I didn't post last week because I was terribly busy, so I will post two new chapters today. This is five years into the war.
My Dearest Elizabeth,
Yesterday, I lost a dear friend. Someone who has been by my side since the start, a brother. I can't describe the emptiness I feel in my body. I feel heavy and somehow the time I've spent fighting in this war doesn't seem to matter anymore.
This war has taken my time from you, my family, and now my dear friend. I've been given medals for bravery and courage, and now these trinkets are meaningless to me.
My dearest Elizabeth, I fear that when I return I will not be the same man you fell in love with five years ago. My sleep is often disturbed by nightmares, I can only say are sent from Hell. Sometimes the ringing in my ears gets louder than my thoughts, the imaginary explosions going off like a dreadful symphony. The sun hurts my eyes, the cold hurts my bones.
I looked into the mirror the other day. I was shocked at the sallow skin and dark ringed eyes; I looked so much older than twenty-five. If I come back from this war, I come back half a man. I fear I might never be whole, this war has taken me as well.
I've been hearing rumors of this war finally ending. My dearest, Elizabeth the things I have seen and done.
I want to come home to you, and my family. I want to hold you so close that I forget all that I've seen. I want to make sure you're safe, I want to make sure you're happy.
I am giving you the truth, my darling.
If I return home I promise...I promise to enjoy life and try to make yours better each day.
I am sorry I am here and not with you. I am sorry I am not the same. Please accept me as I am, broken and changed.
I cannot wait to see you again, it's only a matter of time.
-William Darcy