Happy new year!
Pam, Kurt decided, was, like Elliot or Santana, the rare kind of person he found it very hard to say no to. He found himself doing exactly what she told him. He went looking for Blaine, who was sitting in the cafeteria with Cooper and looked indeed much more relaxed than he had when they got here and was laughing with his brother in an image of easy companionship. They said goodbye to Pam, and then Kurt took Blaine out to dinner. He chose the nicest restaurant that would accept them without reservation, and the evening ended up feeling like a real date. They didn't talk about anything important, but chatted about small things, and though both of them knew that there was still something hanging between them, they decided not to dwell on it and for now enjoy a rare evening where nothing would distract him from being together.
After, in their hotel room, he did what Pam had thankfully not told him: he made love to Blaine gently, reverently, whispering words of love into his skin as he quivered beneath him.
When they went back the next day to say goodbye before catching their flight back home, Kurt smiled, actually looking forward to seeing Pam again.
"I like your mom a lot," he said, as he had forgotten to tell Blaine yesterday. He didn't mention that he liked Blaine's brother considerably less and had the impression the feeling was returned; but after all, fraternal approval should be less important than maternal approval.
"I think she likes you too," Blaine said. "She only gets so bossy around people she is comfortable around. Like her children, for instance."
"So how did you ever get around her?" Kurt asked, and nearly bent over laughing when Blaine did his best puppy dog eyes in response.
"Fortunately, those don't only work on Doms."
Again, Kurt refrained from making a jokingly threatening comment about seeing if they really worked on every Dom. He had tried the last few days to avoid any obvious Dominating apart from the little gestures he knew had helped Blaine over a difficult time. It was getting hard, and he increasingly asked himself why he did it anyway, especially when, like now, Blaine looked at him, curious and a little disappointed, as if he had expected and wanted him to make such a comment.
…...
Blaine felt...so much better. It wasn't so surprising, perhaps, as he was now free from most of the worries about his mom - although he still wondered why she would suddenly get the idea to try riding a motorbike. He also had reconnected with Cooper, and it felt good; after the stunt Cooper had pulled, Blaine needed the reassurance that his brother was a human being who occasionally had things like feelings or even insecurities.
And Kurt. Kurt had done everything. When Blaine had first heard that his mom had had an accident, he knew intellectually what had to be done so they could come see her, but he hadn't felt able to do any of these things. Kurt had booked their flight and their hotel room, he had called Cooper to get him to pick them up from the airport, and Blaine's school to excuse him for a few days. He had held his hand during the whole flight, and Kurt's hand on his back had been the only thing that could make Blaine enter the hospital.
And last night had been wonderful. Gentle, loving, and completely vanilla, which he was perfectly okay with. He had been in vanilla relationships, after all, and while he was aware that he was missing something, he hadn't been unhappy.
So Blaine didn't mind that Kurt hadn't Dominated him last night. He didn't need that all the time; as he had made probably more than sufficiently clear, he didn't even want it all the time. But...he didn't like that Kurt was so guarded now, that he seemed to constantly check himself for dominant behavior. Blaine had even tried to goad him into teasing, but it hadn't worked. He had practically seen Kurt biting his tongue to avoid making a comment. He was a little disappointed, but not exactly surprised.
So how to fix this? He knew he was the one who made Kurt feel like he needed to...restrain himself. He hadn't wanted this, but he still felt it was important for Kurt to know and accept that he wouldn't - couldn't - be submissive all the time. And he didn't think it was so wrong to want reassurance.
But he had gone about this all wrong. He had hurt Kurt, badly; he could still hear those suppressed sobs. And he could relate how it must feel for him: that Blaine had not trusted his word, that he had felt the need to actually test him. When trust was the most important thing to him. When Blaine had actually said, even though Kurt had denied him, that Kurt should take his trust for granted.
He sighed inwardly, but smiled as they went into the room to say goodbye to his mom. They'd find a way back to the dynamics that were so precious to both of them. And maybe, he had an idea how.
They talked to his mom for a bit, and Blaine was really happy about how much she seemed to like Kurt. Cooper hadn't come with them this time, as he would visit before his own flight in the evening, so there wasn't even that little bit of awkwardness from Kurt's clear dislike of him (which he didn't mind - he knew it came from a place of wanting to protect him, and they met rarely enough it would hardly be an issue). They chatted pleasantly for an hour or so, holding cups of the awful hospital coffee without actually drinking it. When it was time to go, Blaine hugged his mom. They had promised Skype calls and visits, and Blaine once more confirmed that it wouldn't be too long until they came to see her.
"Just please don't take up rock climbing or bungee jumping in the meantime," he said, only half joking, but Pam laughed.
"No, I was actually thinking about skydiving," she said. "That sounds like it could be fun."
Back home again, things got slightly awkward, but Blaine wasn't worried. Both of them had the rest of the week off; though he felt a little bad about it, Blaine at least had no intention to call in at work and say the family emergency hadn't been much of an emergency after all. They'd talk through it. Or, if things went Blaine's way, they wouldn't.
About mid-morning the next day, Kurt got antsy and finally announced that he was going to see Master Elliot.
"I'll be back soon," he said, kissing Blaine goodbye.
"I know, Sir," he replied, not emphasizing the 'sir' at all. He knew that Kurt wanted to talk to his friend about their problem; he also knew that his talk would perhaps involve a crop on Kurt's back. Though the Doms tried their best to keep it a secret, Blaine knew Elliot sometimes did that for Kurt, and that Kurt sometimes - very rarely - did the same for Elliot. Blaine and Chandler had had a good laugh about it when they found out, but Blaine guessed it made sense. If it helped him clear his thoughts and extenuate any guilt he might feel, why shouldn't it work for Kurt?
He hoped Elliot could help Kurt. And he needed Kurt gone so he could prepare. As soon as the door closed behind Kurt, he called Chandler.
…...
Things were better between Blaine and him. The few days away had helped them both, but Kurt still had doubts.. His thoughts went in circles in his head going from "it doesn't matter so much, everything will be fine" to "But..." and back again in seconds. He needed to talk to Elliot, on whom he could rely to set him straight without considering his emotions too much. And maybe, he needed more than talk.
They sat down with something to drink, and Kurt told Elliot about Blaine turning down the scene.
"So he turned down the scene although he wanted it in order to reassure himself that you would respect it if he didn't want to submit?"
Kurt nodded. "It doesn't sound so bad if you say it like that."
Elliot smiled. "I don't think it's that bad, actually. What I want to know is how you know that he really wanted the scene. Has he told you? Or did you decide that he wanted it so you could feel insulted?"
Kurt winced. Now that sounded much worse when Elliot said it.
"Kind of?" he said. "I mean, he told me, but I think I had made my mind up before that. But I didn't 'decide' it, Elliot, really, and especially not so I could feel insulted. I...just knew. And I was hurt."
"Okay. I can understand that you were hurt. But as a Dom, your focus should be on your sub at all times, and especially when there is clearly something the matter with him. You deal with your own feelings later, on your own. Often, with a little time gone by, things don't seem so bad after all. Instead, you took an issue your sub had, and made it all about yourself."
Again, Kurt winced. He deserved this...rather merciless portrayal of his actions, but as always, Elliot's advice, though helpful, was not wholly applicable to their situation. Kurt knew for sure that Blaine wouldn't want him to deal with his feelings alone.
He sat in silence for a while. He knew what he had done wrong, had known before, though it helped as much as it hurt to hear it from Elliot in such a blunt way. It didn't bring him any nearer to knowing how to fix it. And it didn't help at all to clear his head, as there now was an "If only" added to the mix.
He fidgeted in his seat.
Elliot cleared his throat. "You know I thought you could make a good sub when we first met?"
Kurt nodded. "I suspected as much. You never said, though."
"No, because it's not my place to decide what people are. I'm not the Sorting Hat. Anyway, the reason I thought this was...You're wound so tightly a lot of times. I thought a good scene could help you unwind, relax. I still do."
Kurt nodded quickly. "Would you -?" God, it was hard to ask for this. "Not - not a scene, just -"
Elliot rose. "Stand up, take off your shirt and stand against the wall, back to me."
Kurt obeyed. It felt weird, but also...for the first time in days he knew exactly what to do, even if it was just something so little. He leaned his forehead against the wall and tried to relax.
He jumped when he heard the whistle of the crop rushing through the air, and flinched and cursed when it hit him. Damn, but it hurt.
"I hate you so much," he said when the second stroke hit him. Elliot just laughed, used to professions of love and hate of all kinds, and hit him a third time, and again. Slowly, Kurt found a place where he could be in the pain. It didn't bring him pleasure, as it could for Blaine, but it was a kind of peace. He felt his muscles relax and his breath deepen. There was no room in him for anything but the pain; for the first time in days, his mind was empty.
When Elliot finally stopped, Kurt was sweaty and panting. He took a deep breath, then pushed himself off the wall.
"Thank you," he said and dropped on a chair, careful to not lean back. Elliot gently pushed him forward a little and rubbed his back with something cool and soothing. Kurt rested his head on the table and enjoyed the lingering sense of peace.
"Thank you," he repeated after a while. "I feel much better. But what do I do about Blaine not trusting me?" He gingerly put his shirt back on, wincing as the fabric brushed his sore back.
Elliot wiped his hands on a towel. "I don't think there is much you can do, besides wait. Think about it: living together, you are in a completely new situation. Perhaps it's not as much of a difference for you, although I wouldn't be surprised if at some point, you find yourself in a situation out of your comfort zone as well. But for Blaine, a lot has changed and will continue to change until you figure everything out. I think it's not you he doesn't trust, it's the situation. Give him time."
It's not you he doesn't trust. That was...if that were true...
"Thank you," he repeated again, so relieved he could feel tears burn behind his eyes. "You helped me a lot. I owe you."
"I'm sure I'll think of something," Elliot said grinning and hugged him goodbye. Kurt was so grateful he only grimaced instead of hitting him when Elliot patted his back harder then was necessary.
He went home, with a clear mind and much more hope for a complete reconciliation than he had been when he went out. He'd apologize to Blaine, and he'd be patient and give them all the time they needed to adjust.
When he opened the door, however, all thoughts of patience vanished. Blaine was lying spread-eagled on the bed, tied on wrists and ankles, blindfolded, gagged and completely naked.