A Shadow

The blaring alarm screeched across the room, and my hand smashed it to kill the noise. Jerking upright in bed, I opened my eyes and glared at the wall in front of me. The color of the wall is infuriating me. It's so white and blank, and I felt as if the wall was staring at me.

"What are you looking at?" I said to the wall. I hate everything. I want to destroy everything.

"Onee-san?" My sister popped her head out from my door, and a blinding light flooded into the room. I hissed while shutting my eyes.

"Oh good, you're up. I'll leave your coffee on the kitchen table," she shut the door just in time before the pillow that I hurled hit her.

"Sorry Hotaru, I didn't get any sleep last night." I slumped into the kitchen chair as I sipped the steaming coffee that Hotaru had placed in front of me.

"You're always like that in the morning, so it's okay!" She smiled sweetly at me before going on her tippy toes, and pecking me on the cheek. I gave her a slight smile, she's so sweet.

"I'm sure we all know by now that you're a monster in the morning. I'm pretty sure you can scare even the scariest of yakuzas!" My mom joked as she handed Hotaru a bowl of cereal. I shrugged as I continued to sip my drink, and feeling some energy starting to seep through my veins.

"Hitomi dear, I think we should really go to the doctor or something. Your insomnia only seems to be getting worse." Mother gazed at me with concern swimming in her warm eyes.

"No, I'll be fine. I've started writing for an hour before going to bed. Having a daily routine will probably help." I glanced at Hotaru who chomped away her chocolate-cereal breakfast.

"Tomorrow's the big day, are you excited?" My heart sank a bit when my mom said that, but my face still appeared normal and neutral. I shrugged my shoulders to make it seem that I wasn't bothered or excited about it.

"I guess," I said in a monotone voice, concealing my true feelings toward the matter.

"I hope that we can all be a big, happy family together. And I just want to say, I'm so proud of you Hitomi. You've been so strong during theses past years. But even though we're going through a drastic change, you're still my big, reliable girl. I love you darling," mother's eyes were watery, and her slim hand was gently resting on my shoulder. Guilt pricked my heart. I couldn't tell her how angry I felt about her remarrying. I can't tell her how much I hated the idea of having to live with Ryoji and Haruhi. I couldn't, my mom depended on me so much, and she wanted so badly for me to be happy with our new stepfamily. I locked the tempest of feelings away, and hid them so deep within myself that I started to feel a bit numb. I had to pretend to be happy; I have to be a good girl, for mom. I gave her a practiced smile, one that even Hotaru couldn't see through.

"I love you too, mom." She pulled me in for a warm embrace, and I rested my head on her shoulder. My eyes flickered up around the small apartment. There were towers of boxes stacked up everywhere.

"I want to join the hug too!" Hotaru hopped off of her chair and skipped towards us. She wrapped her tiny arms around mom and I. Mom laughed, and we engulfed her tiny form in our arms.

After breakfast, I dropped off Hotaru at school and then rode to my own. No one except my teachers knew that I was moving. Even if people did know, they would feel indifferent towards the matter. I was not their friend; actually, I was a stranger. Whenever we have substitutes who call out attendance, people still say: "Who's that?" When they hear my name being called. Even though I had attended the same middle school as some of the students, they still don't know who I am. Since I was in the sixth grade, I was just a shadow that wandered about the school. I was always alone, and I liked it that way. After classes and school, I vanished from the view of everyone else. It was so much better that way because now that I'm leaving, no one will know that I was even here. No one would question me or try to get into my personal space. The impenetrable wall that I have built will still remain even in my new school. Just as I have been a shadow here, I'll be a shadow there as well. Many teens would hate the loneliness of being an outsider, but I appreciate the solitude.

The dinner with Haruhi and her dad from two weeks ago was rather...interesting. I couldn't help but notice how her dad would act just like the customers at Haruhi's "Host Club" when they were with one of the seven hosts around Hotaru. I haven't seen any of Haruhi's friends since that day because of work. I don't have work today since I'll be moving tomorrow.

Ryoji and mom are going to be an official couple after this evening, when they complete paper works that would legally register them as a couple. Haruhi, Hotaru, and I have been told again and again about how the two of them met and fell in love.

According to mom and Ryoji, the two of them met at a bus stop. Mom was panicking and she was on the brink of tears. She had been warned by her boss the day before that if she was late for work again, she would be fired. She met Ryoji, who was kind enough to drive her to her workplace. On a bike. Afterwards, they kept running into each other coincidentally, and they started meeting each other.

My bike skidded to a halt, and I hopped off. I walked over to the bicycle parking lot, and locked up my small vehicle as usual. Everyday has I been the same pattern for me. And so, it felt weird knowing that today would be the last day would have to ride a bike to school. Although I've never seen our new home, I know that it will be close enough to the schools of Ouran to walk.

School passed by in a blur, and it felt as if nothing was going to change at all. It didn't feel as if I'd never see any one of my peers or teachers again. It felt as if on Monday, I would still ride Hotaru to school on my bike and then to Goru High School. The same, idiot girls giggled while standing around my locker and blocking my way. The same teachers droned on in the same, monotone voices all day. The same boy sat behind me in math, snoring away and never paying attention to anything around him.

I've attended the schools the Goru District my entire life. But, I felt no shred of remorse or sadness as I exited the school's driveway for the last time. I was merely leaving a school full of familiar strangers, whose faces I would forget. Strangers who would become distant memories of a fairy tale story. Strangers who never knew my name.