Take These Chances

by kzam

Zack and Cloud meet at two very different points in their lives. It's only natural they fall in love at two different points as well.

4. Part Two, Cont

Part Two, Continued

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"I can't believe you're still seeing Coffer Bar Carl," Zack grumbled, shaking his head.

Cloud had to bite his lower lip to refrain from snapping. It was like this every time he told his friend he was going on a date, and it was starting to get old. Zack hadn't even really met Carl, so what right did he have to comment?

"Don't act like you're not happy about it," he said instead, only a tad bit bitter.

"Why would I be happy about it?" Zack countered, hands on his hips. "He's all wrong for you—the guy's got no sense of adventure."

"He's a good person," Cloud argued, eyes narrowing. "And I meant you should be happy to have me out of your hair for the night."

Zack frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Uh, it means I know, Zack. So you can stop walking around on egg shells, okay? I'm well aware you go out and get laid every time I go on a date," Cloud told him flatly, averting his gaze as Zack's mouth hung open in surprise.

"How did you…Did Angeal tell you?"

That drew his gaze back up, hard as he eyed Zack. "No. I've known since the day you and Luxiere broke up."

And it had only become worse since then. It was an exaggeration, of course—Cloud had been dating quite a bit, and Zack didn't really go out every single time. But it was fairly often still, and frustrating to think about. Did Zack really think he was too fragile to tell?

It wasn't like he wasn't putting in the effort to move forward. Sure, his misplaced feelings hadn't faded, but the dates were supposed to be a step in the right direction. It wasn't like the date he'd forced himself to go on with Jess just to humor his friends—he was really trying this time around.

And Zack, he wasn't helping with his sudden spree of negativity.

"You shoulda told me you knew. We could've talked about it sooner."

"I should've told you? I'm not the one who went out of my way to keep it a secret."

"Spike…it's not like that. I just thought—"

"I get that you're not cool with my feelings for you, but I thought we were on the same page about wanting things to be the same between us. We used to tell each other everything."

"I thought it'd be better not to make a big deal about it. It's not like it means anything."

"I just thought…You know you can still talk to me about things like this, right? It doesn't have to be weird. I know you're going to move on. It's not like I want you to be alone and miserable."

"This isn't about moving on, it's just about sex. I'm not ready for anything serious yet. Believe me, if I was, you'd be the first to know."

"Right, like I was the first to know about this," Cloud scoffed.

"If it mattered, I would've told you." Zack took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. "I was with Lux for a long time, okay? And now I'm not. Now I'm alone, and I don't know what to do with myself. So, I'm sorry if I haven't been handling this all perfectly, but it's a lot for me. I'm trying to learn how to be on my own again, and it's a lot harder than I thought it'd be."

Cloud's hard stare softened midway through his friend's explanation, guilt setting in instead. "Zack…that's normal. It's a big change," he said, shifting where he stood. The sadness in Zack's eyes was difficult to witness. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I mean, I'm glad things are over, you know? Lux and I just weren't good together—hadn't been for a long time. But it's still a lot. So much is changing for me, and you…I need you right now, but I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to talk to you without sounding like an asshole."

"You don't sound like an asshole," he insisted, shaking his head. "And you won't. There's nothing you can say that will make me think that about you."

Zack stared at him for a long moment. "I don't want you to date right now."

And, okay. That was unexpected. Cloud quirked a brow, not sure where to begin. "What do my dates have to do with anything?"

"I get that you don't wanna be hung up on me, and I get that you're ready to really be with someone, but your timing sucks. It's been hard lately. I'm used to going home and having someone there, but now…it's easy to get lonely, you know? I'd rather hangout with you than go out or whatever, but you're off doing your own thing. And it's not like I can go to Ang and the others—I'm sick of hearing how Gen thinks breaking up is the best thing that could've happened to me."

"Zack, I—"

"I know," Zack interjected with a sigh. "I should be supporting you, not acting like a selfish asshole. That's why I didn't wanna say anything."

"No, I mean…you're right. You're going through a lot, and I haven't been there for you," he admitted quietly. "You didn't wanna talk about anything, so I thought you were fine."

"I am fine. I'd just be better if I could spend more time with you."

Cloud nodded his head slowly. "Yeah. Let's be single then—both of us."

"You don't hafta do this, Spike. I don't wanna hold you back."

"You're not. I waited all this time to date, right? What's a few more months?" he ventured, shrugging when Zack didn't respond. "I'll cancel with Carl. We can hang out instead."

"He's probably on his way here already," Zack responded slowly.

"So? He's a nice guy. I'm sure he'll understand."

"Nah, Spike. Don't cancel tonight. Just maybe don't make plans for tomorrow?"

"Are you sure?"

Unsurprisingly, there was a knock on the door before Zack could answer—Carl, obviously. Cloud didn't look away from his friend though, still ready to do whatever was asked of him.

"I'm sure," Zack told him, a tiny smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.

"Okay. Can you let him in then?" he asked quietly, already moving toward the bathroom. "I need a minute."

"Yeah, okay," Zack agreed, his smile obviously forced as he made his way to the door.

Cloud heard him greet Carl as he ducked into the bathroom, zoning them out as they started in on the small talk. There was a lot to think about, and not a lot of time to do it.

How was he supposed to get through this night now? Not only was he leaving Zack right after his friend confessed to struggling, he was basically leading Carl on as well. Carl who, out of all the dates he'd gone on, had been the one person Cloud had actually wanted to see more than once.

He should've known it was too soon. Not for himself, but for Zack. The way he tried stalled before setting Cloud up, and made so many offhand comments about the dates Cloud found for himself. The way he held back from talking about the breakup…It hadn't even occurred to him that Zack might be having a hard time with everything. Things had been so bad with Luxiere by the end, he'd assumed Zack was happy with it being over—that the hookups were just his way of enjoying his newfound freedom.

Of course it wasn't that simple. Those two held onto each other even when they were miserable together. The entire relationship had become so unhealthy that neither probably knew how to act now that it was over. And instead of recognizing that, he'd gotten caught up in his own problems—caught up in his need to prove he could be happy with someone other than Zack.

What kind of a friend did that make him? There was a time not so long ago when they understood each other without words. Back then, Zack never would've had to explain all this—he would've noticed right away.

"You can do this," he muttered to himself, splashing some water on his face.

He let out a long breath as he toweled himself dry, hoping he no longer looked quite as defeated as he felt. These last few weeks really had taken a lot out of him.

It was just one date. He'd been clear with Carl from the start that he was dating around—that he wasn't quite ready to seriously commit to anyone. If Carl was as kind as Cloud had come to believe, he would understand why they wouldn't be going out again anytime soon.

And Zack…Starting tomorrow, they'd fix all this. Their friendship was too important—they'd get it back to where it was. Cloud would be there to support Zack in his time of need, and everything would be fine.

He took another deep breath, exiting the bathroom with his head held high—he only had to remind himself that he could do this one more time as Zack and Carl's voices hit his ears.

"It's kind of a surprise," Carl was saying, enthusiasm clear in his tone. "He doesn't know what we're doing yet."

"He'll love it," Zack responded, not missing a beat. That made Cloud pause where he stood, curious what exactly they were discussing. Normally he and Carl just went to dinner or a movie or something—standard date stuff. If they were doing something special, this night would be a lot harder than he was prepared to handle. "What's with the bag?"

"Used coffee grinds from work. Cloud said he has a friend who's into gardening."

Cloud blinked, sure he had only mentioned that maybe once. "Yeah, Angeal," Zack said, sounding a bit taken aback as well. He was probably thinking the same thing as Cloud—that it was incredibly thoughtful for someone who Cloud was only seeing casually.

He forced his thoughts aside, but made no effort to stop his shameless eavesdropping.

"You work with him, right?" Carl asked curiously.

"Yeah, I do."

"Thought so. Cloud talks about you guys a lot. Mostly you, actually."

"We're close," Zack replied easily.

"Does he…talk about me?"

"We were talking about you before you got here."

"You know, he told me at the start he wasn't looking to get serious, but we've been at this for a while now," Carl said slowly. "I know he's been dating around, but I think I'm the only one he's gone out with more than once."

"Are you? I haven't been keeping track of everyone," Zack said, and Cloud could practically see the bored shrug that accompanied his words.

"Oh, okay," Carl muttered, his disheartened tone bringing Cloud's guilt back in a hurry. "Do you think he'd want to be more exclusive?"

Zack laughed, and if Cloud weren't trying to repair their friendship, he would've given his friend a solid whack for it. "You're asking the wrong dude."

"Yeah, but you've known him a lot longer than me. I don't want to ask yet if it's just going to freak him out. He's the kind of guy who'd be worth the way, you know?"

And that was too much. Cloud practically kicked himself for listening in so long, entering the living room before Zack had a chance to respond. Almost immediately both men noticed his entrance, their focus drawn from one another.

"Wow," Carl breathed, looking him up and down with a big grin. "You look great."

Zack's eyes trailed the blond as well, and yeah. His heart had already been racing anxiously from their conversation—the look on Zack's face now was doing nothing to help calm him back down. Neither was the slight nod, like he was silently agreeing with Carl's assessment.

"Thanks," he muttered, face red as he deliberately avoided Zack's eyes in favor of meeting Carl's. "You do, too."

"Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah," he replied, a tight lipped smile as Carl reached for his hand and laced their fingers together. Finally he chanced a glance at Zack, the air between them so heavy still. "See you later."

It was almost a question, which had Zack nodding in confirmation. "I'll be here. Have fun, Spike."

xxxxx

A full month passed since his last date with Carl, and the topic hadn't come up even once. It was almost like it never happened—like there had never been any interruption in the time he was spending with Zack every day before and after work.

Well, other than the nights they spent over at their other friends' home. Genesis was still a stickler for making sure they saw each other every week, preferably more than once, which was a nice change of pace. Not to say he didn't enjoy spending time with just Zack, it was just…

Now that Luxiere wasn't in the picture, Zack had a lot more free time and he seemed set on spending all of it with Cloud.

"He needs to get out more," Genesis noted, nodding toward Zack who was happily chatting away with Angeal by the built in bar in their friends' home.

Cloud was still at the table with Genesis and Sephiroth, not entirely shocked that one of them had already picked up on his inner dilemma. "That's what we're here for, right? He doesn't need to go out all the time to move on with his life."

"He's not you, dear. You're happy with a small group of close friends," the redhead reminded him carefully. "Zack is more of a social butterfly than that. He and Luxiere went out quite often—dinners, dancing, bars. Always surrounded by other people, and that's not even including the time he spent with us."

"Yeah, but…he wants to spend time with us. I didn't ask him to stop going out."

Genesis nodded knowingly. "Yes, he asked you. Peculiar, isn't it?"

"He needs his friends right now, not a bunch of strangers or acquaintances."

"And what do you need?"

"Me?" the blond asked, pointing to himself as if there were some confusion.

"We only wish to ensure you're also doing well," Sephiroth chimed in, his voice quiet.

"You're spending a lot of time with him."

Cloud shrugged, helpless. "That's not a bad thing. I mean, we're best friends."

"He lives with you," Genesis said, because apparently Cloud needed the reminder.

Sephiroth agreed, "It's not a conducive environment for you to move forward."

"Especially if he's asked you to stop dating."

He looked between them, masking the way he was shaking his head. "I hate dating anyway."

"I thought you liked that one fellow," Genesis argued, looking to Sephiroth for support.

"Carl, I believe," Sephiroth supplied easily.

Cloud just sighed. "He was the only one I kind of liked. All the other dates were just uncomfortable."

"Surely you can spend a sufficient amount of time with Zack, and see Carl from time to time. A weekly date is hardly a burden."

"It's not like it was serious yet," he grumbled, sighing at the looks he got for it.

"Yes, but by the time Zack is ready to date, it could be—which is really the best case scenario here."

"Is that what this is about? You want me to move on before he does?" Cloud realized, too aware that he really wouldn't be able to do that.

They were right.

Spending so much time with Zack only made him enjoy his friend's company more—far more than he was supposed to, even after being told his feelings were reciprocated. It was almost like the love confession never happened. There was no awkwardness in the air, no hesitation on Zack's side. It was just normal between them. Better, even.

Without Luxiere in the picture, Zack was almost always in a better mood. No fights to unwind from, no problems to discuss. It was like his entire focus was on Cloud and whatever they were doing—especially now that Cloud was just as focused. Neither had any dates or hookups or anything to deal with.

He'd been skeptical at first, but it hadn't taken much to get past that. Zack just wasn't someone he could feel weird around, regardless of the circumstances. They'd quickly reverted to cuddling up on the couch while watching movies—Zack crashing out on his bed when they stayed up too late talking.

Everything was just so good between them, and it wasn't worth giving up a minute of it for a few fun dates with anyone else.

So he admitted it, "That's not going to happen."

"He's going to move on, and when that happens, you're going to get hurt," Genesis warned, blunt as usual.

And all Cloud could do was nod. "I know."

"You were putting in an effort—trying to move on," Genesis persisted. "It's not too late. You don't have to backtrack now when you were doing so well."

"Seph, please," he muttered, eyeing his silver haired friend for some help.

Sephiroth eyed him for a long minute before nodding. "He understands, Genesis."

"You're taking his side?" the redhead asked, indignant.

"I agree with you," Sephiroth clarified, a small, indulgent smile pulling at the corner of his mouth as Genesis pouted. "Cloud knows that already, and there is nothing left to say on the subject."

Genesis looked ready and willing to protest, but Zack and Angeal's laughter caught all their attention, booming as usual. They were on their way back to the table, drinks in hand—pleasantly unaware of the serious conversation that had taken place in their absence. Cloud had already put on his best smile as he caught Zack's eye.

xxxxx

If he hadn't known better, he would've thought he was on a date. From the tickets that had been bought for him, to the arm slung around his shoulder, to the enormous stuffed chocobo in his arms—won for him, of course. It was all very date-like.

He did know better though. This was Zack. They were constantly spending one on one time together, sometimes being ridiculous goofballs, other times being told what an adorable couple they were by clueless outsiders. It never meant a thing, and he'd come to realize it was better to just have fun instead of worrying about all the details. It didn't matter how he felt so long as he understood the situation for what it was—especially now, since Zack was still monopolizing his free time.

When word of Midgar's annual carnival had gotten out, they'd decided on the spot to go together every single night they could, and somehow each one was as fun as the last. Cloud already had a matching assortment of prizes his friend had won for him, and he was confident Zack would have his own collection as well if they came the next three nights as planned.

Because, let's be honest, Zack wasn't the only one good at carnival games. No way Cloud wouldn't be able to win several big prizes as well now that Zack had showed off sufficiently.

"You havin' fun, Spike?" Zack asked, gazing down curiously.

Cloud squeezed his chocobo a little closer to his chest as their eyes met. "Obviously. The only thing better than going to a carnival is—"

"Going every night it's in town," he finished, his wink bringing out a smile on the blond's face.

"And that's why we're best friends. No one else understands."

Zack hummed in agreement. "Yep. Ang told me I was crazy when I told him our plans for the week."

"Gen laughed in my face when I asked him to come along after turning down his dinner invite."

"You invited someone else to our special time?" his friend asked, face twisted in mock offense.

"Well, I kinda knew he'd say no on behalf of himself and his boyfriends," Cloud replied casually. "He has a thing about carnivals. We went together once."

"You and Gen?"

"Back when we were together," he confirmed, chuckling softly at the memory. "You know how I get motion sickness sometimes?"

"Yeah. Thought you had that under control now?"

"Mostly," Cloud replied, and a lot of that was due to the anti-nausea meds he took in preparation for long car rides or certain types of travel. "It was worse back then, so I was kinda worried about the whole carnival thing. Gen insisted we go though. Something about a romantic view of the city at the top of the Ferris wheel."

"No way…Did you throw up on him?" Zack asked, eyes wide and face amused like he was hoping for a yes.

Unfortunately, Cloud had to disappoint, "No. He insisted I'd be fine, and I was. One of the kids who sat next to him on one of the other rides? Not so much."

Zack stopped right where he was standing, not caring about disrupting all the foot traffic going on around them as he laughed loudly. "That's awesome! I'd pay good money to see that."

"He's never been back since," Cloud finished, laughing along with Zack. The look on Genesis' face—it hadn't been very funny at the time, but now even the redhead himself looked back at the situation with an amused gleam in his eyes. "I promised him we'd go over sometime early next week, since we're doing this still."

"I still can't believe you and Gen used to be together," Zack said, shaking his head slowly as his laughter tapered off. "It's just weird to imagine, every time you mention it."

It was a little strange to think about now, when they were such good friends. Seeing Genesis with Sephiroth and Angeal…their relationship really had been a different time in both their lives. At the time it made a lot more sense.

"I think Gen could sweep anyone off their feet if he really set his mind to it," Cloud admitted with a fond smile. That was basically what happened. He couldn't have been more standoffish if he tried, but Genesis saw right through it all and persisted. "He's a good guy. I don't know where I'd be without him."

"Hopefully still here with me," Zack responded smoothly, pulling Cloud back from his memories with ease. His eyes were so intense—so focused. It brought out the worst in Cloud, as always, his heart rate spiking. "Did you ever get that Ferris wheel ride?"

"After some kid threw up on Gen's fancy boots?" Cloud snorted. "Definitely not."

"We're gonna have to do something about that then," he decided, slinging his arm back around Cloud's shoulder.

And just like that, they were off again, this time with an actual destination. One they'd purposefully avoided despite how frequently they'd been attending the carnival.

Cloud quirked a brow as he glanced up. "Didn't you say they were boring?"

That they were here to have some fun, and Ferris wheels were too slow paced for guys like us, if Cloud remembered correctly.

"I can't think of anywhere else in this whole place I'd rather be," Zack said, his grip a bit firmer around Cloud.

And, okay. The sunset, the lights, the way he was leaning into his friend—the way that the dozens of people around them suddenly seemed completely silent…None of their carnival trips had gone quite like this. Maybe it wasn't a date, and maybe his heart was beating too erratically. That was fine, he could handle it.

The important thing was, he was here. He was here with Zack, and he didn't need to get to the top of the Ferris wheel to know there was nowhere else he'd rather be either.

xxxxx

The thing was, Genesis was usually right. As frustrating as he could be, he was an observant man with impeccable instincts. Sometimes it took a week to see his point, sometimes a month—sometimes it was immediate. It was basically inevitable no matter how long it took.

Maybe that was why Cloud hadn't even argued. He'd just accepted Genesis' warning as fact. There was no point in denying he hadn't gotten over Zack, and no point in denying he wouldn't by the time Zack was ready to move on.

Yet even still, knowing what would happen…He hadn't really been prepared. Instead he became complacent as the days rolled by, so pleased with the way their friendship had blossomed. Why sit around anticipating the worst when he could just enjoy what they had? Things were going well with work, with his friends, with everything. For once, he just wanted to let it be instead of second guessing.

It only took a single question to bring him back to reality, a full five months later.

"So, do you think it's time for me to put myself out there?" Zack asked, looking up at him with such genuine curiosity—like he really wanted to hear what Cloud had to say.

"Um. Well, it's up to you," he responded, tentative. The pointed look he got for beating around the bush pushed him to elaborate. "You and Luxiere were over for a long time before things ended. It's definitely been long enough—it's just a matter of if you want to start dating or be with someone seriously."

Zack nodded at that, taking his time to think it over. "I miss it. Not Luxiere, but being with someone. Don't get me wrong—these last few months have been awesome," he said, a big grin on his face. "I just think it'd be nice to have something more, you know?"

"Yeah," Cloud muttered with a tight lipped smile.

"Maybe we can date together? You were going out before all this," his friend said, gaining more and more enthusiasm by the second. He'd gone from lounging back on the couch to sitting upright, like he was ready to jump up and make this happen now. "You can find someone, I can find someone—we can double up!"

"Uh—"

"Maybe Coffee Bar Carl's free. He was kinda nice, yeah?"

Cloud quirked a brow. "You don't seriously think he's been waiting all this time, do you?"

"He said you were the kinda guy worth waiting for," Zack replied with a shrug. "He had a good point. I'm not saying he's definitely free, but maybe he's in between right now. Maybe he'd give it another go."

"Uh, I don't really think that's a good idea."

"What happened when you told him you were done?"

He eyed his friend for a long moment, wondering where this was even coming from. Zack hadn't asked a single question about Carl after their last date—he hadn't even liked Carl as far as Cloud knew. There was always some coffee joke or sarcastic remark. "Why are you bringing this up now?"

"Spike, you are the best friend I could've ever asked for. You were finally ready to put yourself out there and be with someone, and you dropped it all in a heartbeat just because I asked."

"It's not like that," Cloud insisted, folding his arms across his chest as he sunk into his seat. "I didn't drop everything because—"

"I know. You did it because you're a good friend, not because you want me."

Cloud's heart jumped anxiously, not prepared for how casually Zack said that. "Yeah. It wasn't serious with Carl, it was just a few dates. I'd be a shitty friend if I chose to waste time over making sure you were doing okay."

"You're definitely not a shitty friend. If anything, that's me. I shouldn't have asked you to drop everything for me."

"You were in that relationship for years. Of course you needed a friend when you were finally out of it."

"Yeah, but you went above and beyond, Spike. You shouldn't have had to put your personal life on hold."

"It's already done. No point in talking about it now," Cloud said, shaking his head.

"What was it about Carl anyway?" Zack prompted, nudging him in the side. "You hated all those other dates."

"I don't know," he admitted slowly, having put a lot of thought into this already. "I guess it's just, I kind of knew him, you know? I go to that shop and talk to him every day, even now. Maybe we don't hang out, but he's not some random dude in a bar. It's just easier for me."

"I was a random dude in a bar," Zack mused, smiling a bit.

"Yeah, but it's not like I fell for you on the spot," Cloud responded, growing more and more uncomfortable with where this conversation was headed. "Maybe I noticed you, but I wouldn't have gone out with you."

"Sure you wouldn't've," his friend teased, tacking on a wink. "You were leaving the next day."

Even after all this time it was impossible not to blush under Zack's intense stare. "I would've said no either way. I was a mess back then—it took me a long time to get my shit together."

"You weren't a mess, you just had a lot going on. Lots of decisions to make. And hey, you obviously made all the right ones—you're really something, you know?"

Cloud smiled a bit. "I guess."

"You are. You're doing something good with your life—something you like that's reaching so many people. You deserve all the success you've had."

"Yeah," he agreed, having reached a point in his life where he could really believe it.

He worked hard, and stuck to his principles in an industry where it was usually more lucrative to look the other way or fall under ShinRa's payroll. Somehow he'd become increasingly well-known and respected despite carving his own path, and yeah, he felt good about that—confident, even. He'd come a long way from the uncertain college graduate he'd been when he first met Zack.

"I was a mess too, you know. Before I left ShinRa."

Cloud snorted. "A mess in a fancy suit, raking in all the gil."

"Yep. You definitely wouldn't have liked me back then."

"Depends. I wouldn't have looked twice if you were in your work clothes."

"Hey, I looked nice in those suits!"

No doubt that was true. "They practically scream ShinRa," Cloud explained with a shrug.

"Eh, that's not true. Look at Seph! He's got a whole closet filled with nice suits."

"I would've looked twice no matter what he was wearing."

Zack chuckled softly. "Fair enough."

"My point is, you overlooked a lot when we first met. I would've done the same with you, even if you worked for ShinRa. Assuming you weren't a total asshole back then."

"Welllll, I wasn't the best person," Zack admitted slowly. Cloud pivoted where he sat, giving an encouraging nod for his friend to continue—it wasn't something they ever really discussed. All he knew was Zack regretted his ShinRa days. "I got with Lux when I was a sophomore in college and thought drinking every weekend was the best way to spend my free time."

"Oh," he mumbled, raking a hand through his hair. That wasn't something they talked about either, and it wasn't where he'd been expecting this conversation to go.

"Back then, my hobbies were more about social status than anything. I cared more about making as many friends as possible than I did about making lifelong ones. You, and Gen, and Ang, and Seph? You guys woulda hated that version of me," Zack said, sounding uncharacteristically nervous. "I kinda got stuck in that phase, even after I graduated. I wish I'd been more like you."

"Lost and pathetic?"

"You weren't pathetic. Lost though? Yeah, I wish I'd been lost," his friend insisted, adamantly this time. "I was too sure. Thought I had it all figured out—I'd go work for ShinRa, make tons of gil, never have to worry. That's all I wanted. All I cared about."

"That's obviously not true."

"It was. I wanted the big paycheck—the expensive restaurants and fancy parties. All with my perfect boyfriend who wanted all the same things. I was so sure that I didn't stop and let myself think about anything else, even when I'd outgrown all that."

"You had a plan and you stuck with it," Cloud concluded, a gentle smile on his face.

Zack nodded grimly. "I knew about ShinRa. All the rumors and talk about how they weren't the great company they made themselves out to be. I chose to ignore it."

"Lots of people do. That's how ShinRa operates—they make it worth your while to not read into what you're doing."

"Until you're in too deep. There's no ignoring it at that point. You either accept it and move up in the company, or you don't." Zack closed his eyes, shaking his head at some unspoken memory.

"You didn't."

"No, I didn't. But if I had, there would've been no turning back. They don't just let people go at that point."

Cloud's fists were clenched much the same way they were when he'd first heard about this particular business practice—one he'd never been able to prove, but one he was sure existed. "You got out. There's no point in thinking about what might've happened."

"I know. It just makes me mad to think that I let it go that far. I'd known for a while what was really up—how bad the reactors were, and how ShinRa went about getting local approval to build them. But I had a plan. I had Lux, and I just…I didn't want to lose everything."

"Is that why…"

"Go ahead," Zack urged, meeting Cloud's eyes. "You can ask me anything."

"Is that why you stayed with Luxiere even after you left ShinRa?"

"Kind of. I mean, I knew it'd be a problem when I quit. All the stuff that was a phase for me was it for him, if that makes sense," he explained carefully. "I wasn't the same person anymore, but he was. Everything changing, and I guess I just wanted to hold onto something familiar."

Cloud nodded in understanding. "It makes sense. You were together for a long time."

"Yeah, but it was never gonna work. All those fights? We were trying to change each other. He wanted the guy he fell in love with back, and I wanted him to wake up the way that I had. Doesn't make much sense, does it? Clinging to something familiar, but wanting it to change."

"It does make sense," Cloud assured him, reaching out to rub his back.

"Yeah, well. I'm over it now," Zack said, his usual confidence returning. "I feel like I'm really done now, you know? He was tying me to the past, and now it's time to move forward—find someone who loves this version of me."

Cloud couldn't bring himself to respond to that, so instead he just smiled and nodded.

"I actually think I might've found someone," he continued, mirroring the smile. "There's this guy at work—Adam. He's kinda hinted he might be interested, but I was never really up for it."

"And now you are."

"Yep. So what do you think?" Zack asked, giving Cloud another swift elbow to the side.

"Uh, about Adam? I've never met him, but if you—"

"No, I mean about doubling up! Think you can find a date by, let's say, Friday?"

Zack was so serious that Cloud couldn't even bring himself to groan—couldn't even bring himself to be frustrated. Instead he found himself nodding like it was no big deal at all, almost helplessly. "Yeah, I can."

"Really?" his friend asked, practically beaming now.

"Uh, yeah. You're not the only one who's had people hinting that they might be interested."

"Well, yeah. You're perfect—bet people are lining up for you. I just meant is there anyone you'd actually wanna say yes to?"

How could he say no? It wasn't his potential dates he was saying yes to, it was Zack. "I'll find someone."

"I'll talk to Adam tomorrow then. We can all grab dinner or something Friday night."

"Sounds fun," Cloud replied automatically.

Apparently Zack was too happy to notice that he hadn't quite meant what he said. It really didn't sound fun at all. Every instinct in his body was telling him this was it—this was the moment Genesis had warned him about. This wouldn't just be some fling or rebound, and it sucked.

Zack wanted to move on, and unlike Cloud, he was going to succeed with ease.

xxxxx

"And then he showed me the tickets, and I just—" Zack cut himself off, seemingly realizing that he was rambling. Even over the phone it was like he could sense the bemused look on Cloud's face. "Sorry."

"You don't need to apologize."

Zack let out a disgruntled sigh. "Yeah, I do."

"So you're going then," Cloud assumed, the long pause all the confirmation he needed to make his heart sink.

"If it was something we could reschedule, I would, but you know it's this weekend only," Zack explained apologetically.

And Cloud couldn't argue with that. They'd been trying to get tickets to go together, but the convention had been sold out for weeks. It wasn't every day the world's leading mako expert took a break from his research to come to the city to speak. AVALANCHE was making an event of it, and one that not even all its employees would be able to attend. It had basically become a fundraiser of sorts, with tickets being sold on a first come, first serve basis.

He and Zack hadn't been able to get any despite their plans to go together. Instead they'd made plans to go away for the weekend, just the two of them—camping since it had been far too long since they'd done that. They'd hear all about everything they missed by Monday, or so they'd convinced themselves.

But of course Adam had been able to secure tickets. He'd been with AVALANCHE for years, and had more than a few connections. There were press passes available as well, but Cloud had already turned down his opportunity to cover the event in favor of hanging out with Zack.

Yeah. He was only a little bitter now. "It's fine. We can go another time."

"Yeah, but half the reason we were going was so we wouldn't have to think about what we were missing."

The other half was because ever since Zack had started seeing Adam…well, he'd been seeing Adam. They went from casually dating to boyfriends in record time, and couldn't seem to get enough of each other. It turned out, Adam was a pretty great guy—handsome, kind, and surprisingly funny. He was much easier to get along with than Luxiere, which probably should've been a good thing considering the number of double dates Zack had convinced Cloud to attend.

Honestly though, it would've been a lot easier to just hate the guy. Instead he was just reminded time and time again how good things were going with Zack's new relationship, and how crappy his own dates were going.

"It's not like I can't make other plans," Cloud said slowly. Bitter or not, he really didn't want his friend to feel bad about bailing. It would be at least two years before an event like this came around again, and he knew damn well how badly Zack wanted to be there. "It's not a big deal."

"It is a big deal, and I promise I'll make it up to you. I know we haven't been spending much time together lately, and I think I've got a plan to fix that."

"Oh?"

"I'll tell you about it tonight?"

The okay was on the tip of his tongue before he remembered, "I've got plans already."

"You do?"

Cloud was almost offended by how surprised his friend sounded. Was it so hard to believe he had a life outside their friendship? They had become a bit dependent on each other's company, but that was only after Zack's breakup. Before that, Cloud went out with his other friends fairly often, especially when Zack was out with Luxiere.

"I made plans with Jess," Cloud explained, déjà vu hitting him. "Didn't we talk about this yesterday?"

"Oh yeah," his friend said, sighing. "I forgot. Maybe we can talk after? I'll probly be up still when you get home."

"Okay. Don't wait up though—I don't know how late it'll be, and we can always talk tomorrow. We can meet for lunch maybe?"

"I'm doing lunch with Adam tomorrow," Zack responded, almost sounding as disappointed as Cloud felt. "Dinner?"

Cloud frowned. "We already have dinner plans. Ang wanted to test out his fancy, new eco-friendly grill, remember?"

"Shit, that's tomorrow?"

"Yeah," he replied, sure of it. And then Zack would be busy with the convention for two days. "I'm sure we can figure something out. We live together."

There was a short pause. "Yeah, you're right. We'll figure it out. I bet you'll be home early tonight anyway."

"I doubt it. I haven't seen Jess in a while," Cloud reminded his friend, brows furrowed. Zack's tone was weird, again. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just…I dunno. I was looking forward to this weekend."

Me too, Cloud thought, but he didn't bother saying that. "You still are."

"You know what I mean," Zack grumbled, and the blond could practically see him raking a hand through his hair the way he always did when he was frustrated.

"Not really." Because for once, he really didn't and he was too dejected to try to figure it out. He eyed the time on his computer, his stomach growling. They'd spent nearly his entire lunch break talking, and he had yet to actually eat. Normally that wouldn't be such a big deal, but he had an interview scheduled after, which meant no eating as he worked. "Hey, I need to get some food. I'll text you later?"

"Spike, I—" Zack cut himself off with another sigh. "Okay. Later."

Cloud muttered his goodbye before hanging up, wondering to himself how this had happened—how their friendship had become stronger than ever only to weaken so drastically in a fraction of the time.

xxxxx

Tuesdays. That was Zack's big plan. Cloud hadn't made it back in time to discuss it with Zack after his night out with Jess, but they'd crossed paths a few mornings later only for him to be disappointed by the big reveal. Their schedules just weren't lining up anymore, but apparently Zack was consistently free on at least that one evening each week.

It wasn't ideal for Cloud, but he made himself available as well.

"Remember when we used to see each other more than once a week?" Cloud asked, their third Tuesday in. They'd settled on staying in this time—takeout and movies. It was hard to keep pretending things were normal though, no matter how routine their plans were.

Zack chuckled, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah. We're gonna have to work on that."

"I'm surprised Gen's letting you get away with it."

"He's not."

"Oh? Do you go see them on Wedesdays?" Cloud asked, only half-joking.

"I, uh. I grab lunch with Ang when Seph or Gen come by," Zack admitted uneasily.

Cloud arched a brow. "That's gotta be three times a week." Once separately, and once together. He remembered hearing about that—how seamlessly Genesis and Sephiroth had integrated Angeal into their routine.

"At least, yeah."

"I thought you and Adam did lunch most days," he said—because hadn't Zack told him that when he asked about them doing lunch together?

"Adam comes with us when he's free. He and Ang go way back."

Right. Because they'd both been with AVALANCHE for so long. Cloud nodded as he processed that, trying his best not to be offended. But why shouldn't he be? He was friends with Angeal and his boyfriends—he'd met Adam on more than one occasion. Why wouldn't he be able to join them on the days he was available as well?

"We're launching new programs," Zack said, eyes raking over Cloud's features like he could see every worry. "A lot of the time, we get called back to work early. I wouldn't want you to go out of your way for nothing."

"But it's okay for Seph or Gen to come for nothing."

"No, Ang stays with them. He's not working on the new programs, he has his own."

Cloud's frown deepened. It wasn't like he'd mind staying with just them—he went out of his way to go to their house most nights since Zack was virtually never available. Granted, he understood if Angeal wanted to spend some alone time with his boyfriends, but…surely that wasn't their intention if they invited Zack and Adam.

Why hadn't they mentioned these lunches?

Probably out of some misplaced notion that he needed to be protected—that he couldn't handle seeing Zack with Adam. They'd all expressed their sympathies already, as well as their I told you so's and at least he's happy's, plus every other pointless platitude imaginable. He thought he'd done a gracious job reassuring them he was fine in return. At reassuring them he was actively trying to move on as well.

Apparently he hadn't been convincing despite the fact he genuinely meant it. Sure, it wasn't an overnight process, but he could see this was how it was going to be—that Zack and Adam were good together. That if he truly wanted those same things for himself, he needed to look elsewhere no matter how hard it was. Really look instead of wasting more time on people he knew he wouldn't want to see twice.

"You know I'm happy for you, right?" Cloud asked, finally meeting Zack's gaze again.

"Of course," Zack responded, tilting his head. "I don't know why you're saying it out of the blue, but I know."

"I don't know, I guess it's just something I never really told you. I think Adam's a great guy."

"Yeah, he is," his friend agreed with a small smile. "Thanks, Spike."

"You don't have to thank me. We're friends. I'll always be cheering for you, even if I don't say it enough."

Zack's smile only grew at that. "I'm doing the same for you. How's…Dan, was it?"

"Eh. Not great," Cloud replied, shrugging indifferently. "Turns out he's pro-ShinRa."

"Didn't you go out on three dates with him?"

"Just the one actually. Once we really got talking, it didn't end well. I'm all about a good debate, but I couldn't actually be with someone like him," he explained simply. "There're some things I can't compromise on, you know?"

Zack nodded gravely. "Yeah. I definitely get that."

Of course he did. Luxiere. Cloud groaned inwardly. "Sorry. That was a dumb thing to say."

"Nah, it's cool. I swear it was three dates though."

"It was, just not with Dan," he clarified. "I kinda had this epiphany last week—I've been going for all the wrong people. Figured it was time to go out with someone I can actually see myself with."

Zack blinked in surprise. "And you found that person?"

"Yeah, actually," Cloud admitted, shifting uncomfortably where he sat. He'd been looking forward to telling Zack, but that was before his friend was eyeing him so intensely. "Carl."

It took a moment before the recognition washed over Zack's features. "Coffee Bar Carl?"

"The one and only," he replied with a quick laugh. "He was on break one of the days I went in last week, and I had time to kill before going to the office, so we got to talking. Turns out he'd been seeing someone for the last couple months, but they broke up."

"Oh?"

Cloud nodded. "Yeah. Nothing big, it just wasn't working."

"And then he asked you out again?" Zack asked with a frown.

"Not exactly. When I told him I didn't wanna keep doing the dating thing, he basically told me it was cool—that he wanted more than I was willing to offer anyway," Cloud explained, remembering the conversation he'd overheard between Carl and Zack, and how awkward he'd felt on the date that followed. "He told me if I ever changed my mind, I'd have to be the one to ask him out instead—but that I shouldn't bother unless I was ready to commit."

Zack's mouth hung open slightly, but he didn't say anything. Instead he reached out for some of the chips they had on the coffee table, washing them down with a sip of beer.

"If you wanna crack a coffee joke, go ahead," he muttered, biting back a sigh.

"I don't," Zack insisted, hand up defensively. "Carl's a nice dude. Really thoughtful."

"He is. I was kind of afraid to ask him out after everything, but I remembered what we talked about—when you asked what was different about him. He's just a really good guy. He even said he understands friends come first in a situation like we were in before."

Both Zack's brows shot up. "You told him about that?"

"Yeah. I figured he deserved to know I didn't just blow him off for no good reason."

"So you're serious about him this time?"

"I want to be. He's the only one I'm seeing—the only one I've connected with all this time. It feels right," Cloud said, a tiny smile pulling on the corner of his mouth.

Zack nodded a few times, sipping casually on his drink. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Uh," he paused there, grabbing his own drink and downing a quick sip. As happy as he was about the Carl situation, he wasn't nearly as thrilled about how things were going with Zack lately. "Kinda hard when I only see you Tuesdays."

"Has it been less than a week since you worked it out with him?"

"Yeah. I asked him out last Wednesday," Cloud replied, not bothering to remind Zack that would've been their sparring night if Zack hadn't cancelled on him again. "We've only gone out twice since. I texted you."

"And I assumed it was Dan again."

"Apparently," he agreed, laughing softly at the thought. That guy really had been awful.

"So Carl's your boyfriend?"

Cloud shrugged, Zack's responses feeling more and more like an interrogation by the question. "We didn't really have that talk—just that we're keeping things exclusive between us this time."

Zack paused for a moment before clinking his bottle with Cloud's. "Guess it's my turn to say I'm happy for you too, then."

For some reason, he couldn't shake the feeling Zack didn't quite mean it…but he smiled anyway, willing to let it go for now. If they were only going to hangout once a week, he wanted to spend that time having fun—not worrying or stressing out over nothing.

xxxxx

Cloud looked from Angeal to Sephiroth, waiting for one of them to take his side. Waiting for one of them to take a stand against Genesis and his crazy opinions because one of them always did.

Maybe they loved the redhead, but that didn't mean they stood by every single thing that came out of his mouth. In fact, that was one of the things Genesis loved about his boyfriends. A conversation he'd had with Cloud on more than one occasion, explaining the intricacies of how long term relationships really work. It wasn't all about agreeing or placating. It was about mutual respect and open communication.

Yet for some reason, neither of them were stepping up this time. Instead they were just shaking their heads, amused by the desperate way Cloud was eyeing them.

"It's platonic!" Cloud exclaimed, groaning in defeat.

"You have to see things from Carl's perspective," Genesis told him, tsking like Cloud had learned nothing from all their long talks. Maybe he hadn't. This relationship stuff was a lot harder than he remembered, not that he had much experience. "If I walked in on you lying in bed with Angeal, I'd be fine with it—I know you both, trust you both, and I've had detailed conversations with Angeal about what we're each comfortable with in this relationship. Cuddling with known friends is perfectly acceptable."

All he seemed to hear was the last bit—the bit he'd been waiting for. "Exactly!"

"Exactly? You've yet to discuss any of this with Carl. He's only met Zack once or twice. If I were him and I knew you and Zack were sharing a bed at night, I'd be livid. As it happens, I'm sure he doesn't have my temper, but still. He must be understandably concerned."

"But…we're not doing anything wrong," he insisted firmly.

"All I'm saying is, you and Carl ought to have a talk. Discuss your boundaries. How would you feel if the situation were reversed? It sounds like the only talk you've had is one where you stated you were exclusively together."

He shook his head just as insistently. "If things were reversed, I'd ask him about the person, listen to his answer, and believe him. No big deal."

"Did he not believe you?" Sephiroth asked curiously.

"Um." Cloud frowned, hand on the back of his neck. "It's not that he didn't believe me, it's just…he's weird about Zack. He says he likes him, but whenever I talk about the stuff we do together, he gets really quiet."

The three exchanged a quick look, Angeal jumping in next, "Does he know about your feelings for Zack?"

"Why does that even matter? I'm with Carl. We agreed not to see other people, and I'd never go back on that. I'm not that kind of person. Anything that happens with Zack is platonic—it's always been platonic. Even I'm not stupid enough to read into it any more than that."

"We know that," Genesis said, adding one of his dramatic eye rolls. "Carl obviously doesn't, and I can't say I blame him. Your face is an open book when it comes to how you feel about Zack."

"Well, he needs to trust me," Cloud shot back, only to find all three shaking their heads. "Are you serious?"

"Relationships work both ways," Angeal explained with a kind smile. "Yes, he should trust you, but you need to be open with him too."

Sephiroth nodded in agreement. "Perhaps a compromise is in order."

"I barely see Zack anymore. I'm not going to cut him off for anyone—not even Carl."

"No one's saying you should," Genesis told him. "Sephiroth has a point. Maybe falling asleep on the couch with your friend is acceptable, but cuddling in bed overnight isn't."

"But—"

"Do you truly think he's being unreasonable?"

Cloud let out a dejected sigh. "No," he admitted.

The fact was, he did still have strong feelings for Zack, and he was beginning to think he always would. The cuddling was nothing more than just that though—cuddling. Even now, when they barely saw each other outside of the times Zack stumbled into his room in the middle of the night.

Of course, he understood why it looked odd to Carl. Once upon a time he'd expressed the same concerns to Zack, worried how Luxiere might feel about their friendly habits. It'd be hypocritical to pretend those same concerns were invalid coming from another person in another situation.

Gaia, he really was bad at this relationship stuff. Instead of trying to understand his boyfriend, he'd immediately jumped right into denial, readying every excuse and explanation he had. Turning it into a bigger deal than it really was. Why did everything relating to Zack make him so crazy?

"What did he actually have to say about it? How'd he even find out?" Angeal pressed, warm eyes filled with simple curiosities.

"I kinda told him. It didn't even occur to me that it would be an issue," he admitted, running a hand through his hair. "I was going for coffee this morning, he mentioned I looked kind of tired, and I said it was probably because Zack woke me up again."

"Again?" Sephiroth repeated, much like Carl had.

"Again. We…we haven't been seeing each other much. Ever since he and Adam got together, he's been really busy," Cloud explained slowly. "Tuesday nights were our thing—the one day he was sure his schedule would be clear. But even that's been up in the air the last few weeks, so usually he pops in once or twice a week in the middle of the night instead, and then he's out before I wake up. It's not really anything new though. We've been cuddling almost as long as we've known each other."

"Yet you're defensive, like you believe you've done something wrong."

The blond thought about that for a long moment. "I have, haven't I?"

"You're sabotaging yourself," Genesis informed him, arms crossed. "Your dynamic with Zack isn't an issue—the way you refuse to discuss it with Carl is. I'd have thought you outgrew these habits by now, Cloud."

He frowned, not liking the way Genesis used his name instead of some silly term of endearment. That was never a good sign. "Gen—"

"You close yourself off instead of opening up. You dwell on things alone, distorting them in your mind instead of allowing whoever else is involved to work through it with you," Genesis accused, the disappointment in his voice nearly causing him to flinch.

They'd had this conversation before. Years ago, but he remembered it all too well—the day he and Genesis broke up. Way back in college, when things had been too much for him and he'd all but runaway from their relationship. The words had stung just as much back then, but they just couldn't be true this time around. Now when so much had changed over the years.

"I'm a different person now. I grew up," Cloud said the moment he found his voice. "Maybe I have some of the same tendencies, but—"

"Of course you've changed. You've grown into a remarkable young man—even more remarkable than you were back then," Genesis jumped swiftly. "But you're still scared. Still running whenever the opportunity presents itself. You've been with Carl for, what? A month?"

"Barely."

"You need to cut the man some slack. It doesn't even sound like he was angry. He made a simple inquiry, and you've blown it significantly out of proportion in true Cloud Strife fashion."

"Hey!"

"No one's asking you to stop being friends with Zack, or to stop spending time together as you see fit. We're simply asking you to talk to Carl. If you truly want this relationship to work, you need to learn to communicate better before it's too late."

Cloud didn't bother appealing to Sephiroth or Angeal this time, already sensing their unspoken agreement. Instead he tried to let it all sink in. Communication. He had no problem communicating—with these three, with Zack…with his co-workers and a number of nameless, faceless viewers and readers. There were varying levels of communication, sure, but it was always more than enough for any given situation.

It was just a little harder with Carl. Talking about the miscellaneous, light subjects was fine, but talking about Zack? That was a heavy, complicated subject at best. Explaining that they were just friends really didn't cover it.

"All you have to do is tell him Zack's your friend," Angeal suggested, gaining Cloud's full attention. Why was it when Angeal said it, it sounded so much simpler? "Then, if he seems uncomfortable still, offer the compromise Genesis suggested."

"But how do I explain that to Zack? That suddenly something that's been fine all this time isn't okay anymore?"

Sephiroth answered, "Zack will understand."

"He just had a similar conversation with Adam," Angeal revealed, brows furrowed.

Oh. Cloud shifted where he sat, wishing Zack would tell him these things. "And Adam said it was fine?"

"Adam understands Zack is an affectionate person. He also understands you're special to Zack, and that he shouldn't read into it."

"But that's with your help," he realized, not surprised when Angeal nodded. Of course. Angeal was friends with Adam—just like how Cloud came to his friends for advice, Adam would do the same. And in this case, Angeal's advice was not to worry about Cloud. Great. Somehow that really didn't make him feel any better. "What if Carl does read too much into it, and I'm not willing to compromise?"

He wasn't doing anything wrong—why should he change anything? It felt like his friendship with Zack was already slipping through his fingers, and he wasn't okay with making things worse. Just because Zack would understand didn't mean he'd start showing up to hang out on another night to make up for lost time.

Plus, surely it was a bit too early in his relationship to be having these issues. Maybe Carl had only asked out of curiosity, not out of mistrust, but still. If he just offered to change something he didn't want to change, he'd be setting the wrong precedent for their entire relationship. And he actually wanted this one to work.

"Come up with a compromise you are willing to make," Sephiroth offered after a long moment. "Allow Carl to get to know Zack better."

Genesis hummed in agreement. "You were going on double dates for a while. Let Carl gain some insight into your friendship—let him see Zack's happily involved with another."

That sounded a lot more reasonable. "Zack hasn't had time lately."

In fact, he hadn't asked Cloud on a single double date since Carl came into the picture. He'd actually suggested it already, partly as a last ditch effort to spend more time with Zack, and partly because he finally had someone to bring along who Zack wouldn't be able to tease him about after the fact. That conversation had ended in an evasive we'll figure out a day that works, with no real follow up.

"He'll make time for this," Angeal reassured him. "He'll always make time for you."

A few months back, he would've believed that without hesitation. It was a bit harder now when even Tuesdays weren't a guarantee.

xxxxx

For someone who had arrived with only two bags, Zack was leaving with quite a few boxes. It had only taken a day to pack up, Cloud diligently helping his friend as if it was tearing at him.

Hadn't Genesis warned him this would happen too? That Zack wouldn't just move in and stay forever? Yet somehow this hurt more than the rest—more than the time apart. More than Adam. Maybe because it had been so sudden. They'd finally gotten to spend an afternoon together, and Cloud had been ready to bring up the double date thing. The double date that Carl thought was a fantastic idea.

And then Zack dropped the moving bombshell on him instead.

"I really appreciate you letting me crash here for so long," Zack told him for probably the hundredth time.

Cloud forced yet another smile. "No big deal. I had a spare room anyway."

"What're you gonna do with it now?"

He shrugged, not quite sure. It wasn't like he sat around thinking about it—that would mean acknowledging that all this was really happening. "Maybe make it an office or something."

"You don't want to keep it as a guest room?" Zack asked with a frown.

"Uh, I'm not really a guest kinda guy. No one's been over since Angeal lived here," Cloud reminded his friend. Random dates coming to pick him up hardly counted. Neither did Adam. "Plus, you're taking the bed."

And a few random bits of furniture that Angeal had left. Things that Cloud didn't really need. He was in a better financial position than Zack, and the stuff had been free anyway.

"You're not planning to have any guests?" Zack repeated, incredulous. "What about me?"

Cloud quirked a brow. "You're moving across the hall."

Another reason this was all so absurd. Zack apparently needed his own space so badly that he was willing to settle quite literally on the first apartment he saw.

"Yeah, so that I can still come over for breakfast. So that I can swing by whenever we both happen to be free. Plus our scheduled hangout nights." Zack began to deflate as Cloud just stared blankly. "C'mon, Spike. Don't make me feel bad about this."

"I don't want you to feel bad, I'm just confused. If you want to be here so badly, why move at all?"

Zack opened his mouth, but quickly shut it as he considered the question. "Adam and I were talking, and—"

"Are you serious?" Cloud interjected, shaking his head in disbelief. "I get that your relationship is important to you, and I think that's great, but should you really be letting him steer you into making decisions like this already?"

"It's not like that. He's not moving in or anything. We were talking about me. About how I was with Lux for so long, and then I spent all that time with you right after," Zack explained carefully. "For years and years now I never took any time for myself, you know? So that's what I'm doing. You're still my best bud—this is just something I need to do. I need to learn how to be on my own."

Cloud just frowned. He always made sure to respect Zack's space and privacy. Usually it was the other way around—Zack wandering into his bedroom at whatever random hour, or sneaking into his bathroom to borrow some shampoo.

"You're overthinking this," Zack insisted, reaching out to pat him on the shoulder.

"I'm not. I thought things were good between us. Really good. Like, back to normal, awkward love confession never happened good."

"They are."

"They were," he corrected immediately. "It was hard during your breakup, but then…it was so easy. Everything was so easy and good. I wasn't blocking off my Tuesday nights because it was the only night you had free to see me. I wasn't sitting around hoping you wouldn't cancel at the last minute."

"That's not fair. I've been busy. You know I just got promoted."

"Did you?" Cloud shot back, almost rolling his eyes. "Because actually, you didn't tell me. You mentioned you were up for one, not that you got it. I texted you about it and you didn't even reply."

"Cloud…"

"You realize I've got a job too, right? I'm doing correspondent work every single day now. I'm pulling more interviews per week, covering more events. They're talking about making me editor of my section! You're not the only one who's busy, Zack."

Zack looked floored, but composed himself almost immediately. "My hours changed. I'm working mostly nights now, and you're working days. It's hard to talk as much when our schedules don't line up."

"And you're in a relationship now. I get it. I really do."

"Don't pull that card."

Cloud glared hard at his friend. "What card?"

"The relationship card. Yeah, I'm in one, but that has nothing to do with this."

"That has nothing to do with you having no time for your friends?" he asked, not even sure why he made it plural—it was no secret Zack still had time for everyone else.

"It doesn't. I spent plenty of time with everyone when I was with Lux, okay? I'm just busy with other things right now."

"So busy you have to put me in your schedule to maybe see one night a week, but not so busy you don't have time to move out on a whim," Cloud concluded, Zack nodding right along. Unreal. "That's rich coming from the same guy who asked me to stop dating because my one night a week outing was taking up too much time."

Zack had the nerve to scowl. "It's not like you were serious about Carl back then—it's not the same as you going out to get laid once week. I actually give a damn about Adam. He's not just some random person I'm forcing myself to see to prove a point you."

Wow. Cloud stared at Zack open mouthed before shaking his head. "Let's get these boxes out of here."

"Spike, I didn't mean…It wasn't supposed to come out like that."

He picked up a box, trying his best not to notice the dismay on Zack's face. "It's fine."

"It's not."

Cloud kept moving, not stopping as he responded, "You're right. It's not."

Thankfully they still understood each other better than anyone. Zack sensed the finality in Cloud's tone, and didn't bother speaking again as they began moving boxes to the apartment across the hall. Without the distraction they normally provided each other, they actually got a lot done in a very short amount of time. Boxes, a bed, random bits of furniture. Cloud even began visualizing his new office.

Maybe a fresh start was a good idea for him, too. Everything he owned was basically gifted from Angeal or Genesis. Even the apartment. Maybe he'd find a separate place entirely. He could have an office and a guest room. All filled with furniture and decorations of his own choosing.

"Spike."

"Don't," Cloud said, holding a hand up. "I don't wanna hear it."

"I'll stay if—"

"Seriously? You think this is about the move still? I don't give a damn, Zack. If you want your own space, that's fine—it's not like we see each other anyway, but I can understand that. It's the fact that you don't even care that bothers me," he stated, stepping out of Zack's near-empty home.

"Don't go yet," Zack pleaded, reaching out only to get his hand whacked away. "Please, Cloud. I do care."

"Just stop. I can't even believe what an idiot I am—how I didn't see what this was. It's not friendship. I'm just a convenient thing for you to keep around. Something to boost your ego, maybe," he ventured, chuckling under his breath. "I'm done being the person you go to when it's a good time for you."

"You're not an idiot. This isn't…You're my best friend, Spike. I don't keep you around out of—"

"I don't wanna hear it anymore! You know what the difference between me and you is? You're the kind of guy who thinks he's so important that everyone will drop everything to hang around you, and I'm the kind of you who does," he ranted, growing more and more worked up by the second. "I'm the kind of guy who turns down event after event on Tuesdays just because that's occasionally a good night for you. I'm the kind of guy who turns down covering the biggest environmental event of the year to go camping, only to get ditched two days before."

"You turned down…?"

"Don't act surprised. You know damn well I'm the go-to person for events like that. Obviously they asked me to cover it," Cloud said, scoffing at the blank look on Zack's face. "Or maybe you don't know. You're so caught up in your own personal shit that you can't see what's going on around you."

"That's not true."

"That only makes it worse. That means you knew, and decided it didn't matter. You put yourself first again and again because you knew I'd let you."

Zack, to his credit, still looked completely baffled. "Spike—"

"I must be such a joke to you." He shook his head, disgusted with himself for letting it go this far. "I mean, really? You think I was dating to prove a point to you? That I was sleeping with people I didn't even like just to get your attention?"

"No! I didn't think that at all."

"Really? Because that's what you said. That's another funny thing about you and me. I actually listen when you speak, whereas you just pick and choose what to hear and assume the rest."

"You're upset, and I get that. I can see how all this must look to you, but you've gotta believe me, Spike. You're everything to me. This move—the time apart? It's not what I want."

"You're a grown man, Zack. You make your own decisions and set your own priorities."

"Things are complicated with me right now," Zack tried, eyes imploring Cloud to listen. "That's why I need this move. That's why I need some space. I'm not avoiding you because I want to."

"But you are. You're avoiding me," Cloud realized, dumbfounded. He'd actually bought into the I'm busy thing—believed that Zack had a lot going on, and had let their friendship fall on his priority list. Not once had he considered his friend was doing it deliberately. "Unbelievable."

"You've needed space before. You've avoided me."

"Because I was confused. Because I felt things that were overwhelming, and it was the only thing I could think of to clear my head. And even then I was texting you every day."

Zack put his hands on Cloud's shoulder, not budging even when the blond glared. "Did it ever occur to you that you're not the only one who gets confused and overwhelmed?"

"I'm not you, Zack. I'm not so caught up in my own shit that I don't realize other people go through it too."

"Oh, really?" Zack snorted, hands dropping to his side as he shook his head in amusement. "Then why can't you see that's exactly what's happening with me right now? After all this time, how can you seriously accuse me of not caring?"

"What could you possibly be confused about?"

"Everything! You're right about one thing—this thing between us? It's not friendship. I'm beginning to think it never was."

"Glad we agree on something," Cloud said, shaking his head in defeat. "Enjoy your new apartment."

xxxxx

Tifa only offered an indulgent smile—not the beer he'd kindly requested. "I can't let you do this every time something goes wrong, Cloud."

"Tif…I didn't come here to talk."

"Maybe not, but you did come here," she reminded him, gesturing around. "You could've picked any bar, but you chose mine."

He raised both brows—they both knew that wasn't a valid point. "It's the only one within walking distance."

"And I'm here. Even if I wasn't, you knew someone on staff would've mentioned you dropping by."

"I'm here once a week!" Cloud argued, only halfhearted.

"You don't come here to drink alone, you come here to catch up with me and your old co-workers," Tifa said, hands on her hip. She knew him too well. Once in a blue moon he'd get a beer, but usually just a quick bite to eat these days unless he was with Zack or the others. "The only time you want to drink is when something happened with Zack, so let's cut to the chase. Is it his boyfriend? Is he as terrible as the last one?"

"His boyfriend's great. A perfect match for him," Cloud said, only a little begrudgingly.

"Is that the problem then? Zack's actually happy this time?"

Cloud scoffed. "Why is that everyone's first assumption? I want him to be happy!"

"Everyone? Did Zack say—"

"No. Gen and Seph, they thought the same thing. They warned me over and over about him moving on, and then when he actually did, they told me I should try to be happy for him. What you all don't seem to get is, I am happy he found someone. I found someone too, remember?"

Tifa frowned. "So what's the problem then?"

"He started spending less time with me. At first I thought he was just busy—new relationship excitement or whatever," Cloud explained with a shrug. "Turns out he's been avoiding me."

"Cloud—"

"His words, not mine," he interjected solemnly. "He moved out."

"But why?"

"Said he needed space. That he was with Lux for so long, and he never took any time for himself."

She tilted her head, bewildered. "But he's with someone."

"Yeah. Doesn't make sense to me either. They're not living together, but…I dunno. Maybe he just wanted his own place because it was awkward for him to have Adam over at mine," Cloud reasoned, still trying to work it out in his own mind. A few days had passed, and he had yet to really reach a solid conclusion. "The whole thing's just crazy. We went from spending every day together for months to seeing each other one night a week, plus whatever mornings we happened to run into each other. He's always working late or over at Adam's now."

"Maybe you were right the first time. Relationships are always more exciting in the beginning—they're just in that phase where they can't get enough of each other. Plus his promotion."

Cloud blinked. He probably should've been annoyed that his friends kept forgetting he was in that phase of his own relationship yet still made time for everyone, but he was too stuck on the last thing she said. "You knew about the promotion too?"

"It's AVALANCHE. They celebrate everything here—promotions included," she reminded him with a smile. "He's managing some new project. A big one."

"Woulda been nice to hear more about it from him."

"There's gotta be more going on here," Tifa said slowly. "He wouldn't just avoid you out of the blue."

"A few months ago, I would've believed that. Now I'm not so sure. He asks and asks, and I'm always there for him—but then he does this, and I just…I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being there for someone who's not there for me."

"Just because he's pulled back recently doesn't mean he hasn't been there for you all this time—doesn't mean he won't be after he's had his space. You're just upset now, so you can't see it clearly."

"I think I'm gonna head home," he decided, sliding off the bar stool. He really hadn't come here to chat. "I'll see you next week?"

"I'll be here," she promised, a small smile on her face.

He tried his best to smile back before turning his back, walking right out the front door. It was warm. Too warm to enjoy the walk, and too warm to take a few extra breaths to clear his head. Such a shame too, because he could've used a moment—he wasn't prepared to see Carl leaning against the outside wall of his apartment building.

"Hey, babe," Carl greeted, a big smile on his face as he leaned forward for a quick kiss.

Cloud smiled into it. "Hey. Did we have plans?"

"No, I thought I'd surprise you, but you weren't home," he responded easily. "Figured I'd hang around a few before headed out."

"I guess that worked out. I was just over at Tifa's," Cloud explained, pulling out his phone curiously. Sure enough, he had two missed calls—both from Carl. Oops. "So did you have something in mind, or do you wanna maybe come in for a while?"

Carl considered it for a moment. "I thought maybe you'd wanna go for ice cream or something, but staying in might be more relaxing. You look a little stressed."

"Yeah, busy day," he shrugged, pulling out his keys with one hand while taking Carl's hand into his other. "The good news is, I have ice cream here."

"That is good news."

He smiled a bit more as they headed upstairs, the quick walk to his door short and silent. It was a bit strange, actually. They went out often enough, and spent plenty of time over at Carl's, but this? Well, it just wasn't somewhere they spent time together.

Now it was his apartment though, not a shared space. He didn't need to be considerate—didn't need to worry about disrupting anyone else's evening by monopolizing the living room or kitchen. Didn't need to give anyone a heads up even if they probably weren't planning to come home anyway.

"Spike?"

Cloud narrowed his eyes at the figure leaning against his apartment door, further annoyed by the way his heart jumped in a way it hadn't since he and Zack last spoke. Yeah, he didn't need this either. "It's Thursday. Don't you have somewhere to be?"

His tone must've been harsher than intended because he'd never seen Carl look so surprised. Zack on the other hand just looked hurt. "I've been messaging you all day." Every day since he'd moved out. Always with vague apologies and promises to explain. "Hey, Carl."

"Hey, Zack," the other man responded, shifting awkwardly by Cloud's side.

He squeezed his boyfriend's hand reassuringly, sending him a tiny smile before looking back to Zack. "I've got plans tonight. Text me Tuesday maybe?"

His apartment door was open before he let Zack respond, Carl following him inside without more than a questioning stare.

xxxxx

There were no butterflies. Not that Cloud had really been expecting them—he didn't get them very often. Attraction, sure, but otherwise? Dating made him anxious for a reason. He was more likely to feel nauseous than anything, the exception being when he was seeing someone he was already comfortable around.

What he really hoped for was chemistry. Compatibility, and maybe some excitement here and there. That was what was left after the butterflies went away anyway. The thrill people described at the beginning of any relationship almost always faded in time, leaving what remained as the real test. Without that deeper connection, it didn't matter how into it two people were from the start.

Or so he liked to tell himself. Otherwise maybe he really wasn't cut out for this relationship stuff, which kind of sucked now that he was at a point in his life when he wanted to be in one.

"And then he tells me things aren't working out, just out of the blue," Cloud explained, helplessly accepting the drink Sephiroth offered him. Thank Gaia he was the only one around. Something told him of all his friends, Sephiroth would be the one to understand. "I thought things were going well, you know? So I asked him what happened."

"And?"

"And then he told me I just wasn't into him."

Sephiroth nodded in understanding. "Was he wrong?"

"I think he was more into me than I was into him, but…" Cloud shrugged, downing a long sip. "That's not fair, is it? We weren't together that long. I could've gotten there."

It hadn't even been two months.

His heart didn't ache, but he still felt like he'd lost something. The way Carl looked at him, like he was so disappointed—like he'd expected so much more from their relationship. It was frustrating to think about. Maybe things hadn't been perfect, and maybe he'd been distracted by a few things, but he really had put in the time and effort. More than he had in years—since way back when he was with Genesis.

"Relationships are complex. Different people have different expectations."

"Seems like most expect things to be hot and heavy from the start—like if you're not all in right away, it's a waste of time," he complained, glaring at his bottle as if it personally offended him. "It's bullshit. Building toward something? That's what should count. Love isn't some overnight phenomena."

"For you," Sephiroth amended, drawing his attention back up. "There is nothing wrong with either scenario. You just need to find someone more understanding of your needs."

"I'm beginning to think that person's not out there. That I'm just weird." Okay, he'd actually thought that for a long time now, but it felt surprisingly liberating to just say it. "What's the point in trying?"

"The feeling you get once you've succeeded," Sephiroth responded, like it was so simple. "I believe you're on the right path already. You should be thankful Carl called things off before anyone was truly hurt."

"Thankful? He's the first person I've felt comfortable going out with in a long time, Seph. It's not that easy to just let go like nothing ever happened. He was my friend!"

"Was he more than that?"

"Obviously."

"Obvious in the literal sense, perhaps. Was he more in your heart?"

Cloud's mouth hung open slightly in disbelief. "Are you seriously asking that?"

"Yes."

"I don't…I don't know. Not yet." He let out a defeated sigh. "I'm beginning to think I won't be able to feel that way about anyone. Not anymore."

"It was a foreign concept to me once as well," Sephiroth admitted, almost nonchalant. "You have been preoccupied, Cloud. Too preoccupied to notice what you truly want is readily available to you."

Great. He thought he'd gotten lucky because Genesis wasn't around to put everything poetically, and Angeal wasn't around to give him a pep talk. Who'd have thought Sephiroth would start speaking in riddles? "I was kinda hoping you'd have something blunt to say about all this," Cloud said, raising both brows.

"Are you aware Zack and Adam broke up as well?"

He feigned indifference despite the surprise he felt. "Zack and I aren't exactly on speaking terms."

"They split the day after he moved. Zack has been taking some time for himself, it seems," Sephiroth explained carefully. "He says it has been therapeutic."

"Good. He deserves that—time for himself," Cloud said, nodding because somewhere deep inside he knew that much was true. It was something he hadn't really allowed himself to think about since Zack's move, too afraid to feel the pain that would come along with those thoughts.

Alone time could be invaluable. Independence, direction, self-worth…He'd spent six months traveling an entire continent just to find those things, only to discover that all he really needed was time. Time away from the people and places that were stressing him out—time alone to gain some clarity. Even now that he'd grown up and gained some confidence, he still pulled away from everything and everyone now and then.

Including his closest friends.

"Shit," he mumbled, setting his drink down as the epiphany struck him.

"Shall I put it bluntly?" Sephiroth offered, a tiny smirk on his face. Cloud sent a glare in his direction, but waited for his friend to continue. "You owe him an apology."

A lot more than an apology. He buried his face in his hands, shaking his head. "I'm an idiot." And a hypocrite. A hypocritical idiot!

"Far from it. Zack was confused, and in turn he made some poor decisions. You were rightfully upset."

"I should've heard him out. I should've talked to him instead of going off like he was just being a selfish asshole," Cloud said, his heart plummeting. All the terrible things he'd said. Would Zack even want an apology at this point? "Now I get why you guys get mad at me for pulling this shit."

Sephiroth chuckled softly. "I will let Genesis know you said that."

"Please don't," he grumbled, unable to hold back his own laugh at the thought.

Genesis would never let him live it down. Plus, he really had been doing better when it came to not cutting his friends out entirely. A year and a half ago, he would've been holed up in his apartment under these same circumstances—not seeking out Sephiroth's company.

"I will keep it to myself so long as you allow Zack the opportunity to explain himself."

"If he even wants to. I was a jerk."

"He would like nothing more than to speak with you again."

Cloud shifted uncomfortably. "He told you that?"

"Yes. We haven't seen much of him lately, but he always inquires about you when we do."

"Was it just...he wasn't ready to move on? Or did something happen with Adam?"

"Neither."

"You're not gonna tell me?" Cloud asked, frowning deeply.

Sephiroth just shook his head. "I believe we just agreed. You will allow Zack to explain himself."

"He doesn't even need to. I'll let him say what he wants to say, but I already get it."

"Do you?"

"Yeah," he answered, sure of it.

That is, until Sephiroth's stare quickly had him questioning himself all over again.

xxxxx

The last thing he expected to see upon his return to his apartment was a very displeased Genesis, banging on his door without an ounce of concern about disturbing any of his neighbors. He was tired, sweaty, and ready for a hot shower—not this.

"Are you okay?" Cloud asked anyway, just in case Genesis was going through some kind of personal trouble and that was why he was attacking Cloud's door.

The redhead turned to him, indignant. "I'm fine. You're not, and neither is Zack. I just spent two hours talking to that fool, and I've had enough. You're working this out tonight."

"I know," he replied, dropping his gaze to the floor.

"No excuses! No waiting till tomorrow—in fact, no waiting another moment. I insist you go see him right now," Genesis said, blocking Cloud's door as he approached.

"Gen…I know," he repeated, finally meeting the man's eyes. "I just need to shower, and then I'll go see him."

"No. I said no excuses. I don't care if you smell, and neither will Zack."

Cloud looked down at his sweat saturated shirt, then back up to Genesis. "I just spent the last two hours sparring with Sephiroth," he said, and man, every muscle in his body ached. It was what he needed though, after their eye opening conversation. They'd worked out the rest of his frustrations in silence, and everything seemed so clear now. "I'm going to shower and change, then I'm going to see Zack. Now move."

"I refuse," Genesis replied, shrugging unapologetically.

"Look, I appreciate you trying to help, but this isn't—"

Genesis cut him off with a scowl. "You owe me this. I've been there for you time and time again—I've been patient, understanding, and sympathetic even when I was hurt and felt you didn't deserve any of those things."

It was almost like he'd just been slapped across the face. "You're right. You have been."

"Please," a word Genesis didn't use often, "turn around, knock on his door, and don't leave until you've worked everything out. Now."

And so Cloud turned around, knocked on Zack's door, and didn't turn back even as he heard the distinct sound of Genesis' boots on the hard floor, walking away. The door swung open almost immediately.

"I've never heard him sound like that," Zack mumbled, poking his head out and watching Genesis leave.

"Yeah," Cloud agreed, hand on the back of his neck. Of course Zack had heard everything. "Me neither. He was right though."

"Usually is." He looked at Cloud who was busy willing himself to stay calm. It was nerve-wracking, being here. All the conclusions he'd come to with Sephiroth felt so distant now that Zack was right there. "Did you mean what you said? You were gonna come see me tonight?"

Cloud nodded slowly. "I meant it when I said it. You know me—mighta talked myself out of it in the shower."

Zack remained impassive. "You better come in then. I don't wanna put this off."

That comment did little to soothe his nerves, but he figured he deserved it. He'd really screwed things up this time. Part of him still felt like it wasn't entirely his fault, but that didn't change much. If he hadn't been so damn stubborn, things never would've gotten to this point.

"I'm really sorry," Cloud began, blurting it out as he walked inside. "I've been a jerk. A complete hypocrite, and I don't know how I didn't see it sooner."

"See what sooner?" Zack asked quietly, gesturing for Cloud to follow him. He looked around as he moved, too aware that he'd never actually been in Zack's apartment. The floor plan mirrored his own, and it was still relatively bare. Beyond the essentials, there was really nothing to the place yet. Not even a couch. "Cloud."

He snapped out of his daze, taking a seat by Zack's side at his tiny kitchen table. "Yeah?"

"I asked you a question," Zack mumbled, looking more amused than he sounded.

And worn out. How had he not noticed right away? There was stress in all of Zack's features, his face paler than Cloud remembered—thinner, almost. His posture was tense in a way Cloud hadn't witnessed since the days when he was fighting with Luxiere, and it looked like he could fall asleep right there at the table if he just closed his eyes for more than a blink.

"Are you okay?" Cloud asked without another thought. A dumb question, and they both knew it. There was something instinctive about asking though—about seeing Zack like this and just wanting to see what was up so he could try to fix it.

"No. Are you?"

"Not really," he admitted, fidgeting with his hands on the table. "You were acting like me. That's what I didn't see. Pulling back instead of asking for help. I just…It's you. You're always so composed and confident. Normally you handle things better than I do."

"That's a shitty excuse. You're supposed to know me better than anyone. I'm not always as put together as I seem."

"You're right. I was too caught up in my own personal shit to notice," Cloud said, the very words he had thrown out in accusation the last time he'd willingly spoken to Zack. "I'm sorry."

"I am too. I said some things I shouldn't have."

"You were right though," Cloud told him, taking a long breath. He could do this. It was worth sucking it up and admitting to every truth he didn't want to face if it meant fixing this. "I was dating to prove a point. Not to you, but to myself. I always knew you didn't feel the same way I did, but once you actually said it, it was like I was out of excuses. There was no what if, no chance everyone else was right—it was just time to face reality and see if I could be happy with someone else."

"Gen just spent a good hour ripping me a new one when he found out I said that to you. He, uh…he kinda told me I was an idiot, and that I shouldn't have assumed you were hooking up just because I was."

Cloud felt the color draining from his face. "He what?"

"Then he told me he was an asshole for telling me, and that he'd apologize to you later."

He dropped his head to the table, too upset to be angry. "It's none of his business. Not anymore."

"You're right."

"It's not yours either," Cloud said, glancing up.

Thankfully the words had come out as softly as intended—it wasn't Zack's fault that Genesis had decided on a whim that this was relevant. It definitely wasn't. Sure, it had felt like a low blow when Zack made that assumption, but it really hadn't been. How could Zack have known? They'd never discussed it, and he'd intended to keep it that way.

Sex was a weird topic for Cloud. Not in a childish, too bashful to discuss it kind of way, but more in the…he didn't really know how to define himself kind of way. The same way dating strangers made him incredibly uncomfortable, so did the thought of sleeping with someone he didn't know—and he'd definitely tried. It wasn't some moral or Nibel value holding him back, it was just how he was.

He shook his head when he realized Zack was waiting for him to continue. "I didn't come here to talk about this."

"I should've known better," Zack persisted. "I mean, you'd get so worked up about the thought of dating someone random. You threw up that one time! Obviously you weren't hooking up."

"It doesn't matter either way," he insisted adamantly. "I like sex. A lot. Just because I don't have it with strangers doesn't mean I care that you think I was. It's not like there's anything wrong with casual sex."

"I know that. But there is something wrong with me constantly throwing things in your face every time things aren't going my way," Zack said, frowning apologetically. "You were calling me out on my bullshit, and I was an asshole about it. I don't care if I was right or wrong, or if you don't think it's a big deal—it's a big deal to me. You didn't deserve any of that."

"I wish you'd just told me sooner," Cloud admitted, holding his gaze. "Maybe I wouldn't have liked it, but I would've understood. You were right—I've needed space before."

"And you've avoided me before. You avoided me, and then refused to explain why when all was said and done," Zack reminded him, shaking his head slowly. "I get it now. I really do."

"Did it help at least?" he asked curiously. "Did you get whatever you needed?"

"Uh, did it help you?"

Cloud snorted. "No. It just made things worse."

"Yeah, same," Zack replied, the hint of a grin on his face. "We've gotta stop doing this. I miss you too much."

"Me too." He bit at his lower lip, still uncertain what had caused all this. "Why'd you need space?"

"What, you think you get to not tell me, but I'm gonna tell you?"

"You were stressing me out. It was around the time you started staying over more often—after that first camping trip," Cloud explained, remembering it all too well. "I remember waking up in your arms, and it was just too much. I didn't know how I was going to get over you like that."

"So you ran."

"Yeah," he shrugged. If he could do it differently, he would, but it was done now. There was no point in overthinking it now. "It just made me think about you even more. Turns out the real way to get over it was just to keep at it. Once it became a normal thing between us, it wasn't a big deal anymore."

Maybe it still felt nicer than it should've, but acceptance of the situation went a long way. He watched Zack carefully, his friend nodding along like he was processing that still.

"So, you're over it?" Zack asked slowly. "Over me?"

"Uh. Do we have to talk about this?"

"Yeah, we do. I'm not going through this every couple months. We need to lay all this shit out on the table, talk about it, and figure out where to go from here," Zack said, far too decisively to argue.

He had a point. This was tiring, even if it didn't happen every couple months like Zack seemed to be implying. "Okay," he agreed, taking a deep breath. "I want to be over it, but…no. I'm not."

"Good," his friend responded with a small smile.

"Good?" Cloud laughed because Zack really was a funny guy. "That's one way to put it. I was thinking more along the lines of pathetic."

"Why would you think that?"

There was no point in dodging this one, so Cloud just answered honestly, "Uh, because I'm stupidly in love with someone who's made it perfectly clear he's not into me. Someone who is way too good of a friend to lose over something stupid like this."

"It's not stupid. I told you—how you feel matters to me, Cloud. And all this time I spent away from you, missing you? It made me realize a lot of things," Zack told him, holding his gaze with an unmatchable intensity. "I'm so stupidly in love with you that I didn't even know it."

"Is this Genesis?" Cloud asked slowly, too reluctant to believe a single word. There was definitely something wrong with that statement. "You were talking to him, and he put this idea in your head?"

"Honestly? If you'd asked me six months back, I woulda said yeah. They've been trying to tell me I love you for a long time now," he admitted, raking a hand through his hair. "I didn't wanna hear it. At most, I figured I just wanted to fuck you, and I know that sounds shitty, especially now, but—"

Cloud couldn't help laughing. "No, it's…Not that surprising, to be honest. You're not exactly subtle when you look at me sometimes."

For the first time maybe ever, Zack was blushing. "Yeah, well, neither are you."

"There's always been that between us—attraction," Cloud said with a shrug. The same way things turned touchy and flirty between them so easily. It was just how things were between them. "It doesn't mean you love me the way I love you, and that's okay."

"It's more than that. So much more," he insisted, reaching out for Cloud's hand. "You're amazing, Spike. You're smart, funny, kind—you're a badass. You like all the same things I do, and even when you're not sure, you're willing to try just about anything. We have this connection, you know?"

Cloud nodded his head easily. "Yeah, we do. That's not love though. That's just you listing some things you like about me. Great things—and I really appreciate all that," he said, forcing a smile because it really was sweet. It was like Zack wanted to love him. That wasn't good enough though, and it hurt a lot more than it helped. "We're definitely perfect together on paper."

"Why are your feelings valid, but not mine?" Zack asked, brows furrowed. "Why is it when you say it I'm supposed to believe it without question, but when I say it, it's just a nice idea?"

"Because it is a nice idea. You're making it sound like you had this epiphany, but all those things you said have been true for a long time. It's not like we became compatible overnight."

"You're the first person I want to see when I wake up. The first person I want to go to when I have good news, or bad news. The first person I wanna tell bad jokes to, the first person I wanna hang out with—don't you get it?" Zack implored, squeezing his hand as their eyes locked again. And he did. He got it. Zack was his person too—his best friend. "I love you, Cloud. You've been the most important person in my life for so long, even when someone else was supposed to be. Even when I was with Lux."

"Zack…"

"I love you," he repeated, soft and insistent. "And I don't care what I need to do to make you believe me. I'm gonna do it."

"What happened with Adam?" Cloud asked, because he really had to know now.

"Adam was perfect for me on paper," Zack replied, smiling a little. "Like, really perfect. He even checked a couple of the boxes you don't. I usually go for taller dudes."

He rolled his eyes. "I'm not that short."

"Nah, you're not. You're just right. The way we fit together…" Zack shook his head, his eyes growing distant. "I dunno how I didn't realize sooner. It's always felt right between us. It was never gonna work with Adam."

"You're serious about this," Cloud realized, still studying his friend closely.

"I've never been more serious in my life. You don't even know what you do to me. Carl? I'm the reason he broke up with you," he said, looking apologetic despite his casual tone. "I've never been this person—this jealous person."

"What're you talking about?"

"I ran into him yesterday when he was coming to see you," Zack admitted. "He asked me what was going on between us. I guess he noticed the death glare you gave me that one time?"

Cloud frowned. "Yeah. I didn't really explain that to him…I didn't know what to say."

"Yeah, well, I told him I was in love with you. That whatever he was hoping for was pointless because you were in love with me too, and we were just being too stubborn to deal with it. I wasn't even nice about it," Zack said, shaking his head at himself. "He looked so upset, and then you know what he said?"

"…No," he whispered, not sure if he wanted to know. He already felt bad enough.

"He said he thought so. That he saw the way we were together, and he saw the way you got when you talked about me," Zack continued, "and that he really hoped we'd work it out soon. I was a blunt asshole, and he was basically the nicest dude ever. He even told me he'd end things so you wouldn't have to feel bad about any of it later."

His heart fell further, remembering the annoyed conversation he'd had with Sephiroth earlier that day. He really did owe Carl a thank you, and an apology. "That really doesn't sound like something you'd do."

"I know!" Zack exclaimed, like it was just as mind boggling to him. "I've never been like that. You make me crazy, Cloud. I feel things for you that I don't really understand. I don't even wanna apologize for it. In my head I know I was wrong, but I'm still glad I ran him off."

Cloud was a bit floored, and a bit flattered. "I don't want you to be that way. I like you the way you normally are, when you're nice to everyone."

"It gets worse. He's not even the first one. Well, he is—I never ran anyone else off. But that was because I never needed to," Zack said with certainty. "I didn't really understand it at the time. Every time you told me about how bad your dates went, I was glad. I felt awful for feeling that way, but I was."

"I'm glad my misery made you so happy," he grumbled sarcastically, only to receive a sad look in response.

"That never made me happy. I didn't want you to be miserable, I just didn't want you to move on. And, yeah, I know that's selfish. I didn't know that was what was happening though. I thought it was just the fact you were out with other people—that I was going through a hard time, and you were too busy for me. I was so sure that was the only reason."

"Maybe it was."

"No," Zack said quickly, shaking his head. "It wasn't. We were already spending so much time together—it's like you said, one night a week? I acted like it was an inconvenience, when really, I just didn't like where it was going and I wasn't ready to deal with that."

"Because the break up?"

"Yeah. I mean, what kind of person gets out of a long relationship like that and doesn't even care?" he wondered, clearly not expecting an answer. "By the time it happened, I wasn't even affected by it, but I thought I should be. You don't end something like that and fall for someone else right away."

"You wouldn't be the first to do that. People rebound all the time."

"Yeah, well, I wasn't cool with you being that. You deserve so much more. And then things got so intense between us for a while there—it was like, every single day you were all I wanted, and that's when it kinda started to hit me," Zack revealed slowly. "It was almost like we were dating. We were going to romantic restaurants, and winning each other prizes at the carnival, and everything felt so good."

Cloud snorted. "I told myself it was nothing, and then the next thing I knew, you were with Adam and I never saw you."

"I thought…I thought maybe I was reading too much into it. Into you. Adam though, he really was perfect. Or he should've been. It made sense in my head to give it a try."

"And?"

"And all I could think about was you. I'd be out with him, and thinking how much more fun it'd be if you were there too. If you were there instead. So I cut you out, bit by bit. Tried to tell myself I was seeing things that weren't there because I'd gotten so used to spending all that time with you."

"Wow," he muttered, slowly but surely believing every word. And not just because he wanted to believe it—because there was too much sincerity to deny it. This was so much more than everything he wanted to hear.

"I will say one thing. Adam was right about moving out. You and me, we really did become too dependent on each other. I need my own space—my own stuff."

He frowned a little. "Oh?"

"It's crazy to me that you turned down working that conference without even telling me. That you're willing to drop everything on a whim for me, no questions asked," Zack told him plainly. "It's crazy that I'd do the same things for you, and we're not even together yet."

"You're important to me."

"So is your career. Just like mine's important to me. There's a lot of things we need to work on if this is gonna happen."

"This," Cloud repeated, gesturing between them. Zack just nodded. "You really want to be with me?"

"I do, but we're in over our heads right now. We need to take a step back and start over. Just because we're already so close doesn't mean we can't take things slow," Zack explained carefully. "I want to date you—go through all the motions I'd go through with anyone else."

"Okay," he agreed, seeing the sense in it right away.

"If we go all in from the start, it's just not gonna work out. It's not healthy, the way we want each other, and I don't want us to end up resenting each other over it. I don't want you to pass on important things just to spend time with me."

"You're right."

"And we can't let all this shit pile up. We need to talk instead of just having fun and pushing all this to the side until it blows up."

"Yeah, definitely."

"Are you just agreeing to make this easy? Because I don't want that. If you wanna be annoyed, or ask why, you should just do it. I can handle it," Zack told him firmly. "Please, Spike."

"I'm agreeing because you're right, not because I want this to be easy," he said, taking his time. "I've wanted this for way too long to screw it up now. We're on the same page."

"Then why do you look so worried?"

"Because I am. You realized you maybe wanted me, what? A few months ago? Then more seriously when you were with Adam?" Cloud asked, snorting. "I've wanted this for almost as long as I've known you. It's a little surreal right now."

"I'm sure about this. Maybe it took me longer to realize it, but I've wanted you just as long."

He had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. "Just as long?"

"C'mon, Spike. It wasn't an overnight epiphany, or whatever you called it! I had a crush on you the moment we met. We definitely clicked from the start. I'm just not the kinda guy to dwell on shit like that when I'm in a relationship. I pushed it aside, and told myself it'd go away."

"And it did."

"Yeah, mostly. We were friends, and I was involved. I dunno what you want me to say about it. I was committed, and I don't feel bad about that."

"I don't want you to feel bad about it. I'm just trying to understand—you're the one who brought it up."

"All I meant was, all the things that you felt for me from the start? I felt it too. I just didn't let myself think about it. I tucked it away because I didn't have room for that in my life, and by the time I did, it was still stored away," Zack explained carefully. "I didn't wanna go there just because Gen thought it was a good idea, or because I knew how you felt. I didn't wanna go there because it made sense on paper."

"That makes sense," he replied, not sure what else to say.

"But then it just clicked. It wasn't one moment, or anything specific, it's just…I dunno. Everything. Whatever this is between us, it's real. I feel it, and just because I didn't acknowledge it right away doesn't mean I haven't wanted it all along. It just means I'm a good boyfriend."

Cloud couldn't help but smile at that. "Okay."

"You believe me, right?" he asked, almost pouting.

"That you're a good boyfriend?" Cloud mused, a hand on his chin as he 'considered' it. "I mean, you'll have to prove it, but I have faith in you."

"You always have," Zack responded, winking. "I won't let you down."

There was an awkward pause after that, and Cloud found himself shifting in his seat. Where did they go from here? Everything felt resolved. He was more than happy with the direction they were headed in.

But in the immediate sense, he wasn't sure what to do next.

"Um. Do you wanna…hang out tonight?" he ventured, not quite sure if he was proposing a date or just a relaxing evening to ease them into whatever was to come.

Zack stared at him for a long moment, ultimately shaking his head. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you kinda stink right now."

"I blame Gen," Cloud said, pulling at his now dry t-shirt and scrunching his nose. Yeah, he really did smell bad.

"Yeah, well, I want you to smell nice for our first date," Zack decided. "A little less sweat, a little more cologne. Maybe those nice jeans. You know which ones I mean."

He was sure his face was red as he nodded. "Kinda hard not to when you slap my ass every time I wear them."

"I'll wear the ones you like, too," he offered, a grin spreading on his face. "Maybe no ass slapping though. I mean, we did say we're taking this slow, right?"

"Definitely. You won't be getting your hands on my ass anytime soon," Cloud said, half-teasing and half-warning because it actually was somewhat relevant now.

Zack, to his credit, didn't seem fazed. "How's seven sound?"

"You'll pick me up at my place?"

"Of course. I'm a true gentleman."

Cloud's smile grew. "It's a date then."

Just one date. They could do this if they took it one step at a time.