Take These Chances

by kzam

Zack and Cloud meet at two very different points in their lives. It's only natural they fall in love at two different points as well.

2. Part One, Cont

Part One, Continued.

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Zack caught him by the belt before he could run ahead, yanking him back before propelling himself forward. "Too slow, Spike!"

"You're cheating!" Again. And he always got away with it, too. The damn bastard was too good natured for Cloud to get upset with his antics. By the time Cloud caught up, Zack was already doing a goofy victory dance on Genesis' porch. "Don't know why you're celebrating, it doesn't count!"

"Uh, it counts, and you owe me now."

First to the door was the winner, and the loser had to pay for dinner. Not that night—they had plans once they went inside. But on a random night at a random location, to be decided by the winner. It was hardly a punishment (and knowing Zack, it would just be takeout of some kind), but…

"I want a rematch," he decided, folding his arms across his chest.

Zack did the same, eyes narrow with challenge. "There was no rematch clause in the rules."

"We didn't establish the rules."

"That means I can't be penalized for cheating! There were no rules to break."

"But no rules means I can demand a rematch," Cloud countered, quirking a brow.

Zack hummed thoughtfully. "Double or nothing?"

Before Cloud could answer, the door was opened, Genesis leaning against the frame as he looked between them. "Were you two planning to join us any time soon?"

"Maybe you can help us out, Gen," Zack started, the hint of a smirk on his face. "We'll come in if you decide who the winner is!"

"You just offered double or nothing!"

"That offer timed out," he said with a shrug. "You didn't take it."

Cloud turned his gaze to Genesis, putting on a pouty smile that he knew the redhead was a sucker for—or he used to be anyway, like four years ago. "Gen…he didn't play fair."

"Cloud wins," Genesis declared, clearly as charmed as ever. Zack threw his hands up with a whine before the redhead's focus was solely on him. "Your boyfriend's already here, and it's getting awkward. Let's go inside."

"Pretty sure that smile was cheating, Spike," Zack grumbled, slinging an arm around Cloud as they followed Genesis inside.

"You started it," he shot back, laughing softly when Zack finally muttered a very begrudging yeah, you're right, sorry. "We both know I can run circles around you."

"I wouldn't say circles, but yeah, you're faster. That's why I had to use my brain to win."

"Your brute strength, you mean."

"Yeah, but I had to think to use it," Zack said easily, winking when Cloud scoffed. "I don't care what Gen says, I'm calling it a tie."

"I'll agree to that," Cloud conceded with a nod.

"Honestly, you're like children," Genesis muttered, tsking as he lead them into his fancy dining room. The house he shared with Sephiroth was no joke—it looked like everyone was relaxing by the built in bar in the kitchen area. "Cocktails?"

Cloud frowned as Zack stepped ahead, all contact lost between them as he moved in to greet Luxiere. It felt so weird seeing that man here, in a house he had temporarily called home. On a cozy barstool he had once used. Maybe that's what Genesis meant by awkward. It was becoming common knowledge that he wasn't the only one who wasn't really impressed with Luxiere—he was just the one who tried his hardest to get along with the man despite all that.

"Ahem." His eyes snapped back to Genesis, confused by the expectant stare. "Would you like something to drink, dear?"

"Yes, please," he replied, a bit too quickly that time. "Something strong."

Sephiroth took to making him a drink, while Angeal made an offhand comment about how it must be nice being served for once. Normally he may have laughed at the joke, but the best he could manage was a polite smile until his drink was in his hand.

"Yeah, we had a serious argument outside," Zack was saying, a grin on his face as he gestured to Cloud with his glass filled hand. "Spike's a sore loser."

"Is he?" Luxiere responded, raising both brows. "Are you sure you're not just a cheater?"

Zack's mouth opened, but for once nothing came out. Instead he brought his drink to his lips, shaking his head slowly. It almost looked like he was holding something back—something that didn't suit Zack Fair at all.

"He just couldn't handle losing to me during our spar," Cloud chimed in, shaking his head as well, "So he made up some silly race and rigged it to feel better about the whole thing."

"Rigged it? I resent that accusation."

"We agreed it was a tie, by the way. How can I be a sore loser when I didn't even lose?"

"Now, now, boys—do we need to separate you before dinner?" Genesis asked, letting out one of his classic, overblown sighs.

"You were sparring?" Sephiroth inquired, leaning back against the bar.

"Yeah, we've been taking some sword fighting lessons," Zack explained—not nearly enthusiastic enough considering what a great time they'd had. "We only just got past the part where we hit dummies."

"I knocked him on his ass today," Cloud boasted after taking a long sip.

"Once! And it was because my footing was bad," Zack reminded him—and okay, he was right. It wasn't like Cloud was massively skilled and had pulled some epic move just yet. They were both okay, but still beginners to say the least. "It was a lot of fun though."

Sephiroth was still sending him a curious look. "Where have you been training?"

"Just a random place Zack found," he answered with a shrug. "It's called Masamune."

"Don't you own that?" Genesis asked, looking at his boyfriend.

"I am an investor," Sephiroth confirmed with a tiny smile. "I trained there myself, as a child."

"What? That's awesome!" Zack exclaimed, his eyes as wide as Cloud's. He knew that was basically what Sephiroth did for a living—invested in various businesses—but he'd thought it was mostly well known places. "How did I not know this about you?"

"It was a long time ago," he replied simply. "The owner ran into some financial difficulties a few years back and reached out for assistance. I had many fond memories there—I couldn't allow it to shut down."

"Just like my theatre," Genesis said fondly.

The Goddess Theatre, Cloud recalled, where his two friends had first met. That was where Genesis got his first break after graduating, starting as a stage hand before working his way through the ranks, eventually getting to the coveted producer slot.

When Sephiroth bought the place though, Genesis was not impressed. He'd attempted to run the businessman off, wary of his intentions…one of the most amusing stories Cloud had ever heard, actually. It involved a lot of stage makeup and theatre tricks. Genesis did not back down easily, and was not above sabotage.

It wasn't until Sephiroth sat him down and explained he had no interest in assuming creative control over the productions that the feud came to a halt. And the rest was history, really.

"You should see his sword collection," Genesis told them, hand on his boyfriend's arm. "It's quite impressive."

"I lived here!" Cloud said, gawking at the two. "How did I not know you have a sword collection?"

"You were stubborn and only kept to part of the house," the redhead reminded him with a shrug. "It's not our fault you chose not to explore."

"Yeah, well, I'm not going to apologize for not being as nosy as you," Cloud retorted, much to everyone's amusement. Everyone except Luxiere and Zack, at least. They were whispering back and forth, and whatever it was about, it had Zack's posture tense again. "Maybe you could show us now?"

"Of course," Sephiroth agreed, setting his glass down. Cloud did the same after finishing his drink in a hurry, openly disappointed when Zack didn't follow them. Whatever interest Zack had in the conversation had been lost apparently, Luxiere holding his full attention now. "What type of sword have you been using?"

"We're still pretty new to it. Zack got us some dulled down practice sabres, but they're only letting us use the wooden ones right now," Cloud explained quietly. "Which I guess is probably for the best."

"I imagine it is a safety concern."

"Yeah, I can see that. We spent a whole month only being allowed to hit the training dummy," he admitted with a chuckle. "But we still had a good time learning the stances and all that. It's nice getting to go through it all together."

"I can do something about your lesson fees, if you'd like."

"No, that's okay. I think we already paid out another month—it was a package deal or something."

"I own thirty percent of the business. It would be no problem to have you reimbursed."

"Isn't the whole point of investing to make money though?" Cloud told him, raising both brows. "Giving out lessons for free won't help anything."

"Masamune was a personal investment, not one I made for profit."

"I'm not really comfortable not paying our instructor."

Sephiroth chuckled. "Everyone will be paid still."

"I'll talk to Zack about it next time we're due to pay," Cloud relented—and it was worth it when Sephiroth smiled. The man was too damn generous sometimes. "Maybe you should come down with us sometime. What was your specialty?"

"Perhaps you can guess," Sephiroth responded, gesturing for Cloud to follow him into his personal office space.

The blond's eyes went wide as he looked around the room, every wall with an intricate rack of swords on display. He was sure he spotted a scimitar, rapier, sabre, broadsword…but he couldn't put a name to everything. Behind the desk there was only one blade on display, easily the most prominent display in the entire room.

"A katana," Cloud realized, smiling up when Sephiroth nodded. "That's awesome."

"I am out of practice, but I did enjoy it for many years. Genesis is fond of the rapier," he said, gesturing to one of the swords Cloud had already identified.

It was wider than the ones he'd seen at Masamune, but definitely a rapier still—he could tell by the elegant handle. This particular one was red as well, which felt appropriate since it was the one Genesis favored.

"Does he know how to use a sword?" Cloud asked curiously.

"No. These are decorative, as far as he's concerned."

"Man, I'd love to use something like this," the blond decided, running his hand along the flat side of a sword he couldn't place. "My instructor said I should consider duel wielding when we get further along."

"You must be fast on your feet then."

"Yeah. Zack's been eyeing something bigger."

"I prefer it when he eyes you."

Cloud froze, eyes still fixated on the sword display he was in front of. "What's that mean?"

"His boyfriend is intolerable—he provoked Angeal before you arrived. Genesis nearly asked him to leave."

Angeal, the calmest man Cloud had ever met...he was admittedly curious about what happened, but what difference would it really make?

"Where are you going with this, Seph?"

"I only wish to let you know we're on your side, Cloud."

"There's no side to be on!" he insisted, putting on his most indignant stare. That was the kind of dramatic declaration he'd expect from Genesis, not Sephiroth.

"Cloud—"

"I know. I appreciate whatever it is you think you're trying to do, but it's not necessary," the blond said, running a hand through his hair. "What'd he do to piss Angeal off?"

"He was discussing his role in developing ShinRa's latest ad campaign."

"The anti-AVALANCHE one?" Cloud asked, cringing at the thought. ShinRa was a propaganda machine, and they took threats to their profits very seriously. Sephiroth looked less than pleased as he nodded. "I can see why that'd annoy Angeal."

"Zack asked Angeal to refrain from discussing work in Luxiere's presence, but it is unclear if Luxiere received the same request."

"He probably did. Zack really wants us all to be friends with him."

"I do not like the effect he has on either of you."

"What do you mean?"

"You and Zack were smiling when you arrived," Sephiroth said, like that was a sufficient explanation.

But it just wasn't. So maybe he wasn't the only one who noticed how tense Zack could get around Luxiere…that didn't mean anything. It probably had more to do with Luxiere being in a sour mood from being around people he didn't know well. People who he had apparently been arguing with before Zack walked in the door.

"It's the things we don't get to see that Zack loves about him," Cloud tried to explain, letting out a ragged sigh. Sometimes it was the things he wished he never saw at all—the private smiles, small touches, stolen glances. "It doesn't matter how we feel about Luxiere, we have to keep trying."

"You are a good friend, Cloud."

"So is Zack. He's worth the effort."

"Of course. I'm sure Genesis and Angeal would agree—we have all grown fond of Zack."

Cloud opened his mouth before realizing he wasn't sure what there was left to say at that point. Thankfully Sephiroth had always been good at interpreting his silence, probably better than interpreting his words—he pulled Cloud in for a rare hug, long arms keeping him safely pressed to his friend's chest.

xxxxx

Staying the night at Zack's place…yeah, that had been a bad idea.

Despite their strong friendship, they were usually out of each other's hair before bed for obvious reasons. Zack had a boyfriend waiting for him, and Cloud didn't really want to be in the next room. But on a Friday night when Luxiere had a work get together…

"Don't business people take plus ones to those kinds of events?" Cloud asked, regretting it when Zacks's expression fell.

"Yeah, uh. Remember how I told you Lux was the only one who stood by me when I left ShinRa?"

Oh. He should've made that connection himself. "I shouldn't have asked, I'm sorry."

"Nah, it's cool. I just wanna hang out tonight anyway—company get togethers at ShinRa were always too uptight for me. Now c'mon, let's do this!"

They'd ended up doing their usual movies and snacks. Except they both had a couple drinks this time, so Zack couldn't give Cloud a ride back home. He'd planned on calling someone to pick him up, but…

"Please stay."

How could he say no to that? Especially when Zack had been sprawled out on the couch with him. By the time he'd woken up, he was alone on the couch with a blanket draped over his body. His eyes met Luxiere's immediately, and he shot into an upright position.

"Why are you here?" Luxiere asked, arms crossed and eyes narrow.

"I must've fallen asleep while we were hanging out," Cloud explained, mostly apologetic. "I guess Zack felt bad waking me up or something?"

"I saw the beer bottles. It doesn't take a genius to figure you were both drinking, so neither of you could drive. What I want to know is, why are you here?"

"If you know that, then—"

"You're always in my apartment, eating my food, watching my TV—and now you're having sleep overs with my boyfriend?" His voice was surprisingly calm even when he was saying things that Cloud thought were actually kind of reasonable to be upset about. There was no denying how it probably looked from Luxiere's point of view. "Well?"

"I don't know what you want me to say," Cloud admitted, rubbing the sleep from his face. It was way too early for this. "Whatever you think is happening, it's not. He's my friend."

"I know nothing's happening. I know him. He's not the type to go behind anyone's back," Luxiere said simply. "Whatever you think you're doing, it's not going to work."

"I'm not trying to do anything."

Luxiere rolled his eyes. "You're not trying to spend more time with my boyfriend than I do?"

"It's not like I'm keeping track of who's spending how much time with him," Cloud responded with a sigh. "I just like spending time with him, so I try to make it happen."

"And you're not purposefully trying to give me the wrong idea?"

"No! If I had it my way, you and me would be friends too."

"That's not going to happen."

"That's on you then. Not me," Cloud told him.

"I'm not going to buddy up with someone who's in love with my boyfriend. Whether you're being honest about your intentions or not, it doesn't matter. I'd be insane to encourage any of this."

"I wouldn't—"

"Maybe you should go."

Cloud arched a brow. Maybe. It wasn't a demand, but it sounded like a good idea. "Yeah, okay." He rose to his feet, bending to stretch out a bit and straighten his jeans. For once he was glad he fell asleep in his clothes—it definitely made for a quicker exit. "Mind if I use the bathroom?"

Luxiere frowned, but gave a nod of permission.

He sent a quick text to Angeal after he was done, hoping he'd be awake by now. His older friend didn't like driving when it could be avoided, but he was pretty sure this counted as unavoidable. Zack and Luxiere lived close to ShinRa's main tower, which was across the city from his apartment near AVALANCHE's headquarters.

I'll be there in fifteen, Angeal sent back almost immediately, bringing a smile to Cloud's face. He really did have amazing friends. At least now he had a plan, so he kept his head held high when he stepped out of the bathroom. Luxiere was nowhere in sight, so he moved straight toward the door.

"You sneakin' out, Spike?"

"Not sneaking," he responded, spinning around on his heel as casually as possible. "I just figured—" His breath caught as Luxiere appeared behind Zack, hands around his boyfriend's waist and face nuzzled into his neck. There was no mistaking the way Zack leaned back into the touch, a content sound coming out after a long yawn. "I've got stuff to do today, so I thought I'd get an early start."

"You don't want any breakfast?"

"Nah, Ang is on his way already. Maybe next time?"

Zack stepped closer, laughing softly as his boyfriend stayed hooked around him. "Ang is coming? I woulda brought you, man."

"I figured you'd be sleeping longer," Cloud explained, sliding on his shoes. "Thanks though. I'll see you tonight?"

"Yeah, I'll be there. Tell Ang I said hey!"

"Okay. See ya."

Zack was already laughing again, and it definitely had nothing to do with him—it was all Luxiere, which felt like a hint to get out the door. So he did. The loud joke Zack made about Luxiere not usually being so frisky in the morning? He might've tried to pretend not to hear that.

To his relief, Angeal was pulling into the small parking area as he exited the building, so he hopped into the car before his friend had even parked. A warm smile was his greeting, and they were on their way.

"It was my own fault," Cloud said after a few minutes, feeling Angeal's unspoken question. "I shouldn't have stayed the night."

"But nothing happened?"

"Of course nothing happened," he replied quickly. Angeal visibly relaxed where he sat. "Luxiere was there when I woke up though. I actually felt bad for him."

"Why's that?"

"Because he's not wrong," Cloud admitted with a sigh, recounting the short story about what Luxiere had told him this morning. "I can see how it looks to him even if I'm not doing anything wrong."

"He's not a nice man."

"Ang…"

"He was trying to pick a fight with you, again. He's done the same thing with me, and you can't let it get to you," Angeal said firmly. "He's the one who's refusing to even try. You've put in the effort time and time again to get to know him. If he'd done the same, he'd see that you're not trying to steal Zack away. There would be no issue, and Zack would be a lot happier."

"But—"

"Just because you have feelings for Zack doesn't make Luxiere right about this. Your heart's in the right place—you're only trying to be Zack's friend."

"He might warm up to us still. It's just a weird situation for him."

Angeal scoffed. "You're giving him more credit than he deserves."

Cloud frowned, not used to hearing things like that from Angeal. "Did something happen besides that anti-AVALANCHE ad fight?"

"What do you mean?"

"Normally you're more into giving people the benefit of the doubt. I guess I just don't get why you're not being the same with this."

"…Something else did happen with Luxiere, but I've already discussed it with Zack, and he'd like to keep it between us."

It must've been pretty bad, Cloud realized. Angeal didn't hold a grudge easily—he was a big believer in the idea that people could grow and change. That a little communication and forgiveness went a long way. Hiring Zack and giving him a shot at redemption had been the honorable thing to do, as far as Angeal was concerned. Not everyone at AVALANCHE would have done the same.

So what in Gaia did Luxiere say to put Angeal off so completely?

Whatever it was, if Zack knew, and Zack could accept it…the least he could do was try to keep an open mind for his friend's sake.

xxxxx

Three more months of awkward run ins and forced hang outs lead Cloud to one conclusion. No matter what he did, or what he said, Luxiere was never going to warm up to him. Nothing got worse, but there hadn't even been one moment where it seemed like things might get better.

Avoiding him felt like the logical solution. It was clear he wasn't the only one coming up with reasons to avoid the man entirely—on more than one occasion, Luxiere would call saying he had to 'stay late at the office' when the three of them were supposed to meet for dinner or whatever else Zack had in mind.

The good thing was, Zack wasn't oblivious—he noticed almost immediately, and wasn't heartbreakingly disappointed like Cloud had feared. Not to say he liked it, but at least it wasn't interfering with their friendship.

"I just don't get it," Zack said at one point, tossing his controller down as if he'd been defeated—really, he'd won their silly racing game, and ought to be rubbing it in Cloud's face. "I can hang out with you for hours and hours, and never get bored or run outta things to say."

He set his own controller down tentatively. "What's there to get? We're friends. It's supposed to be easy."

"I can do the same with Lux too," he explained with a sigh. "How is it you guys can't even make it five minutes without it being weird?"

"Um. I don't really get it either," Cloud confessed, tacking on an apologetic shrug. "I tried, you know. I really tried. I think we've just hit the point where it's better not to hang out with you at the same time."

"Yeah, but…you're my best friend, you know? And he's my boyfriend. I want you both around."

"You have us both. I'm not going anywhere." And he's not either, the unspoken truth lingering in the air. It felt wrong to feel so bitter about it, knowing it was actually a good thing in Zack's eyes. "I'm sorry."

"You don't hafta apologize, I know you didn't do anything wrong."

"Maybe we just didn't have as much in common as you thought. And that's okay. We're both here for you, not for each other."

"It's just frustrating. I'll go to tell him about my day, right? And if you and me hung out, it's like he doesn't wanna hear it. And with you, I feel just as weird bringing him up. I know you don't like him, you're just too nice to say it."

"Um. It's not that I don't like him. I just…" He frowned when Zack gave him a knowing smirk. "Okay, fine. I don't like him. That doesn't mean I actively dislike him though. Sometimes people just don't click. It doesn't have to be a bad thing."

"So is it better for me to stop trying to get you in the same room then?"

"Um. Maybe not for casual things? I mean, if there's a group or whatever, it's really not a big deal," Cloud decided, smiling a bit when Zack nodded like he understood. "It really only gets weird when it's just the three of us."

That's when he had to watch Zack trying so hard to balance his time. When Luxiere would send Cloud undecipherable stares, and make a simple question sound nothing but condescending—still working at the bar? Haven't met anyone yet? Oh, you don't have your own place?

Not to mention the fact that every single time Zack and Cloud were immersed in a conversation, he'd pull Zack's attention back with a touch or a kiss. There was no competing with that, and usually his mood was too sour by then anyway—he wouldn't want to pull Zack's attention back just to be asked what was wrong. At least if there were other people around, he wouldn't spend the whole night dwelling on it.

"I will though. Hang out just the three of us—whatever you want," Cloud added with an encouraging smile. "It's not that big of a deal."

"Nah, I think you're right. That's when it always gets weird, for sure. It's just too bad, 'cause you two are the ones I'm with the most."

"Well…you know, it's cool if you wanna bring him to the bar even if I'm working or whatever," he said, Zack visibly relaxing at his words. "I'll still swing by to say hey. Who knows, maybe he'll like me better when he's drunk."

"Not a bad idea," Zack said, perking right up. "You'll really come over if I bring him?"

"I'll expect a big tip, but yeah," he teased, laughing when Zack gave his side a playful poke. "No tickling or I'll change my mind!"

Zack pouted. "Fine, you win this one time."

"I could get used to that."

"I wouldn't. I'll get you when you least suspect it," Zack warned, grinning like he already had a plan to do just that. But then it was gone from his face, just as abruptly as it had appeared. "I get that you're not ever gonna be best buds, but do you mind if I still talk to you about him?"

"He's your boyfriend. Obviously you can talk about him."

"Yeah, but I don't wanna ruin the mood. There are other people I can talk to."

He swatted Zack's arm lightly, and maybe with a tiny bit of offense. "You can talk to me about anything."

"Well, if you're sure…" He paused, giving Cloud a look.

"I'm sure."

"Thing've been kinda weird with him since I left ShinRa," Zack admitted, shaking his head slowly. "I mean, I'm not exactly stoked that he works for them, but I don't make it a point to tell him that, you know? He's a good guy, and we don't hafta see eye to eye on everything."

"What's the problem then?"

"He makes these comments, like how I could always go back. How I'm making less money doing more work. It's like he doesn't get it, you know? That's not the kinda stuff that matters to me. The big paycheck was nice for a while, but it wasn't worth it."

"Did you try telling him that?"

"Once, after he started saying shit like that. He took it the wrong way, like I was looking down on him or something. Which I wasn't, that's why I don't even bring it up now. I just wanna be happy doing what I'm doing, and I want him to be happy with what he's doing, and then just…be happy for each other, you know?"

"Yeah."

"I got these new light bulbs," Zack said, gesturing toward one of the lamps. "They're energy efficient. Learned about 'em at one of the seminars I went to. He spent half an hour telling me how they're a waste of gil."

"Wow…"

"I know. It's not like we're hurting for money—I can afford them myself, even making less than him."

"Yeah, we have them at my place," Cloud said, remembering a similar conversation with Angeal who was a self-proclaimed cheapskate. ShinRa was the only contracted power company in Midgar, which meant they still used mako energy, but that didn't mean they couldn't do anything. It sounded like ShinRa's monopoly was on a time limit anyway, from everything he'd been told about AVALANCHE's research into alternative energies. "I don't see why he cares either way. They work just as well."

"It's not that, he just thinks I'm getting extreme."

"Extreme because you got new light bulbs?" Cloud asked, laughing until he realized Zack wasn't going to laugh too. "I mean, you're allowed to have different opinions on things. It's okay."

"I might've started cutting down on meat too," Zack admitted. "It's not like I'm taking up the animal rights cause, I just—"

"I know," he interjected with a tiny smile. "There's a lot of waste in the meat industry. It burns more mako than the entire city wastes each month."

"Yeah. How'd you know that?"

"Uh, more than half my regulars are AVALANCHE."

"Who'd rather talk about your cute ass than work when they're at the bar."

"You know, no matter how many times you say that, it's still not funny," Cloud told him, refusing to allow a smile to tug at his lips when Zack winked at him. It only took a moment for him to fail.

"Not meant to be funny—it's true."

"No, it's not."

"Okay, maybe not everyone. But I've had more than one co-worker ask me about my cute blond friend who works at the bar," Zack said, nudging the blond. "I've been brushing them off, but I can hook you up if you want?"

"Uh, no thanks."

"Why not?"

"Zack…"

"Hey. If I can talk to you about anything, you can talk to me about anything. Right?"

"Right," he agreed easily, though he was shaking his head, "but just because I can talk to you doesn't mean I have anything to say."

"Why though? You're the ideal boyfriend," Zack told him, slinging and arm around him and pulling him in. "You're smart, funny, open minded—easily the best looking dude I've ever met, and you don't even try to be. You're the whole package, Spike. This woulda been a whole different conversation if I'd met you like five years ago, seriously."

What? "Um—"

"No arguing! You're too awesome to keep it all to yourself."

"Zack," he grumbled, burying his flushed face into his friend's shoulder. Gaia, it was hard enough dealing with Zack's casual flirting and affection on a regular basis. This was too much.

Soft lips pressed against the top of his head, Zack holding him close. "What's really holding you back? You said it's been years since you dated."

"I'm still growing up. Still changing. This last year alone, it's like I'm a completely different person now. If I'd been with someone, that wouldn't have happened."

"A relationship doesn't hafta hold you back. You can grow with someone, trust me."

It was a good thing he was still hiding his face because he was sure it'd be obvious what he was thinking—how it sounded like Zack's relationship contradicted his own words. His friend was being nice and supportive, so it wasn't fair to say something that would sound pretty rude in response. Not to mention biased, given they'd just had an entire discussion about how Luxiere wasn't his favorite person.

"What're you thinking?" Zack murmured, hand rubbing Cloud's arm.

"Nothing."

"C'mon. There must be something."

"I'm thinking I need to do a little more soul searching before I really start caring about things like that, and in the meantime, being single really isn't a bad thing."

"I'm not saying it's bad, I'm just saying it's not bad to have someone either."

"…Maybe."

He didn't budge from his position, but it was easy to feel the happiness like it was emanating right off his friend—contagious, and undeniable. If he could've, he would've stayed just like that for the rest of the night…but the sound of Zack's apartment door opening was paired with Zack's grip loosening, and a cue to pull back.

"You two look cozy."

"Just giving Cloud some moral support," Zack supplied, a half grin on his face as he rose to his feet. Cloud didn't bother getting up just yet, or even turning to watch their greeting. He'd seen it often enough, and wasn't sure he had the stomach for it this time. Not after all the weird things Zack had said.

This woulda been a whole different conversation if we'd met like five years ago.

What did that even mean? Was he just being nice? Or was it that Zack might have been interested in him if they'd met before things got serious with Luxiere? It was farfetched considering how isolated and shy Cloud had been back then, but…

"Spike?"

His head spun around at the name. "Huh?"

"I asked if you were ready to head out now," Zack responded, hands shoved into his back pockets as he stood by Luxiere's side. "I'll give you a ride."

"Yeah, actually. I've got an early day tomorrow."

"An early day?" Luxiere asked, quirking a brow. "I didn't realize the bar opened early."

"I've got other plans," Cloud responded, glad that Zack was already snatching his keys and moving toward the door. He didn't feel the need to explain himself to Zack's boyfriend this time. "See you around."

Luxiere didn't respond.

xxxxx

Suggesting Zack bring Luxiere to the bar on his work nights had been…well, mostly a joke. A bad joke, as it turned out. Apparently Zack had taken it very seriously, making a point to show up hand and hand with his boyfriend at least twice a week.

Luxiere did not like Cloud any better when he was drunk. He did like Zack better though, making a point to show it.

"I think I'll take you up on that offer," Cloud said, sliding into Genesis and Sephiroth's booth.

Zack wasn't the only one of his friends who frequented Seventh Heaven, and after witnessing Luxiere's most recent public display of affection with Zack…well, it was a good thing it was his short shift.

Sephiroth slid him over a drink almost immediately. "We were expecting you."

"Thanks," he muttered, running a hand through his hair before downing his first sip. "The drink offer wasn't what I meant though."

Genesis quirked a brow, turning to Sephiroth. The silver haired man looked clueless as well, both eyeing Cloud curiously. "We'd be happy to buy you something to eat as well."

"What?" Cloud laughed. "That's not what I meant either."

"Care to enlighten us then?" Genesis asked.

He set his drink down, leaning forward on the table. "I don't know if you're still interested, but…remember when you said you wouldn't mind sleeping with me from time to time?"

"That was quite some time ago."

"Several years," Sephiroth said, glancing at his boyfriend. "I would still be agreeable to the idea."

"As would I, under different circumstances," Genesis responded, looking almost apologetic as he met Cloud's eyes. "You ought to just speak with him. Tell him how you feel."

"This has nothing to do with Zack," Cloud insisted. "I just need a distraction, and I'm not really into hooking up with people I don't know."

"Cloud…this has everything to do with Zack."

"If that is the case, perhaps Genesis is right. It would do nothing to help your situation."

"It's not like that. I'm just looking for some fun, but…I'm not going to argue. If you're not interested, it's fine." He slumped back into his seat, biting back a sigh. It wasn't that he was frustrated with them—he respected their decision. He was just frustrated in general. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"Tell him," the redhead repeated, like it was that easy.

"It's not right. They're happy together," Cloud grumbled, rolling his eyes when Genesis scoffed. "Even you guys fight sometimes. Just because they have some issues doesn't mean they aren't good together."

"If you think that looks like a happy couple, you clearly aren't looking hard enough."

He pivoted in his seat, regretting it already as he spotted Zack across the room, laughing loudly at whatever Luxiere was whispering in his ear. In one of Genesis' romance stories, this would be the moment when Zack would feel Cloud's eyes on him from across the room. His laughter would taper off as he met Cloud's gaze, and everything around them would stop…

It wasn't supposed to the moment when Zack and Luxiere's lips crashed together for more than just a quick peck. No matter how much the sight made his heart twist in his chest, he couldn't bring himself to look away.

"Cloud." Even Sephiroth's voice didn't tear his attention away.

"A kiss doesn't mean they're meant to be," Genesis said, slow and insistent. That pulled Cloud's attention back to the table, and warranted the annoyed stare he shot at his friend. "Oh, fine. I'm sorry—they were clearly arguing the last time I looked over. How was I to know they'd make up right as you stole a peak?"

"It's fine. This is how it is—I accepted that a long time ago."

"You look devastated."

"Don't be so dramatic," he scoffed. "It's not the first time I've seen them make out."

"If you are determined not to interfere in his relationship, perhaps you should try moving on," Sephiroth suggested.

Cloud groaned. That was Angeal's favorite suggestion as well. He still agreed it wouldn't be fair for Cloud to put Zack in an uncomfortable situation by admitting to his feelings, but made it a point to suggest finding someone else—you're only hurting yourself, he'd say, you deserve more than that.

Was it really so hard for his friends to believe he just wasn't interested in dating? It wasn't that he wanted to be hung up on Zack, or that he didn't want to look elsewhere because of Zack—like he was holding out for something that just wasn't going to happen. It was more like he hadn't been interested in that kind of thing from the start.

Something about dating and relationships had just never been particularly appealing to him, for as long as he could remember. Yeah, maybe Zack would have been some kind of exception under different circumstances, but that didn't change anything. If those stray feelings were out of the picture entirely, he was sure he'd still be happily single and not looking.

So why should he start trying to force himself to find someone just to 'move on'? It made no sense.

"You can't call it a bad idea without at least trying," Genesis argued, correctly interpreting the groan as a definite no. "If you truly believe he's happy, you need to move on."

"Why is this everyone's favorite subject?"

"Because as flattered as I am that no one's sufficiently sparked your interest since me, I truly get no pleasure from seeing you alone. It's especially difficult now, watching you pine after someone you won't pursue."

"It's not like being single is a punishment. I prefer it this way."

"Did I do something to put you off relationships entirely?" Genesis asked, not hiding his offense.

"No! Don't be ridiculous. We had a great time together."

"What was different about me then?" he countered, arching a brow. "You weren't so fond of dating or relationships back then, if I remember correctly."

"I don't know," Cloud admitted helplessly. "You were persistent. I get asked out sometimes, but not usually by the same person. And then you wanted to be my friend even after I said no. I liked that."

"I do remember that. It wasn't until we'd been friends for some time that you finally accepted."

"Yeah. I guess I just think it's better that way, for me at least." He frowned at his friends. It probably would've been an awkward conversation for some people, but Sephiroth and Genesis were very secure in their relationship—rightfully so. The fact that Genesis and Cloud were together once upon a time had never been an issue for Sephiroth. "If I were gonna be with someone, it'd have to be someone I was already friends with. And even then that obviously doesn't mean it'd work out."

"Well, we just weren't romantically compatible. That hardly means you won't find someone who suits you better. I could see things working well between you and Zack."

"He's not an option. I'm seriously done having this conversation."

Genesis raised his hands defensively. "I won't bring him up again. Tonight at least."

"What do you think of Angeal?" Sephiroth inquired curiously.

"Are you just going to run through a list of my friends to try and—"

"You two have gotten quite close," Genesis interjected, an unspoken question in his voice.

"Ang's been great. I wish I'd gotten to know him a lot sooner."

"I told you that years ago. He has a very soothing personality—just the thing for someone like you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you can be a little high strung, dear. Don't give me that look either, you know I'm right, and you know it's not an insult. You just bottle things up too often."

"I guess. I think he's great, but I'm definitely not interested in anything with him."

"He's been seeing that girl for a while now anyway," Sephiroth added.

"Yeah. I think it's their fifth date tonight," Cloud confirmed with a smile. "She's really nice."

"What about Tifa?" Genesis persisted.

He rolled his eyes. "Now you're really stretching. You know damn well she has a girlfriend."

"Why would we know that? She's lovely, but she's not someone we spend much time with."

"If I agree to go on a date with the next person who asks, will you guys promise to drop this?"

"You've already told us you would prefer to know the person. We would not ask you to do something knowing it would make you uncomfortable."

"Sephiroth's right, of course," Genesis said with a firm nod. "No need to go out with just anyone if that's not your preference. We'll temporarily drop the subject if you go on a date with someone who you may actually grow to care for—a friend of some sort."

Because there were so many people hit fit that criteria…He let out a disgruntled sigh when he couldn't come up with a single name. It wasn't like he had tons of friends, and most of them were involved with someone already.

"Spike!" Cloud's heart jumped at the stupid nickname, head whipping around as he Zack approached him with a toothy grin. Something about the dim bar lighting always made Zack look so stupidly attractive—maybe because this was how he'd first entered Cloud's life. The man had his undivided attention again, the same way he had that first night. "I've been looking all over for you! I didn't know your shift ended already."

He arched an eyebrow, taking a casual look around. "Where's your boyfriend?"

"Bathroom. We were about to head out, but then I finally spotted you," Zack explained with his brightest smile. "Can't go without a hug."

And at that, he was practically dragged out of his seat and into Zack's arms. "You guys have fun tonight?"

"Mm, yeah," Zack murmured, nestling his head into Cloud's hair. "Mighta drank one too many."

They both laughed, the soft rumble of Zack's chest inexplicably soothing. "Isn't it a work night?"

"Ang's making me take tomorrow off, says I work too much. Wanna come over?"

Something about Zack's tone told him he meant right now. "Uh, aren't you guys gonna go to bed or something?"

"Lux is, but I wanna hang out still," Zack responded—and okay, he definitely had more than one drink too many judging by the way they were swaying where they stood. "Come with me?"

He had to bite back his instincts, wanting nothing more than to say yes immediately. They'd have fun, as always, but that didn't make it a good idea. "…I'm gonna stay here with Gen and Seph."

"He won't be awake," Zack said, almost a plea as he stared down. Damn that head tilt, and damn those puppy dog eyes…As if he weren't having a hard enough time saying no for once. "I promise, it'll just be you and me. We can watch a movie!"

"Zack—"

"And I still owe you that rematch!"

"Tomorrow," Cloud promised, smiling weakly. No amount of pouting could change his mind this time, not with Genesis and Sephiroth giving him such pointed looks. "I'm sure Luxiere won't want you to stay up just to hang out with me."

Luxiere who was approaching them again, that obnoxious stare fixated uncomfortably on Cloud.

Zack stilled for a moment before conceding a nod. "Call me in the morning?"

"Sure. Have a good night, guys."

Another quick hug from Zack, another hard stare from Luxiere—then they were hand in hand on their way out the door.

xxxxx

Cloud tensed, wearily eyeing the odd, cylindrical present in Zack's arms—or, he assumed it was a present. It was in gift wrap at least. He wasn't totally sure if it was for him until Zack was pressing it into his hands with a broad smile.

"Happy anniversary!"

He quirked a brow. "Um. Anniversary?"

"Don't tell me you forgot!" Zack exclaimed, feigning offense. "I thought our relationship meant something to you, Spike."

"Riiight," Cloud mumbled, rolling his eyes. "What's this really about?"

"I was looking through some of our old messages," his friend explained, a fond look on his face, "and it really has been a year since we met. As of tomorrow, so you still have time to get me a gift too if you want."

"You got me a friendship anniversary gift?" Cloud asked slowly. Zack just nodded with that same happy look on his face, like this was the most normal thing in the world. "Wow. I…thanks. No one's ever…"

Zack knew him too well, sensing just how overwhelmed he was and taking pity. "Open it!"

He chuckled softly, fingers curling into the package in his hands. It was light, and he noticed how every touch produced a crinkling noise…There were only so many soft objects that were cylindrical and crinkled like they were in some kind of plastic. Instead of guessing though, he opened it, his smile growing as his instincts were confirmed.

A sleeping bag. The tight wrapped, durable variety that would fit into the clasps of the specialty backpack he'd used during his trip. Apparently Zack remembered that story about how his had gotten torn…This one was light blue, unlike his old black one.

"So what do you say?" Zack asked, his grin unwavering. "I was thinking we could get outta town—take that camping trip we talked about."

"Just you and me?"

"Well duh. It's our friendship weekend."

"Yeah, but Luxiere—"

"Already knows," Zack reassured him. "He's not a country boy like us, so he doesn't really get it, but…yeah. It's cool. We're gonna have a blast."

Cloud's smile grew. "I'll need to talk to Tifa. I normally work weekends."

"Already took care of that! She said she'd swap some of your shifts around."

"When do we leave?"

"Uh, as soon as your bag's packed! I figured we could walk down to the train station, take it to the edge of the city, then just rent a bird and go," Zack explain eagerly. "Then we can swing back whenever we feel like it on Sunday."

"Do you have a bag too?" he asked, raising a brow.

"Nah, I thought we'd share that sleeping bag and I'd just borrow some clothes or go naked maybe."

"Uh—"

"I'm kidding! Mine's in the hall, I didn't wanna bring it in and ruin the surprise," Zack said, moving back toward the apartment door just to open it and snatch a full looking backpack from the floor. "I think I've got mosta what we need, so if you just wanna grab some clothes or whatever, we should be all set."

"Okay, yeah," he responded, already on his way into his bedroom.

He left the door open as he fetched his backpack from his closet, swapping out his old sleeping back for the new one. Then he began stuffing in enough clothes for the next few days, not really putting much thought into it. It wasn't like he needed anything special. He became acutely aware of Zack leaning against the door frame, watching him curiously.

"Think we'll be near water?" Cloud asked, eyeing a few of the supplies he'd emptied from the bag already.

"I'm sure we can find some. There are tons of little streams and ponds and shit outside the city."

"You've got something to boil it in?"

"Uh. No, actually. Didn't think much about that."

Cloud grabbed his small pot, working it back into one of the compartments. "What about food?"

"Just some dried stuff. I figured we could find stuff to eat like real country boys, you know?"

"Yeah, definitely," he agreed easily, looking over everything one more time. "Are we doing a tent?"

"Nah, the weather should be clear. I kinda wanna sleep under the stars, like you did on your trip. Maybe you can tell me more about those Nibel legends, yeah?"

"Yeah," he muttered, sure his face had grown red. Nibelheim had plenty of tales about the stars, and all the stories behind the various constellations. Maybe he'd told Zack one or two of those stories during his trip, but he hadn't expected his friend to really remember. Unless it was another thing that came back up in their old messages. "Zack…"

"Yeah?"

"Why were you looking back through a year's worth of messages?"

"Uh, well," Zack said, hand on the back of his neck. "It's not like I went back and read every single one. There was this one picture you sent when you were in the Ancient Forest, remember?"

"Um. Kinda? I sent a few."

"The one where that weird bird landed on your shoulder? With the crazy head feathers that kinda looked like my hair?"

He laughed softly—it had been a weird bird. "Okay, yeah. I remember."

"I went back through the messages to find it 'cause one of the guys at work didn't believe me…but then I kinda ended up reminiscing a bit and noticed the date on that first message," he admitted quietly. "We talked about some crazy shit while you were gone."

"We still do."

Zack smiled broadly. "Yeah, we do. Just with less pictures."

"And less birds," he teased. "Guess that's the drawback of living in the city."

"Exactly why we've gotta get outta here! Now c'mon, are you ready yet?"

"Uh, yeah, I think," he decided with a nod. "Let me just grab a couple things in the bathroom."

Because as much as he liked roughing it, he didn't plan on smelling terrible all weekend.

Zack didn't argue as Cloud went to pack a few last things, instead headed toward the kitchen. He was filling up a couple canteens with water when Cloud reemerged, content with everything he'd packed. Even if he forgot something, he was confident they'd manage just fine. He watched Zack patiently, ready to go when he was…and maybe his eyes roamed. Zack was wearing the jeans though. The tight black ones he'd donned the night they met. Not necessarily appropriate for a camping trip, but surely intentional nonetheless.

And of course, Zack caught him staring. "Just like the night we met, huh?" he teased, tacking on the same knowing smirk.

Heat flooded his cheeks, but not to the point where he was too flustered to retort, "Don't act like you never check me out."

"I'm not denying it," Zack shrugged, "You've got a nice ass."

"I've got a lot more than a nice ass," he countered, maintaining as much confidence as possible as Zack looked him up and down and nodded—as casual as always.

"Yeah, you do."

It was going to be a long weekend, he realized, gripping the strap of his backpack tightly.

xxxxx

"You went on a romantic getaway with Zack Fair."

Cloud groaned, because really? He'd come to expect this from certain people, and Tifa was not one of them. "It was camping."

"You shared a sleeping bag."

He opened his mouth, not entirely sure how she even knew that. But then again, this was Tifa—she worked in a bar that was almost always filled with AVALANCHE staff. Had Zack really mentioned that detail to someone he worked with though?

"That was one night, and only after he dropped his in a stream," Cloud clarified. "Mine was new, and there was plenty of room."

"You stargazed," she said, hands on her hips.

"Since when does that mean anything? You and I used to do the same thing, and you're not even into men," Cloud reminded her, hands on his hips because two could play this game. "I was telling him Nibel legends. There was nothing romantic about it."

"I don't know, Cloud. Some of those old stories are romantic."

"Were they romantic when you told me?" he asked, shaking his head before she could answer. "We're friends, and we went camping. End of story."

Tifa frowned at him for a long moment. "Okay, fine. Just let me know if you need any more time off for an actual romantic getaway."

He rolled his eyes, but didn't press his luck. She was great—most days, she knew when to push and when to stop. In his case, she wasn't sure, so she was giving him the opportunity to decide for himself. If he opened his mouth again, he'd be asking for more instead of allowing the topic to come to a close.

There truth was, he had a lot left to say. He just didn't want to say it. The whole thing was confusing.

From the spontaneity, to the scenery—it had felt a bit romantic at times. Even the mood in the air. By the time they'd reached the edge of the city, it was like a weight fell off both of them. He was at complete ease with himself and his surroundings, and so was Zack.

Zack, who stayed on his heel the whole time, soaking in all the random tidbits of information Cloud had to offer about various things. They each had experience with the outdoors, but drastically different experiences. Zack was from a far warmer climate, and so he had just as much to show Cloud every step of the way.

"How'd you hear about it anyway?" he asked, glancing up tentatively.

"Angeal's here," Tifa answered, pointing to the far corner of the room. "I think he's with the other two."

"Gen and Seph?"

"Yeah. I don't see them anymore, but they were definitely around. I assumed Zack told them about it."

Of course. That made a lot more sense than Zack telling a random co-worker, not that there was anything special to say. They'd had a great time, and sure, maybe they cuddled a bit—but it was strictly platonic, the same way it was when they dozed off on the couch after several long rounds of gaming.

Tifa was reading too much into it, and so was he. He really needed to stop.

"Hey, Cloud," another voice cut in, startling him. He turned with a smile, recognizing the person who'd slid onto the stool beside him. Jess. A regular customer, and another AVALANCHE employee. "How's it going?"

"Good," he responded politely. "Can I get you anything?"

"Aren't you on break?" Jess asked, frowning when he nodded. That didn't mean he wouldn't help someone who came right up to him. "I just came over to say hi."

Cloud wasn't sure what to make of that, so he just smiled again. "Oh, okay. Hey."

"Hey," she repeated, laughing softly. "Did you have a nice weekend? I heard you left town."

"Yeah, I went camping," he told her, unaware of the happy look that had taken over his own features. "It was a lot of fun."

"I'd love to hear more about it," Jess said, fingers curled around the drink Tifa had slid her at some point. "Do you want to maybe go out sometime?"

It took him a moment to really process the question, too dumbstruck to even believe it. "Did Angeal put you up to this?" he wondered, glancing around the bar. Sure enough, Genesis and Sephiroth were present, returned to their seats across from Angeal. Not a single one of them was looking in his direction though.

"Angeal?" she asked, laughing a bit. "No, no one put me up to this. You're just always so nice, I thought maybe…" She shrugged. "Or not. It's up to you, no big deal."

His stomach turned uneasily the way it always did when someone asked him out, and he had all his usual no thank you's on the tip of his tongue. None of that came out though. Instead he said, "You know what? Sure. I'd like that."

Where had that answer come from? Sure, he knew her better than most of the usual people who tried asking him out, but really? Just because she was a lovely girl didn't mean he knew her well enough to feel comfortable with a date. There were more than a few good reasons he hadn't bothered to date in quite some time, and it felt wrong saying yes when those reasons were still valid.

He cursed all his friends, knowing they were the ones who planted the idea in his head. All those talks about moving on. This was what he'd agreed to. A date with someone who was something of a friend.

"Great!" she exclaimed, beaming at him. And, yeah. Definitely too late to change his mind. "Why don't we exchange numbers? I know you're working tonight, but we can figure something out for another day."

"Yeah, sounds good," Cloud agreed, punching his number into her contact list after she slid him her phone.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. She really was nice, and one date couldn't hurt. It might even give him the clarity he needed. He was in way over his head, and had been since the day he met Zack. A good date could be the kick he needed to get over all his reservations about really being with someone.

It just sucked that his date wouldn't be with the one person he actually wanted. Even more so when that person kept walking into his place of work hand in hand with his boyfriend, pleasantly unaware of the inner turmoil he was causing Cloud.

As always, the sight of those two together was his cue. "I better get back to work."

xxxxx

Dates weren't promises.

Those were the words Cloud was repeating in his head, straight from Sephiroth of all people. It felt somewhat dishonest, going out with someone just to appease someone else—a concern he'd vocalized to his friends. Apparently it was a thing though. Not everyone went out with high expectations or a flutter in their stomach. Sometimes people went out just to give it a try, and those feelings came later.

So he didn't feel as bad as he sat across from Jess. She seemed happy to be out with him, though not overly enthusiastic, which was good. The timing of their date couldn't have been better, and she was cool with Cloud's warning that he wasn't looking to get involved with anyone seriously at the moment.

Strictly casual, they'd agreed.

Their first was exactly that, just grabbing some pizza down the road from the bar since it was walking distance to both of their apartments. It wasn't nearly as stressful as he'd expected—at least not right away. Usually he went there with Zack, so the environment itself was familiar. There were several things they had in common, mostly people…Zack, Angeal, the bar. All things he could handle talking about with relative ease.

A minor slip of the tongue had him on edge though.

"You're not staying at Seventh Heaven?" she asked, clearly surprised.

"Well, it was never meant to be a long term thing," Cloud admitted, taking a moment to focus on his food. He'd barely talked this over with Tifa that afternoon—Zack didn't even know yet. It wasn't a big secret, but it felt weird telling Jess before any of his close friends. "I'm gonna finish out the month to make sure my replacement gets trained and all that."

"Tifa must be so sad to see you go!"

"She's kind of sad, but mostly excited. She only hired me as a favor, and I already stayed longer than we'd planned," he explained carefully.

"Yeah, but you're an AVALANCHE favorite now, and that's half your customer base."

"I definitely did better than either of us expected."

"You didn't expect to be so popular there?" Jess asked, raising both brows.

"It's not really my thing, dealing with strangers. I mostly faked it for the first month," he replied with a shrug. "It got better though. My comfort zone grew, plus having regulars like you made it a lot easier."

Jess smiled fondly. "Yeah, we definitely love having you around."

"I wouldn't take back a single day there," he added, genuinely meaning it. "It's just time for me to move on, that's all."

"Do you have another job already?"

Cloud shook his head slowly. "I've got a few interviews this week, so hopefully soon. Tifa's still looking for my replacement, so it's not a complete rush yet."

"Interviews? Anything exciting?"

"Uh, yeah. I think so at least," he responded tentatively.

They were falling into one of the patterns he disliked about dating in general. Instead of really talking and playing off each other, it was becoming something of an interview in itself—the kind that he'd rather not get into with someone he didn't know well.

Somewhere inside he knew she was just curious, but he couldn't help feeling like he was under pressure. Like there was a right and a wrong answer here, and I don't really want to talk about it was the wrong one.

If she noticed his discomfort, she definitely wasn't showing it. "Are you gonna tell me?" Jess teased.

"I don't wanna jinx anything, but I'll definitely let you know how it turns out."

"I'll hold you to that," she said with a wink, bringing a halfhearted smile back to his face. "Is AVALANCHE on your list at least? I can think of at least six crews who'd love to have you. Mine included."

"I filled out an application, but I haven't decided if I should submit it or not yet. I've been hitting up some of the seminars and rallies with Zack though. It's really been eye opening."

"Just to learn, or as a volunteer?"

"Both. We usually end up manning a booth—hanging out pamphlets or selling the fundraising items. It's a lot of fun."

"It must be with Zack there. He's really something else."

"Yeah, he's awesome," Cloud agreed wholeheartedly.

"How'd you two even meet?"

Finally another easy question. "We met the night before my trip," he answered, smiling as he recalled that encounter. The next thing he knew, he was telling Jess all about how they'd kept in touch throughout his travels, talking and messaging on a daily basis.

After another gentle prod he kept going, happy to explain how Zack had gone from being a handsome stranger to the best friend imaginable. There really was a lot to say, too. It wasn't until he noticed her amused smirk that he knew he'd started rambling. At least she didn't look bored.

"You really love him, don't you?"

"Of course I do, he's my best friend," Cloud said easily.

"Yeah, but he's different. Special."

"You could say that."

"He's why you're not looking for anything serious," Jess specified, not a hint of judgment in her tone. She actually looked…happy, unless she was a great actress. "I can see the way you light up when you talk about him."

"Zack's been in a relationship for a long time now."

"I get that. Just like I get you can't turn off how you feel overnight—I think we've all been there at one point or another. It's good that you're trying to put yourself out there at least."

Cloud arched an eyebrow. "Then why do I feel like you're about to tell me it's time to go home?"

"In all fairness, we're done eating and it's getting late," she reminded him with a smile.

"You're right. I'll walk you home?"

"I'd like that."

They'd already paid, so after clearing their table they were out the door. He blinked in surprise when she reached for his hand, interlacing their fingers loosely as they began headed the direction of her apartment—it was on the opposite end of the street from his own, but not far.

"It's comfortable at least," she noted, raising their linked hands.

"Yeah," he agreed, that was probably the right word. Comfortable. There was nothing exciting about it, and there still weren't any flutters in his stomach…but it wasn't terrible or anything. "I wish I felt something more."

"Me too," Jess said, giving his hand a quick squeeze. "It's not so bad holding hands as friends though."

"Yeah. There's something nice about it."

"Well, anytime you need a friendly hand, consider mine up for grabs."

He chuckled quietly. "I, uh…appreciate that. Thanks."

How in the world did he get so lucky? His night should've ended with a very offended date, but instead it ended with a smile and a kiss on the cheek.

"I'm sorry," he offered once his hand was released.

She waved the apology off. "Don't be. We said it wouldn't be anything serious."

"Yeah, but you didn't sign up to hear me talk about Zack half the night. That wasn't right."

"For what it's worth, I think it's sweet how much you care for him. If you want to do this again as friends, count me in."

"Really?"

"Yeah," she shrugged, "why not? I had a nice time. You're a good guy, Cloud."

"Okay then. We'll do it again sometime."

"Did you want to come in? I can make us coffee or tea or something if you're not ready to go home."

"…Are you just being polite?"

She laughed softly. "No, but remember when I said we've all been there at some point?"

"Yeah."

"I wouldn't mind having someone willing to listen, too. Someone who maybe understands."

Cloud raised both brows when he realized what she meant. "Okay, yeah. I could go for some tea."

It was the least he could do, really.

xxxxx

Jess was in love with Biggs, one of her co-workers.

There was something oddly touching about the way she opened up, and every word struck an accord with Cloud. While his own close-knit group of friends didn't really seem to understand, Jess knew exactly what it was like to have misplaced feelings for someone who just wasn't interested.

Their situations weren't identical. Biggs wasn't in any kind of relationship, he just thought of her as a 'sister' apparently, which made it weird to try for anything else—but it was easy for Cloud to empathize still. She wanted something she couldn't have, just like he did. And as much as her friends tried telling her to confess, she couldn't bring herself to do it while he was still calling her sis every day.

"Maybe we can help each other move on," she'd suggested tentatively—and no, she didn't mean by dating each other. They would just be friends, supporting each other in ways their other friends didn't quite know how. "When you need to talk about him, call me. And I'll call you, too."

Their agreement had him smiling as he walked home, well past two in the morning. It felt like the start of a good friendship, and that wasn't what he'd expected to gain from his night out.

The lights were out when he stepped into his apartment, but he couldn't tell if that was because Angeal had gone to bed already or because he was staying over his girlfriend's place again. It was too bad—he was looking forward to spilling about his evening, and was oddly eager to hear how Angeal's date had gone as well. Things were going so well for Angeal, and that was exciting for Cloud.

"Spike?"

Cloud jumped back with a startled gasp before the groggy voice registered in his head. "Zack?" He flicked up a light switch, confused as he saw a messy head of black spikes shuffling into a sitting position on his couch. "What're you doing here?"

"Ang let me in," he responded with a shrug. "You just getting back?"

"Uh, yeah. Sorry."

His arms were in the air, stretching up and out as he let out a long yawn. "Sorry?"

"I would've come back sooner if I knew you were here."

"Nah, it's cool. How'd the date go?"

"Really good, actually," Cloud admitted, circling the couch. Zack had hopped up before he could sit by his friend, taking the blond's hand into his own and stopping to turn the light back off as he guided them out of the living room. "Uh—"

"I'm exhausted," Zack muttered, yawning again as they entered Cloud's bedroom. He didn't even question it when his friend tugged him into bed, shuffling around until he was curled around Cloud's body from behind. His warm breath tickled the back of Cloud's neck. "Wanna hear all about it before I sleep."

"Are you okay?" he countered instead.

This wasn't the first time they'd ended up like this since their camping trip—it was like the next layer of their friendship had been unlocked, and neither were willing to step back from it. But usually there was a good reason they ended up like this. Namely an argument with Luxiere. It had been startling the first time, but when he'd asked what was with the sudden need for cuddles, Zack had sounded so worn down…I just need something to hold onto. Cloud learned to stop asking after that, instead just doing what he could to support his friend.

"'m fine," Zack assured him quietly. "Came to talk about your night."

"Oh. Okay, yeah," he responded, glad his friend couldn't see his frown. "Wasn't anything big. We went for pizza, then back to her place."

"You went to her place and didn't spend the night?"

"It wasn't like that," he said quickly, calming down when Zack's fingers trailed up and down his arm. "We were just talking. She said I could crash on her couch, but I kinda wanted to clear my head."

"Mm, yeah, you like walking at night."

Zack knew him too well. "Yeah."

"Think you'll go out again?"

"As friends, yeah," Cloud replied, heart sinking when Zack stilled.

He was disappointed, obviously. All his friends had been obnoxiously enthusiastic about this date. They still couldn't wrap their heads around the fact that Cloud just wasn't interested.

"Just friends?"

"Yeah. She's hung up on someone else, and I really only went to shut everyone up."

"How could she be hung up on someone else when she has a shot with you? She's missing out."

"Zack…" Stop saying things like that, he wanted to demand. That would require an explanation though. Obviously his friend didn't realize how damn heart breaking it was when he said things like that—he was just trying to be supportive. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. No fights or anything. Just here for you."

"No fights?" he repeated skeptically.

"Nah. I mean, he wasn't stoked when I said I was gonna swing by to see how your date went," Zack admitted, shrugging around Cloud, "but he didn't argue or anything. I think he gets how important you are to me, even if you guys aren't best buds."

"Does he know you're staying?"

He could feel Zack shaking his head. "Wasn't expecting you to get back so late. Doesn't make sense to go home now."

"You should text him or something so he's not freaking out in the morning."

"I'll get up early. My phone's in the living room and I don't wanna move."

"You're sure he's cool with you staying like this?"

"Spike, it's fine. If you can't have platonic cuddles, what the hell are friends for?"

Cloud laughed. You have a boyfriend, you don't even need platonic cuddles, he wanted to say, but instead he settled on, "Uh, I guess that's one way to look at it."

"The best way. Now c'mon, let's go to sleep," Zack whispered, pressing a soothing kiss to the back of Cloud's neck. It jolted him fully awake, but he didn't say a word. Instead he laid there, eyes wide as the confusion set in.

How was he supposed to get over his ridiculous feelings like this?

xxxxx

Angeal did not look amused, and Cloud wasn't sure how much longer he could handle those stern brows. He'd only been home from work for a few minutes, but still hadn't said a word—strange for the man whose warm greetings were something of a signature.

"Are you okay, Ang?" he ventured tentatively.

"…I could ask you the same," Angeal replied, taking a seat next to the blond on their couch. "Zack says you've been avoiding him."

He slumped back where he sat, not prepared for this. "Oh."

"I'm inclined to believe him."

Almost on cue, Cloud's phone dinged. It was on the armrest of the couch, where it had been pestering him for most the afternoon. Six texts and two missed calls, all from Zack. The work day had barely ended at AVALANCHE, which inevitably meant more would come before the night ended…That was how the last week had gone, at least.

"It's not that I'm avoiding him," Cloud began, the silence weighing too heavily on him. "I just need a little space, that's all."

"Did something happen?"

"No, but…he's just so damn friendly, you know?" He let out a disgruntled sigh, sure that was the weirdest complaint he'd ever made. It wasn't even a complaint really—he loved that about Zack. The problem was he loved it maybe too much. "He slept over last week, and I just…I can't keep doing this."

"So that means avoiding him entirely?"

"I'm still texting him every day," Cloud said weakly, sure it didn't make his behavior seem any better. "I remember when I first met him, there was this kind of excitement. Right away he was special. But then I left and we were just messaging every day, so it was easier to pretend there was nothing else. It was just so simple and fun, talking and messaging without having to look him in the eye."

Not to say there hadn't been butterflies on more than one occasion, but that was only when they spoke or when Zack's messages turned flirty. And sometimes when they exchanged pictures. But they were so far away from each other. In other worlds practically. It was easy to keep his little crush in check back then.

That was something he wanted to recreate—something he needed to do now before he was overwhelmed by his feelings. They only seemed to get stronger as the two grew closer, and waking up in his arms was Cloud's limit.

"You don't look like you're having fun now."

Cloud gave a bitter laugh. "Because I'm not. It's not the same messaging now that we've been spending so much time together, but I don't know what else to do anymore. You guys were all right—I need to get over this."

"I don't really understand what changed. You've been spending time with him without it being an issue for months now."

"I guess I feel like the lines are getting blurred for me. When he stays over, he'll crash in my bed, and it's just…it's really nice, but it's hard when he sees it as harmless. I feel like I'm taking advantage."

"You're not taking advantage," Angeal responded, almost incredulous. "It's not like you're manipulating him into bed, and you're not looking at it as anything more than platonic even if you maybe wish it was. That means the line is intact. If you're still not comfortable though, then just ask him to use the couch if he really wants to stay. You don't need to avoid him entirely."

"Well, I have been busy, too. I've done four interviews this week, plus I've been pulling extra shifts," Cloud revealed, smiling a bit at how much Angeal brightened up. "I got a job offer already."

"From where?"

"There's an opening at the Midgar Post. It'd be a couple weekly columns covering the events at Floor 49," he explained, sure Angeal knew what he meant. That was the recreational center that held most of the environmental speeches and rallies in the city—sometimes for AVALANCHE, other times for other non-profits. It wasn't always environmental causes, but it was never booked by ShinRa or any other big businesses. "There's a big push for online content, so I'd do daily blogging too—mostly opinion pieces. I guess they give me topics in advance so I can do some research ahead of time."

Angeal nodded, looking impressed. "I thought you'd lost interest in working for a newspaper?"

"That was when ShinRa owned every paper in town, plus all the new stations," Cloud said with a smile. "They never owned the Post, but they obviously had an in with the editor. Not anymore though. It got bought out—new ownership, new editors. It actually feels like a balanced paper now."

"You realize who the new owner is, right?"

Cloud arched a brow. "No, they just called whoever it is an anonymous—" He cut himself off, eyes wide with realization. "It's not Seph, is it?"

"It is," Angeal confirmed, patting Cloud's shoulder reassuringly when he groaned. Of course it was Sephiroth. Who else could buy a damn newspaper? He was the wealthiest independent entrepreneur in the city. Most the other really rich guys worked for ShinRa. "Still sounds like a great position for you."

"Yeah, but I don't want a job that he got me. I wanted to do this on my own."

"I don't think he bought it with you in mind. As far as any of us knew, you weren't interested in anything like that anymore," Angeal reminded him. "It's not like he's overseeing the hiring. At most, he told them he wanted coverage of those events since they never make it into the Midgar Times."

"Yeah, but I'm not really qualified, I have no experience," Cloud said, shaking his head slowly. "They just liked that I've already been going to a lot of the events. That I knew some of the people."

"It sounds like a great opportunity, Cloud. Don't throw it away over something silly."

"Well, I've got a few more days to decide. A few more interviews too," he remembered. "I'll call Seph maybe, see how much he's involved. I don't think he'd lie to me."

"He's an honest man," Angeal said simply. "Are you going to call Zack, too?"

His phone had gone off two more time during their conversation, and he gave his messages a quick once over. Mostly the usual—hey, how's it going? Miss you! Mixed in with funny bits about things that happened to Zack that day.

Hey, sorry, had an interview this afternoon, Cloud sent back, tacking on a smiley face for good measure. He felt guilty enough already, he didn't want Zack to think he'd done anything wrong.

It barely took ten second for Zack to shoot back a response, wanna grab dinner?

"I'm doing my long night at the bar," Cloud told Angeal, sending Zack the same words as he spoke. "Next week is it for me. I saved enough for my bike finally."

And just in time. A new job inevitably meant he'd need to be able to get around on his own instead of walking and relying on his friends to get him around. Plus, a motorcycle had always been on his wish list. A few months on his new salary and he might even be able to customize it more.

"We'll have to celebrate!"

"Oh, no, that's really okay," he said quickly, shaking his head. "You know I'm not into—"

"You won't have a choice once Genesis finds out. I'll make sure he keeps it small—we can do a little group thing at Seventh Heaven. Maybe the day after your last shift?"

Cloud sighed. There was no point in putting up a fight…at least this way Angeal was right, he could make sure it was a small thing. "Fine. But I'd rather it be more like we're all just hanging out. No presents or speeches or balloons or anything."

"Balloons?" Angeal repeated with an amused smile.

"Genesis brought balloons to my graduation, and I still haven't forgiven him."

"Why do I feel like there's more to that story?"

"Because there is, and I'm not telling you," Cloud answered with a shrug. Genesis had a weird thing about embarrassing Cloud—you're just adorable when you blush, precious. Even while he was scowling apparently. "But maybe you can tell me why you've been in such a weird mood since you got home. I know it's not just about me and Zack."

"Well, he's been down since you started avoiding him. He's definitely noticed. Instead of upbeat comments throughout the day, he just asks if you're doing okay or if something's going on."

As if he didn't feel guilty enough. "You're still not telling me if you're okay."

"I am, I've just grown used to Zack keeping me from getting too serious. It doesn't work that way when he's being serious as well."

"If you're trying to make me feel worse, it's working."

"What? No, of course not! I don't want you to feel bad. I was just answering your question."

"What are you being too serious about? Maybe I can make you smile."

Angeal looked at him, already doing just that. "Well…"

xxxxx

Talking with Angeal was one thing, but seeing Zack again was another.

It had only been a couple weeks, but he'd actually become good at avoiding his friend…not that it was something he was proud to admit. It felt all wrong, actually. They knew each other so well, and he'd used that to his advantage. Zack would expect him to be at certain places during certain hours—from work to restaurants to home.

All he had to do was mix up his schedule a bit to be difficult for Zack to track down. Whether that meant swapping shifts at work, hanging out at Jess', convincing Tifa to let him work in the kitchen sometimes…he was willing to do what he had to, no matter how painful it was.

"Care to explain why you're hiding out in my living room, dear?"

Cloud blinked his eyes open, staring up at Genesis helplessly. He hadn't even heard the door open—Sephiroth had let him inside before headed to a meeting that morning, and Cloud promptly decided to take a nap on their couch. One of the joys of working late hours—he could fall asleep pretty much at any point in the day.

If Genesis was home though, he'd definitely slept longer than intended. He sat up slowly, rubbing the drowsiness from his face.

"I can't go home today," Cloud answered, sure Genesis wouldn't settle on a half-truth. "Seph said it was cool if I hung out a while."

"As much as I enjoy having you here, I'm not sure I can let you stay," the redhead said, arms folded across his chest as he watched Cloud's face fall. "Running away from your problems won't solve them."

"You were the one who told me I needed to do something to move on."

"I told you to talk to Zack—to let him know how you felt. And when you said no, I suggested finding someone else. Nowhere in that did I suggest camping in my house so you wouldn't feel bad turning him away at your own door."

"The only way I'm going to get over it is if I give myself some time and space."

"And you truly believe it won't all come rushing back the moment you allow your friendship to return to normal?"

"Maybe it can never be normal," Cloud admitted, heart sinking as he shrugged. How could it be when he was keeping so much to himself? "Maybe it never was."

"I'm inclined to agree. From the moment I first saw you two together, it was clear to me you had a unique bond. No one makes you light up the way he does," Genesis claimed. And maybe he was right. Cloud leaned forward where he sat, elbows propped on his knees as he hung his head to think. "The thing you've failed to notice is that he is the exact same way with you. Whatever you feel for him, it is almost certainly mutual."

Cloud scoffed—that was hardly reassuring. "Almost certainly?"

"Well, he's never specifically said that to me," Genesis responded shortly. "Some things don't need to be spoken though. He loves you."

"You're saying that, but you're also the one who told me Zack was unhappy with Luxiere, and I know for a fact that's not true."

"That's a matter of perspective."

"Yeah, except Zack's perspective is the only one that counts when it comes to his relationship. If he didn't want to be with Luxiere, he wouldn't be. It's that simple."

"He's too sentimental about the good times to see how bad things have become."

"Gen…"

"I can't let you hide here," Genesis said again, firmly this time. "Go home, Cloud. Call him."

He looked up at his friend desperately. "Please, Gen. I can't right now. He's doing dinner with Angeal tonight."

"And?"

"And I'm off from work. I've got nowhere to be, and I need a little more time to figure this out."

"Do you truly believe another day will make any difference?"

His impulse was to say yes, but he knew better. "I…don't know. Probably not."

"You're making yourself miserable, and I won't stand by and allow it," Genesis decided, extending a hand to the blond. "Let me bring you home."

"Do you have rehearsal tonight?"

"Yes. We have a new production going live in two weeks."

"Can I go with you? It's been a while since I got to see you in action," Cloud said, putting on a big smile. Genesis already looked tempted. Usually when Cloud went to one of the shows Genesis produced, it was on an actual play night, which meant Genesis would not be in the spotlight. An actual rehearsal was different. He would be in his zone, lecturing people and making big decisions. "Please? My new job's starting soon, so I don't know when I'll make it to one of the actual shows."

"Opening night, if you know what's good for you," Genesis told him, hands on his hips. Cloud just laughed—he wouldn't be working nights, so it probably wouldn't be a problem. But Genesis didn't need to know that yet. "I'll tell you what. We'll get dinner together, then go to my rehearsal. But after that you're going home, and I don't want to see you back here until you've spoken with Zack. Deal?"

"Deal," he agreed easily, jumping to his feet. "Want me to cook, or do you wanna go out?"

"I was going to suggest going out, but may be it'd be nice to make something together. We don't have much time though—maybe an hour till we need to leave."

Cloud nodded, thinking it over. "Angeal taught me how to make that Banoran onion soup you like. That's pretty quick."

"Perfect. You can do that, and I'll make salad and dessert."

"You have a pie in the fridge already."

Genesis shushed him. "You're not supposed to know that."

He rolled his eyes at his friend as they went into the kitchen, but with complete amusement. It was actually refreshing to get to joke around with Genesis…or anyone for that matter. Angeal wasn't the only one who didn't have Zack around to keep him from being too serious.

Zack...Maybe Genesis had a point. Staying away was only making it hurt more. At least when they were hanging out every day, he was still able to have Zack in some capacity. It had barely been two weeks, and it felt like his entire world had dulled down to nothing.

There was no way he could go home tonight though. How could he explain himself if Zack was still there? Sure, he'd still been sending messages regularly, but it wasn't like they were at the point where he could just play it off like a big scheduling coincidence. It was too late for that.

Another day to think up a better plan couldn't hurt. He'd just have to find somewhere else to go after Genesis' rehearsal…maybe Jess', since she lived just down the road. He pulled out his phone while Genesis began pulling out ingredients, shooting her a quick message to see if she'd even be home.

the couch is all yours, she replied, giving Cloud every reason to breathe a sigh of relief. He didn't though—he couldn't. The thought of avoiding Zack for another day made him just as anxious as the thought of seeing Zack again.

xxxxx

Months tended to come and go with little change, usually faster than the last since Cloud had graduated. This one though, couldn't come fast as he wanted.

He'd wrapped up his final shift at Seventh Heaven, his new job was set to start in three days, and time just couldn't go by quick enough. He was ready for this. Ready to start the next chapter in his life. It had taken a lot longer than he'd planned to get to this point, but there was no doubt it was all worth the wait.

"I couldn't have done this without you guys," he declared, raising his pint up happily and clinking it into the cluster his friends had raised in celebration.

Everyone important was there at Seventh Heaven to support him—including Zack, who he was seeing for the first time in almost three weeks. Thankfully his friend had been nothing but smiles during their 'reunion', greeting him with a warm hug as if no time had passed at all. The only difference was, it had been followed up by a look that clearly said we'll talk later.

By the time the night was winding down, he was ready for that too. Maybe he'd gotten a little tipsy beforehand, but he couldn't be blamed for that. It wasn't just about their impending conversation. Who knew when he'd be free to kick back and relax like this again though? His new job would have him on a rotating schedule for a while.

"I still can't believe you turned down AVALANCHE," Zack teased, giving him a playful elbow jab.

"I told you I wasn't going to go that route," Cloud replied with a shrug. "At least I didn't go to ShinRa." And, oops. Zack was frowning at his words, which wasn't how that joke was supposed to end. "I didn't mean—"

"Hey, I know!" his friend said in a hurry. "It's cool, you're right. I'm proud of you, man!"

"I think it's the right move for me."

"Me too," Zack agreed with a smile. "Now c'mon, let's dance or something!"

"This isn't really a dancing kind of bar."

Zack looked around at their friends, already caught up in separate conversations. "Wanna go find somewhere that is?"

"You want to go dancing?" Cloud asked skeptically. The bar was already starting to clear out—it was getting late even by nightlife standards. Not to mention dancing wasn't exactly one of his hidden talents, last he checked. "I don't think—"

"It was a joke, Spike. I just wanna get you alone for a few," Zack admitted, eyes making a silent plea.

"I don't think Angeal's coming home tonight," Cloud said, noticing how touchy Genesis was getting with the man. He'd definitely have to ask Angeal about that sometime soon—they'd had a short chat about how things hadn't worked out with the girl he was seeing, but whatever else was happening was a mystery. "We can hang out at my place for a while?"

"Yeah, if you don't mind."

"Yeah, let me just tell Jess." He was already looking for his friend as he spoke, but Zack's hand on his shoulder stopped him before he could step away.

"Why do you have to tell Jess?" he asked curiously.

"Um. It's not a big deal, we were just gonna hang out tonight," Cloud explained with a shrug.

"Tonight after your party?"

"This isn't a party."

Zack arched an amused eyebrow. "Whatever you wanna call it, then."

Casual get together. That sounded much better. Something told him Zack wasn't interested in the clarification though, so he jumped right to the point. "Well, yeah. We've been hanging out—I'm pretty sure I told you that already?"

"You did, but I didn't realize you meant in the middle of the night."

They weren't usually—it had been a tentative plan. Something he wasn't eager to discuss. "…Does it make a difference?"

"I guess not," Zack responded with a frown. "Just curious."

"Let me let her know, then we can talk more," Cloud suggested, and this time Zack gave a nod and let him step away. Jess was relaxing in a booth with Biggs and a few other co-workers, but she looked up with a welcoming smile when he approached.

"Something came up?" she guessed, nodding toward Zack before eyeing Cloud knowingly.

"Yeah, if you don't mind?"

"Yeah, no problem. Text me tomorrow?"

"Yeah, definitely," he agreed with a smile. That was just as easy as he was hoping it would be. "Thanks, Jess."

She just looked amused as she said, "Not a problem."

Cloud muttered his goodbye, making it a point to say the same to everyone at the table before headed over to let everyone else know he was headed out too. Genesis, Sephiroth, and Angeal were getting ready to leave anyway, and Tifa looked about ready to close up shop for the night.

"Congrats again," she told him, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Don't be a stranger, okay?"

The fist she waved in warning only made him laugh. "I won't," he promised.

And unlike the many times he'd told her as much over the years, he was confident it was true this time. Seventh Heaven felt a lot like home these days, and Tifa was a huge part of that. The proud look on her face brought the same feeling to the surface inside himself, and he knew there was no reason for him to stay away.

He wasn't the same directionless kid he'd been during college. Not anymore.

Zack slung an arm around him when he was back at his friend's side, a grin on both their faces as they headed out. To his confusion though, nothing was said. The way Zack had been eager to get out of there, he'd been expecting his friend to jump right into it the moment they were alone.

"You okay?" Cloud asked quietly, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"Yeah, fine."

Cloud looked up at him, waiting for his glance to be met—but it wasn't. Zack just kept walking by his side, gaze averted…like he was lost in thought. It didn't take a genius to know what was wrong.

He knew better than to push it. Zack would say what he needed to say when he was ready. The walk gave him time to sober up at least, enough that he was prepared to apologize the way he'd spent days rehearsing. His other friends told him he was overthinking it—that Zack would be cool about it as long as he stuck as closely to the truth as he could manage.

Frankly, he was sick of lying anyway. It just felt so complicated though.

They didn't make it two steps inside Cloud's apartment before Zack spoke again, "So, I don't get it."

The blond shrugged off his jacked, hanging it up before turning on some lights. When Zack still hadn't continued, he leaned against the kitchen counter patiently.

"Why were you going to Jess' tonight?"

He blinked. That was what Zack didn't get? "…Jess and I have a kind of understanding," Cloud tried to explain, keeping his tone casual. It really wasn't going to make sense to any of his friends—they still couldn't wrap their heads around his stay single attitude. "Neither of us wants to be in a relationship, but there are things about relationships we like."

Zack's eyes went wide. "Like…friends with benefits? You were gonna have sex?"

"No," Cloud replied with a shrug. He was trying to look calm despite how anxious he felt about this entire conversation. "Not exactly. Definitely no sex."

"So…?"

He suddenly wished he'd drank more than one too many. "I like to cuddle, okay? I don't feel like dating anyone right now, but I was thinking about that thing you said—"

"Friends are good for platonic cuddles," Zack finished, his big grin returning incrementally.

"Yeah. And it was similar to something she had said about holding hands," Cloud said, sighing again. Zack looked way too happy about all this, which made the entire thing more awkward than it already was. "We just figured since we're both single, why not?"

"Hey, I'm not single and I still say why not!"

"You know what I mean."

"I do, but I kinda don't," Zack said, hands on his hips. "If you wanted to cuddle, why didn't you just ask me? I don't mind switching if you're more into being the big spoon."

Cloud chuckled quietly when his friend tacked on a wink. "I don't really have that kind of preference. It's just nice to have someone there."

"And?"

"And I didn't think you'd want to crash here regularly," Cloud said, stating what felt like the obvious.

"Well, maybe not regularly. But sometimes, yeah?"

"…I guess."

"It's not like cuddles are exclusively a bedtime thing," he added quickly. "We watch movies all the time."

"Yeah, but…even if we know it's platonic, isn't it—"

"It's not weird," Zack cut in, shaking his head decisively. "Lux already knows about the times I crashed here before. I mean, he trusts me—he knows it's just cuddling."

"You are kind of touchy with most people."

Zack laughed. "Exactly. It's kinda expected that I cuddle my friends."

"I'm ready to put you to work then," Cloud decided, already headed off toward his bedroom. He shut the door behind him before Zack could step in, laughing at the disgruntled noise his friend made. "I'm changing, wait a minute."

By the time he was done, Zack had apparently resorted to leaning against his bedroom door—his friend stumbled in as Cloud opened it, all but toppling forward into the blond's arms.

"And I thought I drank too much," he joked, still chuckling at his friend.

"You knew I was standing there—you just couldn't wait to get your arms around me," Zack accused, his own laughter making it impossible to take seriously.

It wasn't true of course, but…intentional or not, Cloud did have his hands on his friend. Their eyes met, Zack still hunched a bit in Cloud's hold as their laughter tapered off into warm smiles. The moment was over before he could sufficiently enjoy it though, Zack straightening up and safely on his own two feet in a flash.

"What am I s'posed to wear?" Zack asked, looking Cloud up and down. "You get to be cute and comfy, and that's just not fair."

"I'd offer you some of my clothes, but…" It was Cloud's turn to look Zack up and down. "Actually, if you really want to try to squeeze in, I'd be happy to laugh at you."

"Little shit," Zack grumbled, unceremoniously shedding his shirt as he spoke. Cloud barely got to look, too caught up watching him kick his shoes off and undoing his belt.

"Uh, Zack—"

"I'm not getting naked," he assured the blond with a smirk, stopping when his jeans were off.

"Want me to go steal something from Angeal's room? He won't mind."

"Nah, boxers are fine," Zack decided, falling backwards onto the bed when he was down to just that. "Now come here! I've got a point to prove."

Cloud stepped toward the bed tentatively, smiling when Zack snatched his wrist and tugged him down. "What point?"

"That I'm the number one cuddler in your life," he replied easily, like Cloud should've known. He wrapped his arms around the blond, spooning up behind him like he had a point to prove. "Jess is a nice girl, but this is basically my second profession."

"Uh—"

Zack shushed him. "Just let me have my title."

"For tonight I guess," he conceded, completely relaxed in Zack's hold. If he didn't feel obligated to choose someone else, he'd be tempted to agree that yes, Zack was the best cuddler.

"So…"

"So," Cloud repeated, heart sinking slowly. He'd gotten off easy so far, with jokes and cuddles. Of course that was too good to be true. "It's time to talk, huh?"

"Guess so. Am I crazy, or have you really been avoiding me?"

He took a deep breath, not willing to lie. "You're not crazy."

"Gonna tell me why?"

"Don't suppose you'll settle on it's complicated?" Cloud tried, already knowing the answer.

"Spike…I just want you to be honest with me. Always."

"I kinda needed some space."

"From me?"

"Yeah."

There was a long silence. "Am I hanging around too much?"

"No. I love spending time with you."

"Okay. Soooo…?"

"I really missed you this whole time. Every day."

"I missed you too. I'm still kinda confused?" There was a long pause, and Cloud was very grateful he didn't have to meet Zack's eyes. "Why'd you need space, Spike?"

"I don't want to lie."

"So don't."

"I'm not ready to talk about it," he said, which was true. "I kinda freaked out a little, and I thought pulling back would help."

"Is it something to do with Lux? I know you don't—"

"No, it's not that," Cloud cut in quickly. "I wouldn't pull away from you because of him."

"You didn't pull away from anyone else though. You spent more time with the others, from what I heard. If it's not Lux, then…did I do something?"

"No, nothing like that. You've always been great."

"…What am I missing then?"

"I'm sorry," he whispered, feeling pretty pathetic at this point.

"For avoiding me, or for not telling me why?"

"Both," he whispered, helpless.

Zack wasn't one to be mean, but part of him expected an annoyed huff at least—or maybe for his friend to decide to go home for the night. Maybe Zack would decide he needed space because this was the kind of conversations teenagers had, and they were supposed to be adults.

None of that happened though. His friend just held him closer, not saying a word for several minutes. "Will you tell me when you're ready?"

"I don't know when that'll be."

"I can wait," Zack responded easily. "Just...maybe talk to me next time something happens? Or yell at me or whatever you need. Don't ignore me."

"I won't. I don't think I could handle doing that again," he admitted.

"Good, 'cause neither can I."

The way Zack held him so snug to his chest like he didn't want to let go made Cloud believe it was more than just a sentiment.