Take These Chances

by kzam

Zack and Cloud meet at two very different points in their lives. It's only natural they fall in love at two different points as well.

3. Part Two

Part Two (please note the time jump mentioned in the beginning)

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If six months traveling alone had been a learning experience, a year playing in the adult workforce had been nothing short of enlightening. It wasn't that he had mind-blowing experiences on a daily basis so much as he finally felt like he was moving in the right direction. The freedom to go wherever he wanted was liberating, but this?

It wasn't a fall back job where he fell into a monotonous routine out of necessity, the way he'd always worried about. He was getting paid to do something he liked. Not to say he didn't enjoy his time at the bar, but this was different.

Back in school, the reason he'd considered a career like this in the first place was because it was just easier to write than it was to verbalize certain things. He never considered himself much of a storyteller, always stumbling over his words and forgetting the important points…but his weekly columns were an opportunity to get the story right—an overview of what had gone on at the various events he now covered (no longer restricted to just two a week now that he had more experience).

His opinion blog through the newspaper's website had taken off too. Cloud Strife was now something of a respected name in the fields he covered—topics ranging from environmental issues to snow sports, apparently. Once his blog had gotten a little traction, his freedom over topic selection had broadened significantly.

The readers want to know more about you, his editor insisted, basically giving Cloud free range to blog about whatever he wanted and still get paid for it. Since his weekly columns were a strictly to-the-fact, non-biased report of events, the blog was a breath of fresh air.

"Looking good, superstar," Zack winked, making no secret of the way he was eyeing Cloud up and down.

Cloud just rolled his eyes. Sure, his job was different now, but his friendship with Zack was still the same. Maybe even better now. Time hadn't changed how he felt for his friend, but it had made his silly crush a lot more manageable.

Well, mostly manageable. He still couldn't stop himself blushing while Zack was checking him out this blatantly. "I'm not a superstar."

"Coulda fooled me with the fancy suit."

Yeah. Maybe that was a bonus that came with his job now. When he started, he had a common sense wardrobe (no jeans, no t-shirts—but nice pants and a button up worked well enough). Now? His boss had given him a clothing allowance because he needed to step up his apparel game for certain events. Usually he refused (it was kind of wasteful to buy clothes for one day), but tonight's was ShinRa's quarterly investor's party—a suit and tie event.

It had come as a shock, as he was almost certainly on ShinRa's no-entry list after a few of his columns (he wasn't even allowed into their press conferences), but he wasn't about to turn down the opportunity to do this. And if he happened to overhear something questionable or see some firsthand examples of the issues he'd been reporting on all this time, well…it would be strictly factual to report on those, too.

"Heard you got offered a broadcasting gig," Zack said, a bit too nonchalant. Cloud looked back up at him curiously, only to find Zack giving him the same look. "You gonna take it?"

"How'd you know about that?"

"Uh, you're basically an unofficial AVALANCHE spokesperson. Word gets around at work whenever anything happens with you."

"Yeah, well…half the reason I like this job is because I get to write," Cloud reminded his friend, shrugging. "I'm still not even great with interviewing people—I'd be shit on TV. And I'd have less say over content."

"Yeah, but it sounds like a great opportunity, and you'd still get to blog I bet. Plus, you did a great job last time."

Cloud chuckled quietly, hand on the back of his neck. Great job? In the last year, he'd ended up playing TV correspondent a handful of times—but only because his editor had begged, saying they needed the connection with the single non-ShinRa owned broadcasting company in the city. He would get chosen to help when they needed someone at an event he was already covering, and he always had at least one embarrassing stutter or word slip.

"Hey, you were adorable," Zack said, cutting into his thoughts with a kind smile. "Seriously, you've got a face made for TV."

"I'm a reporter—I'm not supposed to be adorable," he complained. "I need people to take me seriously."

"They do. You can get the story right and still be adorable. I think you should seriously consider it, man. Think about how much bigger an audience you could reach! Newspapers aren't as big as they used to be."

"…The job offer came from Turk TV studios," he admitted.

Judging by Zack's shocked face, he knew just what that meant—Rufus ShinRa owned that studio. Publicly, he was trying to step out from his father's shadow and 'create his own legacy', but that didn't mean all ties were severed privately. It was hard to gauge how much influence his father had, and Cloud had no interest in inadvertently working for that man.

He shook his head at the thought. "I'm not taking it."

"It wouldn't hurt to look into it at least," Zack suggested, seemingly considering it still himself. "I mean, maybe there's some truth to what he's saying—that he wants to do his own thing."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean he disagrees with his father. His own thing could be just as bad."

"That's why I said to look into it. You gotta think, they wouldn't ask you of all people without making sure they got their shit together."

"Or, they know people see me as anti-ShinRa, so they want to use me as a pawn to help distance themselves from the company when they actually aren't so different."

"You won't know till you look into it. Maybe ask Seph? He's got an eye for stuff like this."

"I guess," Cloud relented, and only because Zack looked so damn hopeful about it. "I still can't believe I'm doing this event. I've never even been into ShinRa Tower."

"Never?"

"Nope. Never had a reason until now."

"Well, don't let the fancy decorations and cocktails fool you," Zack teased, giving him a playful elbow jab. "They'll prob'ly try to wine and dine you into writing something nice."

"I'm definitely not drinking," he responded shortly. "I wanna get to the bottom of why they requested me."

"Their profits took a big dip after that column you wrote," Zack mused.

"Yeah, but that could be for a lot of reasons—it's not necessarily related to anything I did."

"I dunno, you're the face of the cause now. You should give yourself more credit."

Another reason not to take a broadcasting job. Doing correspondent work from time to time was one thing, but a bigger role meant covering more topics. Not that he didn't care about other day to day news items, but he'd grown pretty passionate about what he was doing.

"How'd you know about the profits?" Cloud asked curiously. "They're supposed to be releasing the latest financial report tonight before it goes public tomorrow."

"Lux mentioned it."

Oh. He remained as composed as possible, not sure why he hadn't made that connection. Maybe because it was easier to keep Luxiere in the furthest corners of his mind, almost like he didn't exist. "Is he going?"

"Uh, yeah actually," Zack answered with a frown. "He kinda invited me to be his plus one tonight."

Cloud raised both brows. "I thought you didn't like going to these kinda things?"

"I don't, and I'm not going tonight either. I just thought it was weird he'd even ask after all this time. He knows how things are with me and his co-workers. It's not like it's gotten better."

"Do you think…?" He shook his head, already regretting the almost-question. The look in Zack's eyes was enough to say yes, he was thinking something similar. "I'm sure it's nothing. He probably just misses having you there with him."

"I dunno. I'd rather that be it, but I can't shake this feeling, ya know? Like he just wanted an in with you."

"I doubt that's it. It'd be stupid," he said decisively. "I'm going to report on facts, not on who's able to kiss my ass the best."

"Well, I would kiss it the best, so I can see why he invited me," Zack replied with a wink. "But yeah. Not interested in going to ShinRa events, especially not just to distract you or whatever."

"I better get going," Cloud said, blinking in surprise when Zack reached down to straighten out his tie. His friend smiled down at him, prompting him to smile in return. "Are you hanging out here with Ang tonight?"

"Yeah. He's got some kinda plan to go plant some stuff?" Zack explained with a shrug. "Told him I'd join him. I dunno where he expects stuff to grow in Midgar, but I'm definitely down to find out."

"Sounds interesting."

"Yeah, I think he's bringing Gen along too, so it should be a laugh on top of it being a cool thing to do," he added, smirking. "I'm gonna be here when you get back. I wanna hear all about your night."

"Yeah, sure. I've gotta stay for the whole thing, so I might be late."

"I'll crash in your bed if you take too long."

Cloud just nodded like that didn't make his heart skip a beat. "Okay. See ya."

xxxxx

The dinner was boring, to say the least. Everyone was on their best behavior, and he hadn't overheard anything particularly noteworthy (aside from one executive scoffing about energy efficient light bulbs—seriously, what was with ShinRa employees and light bulbs?). It was looking like his article would be just as boring…an overview of the event rather than anything groundbreaking.

Maybe that was their plan though.

At most, he'd be able to tie in the light bulb comment with some facts, and maybe mention how ShinRa Tower leaves every single one its lights on even during off hours just so the massive structure could be seen from across the city. That was why that one building alone burned more mako per day than Sectors Four and Five combined.

There was still a chance someone would say something more newsworthy, or that the financial reports would be interesting. He found himself circling the room, moving from table to table for his quotes while trying to steer clear of the other reporters. They were mostly doing the same with him anyway, like associating with him would get them on ShinRa's shit list.

"Cloud."

He forced a tight lipped smile, recognizing a man he hadn't seen in person in months. "Luxiere. How are you?"

"Great. Would you like a drink?" he offered, already holding a spare glass of champagne.

"I'm on the job right now," Cloud responded politely, tapping at his press pass. "We're on the record unless you say otherwise."

"That's fine, I've got nothing to hide," Luxiere replied smoothly. "Are you enjoying the party?"

"It's been pretty uneventful," he admitted. "I am looking forward to the financial reports, but they told me those wouldn't be released for another hour."

"I can get you a copy ahead of time, if you'd like."

"Um. That's okay, they said all the reporters would get a folder on our way out," Cloud told him, looking up curiously. "Did you need something from me?"

"No. It's just the first time I've spotted you alone all evening, so I thought I'd come say hello."

"As a member of ShinRa's Crisis Core?" he mused, not entirely shocked—their Crisis Core would want to keep tabs on him.

"As a friend."

"You made it pretty clear we're not friends," Cloud reminded him.

"That was when I thought you were interested in Zack. A lot of time has gone by since then, and I can see I was wrong about you. If you were going to make a move, you would've by now."

Cloud quirked a brow. "And you conveniently decided this…tonight?"

"I decided it a few months ago, but we haven't run into each other. I know you avoid my apartment when I'm there, and it's not like I have your number."

"Zack does," he countered, trying not to scoff.

"He wouldn't give it to me," Luxiere responded, almost apologetically. "I did ask."

"…When?"

"Months ago."

"You know where I work. Pretty sure the number's public."

"I didn't want to make it about work," the man told him firmly. "If I had it my way, this wouldn't even be happening here. You're never at that bar when I stop by though, and I didn't know where else to find you."

"…You went to Seventh Heaven hoping to run into me?" he asked, incredulous.

"Yeah. I should've known better—it was always on nights when you were with Zack. He's still worried about us arguing, so he probably steered you the other way when I told him where I'd be."

"Maybe he had the right idea," Cloud said slowly. A year ago he may have jumped on this opportunity, but now? He really didn't have any interest in trying to be friends with this man anymore. Not after hearing more and more about the shit Zack put up with on a regular basis. "I appreciate that you want to bury the hatchet, but I really don't see us spending time together without Zack around as a buffer. We don't exactly have anything else in common."

"Because I work for ShinRa?"

"No, that's—"

"We must have something in common if Zack can spend so much time with both of us," Luxiere ventured. It was close to déjà vu—hadn't Zack told him the same thing once upon a time? "If he can accept that I work here, I don't see why you can't."

Cloud had to bite back his first thought—Zack's hoping you'll quit soon. His friend had confided that hope in him privately, and he wasn't about to betray Zack's trust just to make a point.

"You and Zack have a lot of history," he settled on—vague, but true. "This isn't really an appropriate place to discuss our personal problems. I think Heidegger is about to speak, so I'm gonna see about getting a better seat."

"Wait," Luxiere rushed, grabbing Cloud's arm almost urgently. The blond tugged it away with a warning look. "Do you have a business card?"

Cloud frowned, but reached into the interior pocket of his suit jacket and pulled one out. Something told him he'd end up regretting it, but the number really was public, so it wasn't like Luxiere couldn't look it up anyway.

xxxxx

Sephiroth and Genesis had invited Angeal to join their relationship about six months ago.

It had caught Cloud off guard, to say the least. Angeal had gotten out of a short, whirlwind relationship just six months before that—right before Cloud had started working for the Midgar Post. He still remembered that night at Seventh Heaven when Genesis had gotten very handsy with Angeal, but when he asked his friends about it, he'd been told it was no big deal. Just sex.

Much like how Genesis and Sephiroth had invited Cloud to join them in bed once upon a time, they'd extended that same invitation to Angeal. They did the same thing with a variety of people from time to time, generally just for one night. Needless to say, it had gone much beyond that with Angeal, and he couldn't have been happier for them.

But he wasn't prepared for this.

"They invited me to move in," Angeal explained, a small smile on his face as he eyed Cloud from across the table.

They were having a somewhat rare dinner together, just the two of them. Between Angeal spending so much time with Genesis and Sephiroth, and Cloud tending to hang out with Zack most nights, it just didn't happen often. At best, it would be the two of them with at least one of the others.

"That's great news! Are you gonna do it?"

"Well, yes. But I wanted to talk about it with you first."

"With me?" he repeated, arching an eyebrow. "You're the happiest you've been since I've known you. Why would I…"

It dawned on him a moment later. Angeal moving meant they wouldn't be living together anymore.

"Oh," Cloud muttered, frowning a bit. "I mean, I'll miss having you here, but we'll still see each other. You don't have to worry about me."

"I spoke with the others, and we'd be happy to keep paying my half—"

"No! It's fine, I can afford this place alone," he insisted, racking over the numbers quickly in his head. He'd gotten another raise after his front page article on ShinRa's investor dinner—a scathing piece after they countered their dip in profits with a proposed new reactor. "I think you should go for it. You guys seem really happy."

"We are. It does feel a little soon though," Angeal admitted. "I've been in plenty of relationships, but I've never gotten to the move in stage. Especially not so early in the relationship."

"Yeah, but you and Gen go way back," Cloud reminded him. As it turned out, there had been some mutual pining for years, but the timing had never worked out between them. "And you and Seph, you guys have something special. You guys kinda balance Gen out."

Angeal laughed softly. "That's one way to put it."

"I'm just sad I won't have anyone to make my lunches."

"I can still—"

"I was kidding," he interjected, smiling fondly at his friend. "I actually do know how to cook, you know."

"I won't need to bring any of the furniture or anything."

Cloud blinked, not even having considered that. "You can take whatever you want—basically everything here is yours."

"It's not like they don't have a fully furnished house already."

"Yeah, but don't you want to add your own touches? I'm sure they'd be down with whatever you wanted to do," Cloud said, pleased when Angeal smiled. "I'll keep whatever you don't want, but don't just leave stuff specifically for me. I can afford to replace it."

"Okay," Angeal agreed with a nod. "Do you think you'd be interested in finding a roommate?"

"Uh, no," he promptly decided. "All my friends have places already, and I'm not looking to share an apartment with a stranger."

"You've never lived alone though."

"Now's as good a time as any," he replied with a shrug. "I've been feeling very grown up lately—I'm sure I can handle it."

"I suppose Zack's here most nights anyway."

Cloud arched a brow at Angeal's tone. "You don't have to beat around the bush. Just say it."

"He spends more nights here than he does in his own place lately."

"They've been arguing more the last few weeks," he revealed quietly. "It sounds like they're both holding out for the other to decide on a career change, but I don't think it's going to happen. I think they're both starting to realize."

"Do you think they'll break up?"

He wasn't quite sure how to answer. "I've been trying not to think about it. I feel bad hoping for it, you know? They've been together for a long time, and I just want Zack to be happy. Obviously something about Luxiere has made him happy all this time, so…"

"Have you told Zack how you feel about the situation?"

"It'd be kinda biased to tell him that he's holding out for something that's not gonna happen, or that I think they should break up," Cloud insisted. "I've just been trying to be supportive without being too specific."

"If he knew you were interested, I think it would be enough for him to decide to leave Luxiere."

His eyes went wide. This wasn't such a common subject anymore. Even Genesis had given up trying to get him to confess his feelings for Zack, and Angeal had always agreed it would be an unfair thing to spring on Zack.

"I'm good right now. Really good," Cloud said slowly. "I've got the best friends, an awesome job—apparently I've got my own apartment! Don't get me wrong, I think I'll always want more with Zack, but…I dunno. I don't want him to settle on me just because things are bad with Luxiere. I want him to want me just because."

"So you'd tell him if they broke up?"

"…Yeah, I think so—I wouldn't have a reason not to anymore. But even then, that doesn't mean we'd get together right away. He might not want to rush right into another serious relationship, and I don't think I could do casual with him after all this time. I'd want too much."

"I think by the time that relationship ends, he'll realize it's been over for a long time."

"I guess. Did I tell you Luxiere came up to me at that ShinRa dinner last week?"

"No, what happened?"

"He said he wants to be friends. That he's been trying to get ahold of me for months, but Zack was keeping him away," Cloud explained, shaking his head.

"What'd Zack say?"

"He basically told me things were good—he'd stopped trying to get me and Luxiere in the same room a long time ago, and didn't see the need to change it now."

"So Luxiere was right."

He shrugged. "I guess, but I don't really blame Zack for wanting to keep us separated at this point. We already tried to do it the other way, and he was the one who refused to give me a chance."

"It's a little odd he'd want to make amends now."

"I thought so too. Honestly, I thought he might just be saying that for work reasons," Cloud admitted.

Angeal nodded in understanding. "Maybe he wants to give you some incentive to write nice things about ShinRa. That could be why they requested you for the dinner—to give him a chance to lay the foundation."

"That's what I was thinking at first, but then he called me," the blond revealed. "At work since I wouldn't give him my personal number."

"What'd he say?"

"He told me he feels like him and Zack are drifting. That he thought if he could put in some effort with me, it might help save their relationship since I'm 'important to Zack'. I didn't know what to say, so I told him I'd have to think about it."

"What'd Zack have to say about that?" Angeal responded, guessing correctly that Cloud had turned around and discussed the matter with his friend.

"He told me not to bother. Said the whole thing was suspicious, and he'd talk to Luxiere about it."

"That's a good thing, isn't it?"

"It is, but…Luxiere sounded so beat up. I can't shake this feeling he really meant it—he really does want to do what he needs to do to fix things with Zack."

"Even if he does, it's not your responsibility to make it happen. You already went down that road and put in the effort—it's his fault things got to this point."

"I just don't want to get between them and then have Zack find out how I feel and think that I purposefully sabotaged them or something. I know it's probably crazy, but—"

"You've done more to keep them together than anyone, Cloud. If anything, you're sabotaging your own happiness by telling Zack what you think he wants to hear—telling him things could get better when they're obviously not."

A knock on the door distracted them both before Cloud could swirl back into his thoughts on the subject. Thankfully Angeal went to answer it, giving him the time he needed to compose himself.

"Is Cloud here?"

He spun around in his chair as he heard Zack's voice, a half smile already on his face until he saw the serious look on Zack's as he all but barged past Angeal.

"What's wrong?" Cloud asked, rising to his feet and taking a tentative step closer.

"Lux…" Zack looked down at his feet with a sigh, his eyes snapping back up when Cloud was directly in front of him. "I was talking to him about calling you, and all the weird shit he's been doing lately, and he…"

"He what?"

"He proposed to me."

Cloud gaped at his friend, feeling the color draining from his face as the words crashed into him. "What'd you say?"

"That I needed time," Zack responded, raking a hand through his hair. "We've never even talked about marriage before, but he kept saying he wants to fix things—that he made sure you could be at that dinner because he wanted to prove to me that he was willing to fight for us."

"Oh."

"Oh? I just told you my boyfriend proposed to me, and all you have to say is oh?"

"What do you want me to say?" Cloud asked, just a bit defensive.

"I dunno, I guess I was kinda hoping my best friend might have something more to say than that! You were the one who told me I should try hearing him out."

He opened his mouth, but couldn't bring himself to spit out a single positive word. Not this time. "I can't do this."

"Can't do what?" Zack pressed, staring down helplessly at the blond.

"If you came here for a pep talk, it's not going to happen."

"I'm not hoping for anything specific, I just…when he asked, I panicked, and the next thing I knew I was here. I need you, Spike. I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"I don't think it's a good idea."

"Why not? I mean, we've been together all these years. I believe him, you know? I think he really does wanna fix things."

"You told me you don't even really believe in marriage. That you just wanted to be with someone without making a production of it."

"Yeah, but…this is like a grand gesture. It's proof that he's serious about wanting this to work."

"He's never going to leave ShinRa, and that's what causes half your arguments."

"A week ago I woulda said he'd never propose, but he did."

Unreal. Cloud could feel his head spinning, not sure how to make Zack see how crazy this was. "Do you even love him anymore?"

"Do I…?" Zack's expression was almost blank, eyes still locked onto Cloud's. "He's been everything to me all these years."

Cloud swallowed, unable to ignore the sting of that statement. "But do you love him?"

"I think so."

"It's a yes or no question, and it's not something you should have to think about at this point."

"Yes," Zack decided, throwing his hands up with a sigh. "I love him."

"And he's the one you see yourself with for years and years to come?"

"I…" He sighed again. "Yeah, he is."

"Then why are you here?"

"I told you, I panicked."

He was very nearly ready to pull his hair out in frustration. "The man you want to spend your life with proposed, and your first thought was to come see me?"

"You're my best friend. I needed your opinion."

"No, Zack, you didn't. That's not why you're here."

"…What're you saying?"

"You came here hoping I'd talk you into marrying him—that I'd give you the same speech I've been giving you for months about how great you are, and how he'd be an idiot to let you go. How things could still get better."

"And you were right," Zack argued, adamant. "He wants things to get better."

"Things obviously aren't better between you if you needed to come here just to have me validate your decision. If it's not something you're sure about on your own, it's probably not a good idea."

"So you think I should wait, or you think I should break up with him?"

"I think you should ask yourself what you want, and then make your own decision."

"What I want…" It wasn't a question, though Zack's eyes weren't lit up with understanding. "That's kind of hypocritical, isn't it?"

Cloud froze, feeling his entire world come to a halt with him. "What?"

"Do you really think I don't know?"

The way he asked was so soft—so simple. It was clear he meant exactly what Cloud had feared, and that got his heart rate going again. Zack knew. Zack had known for who knows how long, and Cloud? He didn't even know where to begin.

"Zack—"

"Is that what this is really about?" he asked—nothing accusatory in his voice. It was like he was trying to make sense of it, but the confusion in his gaze said he couldn't. "Is that why you're suddenly so against me working it out with him?"

"You don't even know what you're talking about," Cloud insisted. "That has nothing to do with this."

"You're in love with me, and it has nothing to do with you telling me I shouldn't marry Lux?"

"If that's what you really think after all this time, then screw you. I put you and your relationship first every single day."

"I dunno what to think, that's why I'm asking! Maybe if you'd just be honest with me—"

"I've always been honest with you!"

"Cloud…you've been lying to me all this time, and you know it."

He folded his arms across his chest, too offended to be as upset as he was sure he should be. "I don't even know why you're here. It sounds like you've got it all figured out."

"I want you to say it, Cloud. I'm sick of playing these games. Just tell me!"

"Fine. You want some honesty? He doesn't want to marry you, and you don't want to marry him. You're just trying to find a way to cling to each other because neither of you can accept that it's over. It's been over since the day you left ShinRa, and you're both too stubborn to admit it."

Zack stared at him, eyes heavy with disbelief. "That's not true."

"Isn't it? Or maybe I'm just too in love with you to give you a real answer. Is that what you want to hear?"

"Cloud—"

"It doesn't even matter what I say. You've already decided," Cloud told him, shaking his head in defeat. "When Gen and Seph told you he was an asshole. When Ang told you that you just weren't compatible anymore—were they biased too? Because you had no problem ignoring them and listening to me instead when I said they didn't know him like you did."

"Because you were the one who was right."

"Then why doesn't my opinion count now?" he snapped, ready to stomp his foot and throw an all out fit because this was too much. "You came here—you came to me. So, what? My opinion only counts when I'm telling you what you want to hear? Otherwise it's just me being selfish?"

"That's not what I said!" Zack shot back.

"I can't even believe this. You knew. All this time you knew, and you still…I've pushed harder than anyone to keep you together, and you still think I'm putting myself first right now?" he asked, lost somewhere between stunned and outraged. "I didn't even tell you to leave him, I told you to think. Gaia forbid you decide something like this on your own!"

He stared at his friend for a long moment, hurt by his words, but needing some kind of reaction—whether it was an angry one, or an understanding one. It didn't even matter.

There was nothing though. Zack was just staring at him hard, opening his mouth repeatedly before deciding against saying a word. Go figure this was the one time Zack Fair didn't spit out whatever was on his mind.

"A lot just happened. This isn't the time to finish this conversation," Angeal said, stepping in closer. Cloud had already forgotten he was even there, and judging by the way Zack's head turned in surprise, so had he. "You both need to take a minute before someone says something they'll regret."

"Too late for that," Cloud replied with a bitter laugh. "I'm going to Tifa's. Do me a favor and don't be here when I get back."

Angeal frowned. "Cloud, I don't think—"

"I wasn't talking to you."

It wasn't meant to be cold, but when he saw the hurt on Angeal's face, he knew it came out that way. The apology was stuck in his throat, so he just shook his head and walked away, only stopping to grab his wallet on the way out.

xxxxx

Tifa didn't ask questions for a solid week.

Maybe she was used to it—regulars who suddenly started turning up more often. Cloud had seen it himself on more than one occasion, and even went out of his way to talk to them when he was still working at Seventh Heaven. Not that they didn't want the extra business, but it was important to make sure the customers were okay too.

And he wasn't. He wasn't okay.

It was easy to understand how people ended up drowning their sorrows in a bar—there were so many questions waiting everywhere else. Even his co-workers had noticed something was off, barely believing his sorry, I've just been tired lately excuse.

Angeal had moved without moving, remaining behind even after most of his belongings were gone—insisting he wanted to be there when Cloud was ready to talk. Genesis and Sephiroth called every day too, but he wasn't ready to talk to them either. And Jess…she'd reached out a couple times, even dropping by the bar after being tipped off by Angeal about what happened.

She was probably the best person to open up to about all this, given that she'd been the shoulder he'd leaned on while he was sorting out his feelings, but he'd politely declined her help this time. How could he drag her down when she'd only just gotten the person she'd been after all this time? Her and Biggs had finally gotten together, and Jess deserved every uninterrupted minute of happiness she was getting.

Tifa though, she just raised a brow when he showed up several nights in a row. Her questions remained unspoken, lingering in the air between them as she acted as his bartender rather than his friend—like she knew that was what he needed, at least for a while. He could feel the walls closing in, sure it was only a matter of time before she got fed up and knocked some sense into him…

But maybe that was why he was there in the first place.

He didn't want anyone's sympathy—he wanted someone to be blunt and tell him he was being stupid. Ideally, he would've liked Zack to be the one to tell him that, but they hadn't spoken or messaged even once since their argument.

"Do I need to say it?" Tifa asked, folding her arms on the bar and leaning forward as Cloud took what had become his stool for the week.

"…Yeah, I think you do," he admitted, not quite able to meet her eyes yet.

She let out a short sigh. "I'm cutting you off."

"I haven't even had a drink yet tonight," Cloud joked, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. Tifa didn't think it was very funny, fixing him with a stern look. "You're the boss though."

"What's going on, Cloud?"

He glanced around tentatively, wondering just how many of Zack's co-workers were nearby. Not many yet, but Tifa seemed to notice what he was doing and gestured for him to follow her to the kitchen for some privacy. It still felt safe and familiar despite the fact he no longer worked there.

When he realized she wasn't going to ask twice, he just let it out, "I fucked up, Tif."

"I'm gonna need more than that. Is it work related, or personal?"

"Personal. It's…Zack and I kinda got into a fight," he said quietly, staring at the ground like it had personally offended him.

She wasn't having any of that. Her hand was on his chin, tilting his head up until their gazes locked. "I don't know what happened, but I know hanging out here every night won't help."

"You're not even gonna ask what the fight was about?"

"You know that I'll always be there for you. I just don't think that's the real reason you keep coming here. I'm not the one you need to talk to."

Cloud didn't nod, or move, or acknowledge her in any way even though he knew she was right. He just let it all sink in after a week of similar thoughts circling the surface.

"It's irrelevant anyway," she said, like it was that simple. "Whatever it was, you two are best friends. You'll work it out if you just try, Cloud."

"Luxiere proposed to him."

Tifa's eyes went wide at that. "What'd he say?"

"I don't even know," Cloud shrugged helplessly. "He told Luxiere he needed time to think about it, and then came to ask me what he should say, and I just…"

"Cloud," she whispered, pulling him in for a tight hug. "I thought you were just being stubborn. I didn't realize it was so serious."

"It's not as bad as you're thinking. I didn't freak out or tell him to say no or anything like that."

"But you wanted to?"

"I really wanted to," he confirmed, holding her closer. "I told him I wasn't going to talk him into marrying anyone—that he should just want to on his own."

"That's perfectly reasonable. I think any of his friends would've told him the same thing or worse."

"Except I've been in their corner this whole time. He felt like I wasn't suddenly, and I guess he thought that was because…"

"Your feelings for him," Tifa guessed, shaking her head into his shoulder.

He just snorted, because really? Was it that obvious how he felt about Zack? Sure, Tifa had hinted at knowing, but that was a long time ago. Most people don't waste so much time pining hopelessly after a taken man. He would've thought his feelings were less obvious since he left the bar.

Apparently not. And if Tifa could still see right through him, of course Zack had been able to figure it out as well.

Tifa took the moment to pull back from the hug, holding up a finger before stepping out of the kitchen and leaving him there. He frowned but didn't question it—technically she was working still, which meant she had plenty of other things to be doing. A moment later she reappeared though, handing Cloud a beer.

He arched a brow as he accepted. "I thought I was cut off."

"I changed my mind," she told him with a smile. "Just one tonight. Now c'mon. You said you fucked up, but so far it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong."

"Didn't I? I've been trying so hard every time he needed to vent or wanted advice—I always take a step back and look at it objectively instead of blurting out whatever I want. But this time I just…" He shook his head, defeated. "I let it get to me. I should've been more supportive."

"You were surprised. I'm sure he was too—proposals aren't an everyday occurrence."

"I didn't even know that he knew how I felt. And then he just threw it in my face like that. Like I'd try to manipulate him into doing what I wanted."

She reached out, patting his shoulder reassuringly. "I don't want to make excuses for anyone's bad behavior, but maybe cut the guy some slack. Zack's not the kind of person to dismiss anyone's feelings, especially not yours. He wasn't thinking clearly, and neither were you."

"What if I can't fix it?"

"Cloud, honestly. You two are going to be fine. You're going to finish your beer, and then you're going to find him. This is the kind of conversation you need to have in person," she told him firmly. "You're going to apologize, and he is too. And if either of you screws it up, both of you come to me so I can knock your heads together."

He laughed a bit—that was exactly why he wanted to talk to Tifa about this. Anyone else would've told him to talk to Zack too, but they wouldn't have put everything in such plain terms and topped it off with a threat. She was serious too. A single gesture toward his bottle told him it was time to start drinking.

xxxxx

We need to talk

Cloud scowled at his phone. Tifa had snatched it from him and got the ball rolling with Zack. Personally, he would've made it a question—can we talk? But she'd made it a demand, and he wasn't sure how that would come across to Zack. Probably like he was angry still. The response he got though…

I'm at your door.

He'd been pushed from the bar before he even received it, and was already on his way home—he let Zack know he'd be there in a few as he began the short walk. Now he wished he'd talked Tifa into another drink or two, even if he knew it was best to approach this situation with a clear head. There were so many thoughts and emotions running through him though.

Was he nervous, anxious, excited? All of them? It was hard to know what to expect. This conversation could go so many ways…from everything being perfectly fine between them, to Zack saying he needed some space until Cloud got his shit together.

By the time he was walking up the stairs to get to his floor, he'd convinced himself he'd be dealing with an angry Zack—arms cross and expression stern. All wrong for someone so kind and lighthearted. Nothing could've prepared him to see Zack sitting with his back to the apartment door, head thrown back, eyes closed, and a bag on either side of him.

"Hey," he said awkwardly, announcing his arrival when Zack didn't budge.

Zack's eyes snapped open, looking up at Cloud. "Hey."

Cloud smiled a little, trying to hide his confusion. "Um. Let me unlock the door?"

"Yeah," Zack muttered, letting out a sigh as he rose to his feet and dusted off his jeans. He barely stepped away, giving Cloud just enough space to get in to unlock the door. "You smell like beer."

"I was at Seventh Heaven."

"Oh, right. Been there a lot lately?"

"Every day," Cloud confirmed, opening the door without looking back. "You know how Tifa is. It's not like she let me drink too much. I got cut off after one tonight."

"Good. I'd rather do this sober."

Do this…He grimaced, not liking the sound of that. Like it was a chore or hassle. Still, he forced himself to look at Zack, watching as his friend dropped the bags just inside the door. It looked like he wasn't going to get comfortable—he leaned against the closed door instead of headed toward the couch to sit, leaving Cloud frozen nearby.

"What's with the bags?" he asked tentatively.

There were more than a few things he'd left at Zack's place over time, and he hated to think that was what this was…Zack returning his belongings so he could walk away for good.

"No questions yet," Zack said, shaking his head. "You said we need to talk—you start."

Cloud silently cursed Tifa again for her poorly worded message, not quite sure where to begin. "I'm sorry I wasn't supportive," he ventured, heart sinking as Zack's hard stare didn't relent. "I should've told you to say yes. Or at least to stay with him, even if you don't want to get married."

"Why?"

"Because we're friends."

"That's the only reason?"

He let out a quiet sigh, still torn over the whole thing. "You've been together for years. There's gotta be a good reason—something that keeps you around even after all your arguments. You said he's the person you see yourself spending your life with, and that should've been enough for me to know it's what you wanted."

"I said that because you pushed me to say it. You kept asking all these questions I didn't know the answers to, so I just picked the one that made the most sense after all this time."

"Doesn't mean it isn't true."

"Maybe," Zack conceded, shrugging. "That's not good enough, is it? You were right. It should've been easy to answer all those questions, but it wasn't."

Cloud didn't dare nod or acknowledge that. "Can I ask questions yet?"

"It's my stuff. Ang said he moved out, yeah?"

"Kind of. He moved all the stuff he's taking, but he's been hanging around in case…"

"Right," Zack muttered, running a hand through his hair. "I talked to him today and he said he'd be out for real now. Gave me his key and everything."

Cloud frowned. "His key?"

"Lux and I are taking some time apart. We're not…we didn't break up, but I need to figure out how I feel," Zack explained quietly. "Ang said I could probably stay here for now, if that's okay with you."

"Yeah. He left his bed and most the furniture," Cloud said, not wasting any time hesitating. "Why were you waiting outside the door if you had his key?"

"This is your place now. His permission doesn't count."

"Well, you can stay as long as you need."

"Thanks, Spike," Zack replied, so sincerely despite how disconnected he looked.

"…Are we okay?"

"We're gonna be," Zack promised, finally stepping further into the apartment. "This last week sucked. I wanted to call you every day, but I thought…I thought maybe it'd be easier if you had some time alone. And if you need more, I can find somewhere else to stay."

"I'm fine. I don't…Whatever you're thinking, it's not like that."

"What's it like then?"

"It's hard to explain. I don't…It's not like I wanted to break you and Lux up, okay? I'm not interested in stealing you away. I'm fine with being your friend."

Zack grimaced. "I know. I didn't mean for it to come out that way—you didn't deserve that shit. I'm sorry."

"How'd you mean it then?"

"I didn't. I don't know why I even brought it up. Maybe I was deflecting. Didn't wanna listen to what you were saying because it was hitting home."

"Maybe?"

"I'm sorry," he repeated, his voice breaking a little. "I wouldn't…How you feel about me matters, Spike. Just because I don't feel the same doesn't mean I don't care. I still love you. You're the best person in my life, and I feel like shit for everything I said that day."

Cloud forced a smile, like hearing those words confirmed didn't break his heart all over again. He'd known Zack didn't feel the same way—all this time, he'd known. Time and time again he'd told his friends to back off because he was sure it was one sided, and they'd told him it wasn't…that Zack 'obviously' felt the same.

Now it was official. He'd been right all along.

"Remember the night I met Luxiere?" Cloud asked, staring at Zack's shoes intently.

"Yeah."

"I meant what I said. I don't see myself as a happily ever after kinda guy," he said, holding up a hand to cut Zack off before he could interject. "Not in a dramatic way, like if I can't have you I'll never have anyone. I thought that even before we met. It's hard to explain."

"Maybe just try? It's not like I'm gonna judge you."

Cloud thought it over before deciding to do just that—to try to explain. "I like most the things about being in a relationship, but I don't really wanna be in one."

"Isn't that kinda contradictory?"

"Maybe. I just don't feel like I'm missing out right now, being single. I've seen what relationships can do to people, and I don't know, it's kind of sad to me."

"What do you mean?"

"One of my first memories was when my dad left me and my mom. I was so young, but…I don't know, I can see it all clearly," Cloud said, annoyed by the surge of emotions he felt to this day about it. There was a reason he never told anyone this story—a reason he tried not to even think about it. "My mom was devastated. I didn't really understand at the time, you know? I just knew he was gone and she was sad. We got through it together, but…she said something to me years later, and I guess it stuck."

"What'd she say?"

"The hardest part about losing him wasn't losing the relationship stuff—it wasn't the physical or romantic aspects. It was the friendship. And you know, I can't see myself ever being okay with that either. I'm not like you—I don't have an easy time making a dozen friends. The ones I have are too important to lose."

"You can't honestly think every relationship ends that badly, Spike."

"I don't," he agreed easily. "I can see Gen and Seph are in it for the long haul, and I know Angeal only makes that relationship stronger. Plenty of people have good, lasting relationships."

"And plenty of people break up and stay friends," Zack told him. "Me and Lux…even if it doesn't work out, I know we'll still be in each other's lives. Maybe not as close as you and me, but he's been there for me through a lot of shit. It's not something you can walk away from that easily."

"Tell that to my dad."

"Spike…you wouldn't let something like that happen."

"I know. Why do you think I broke up with Gen all those years ago? It was getting to the point where I knew there was no turning back. I've seen Gen with his other exes. They're not friends."

"Gen probably dated some dramatic assholes back then. Of course they aren't friends. You're different. You shouldn't run away from your own happiness just because you're afraid of something that may or may not happen a few years down the line."

"I'm not unhappy though. I like my life—aside from this last week, I'm the happiest I've been in years. And you know, that kinda proves my point, doesn't it? I was miserable while we weren't talking. Imagine if things were worse. Imagine if you weren't here right now, and things weren't okay. I'd have lost you, and for what? Because some stupid feelings that I don't even want to have?"

"It's not stupid, Cloud. You've gotta believe me," Zack pleaded, moving in closer by the word. "How you feel matters, and I'd never throw away our friendship over it. You're so important to me."

"I wish you were like everyone else. I wish when I saw you, I didn't feel anything that I wasn't supposed to."

"I wish we were in a situation where I could love you the way you love me."

"I don't," he decided, not seeing the point in imagining happier scenarios. It wasn't going to happen anyway, and it was well past time to come to terms with that. "It's better this way."

"How can you say that?" Zack asked, frowning deeply. Cloud just shook his head, not willing to say more—the pang in his throat was enough to warn him what would happen if he dared to speak again right now. "I could, you know. I could love you. I'm just fucked up right now, Spike. I need some time to get my shit together."

"Don't do that—don't put ideas in my head," Cloud warned, narrowing his eyes. "You're not helping anything."

"What if I did though? If I loved you, and you loved me, what then? You'd ignore it because you're afraid?"

"You really don't get it," he mumbled, running a hand through his hair.

"Get what?"

"I'm not going to talk you into loving me, Zack. It's the same thing I tried telling you about the stupid proposal. How you feel shouldn't be contingent on what I have to say about it!"

"Maybe you're not the only one who's scared, okay? I've been with him for years. I know things are shitty between me and him now—we're always fighting, and we don't have half as much in common anymore. But we've been together for so long. It's weird to imagine anything or anyone else."

"I'm not asking you to do that. I wasn't asking the other day either."

"I know. You're a good friend—I don't deserve you."

"I'm going to bed," Cloud said, sure he was about to say something else he'd regret if this kept going. "Let me know if you need anything—I don't know exactly what Angeal left in that room."

"Can't I sleep with you?"

Cloud laughed at the thought. Did Zack really think they'd jump right back into the platonic cuddling stage of their friendship? "That's a bad idea."

"Why? You said you were happy with how things were. I don't want you to think it all has to change now just because—"

"Maybe in a couple weeks or something," he relented, shaking his head. "Not now."

"…Okay. Mind if I make something to eat? I'm not tired yet."

"You don't have to ask," Cloud told him, soft and insistent. "You're not a guest—you live here until you decide otherwise. Help yourself to whatever."

"I really don't deserve you."

"Stop saying that—it's not true. I wouldn't be who I am today without you in my life. You're the best friend I could've ever asked for."

"Will you say it just one time?" Zack asked, just before Cloud could turn away.

"Say what?"

"You never said it. All this time I kinda guessed you might be into me, but I always wanted you to be the one to tell me. I never wanted to bring it up like that."

"It's too late to take it back. You said what you said, and I acknowledged it."

"Yeah, but it's not the same," Zack replied, looking far too determined. "You telling me that you don't want to have feelings isn't the same either."

"Isn't it? Me saying I don't want them is also me confirming I have them."

"Please, Spike. I know it's selfish, but I need to hear you say it."

He inhaled a shaky breath, regretting it before he even let it out, "I love you."

"Thank you," Zack whispered, eyes not straying from Cloud's.

"Anytime," he joked awkwardly, relieved when Zack laughed.

That sound was a surefire way to ease the tension that had piled up between them.

xxxxx

There was nothing surprising about how seamlessly Zack's temporary move had gone. Maybe because he was around so often anyway, or maybe because everything between them was seamless—just like the way Zack had become a staple in his life from day one.

That didn't make it healthy though.

It almost felt like Zack had a point to prove—that knowing how Cloud felt didn't mean anything had to change. They started spending so much time together that Sephiroth had called to warn him Genesis was getting offended that they hadn't been around in a while.

"I'm in over my head," Cloud admitted, shrugging as three pairs of eyes scrutinized him.

He'd finally gone over for dinner, choosing a night when Zack had to work late. They were happy to see him, but clearly not thrilled that it took so much to get him there.

"That's hardly an excuse," Genesis said with a sharp glare. "It's been far too long since we've seen you."

"It's not that I don't want to come over. I've just been distracted with Zack around all the time."

"He's more than welcome to join us," Angeal chimed in, his boyfriends quick to agree. "How long is he staying with you?"

Cloud shrugged. "As long as he needs. I don't think he's much closer to figuring things out with Luxiere. They went to lunch the other day, but he didn't wanna talk about it."

"Cloud, dear…please tell me you're not holding out for him to break it off with Luxiere."

"I'm not stupid, Gen," he scoffed. He knew he was pretty pathetic when it came to Zack, but really? Is that what his friends thought? "He already told me he doesn't feel the same way. That's not magically going to change even if they happen to break up."

"How can he not know yet?" Angeal asked, frowning deeply. "I would've thought he'd figure it out within a few days of being apart."

"He won't talk about it with me. I think because last time…well, you know," Cloud said quietly. "I told him I didn't mind listening, but he always says he's fine—that there's nothing to talk about."

His phone beeped as Angeal opened his mouth again, and he gave his friend an apologetic look before eyeing the message Zack sent him.

Are you gonna be out for a while?

"Sounds like he's home," Cloud said, sending back a quick yeah, doing dinner with the guys.

Genesis reached out, palm open in silent demand. There was no arguing with that look, so Cloud handed his phone over with an eye roll, sure that was what was being asked for. It was a bit rude to be texting Zack when he saw Zack so often compared to these men.

"Be careful, dear," Genesis warned, a strange look in his eyes as he glanced down at the phone before setting it down by his plate. "You know I adore Zack, but I can't help feeling like you're growing too dependent on his company."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, how are you going to feel when he leaves?" the redhead responded simply. "Even if they don't get back together, that doesn't mean he'll live with you indefinitely. You need to prepare yourself."

Cloud frowned. Did he really seem so fragile that he needed all these concerned stares? "I know he's not staying forever, but it's not like we won't be friends after he moves."

"What about when he begins seeing new people?" Sephiroth asked slowly.

That question hit hard, and was one he had been trying not to think about. One step at a time, really—Zack was still technically with Luxiere, so it wasn't an issue yet. No doubt it would hurt when that day came though.

"I'll deal with it when it happens," was the best he could come up with.

"Try not to cut us out," Angeal said softly.

"I don't on purpose."

"We know that," Sephiroth assured him.

"There's no need to avoid everyone just because something happens with Zack," Genesis pressed, shaking his head.

"I needed time alone to think," Cloud said regretfully. "And then when we made up, I just…I'm sorry. I'm a shitty friend, you're right."

"That's not what I was implying. I only meant, I miss the days when you hid out in our house when you needed time to think. There's no need to hang around the bar instead."

"Last time I hid out here, you told me I needed to stop running from my problems."

Genesis sighed. "That was different. Nothing actually happened that time. I wouldn't have pressured you to talk to him or anyone else before you were ready, even if you'd come here after your last fight."

"Can we not talk about this?" Cloud asked, looking from one man to the next. "I'm okay now. I'm going to be okay, even if something else happens."

"And you'll come to one of us if you're not?"

"I promise," he agreed, relieved to see Genesis nodding like he believed it. "Let's talk about you. How's everything going?"

"Since Angeal moved in?" Genesis clarified, arching a brow.

"In general—that too though," Cloud said, smiling as he caught Sephiroth and Angeal exchanging a cute look. "You all seem really happy together."

"We are," Sephiroth confirmed, a smile curling the corner of his mouth.

Angeal nodded in agreement. "It definitely feels like home already."

"I'm glad. You guys deserve it."

"The only thing that would make us happier is if we got to see our friends more often," Genesis added.

Cloud shot him a look, but nodded—clearly he was outnumbered and defeated on this subject. "I'll come more often."

"Bring Zack with you next time. He's not exactly exempt from all this—it's been far too long since we've seen him."

"We're going to your play next week," Cloud told him, perking Genesis up right away. "Maybe we can do dinner before? Make it a group thing?"

"That would be lovely. Which night is it?"

"Uh, I think our tickets are for Saturday? I'll have to double check."

"Do that. If it's Saturday, there's a cast and crew party afterward—that would be perfect. You can both join us of course," Genesis suggested with a growing smile. "There's someone I'd like you to meet, actually."

He arched a brow. "Oh?"

"Yes. My leading man. He's lovely, and I think you'd hit off—he's got quite the sense of adventure."

"Um," Cloud hesitated, not quite sure how to get out of this. He'd already agreed to go. "I don't mind going to make new friends, but that's it, okay? I don't want to be set up with anyone."

"We'll see."

"Gen, seriously," he groaned, looking to Sephiroth for help. He didn't offer any though, looking mildly amused as Cloud shifted his gaze to Angeal…who looked equally amused. "Come on, guys!"

"I'm just asking you to meet the man," Genesis said clearly. "I'm not setting you up by any means—all I ask is you keep an open mind."

"I can do that," he agreed tentatively.

"Good. Now, tell us about work—you've been doing well, yes?"

"Uh, yeah. Things are good. I'm getting a lot of offers," Cloud revealed with a smile. "They want to send me to cover new things—do more correspondent work."

"Is that something you enjoy?"

"I don't mind it on stuff I'm already covering. I don't really wanna be put on other events or day to day news though—I like the areas I'm focused on," Cloud explained. "And the blogging's fun too. I still don't get why mine's so popular. Apparently it's getting more views than the bloggers over at the Times now."

"Well, you are interesting and witty," Genesis reminded him.

"You have a way with words," Sephiroth said in agreement. "I enjoy your blog."

Cloud's eyes widened. "You read it?"

"Of course."

For some reason, that was particularly flattering. "It's not even news. It's just opinion pieces and random stuff because my editor said people wanted to 'get to know me' better."

"Because they saw you on TV and thought you were adorable," Genesis concluded with a wink.

"I doubt it," he scoffed.

"Your success is likely why they want you to expand your coverage," Sephiroth informed him slowly. "I'm sure if you speak with your editor, you could keep the events you prefer still."

"I guess that wouldn't be terrible. It's just weird because I never wanted to do that, you know? I just wanted to hide behind a keyboard, not do correspondent work. Did I tell you Turk Broadcasting offered me a job a while back?"

Sephiroth arched a brow. "No, you didn't."

"I meant to ask you about it, but I kinda got impulsive and shot them down," he admitted, mildly apologetic. He couldn't really be sorry—not when turning it down meant staying with the paper Sephiroth owned. "I wasn't really thrilled to get a job offer from a ShinRa. It was right around the time I covered that investor's dinner."

The first and last ShinRa event he'd been allowed to cover since—after his 'overly critical' piece, he'd been barred from their events and press conferences again (which had made for a fun blogging day, to say the least).

"It sounds suspicious," Angeal said, echoing his own thoughts on the subject.

"I can place some calls, if you'd like," Sephiroth offered. "There is a chance the offer was made in good faith, though I do agree it sounds suspicious."

"Nah, that's okay. I already turned it down, so it doesn't really matter now. I like where I'm at."

"It's not like ShinRa could outright offer you a job or pay you off," Angeal said, frowning deeply. "You'd never accept. An offer from the Turks sounds like a workaround to get you off their case."

Cloud snorted. There had been a curious number of reporters at the Post who suddenly left to pursue other 'interests', or occasionally gotten a higher paid position at the Times, but he couldn't imagine giving in so easily himself. It wasn't a matter of money, it was a matter of principle.

"I'm not that easy to get rid of. They'll have to try harder if that was their big plan."

xxxxx

It turned out Genesis' leading man was Gongagan.

Cloud knew it was no coincidence as he shook hands with the man, who jokingly insisted he be called by his character's name—Katana. He'd looked at the cast list and discovered his real name already, but he was happy to play along calling him whatever because frankly, it didn't matter. They were only sharing a quick drink and a chat as far as he was concerned.

Did Genesis seriously think a plan like this was clever?

Sure, the man was undeniably attractive—and yeah, Cloud could see a few similarities between 'Katana' and Zack. But he could see the differences even more clearly. Having a similar complexion or hairstyle didn't mean much when his eyes weren't lit up the same way, or when his jokes fell flat—those were the types of things Cloud was looking for in a person.

"Hey, Spike," Zack said, appearing by his side out of nowhere.

He looked at his friend with relief, though he cocked a brow when an arm was slung around his shoulder. "Hey," he said, sipping at his drink. "This is Katana—the leading man. And this is Zack."

"Katana?" his friend repeated with a big smile. "Well, if that's what you'd rather go by, fine with me, man. Have you been in Midgar all this time?"

Cloud laughed to himself, because of course they actually knew each other. He could see the recognition on Zack's face, and the way 'Katana' was studying Zack for a moment before it obviously hit him as well.

"Yeah, I left town when you were just a kid!" Katana responded, his own grin growing. "I'm surprised you remember me."

"Small town. Not many of us get outta there."

"True. What're you up to these days?"

"I'm with AVALANCHE," Zack answered easily. His grip on Cloud tightened a bit as the blond prepared to excuse himself, not wanting to intrude as they caught up. "Hey, it was good seeing you, but I've gotta steal Spike here—something came up. Awesome job tonight!"

"Thanks," Katana responded, raising his glass as Cloud muttered a goodbye.

And then Zack was steering him away, looking down curiously.

"What?" the blond asked, glancing up and catching his eyes.

"You've got a thing for Gongagans, huh?"

"Uh, no. Gen might've thought so though," he admitted, chuckling softly. Zack didn't think it was so funny. "He told me he wanted me to meet his leading man, but I didn't know why until I saw him without the costume and makeup."

"Yeah, but he's kinda old for you, isn't he?"

Cloud shrugged, not really caring either way. "I guess? We were just talking."

"I'm glad you have a type or whatever, but I don't think it's a good idea to just pick the first person you see," Zack continued, looking so genuinely concerned that Cloud couldn't even be bothered by what he was saying. "You should take your time picking out the right person."

"I don't have a type, and I'm not picking anyone. It was just a conversation," he reassured his friend.

"Yeah, but if Gen planned it, you know there's more to it. Bet he was told to ask you out or something. That's why Gen tried to keep me distracted."

Cloud very nearly laughed. "He tried to distract you?"

"Uh, yeah. The minute he took you to say hi to that guy, Seph and Ang suddenly wanted to introduce me to every single crew member here," Zack said, gesturing around.

The 'party' was a pretty packed gathering in the backstage area of the theatre, and there were definitely more crew members than cast members from this production.

"That's weird," Cloud mumbled.

"Yeah, he's not very subtle."

"Not what I meant," he replied with a shrug, gladly grabbing a new drink when they were finally by the beverage table. "It's weird that you cared. I was just saying hi."

"Yeah, but that's playing right into Gen's schemes," Zack complained, pouting a little as Cloud gave him a look. He actually agreed with Zack, but he wasn't about to say that. Not when Zack was acting weird about it for no good reason. "I'm just saying, if you wanna be set up, I could find you someone better."

"Okay," Cloud agreed, sipping at his drink.

"…Okay?" Zack repeated, quirking a brow.

"Yeah. I mean, if anyone knows what I like, it's you," he ventured, silently amused by the surprise on his friend's face.

"I thought you didn't like dating people you don't know?"

"I don't, but I thought a lot about what you said and I'm sick of being scared. I know it probably won't be easy, but…I don't know, I'm ready to put myself out there," Cloud said quietly. The truth was, talking to Zack about his father had been almost therapeutic. He'd been forced to think about things he hadn't considered in a very long time. "I've gotta try at least."

"Why so suddenly? I thought you were happy."

"There's nothing sudden about it. It's been weeks since we talked about this. I'm still happy, I just…"

"Just what?"

"I'm sick of lying to myself. I don't want to be alone anymore."

"Right. Uh, well," Zack said, hand on the back of his neck. "I know plenty of people, so, just give me a few days to narrow it down?"

"No rush."

Cloud continued to sip his drink, hiding his smile as Zack frowned around his own. Maybe Genesis wasn't so bad at this scheming thing after all. Not if the wink he'd given when their eyes met across the room said anything.

This plan was just as bad, now that Cloud could see it for what it was. It wasn't like Zack was jealous—he was just a bit protective, apparently. If anything, it was sweet that Zack thought he could find someone better.

Regardless, these games had to stop. "Do you wanna head out soon?"

"Yeah. It was fun, but I don't think this is really my scene."

"I'm gonna go say bye to the guys," Cloud said, Zack nodding before following Cloud to do the same. He spotted Angeal and Sephiroth first, looking at each other like they were the only two people in the room as they spoke to one another. If he weren't sure they'd be upset without a goodbye, he would've given them the privacy it looked like they wanted. "Hey. We're about to head out."

"Did you have fun?" Angeal asked, that kind smile on his face.

"Yeah," he and Zack said, almost simultaneously.

Sephiroth smiled a bit too. "Meet anyone interesting?"

"…The theatre crowd is always interesting," Cloud said carefully, face burning as he realized how intently he was being analyzed. He knew damn well what Sephiroth meant, but he didn't feel the need to be specific right now. "Maybe we can do something later this week? I wanna hear about your lesson."

"Lesson?" Zack asked, quirking a brow.

"Seph took up sword fighting again," Cloud said, surprised Zack didn't already know. "It was his first week back."

"Seriously? That's awesome! We still go every week—you shoulda said something!"

"I did not want to interfere with your time together," Sephiroth said simply.

"What he means is, he went with Gen who doesn't want anyone else to see him yet," Cloud clarified with a growing smile. "He's terrible."

"He made significant progress for a first lesson."

"Maybe once in a while we can go together," Zack suggested brightly. "Every few weeks or whatever."

"That'd be fun," Cloud agreed. "We're a lot better now—it'd be good to mix it up sometimes."

"I will let you know when Genesis feels comfortable then."

"What about you, Ang? Not your thing?" Zack asked curiously.

"It doesn't catch my interest," Angeal admitted. "I wouldn't mind coming to watch though."

"Maybe we can do dinner Wednesday, and figure out when's a good time for that," Cloud decided, looking up to Zack who nodded in agreement.

"Wednesday then," Sephiroth agreed. "Be sure to speak with Genesis before you leave. He's eager to hear your thoughts on the production."

Cloud tried not to roll his eyes. "I bet he is."

"He looks busy," Zack said, frowning. Cloud followed his gaze, not surprised to find Genesis already engaged in conversation with his leading man…and looking their way repeatedly. "Maybe we should give them some privacy. You can call him later to let him know it was great?"

"I don't think he'll let us off the hook if we don't tell him in person," Cloud replied, taking a step that way before Zack could try to talk him out of it.

Really, what was up with him? An arm was around Cloud's shoulder as they walked, and he could see Zack's smile was a bit strained as they made their approach. It almost made him wonder if there was more going on than Zack had been able to say. Maybe he knew something Cloud didn't—maybe Katana had been run out of Gongaga, or did something terrible.

It would've been so long ago though, and Zack wasn't the type to hold grudges.

"Cloud, dear! Are you enjoying yourself?"

"It's been a great night," he confirmed with a big smile, letting himself be pulled away from Zack and into Genesis' arms for a hug. "Really, the show was amazing, as always."

"Yeah, it was," Zack agreed, giving Genesis a quick hug as well. His smile looked a bit more genuine finally, but he only seemed to be addressing their mutual friend.

"We're about to head out," Cloud said, grimacing at the look Genesis gave him. "We made plans with Seph and Ang though—we're gonna come over to your place Wednesday night."

"Are we the only ones you made plans with?"

"Um, yeah. For now," he said, smiling awkwardly as he caught Katana's eyes. "It was nice to meet you. I guess I'll see you around?"

"Yeah, of course. I'll be here Monday."

Cloud's gaze flickered back to Genesis, confused. "Monday?"

"Morning auditions, remember?" the redhead asked, as if Cloud was actually supposed to know what he was talking about. "You promised to sit in with me—for your blog."

"For my blog," he repeated, not liking where this was going.

"Don't tell me you changed your mind? I thought you wanted to help support the fine arts!"

"I, uh…Of course I want to help still," Cloud said, because why not? He was always looking for new blog topics—sitting in on some auditions couldn't hurt, even if it was obvious Genesis wanted more than some free publicity. "Text me the details again?"

"Sure thing, love. I'll see you both soon," Genesis said, shooing him and Zack away with a wink. "Take care, Zack!"

"See ya," Zack waved, jaw tense as they headed toward the exit.

Neither said a word, and it was immediately noticeable. It wasn't very often they fell into silence, and when they did, it was always comfortable—just as easy as their conversations. This wasn't the same, but he wasn't entirely sure what to say or how to break this particular silence. For once he had no idea what was going through Zack's head.

"Why'd you let Gen do that?" Zack asked finally, only after they were in his car.

"My boss asked me if I could cover more diverse topics for my blog," Cloud replied with a shrug. "It's a good opportunity, plus it'll help Gen out. I'll take a few quotes, maybe make a quick video—it'll be fun."

"Yeah, but he cornered you into it. He should've asked you in advance instead of putting you on the spot."

"I would've said yes if he'd asked in advance."

"You know he only asked because he wanted you to see—"

"Does it really matter?" he interjected. "It's a work visit. I'm not going to hang out."

"Promise you'll still let me set you up?"

Cloud smiled weakly. "Yeah, promise."

xxxxx

It was a well-known fact that ShinRa employees didn't come to the Midgar Post's main office—at least not for any good reason. Needless to say, when Luxiere strolled into Cloud's new office, he turned a few heads.

Cloud was just as surprised, not having seen Zack's kind-of-boyfriend since well before the move—and wow. The poor guy looked like shit. From the stress lines on his face, to the unstyled hair, to the rumpled shirt…this was not the same man he'd first met all that time ago.

"Hey. What can I do for you?" Cloud asked, leaning back in his chair tentatively.

He'd only just gotten his own office, and it was kind of tiny—basically it was the size of a cubicle, just private unlike his previous work area. There was a small computer desk, his chair, and a chair for a guest which…well, had never been used until now.

Luxiere filled the chair, not meeting Cloud's eyes as he sat. "Is Zack staying with you still?"

"Yeah," he answered, hoping that was okay. Zack hadn't sworn him to secrecy or anything, and as far as he knew, those two were talking at least once a week. "Did something happen?"

"Are you sleeping with him?"

"No, definitely not," Cloud said honestly, arching a brow. "Why would you think that?"

"We got lunch yesterday, and I saw it…the lovebite on his neck. Last week we agreed it'd be okay to try hooking up with other people—see how we felt after. He wasn't ready to talk when I asked him about it. I just thought…"

Cloud felt the color draining from his face. He'd seen it too—the lovebite. Except he'd been sure it came from Luxiere, which made this conversation increasingly uncomfortable. "You thought it was me."

"You guys were always too close for my liking," Luxiere admitted, causing Cloud's heart to sink because now he knew how pointless those concerns were all this time. "I can't decide if it's better or worse that he chose someone else."

Worse. Cloud had no issue deciding that on the spot, but he kept the thought to himself. "Did you try with anyone?"

"Tried. I couldn't do it—I couldn't go past kissing," he said, shaking his head dismally. "I just miss him. I need him back."

"…Don't you have someone else you can talk to about this? We're not exactly friends."

"My friends don't like Zack. They don't want me to work it out with him."

"You should talk directly to Zack then. If he's not ready to talk, make him listen instead."

"Why are you doing this—giving me good advice?" Luxiere questioned, finally meeting Cloud's stare head on. There were bags under his eyes, and it looked like he was on the brink of tears. "If you'd walked into my office a year back, I would've laughed you out of it."

"Honestly? I don't understand your relationship. You guys were at each other's throats nearly every day, and it made no sense to me. It still doesn't," Cloud said bluntly. "It would've been easier to just break up at this point, right?"

"You don't know the first thing—"

"Exactly. There's a reason you're both hanging on, and it's not something I need to know or understand," he concluded, returning Luxiere's glare. "I just want him to be happy."

"I want to make him happy."

You don't, Cloud thought, but he knew better than to say that. "Have you thought about leaving ShinRa? Because that's the source of half your problems. Your moral compass is pointing the opposite of his right now."

"…I can't do that. Zack wouldn't ask me to—he knows what my job means to me. It'd be better if he came back instead. I've been trying to tell him that, but he won't hear it."

"You know his job is just as important to him, right? It's not some temporary hobby."

Luxiere blinked, seemingly processing that statement slowly. "We're never going to work this out, are we?"

"That's not up to me."

"If he knew how you felt, he'd have left me a year ago."

"You're wrong," he muttered, eyes falling to his desk.

"I told him, you know—that you were in love with him. I'd get so mad every time he went to see you, and he'd just deny it over and over. I saw the way he lit up when I said it though. He might not have believed me, but he wanted it to be true," Luxiere, shaking his head. He rose to his feet shakily, pulling a crumpled envelope from one of his back pockets. "I'm actually here on business."

"Oh?" He accepted the envelope, eyeing the official ShinRa logo skeptically. "Am I supposed to open it and see, or can you just tell me?"

"There are two offers—one is for some coverage on your blog," Luxiere explained dryly. "ShinRa's hosting a charity event we'd like you to mention, raising money to donate to the educational system in the slums. They're always short on books."

"Sounds like a nice cause," he admitted reluctantly, biting back the fact that ShinRa really didn't need to raise money to make donations to good causes. He also chose not to mention how ShinRa's control over the city resulted in so many of the issues the people in the slums faced in the first place.

"What's the other offer?" Cloud asked instead, still undecided.

"Contact details for a job at the Times. An editor's position—you'd have more control over content than you do here."

He snorted. "So long as that content is in line with ShinRa's whims."

"I'm just the messenger. The specifics are listed in the envelope. You can call the number provided if you have additional questions."

"Right. I'll look into the charity event," he said, ignoring the other offer entirely.

Luxiere nodded as he stepped toward the door, opening it slowly. "I probably won't be seeing you around," he said, not turning back. "For what it's worth, you're not the shitty person I thought you were. I'm sorry I didn't give you a fair chance when it mattered."

And then he left, not waiting for a response. It turned out Luxiere wasn't as shitty of a person as Cloud had originally thought either. Maybe he wasn't the right person for Zack, but that didn't make him a bad person. Even if he worked at a bad company.

He eyed the envelope with a frown, putting it in his ever-growing request pile. His instinct was to shred it, but it couldn't hurt to run it by his editor first.

xxxxx

A gentle hand brushing hair from his forehead woke him, and he frowned almost right away. Why had he fallen asleep here? The last thing he remembered was stopping by to see Sephiroth after work, asking for his thoughts about the charity piece. His editor had thought it might be a good idea, so long as the coverage article included all of the hard facts and statistics about the educational crisis in the slums.

But in order to gain a press pass to the event, he had to post a ShinRa approved flier on his blog ahead of time without any additional comments.

It was the kind of stipulation he wasn't comfortable with, which obviously had been intentional on ShinRa's part. Sephiroth had agreed it wasn't appropriate of them to make that kind of demand before reminding him that even though he was barred from ShinRa events, other reporters at the Post would still be permitted to cover it…and somewhere in that reminder, he'd fallen asleep.

"'m sorry," he mumbled, jolting into an upright position. He'd curled into his friend's shoulder, and both of Sephiroth's boyfriends were home now, eyeing the two with amusement. "Haven't been sleeping well."

"I did not mind," Sephiroth assured him.

"Why haven't you been sleeping, dear?"

"I guess I'm just stressed. I went on a couple dates this week," he confessed, hand on the back of his neck.

Genesis' eyes lit up. "With who?"

"No one you know," Cloud responded quickly. Zack had made sure of that, though he had yet to set Cloud up like they'd planned. Instead he'd found someone on his own, which had been surprisingly easy. "There's this coffee shop I go to on the way to work most mornings, and one of the guys who works there asks me out from time to time. I decided to say yeah."

"You said a couple dates—were they both with the same person?" Angeal asked slowly.

He nodded. "Yeah. The first one was fun, so I figured why not. I'm not super into it yet, but he seems like a good guy. Funny, too."

"What did Zack say about it?"

"Zack…" Apparently went to hook up with some other person the last time Cloud was out on a date. That hurt too much to think about, let alone say out loud. "He didn't really say anything, just that he thought he could find me someone better."

"That's what he said about Katana," Genesis noted with a smug smirk.

"Yeah, but he's got a lot going on right now. He wasn't really making any progress, and I can't wait forever. Especially not now that he's…" Hooking up with other people.

"Now that he's what?"

"It's like you guys said, he's going to move on. I need to be ready."

"Luxiere visited Cloud today," Sephiroth revealed, drawing a gasp from Genesis and a wide eyed look from Angeal.

"It sounded like he realized it's over," Cloud explained, sensing their unspoken questions. "I don't want to assume though. Zack told me he was going over to pick up more of his stuff tonight, so I guess we'll find out soon enough."

"Why don't you look pleased? Even if you can't have Zack, surely it's a good thing to have Luxiere out of the picture," Genesis said, frowning as Cloud scoffed. "What did I miss? He was rude to all of us."

"I kind of feel bad for the guy. He obviously loves Zack still. He looked really torn up about the whole thing."

"Oh, dear. Don't tell me you're trying to empathize with that man," Genesis said, rolling his eyes dramatically.

"What's wrong with that?"

"He's not in love with Zack—he's in love with the person Zack used to be," Angeal said carefully. "Zack and I've talked about this a lot lately. It's a lot more than just holding different jobs and beliefs."

Cloud hung his head, lost in thought. It had been a while since Zack had been willing to talk about these things with Cloud. While he was glad Zack still had someone to talk to, it was still a harsh reality—that their friendship really had changed despite their efforts to act like everything was the same.

"Do you know about his, uh…recent activities?" Cloud asked slowly.

Angeal frowned deeply. "I didn't know he told you about that."

"About what?" Genesis asked, quirking a brow.

"He didn't. Luxiere saw something—he thought it was me," Cloud explained vaguely. "I put the rest together myself."

"He wanted to tell you, but he wasn't sure how. I told him it might be better to wait," Angeal revealed, which really didn't make Cloud feel any better. His best friend didn't know how to talk to him.

"What are you two talking about?" Genesis demanded, much more forcefully this time. "What activities?"

"He and Luxiere agreed it'd be okay to hook up with other people while they're sorting their shit out."

The wheels were clearly turning in Genesis' mind. "And he has?"

"Twice," Angeal confirmed with a grim nod.

"With the same person?" Cloud asked quietly—because why should Genesis get to be the only nosy one? Surely this affected him a lot more than anyone else present, even if it wasn't supposed to matter.

"No. Different men. He's not interested in them."

"And how many dates have you been on again?" Genesis asked, causing Cloud to roll his eyes. "Honestly! You shouldn't be so dismissive of the connections I'm making. I don't suppose the days line up?"

"They might," Angeal admitted, shrugging. "I didn't know about the dates, so I couldn't say."

At least one of them lined up, but Cloud hadn't even known about the other. And even if it did…what did that even mean? That Zack wanted to go out and hook up with people, but felt bad so he chose to do it on nights when Cloud was busy? Or that he was relieved that Cloud was 'moving on' because it meant he could finally do what he'd been wanting to do for who knows how long?

"It would be best to avoid jumping to conclusions before you speak with Zack," Sephiroth told him.

"I may have a chat of my own with him as well," Genesis warned, shaking his head. "I love you both, but this is getting ridiculous. I won't stand by while you dance around each other for another year."

Cloud huffed quietly, but didn't object—there was no point when Genesis had that determined look on his face. The thing was, no one was dancing around anyone anymore. Zack had already made himself perfectly clear.