeru would win for sure, and he had to be there to see it. He had to be the first one to tell him well done; to offer him a helping hand and a congratulatory smile.
It was his job, and his right.
It was after the celebrations were over, but before the team started to focus on defeating their next and last opponent – probably the most difficult one they have encountered so far, that Riku decided to act. He had waited a couple of days for Takeru to approach him, but the other boy was playing possum and Riku was fed up with the avoidance. It had to stop.
Riku busied himself with putting away the course obstacles, giving the upperclassmen enough time to vacate the changing room. He had done so just to be the last one to change, so that Takeru – who was waiting for him already in his school uniform – was left alone with him without suspicion.
Riku glanced at the other boy beneath his eyelashes while putting on his shoes. Even when he had promised, it was evident that Takeru didn't really want to talk. Riku realized that his only chance to make him do so would be if he cornered him. He worried his lip, furrowing his brows while thinking the best course of action.
Was it okay for him to just demand information? Wouldn't that just make Takeru more defensive? He didn't know, he wasn't a psychologist for God's sake! He was just a tactless fifteen year old that was worried sick about his best friend. To hell with being subtle, he decided.
He got up and walked over to where Takeru was standing against the wall just beside the closed door. The other boy had been looking at his phone, but his eyes lifted when he heard Riku approaching.
"Ready?" The bespectacled boy asked distractedly, attention returning to his phone while he straightened a little from his slouched position.
Riku didn't answer with words. Instead, he thrust himself right into Takeru's personal space and put both hands on the wall, on each side of his head, trapping him. He was more aggressive than he should, apparently, because Takeru startled so hard that he actually flinched before he hunched slightly in what clearly was a defensive position, covering his stomach with his arms as if to stop a blow. Riku froze, now certain that he had been right and suddenly filled with dread.
Takeru opened tightly shut eyes and peered questioningly up, and his already pale face lost even more color when he realized it was only Riku. There was alarm and fear in those blue eyes, but Riku knew it wasn't fear of what Riku would do. It was fear of what Riku would think about that reaction. His stomach felt heavy but the light haired boy set his jaw in a stubborn gesture and decided to get on with it.
Without giving Takeru time to think or react, he grabbed the bottom of the other boy's shirt and lifted it quickly but carefully, exposing a lean, pale stomach marred only by a purplish green bruise on one side. Both boys flinched this time, one for the sudden perceived attack and the other at the sight of the injury.
Takeru's trembling hands tried unsuccessfully to pry his shirt away from Riku's grasp, and after giving up with that they attempted to hide the bruise, but they were doing a poor job of it.
"Ah, this is… This is nothing… What are you– "
"Who?"
Riku's eyes met Takeru's after considering the damage for a while, and he knew they were burning with barely contained rage. His voice was pitched low, and he was clenching his teeth so hard that he didn't know how he actually managed to say anything at all. He had never been so furious.
Takeru blinked in confusion and stopped trying to blend with the wall.
"… what?"
"This!" He snapped, gesturing towards the bruise with his free hand. "Who did this?!" Takeru looked down and then to the side in shame, before returning his eyes to Riku's, almost begging for him to drop it. No way.
"It's nothing, Yagami, I swear… "
"SHUT UP!" He snarled, and the dark haired boy recoiled at his tone, which made him bang his head against the wall. The pained grunt the collision caused brought Riku back to reality, and he immediately felt contrite. "Shit, sorry." He apologized, cradling Takeru's head with his hands. "I didn't mean to… God, I'm so sorry." He bit his lip and made sure that the other boy hadn't hurt himself too badly because of him.
"I'm fine, it's okay. It was nothing."
"No, it's not okay! Come, sit. Let me look at it just in case."
"I'm telling you I'm fine, Yagami."
"Don't be stubborn and sit, damn it. Can't you see I worry about you?" Riku pleaded, and Takeru seemed to deflate. He sighed and nodded vaguely towards the bench. Riku gracefully accepted the concession and guided Takeru to the wooden seat, and then carefully began prodding around the back of Takeru's head in search of the bump that was probably already forming there. A sharp hiss from the other boy alerted him when he found it, and Riku released a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding when there seemed to be no other problem with it.
"There, it's just a bump."
"Told you."
They sat together in silence for long minutes, comfortable but not at the same time. Riku fidgeted. Takeru exhaled loudly, defeated.
"It's my mom." He admitted reluctantly, and Riku's eyes grew wide.
"What?" He croaked, not sure he had heard right.
"This." He imitated Riku's earlier gesture, signaling the general area of his abdomen. "It's my mom."
"What?!" The question was more incredulous this time, tinted with the horror Riku suddenly felt. It was Takeru's mother? Takeru didn't look at him, fiddling with the charm of his cell phone.
"I… I don't blame her. She's hurting, you know? I remind her too much of dad, and he left us before I was even born and mom loved him so much, her world crumbled when he left. She's hurting, and it's my fault, so it's okay." Takeru sounded so damn young and earnest and pleading for Riku to understand that it made the other boy's heart ache. Though he wanted to refute those atrocious claims, Riku didn't interrupt, sensing that Takeru needed to get it off his chest. "Sure, it hurts, but it isn't as she does this all the time. It's usually just once a week, or even less. She usually doesn't beat me, though. She shouts, or drinks, and she may say many hurtful things but it's okay, I know she must love me. She had me, didn't she? And she sends me to school, even when she doesn't believe I'm worth the effort, and she thinks that I won't ever amount to anything… But she does, so she must love me, right?" He choked, turning towards Riku and looking so vulnerable that Riku wanted to wrap him in cotton wool and whisk him off to someplace safe and away from all the hurt.
The broken tone and the desperation in Takeru's face and eyes – which glistened with tears that were about to fall – were too much for Riku to bear, and he didn't hesitate to take the shaking form in his arms and hug him warmly.
Takeru tensed, flight or fight instinct kicking in, but Riku rubbed his lower back soothingly and murmured reassuringly in his ear, waiting for him to relax in his embrace.
"Shhh… It's okay. You can let go, Takeru. You can cry. What your mom does is not okay. It's not. It doesn't matter whether she's hurting or grieving or whatever, she doesn't have the right to do this to you. It's wrong, Takeru. She's wrong. You're absolutely worth the effort. You're not a waste of space or money or whatever you are thinking about. You're an amazing person, you know? You are. Everybody can see it: the club, our classmates. We love you. The sempai love you, Nana-chan loves you and I…" Riku faltered, sudden revelation hitting him with the force of a thunderbolt. He loved Takeru, and as more than just a friend. "And I'm in love with you," he said, voice adopting an awed, breathless quality.
Takeru lifted his head from where it had been resting against Riku's shoulder and looked at him, speechless; face completely unguarded. His glasses were askew and Riku couldn't help but chuckle slightly at the adorable image, even when it was slightly blemished by fresh tear tracks. Riku carefully wiped them away with his thumbs, straightening the thick glasses at the same time, while Takeru stared at him, inspecting his face with suspicion and disbelief.
"You love me?" Riku could feel the heat rising to his cheeks, but the incredulous tone grated on his nerves. Did Takeru think it so impossible for Riku to love him (for somebody to love him)? He forced himself to keep eye contact with Takeru's bright blue eyes, because he was serious and he had to convey this clearly, without any possibility of misunderstandings.
"Yes, I do. I love your dedication to Stride, your determination to better yourself, and the way you encourage me to do so, too. I love the way you're so blunt that I never have to wonder if you're telling me the truth. I love the fact that you made me realize that I was giving up something that I really loved for something stupid. I love the way you look when you run – free and happy and so focused in what you're doing that your eyes glint. I love it when you smile, because you do it so little and when you do, your whole face brightens and your eyes shine and I'm rambling, God, my face is on fire, please, shut me up I'm babbling and I can't stop and I'm embarrassing you and I'm embarrassing myself and…" His endless monologue was cut off by hesitant, slightly chapped lips.
The kiss startled Riku, chaste and shy and so very sweet – a soft brush of skin on skin that could barely be considered one, but which was precious for that very same reason.
"Thank you. I… I think that I may love you, too." Takeru said with a tiny smile on the corner of his mouth, and then he was peeking beneath long, black eyelashes and Riku realized that, oh, the boy was so very beautiful, too, and Riku was smitten, and how did that happen? When did it happen? He didn't know, but he didn't regret it. Not a tiny bit.
He was also glad to notice he wasn't the only one blushing like mad.
Smiling happily, his eyes crinkling at the corners, Riku framed Takeru's face with revering hands and brought their faces close once more, their breath intermingling.
"I'm glad," he murmured, and leaned towards the other boy to give him a kiss of his own.
When imagining different likely scenarios and ways in which this conversation could go, not once did Riku thought about something like this happening. It was unexpected, completely impulsive and almost crazy, but Riku couldn't really find it in him to question it. It felt so right.
He knew that it wouldn't be easy. They were two boys in a world that wouldn't accept their relationship without looking down at them, not to mention the added complications of Takeru's home life, unjust as it was.
No, it wouldn't be easy, but looking at Takeru's smiling face, Riku knew that it was more than worth it.
Then and there, Riku firmly resolved that he would do everything he could to support Takeru and help him get out of his dangerous home situation. It didn't matter if it was by court – if he managed to convince Takeru to press charges, which he doubted – or just by offering his own home as a sanctuary Takeru could retreat to when everything became too much, Riku would be there for him. He would try his damn best to procure that Takeru's small smile stayed, forever illuminating the face of the usually stoic, beautiful boy he had come to admire and now love.
It was a promise that he would never forget.
FIN
And... this is it. I hope you liked it.
You can leave me prompts or ideas if you like. I can't promise I'll write them, but maybe some will spark my inspiration and I'll write a little something about it.
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Thank you all for reading!
