7x10 Internal Affairs - 1

Standing in the middle of her living room, being held tightly by her boyfriend's mother, Kensi allowed her mind to go blank and take the comfort that Roberta Deeks was giving. She closed her eyes and forgot, just for a moment, that the love of her life was behind bars, his life threatened. She squeezed Roberta tighter as she let the fear subside and the warmth of her motherly embrace to ease the ache in her chest. But the moment ended, and the two women pulled apart, the fear and worry returning to both their eyes.

Roberta reached up and placed a gentle hand on the side of Kensi's face.

"Come on, sit down, I'll heat you up some casserole. You need to eat Kensi."

"I'm not really hungry." Kensi tried to argue but could see that Roberta wasn't buying it, and her traitorous stomach chose that moment to groan and prove Mrs Deeks right. So with a sheepish smile, Kensi sat at the table and watched as Roberta moved around her small kitchen like she'd always been there. When they'd first met, Kensi had been terrified that Mama Deeks wouldn't like her, but they'd hit it off quickly and had even been texting each other on and off since then. She was so much like Deeks that Kensi couldn't help but love her immediately.

"Here you go sweetheart, eat up. You need your strength." Roberta smiled as she placed a plate in front of Kensi before sitting opposite her at the table.

"Thank you." Kensi smiled before tucking in, the smell of the casserole had well and truly awoken her appetite and she attacked the delicious meal with gusto. Mama Deeks was a great cook.

"So how many times has my son tried to tidy this place?" Roberta asked with a smirk as her eyes swept over the mess littering Kensi's apartment.

"Too many." Kensi mumbled around a mouthful of food. Roberta threw back her head and laughed heartily.

"I can imagine. He's a neat freak. He gets it from me. I've already tidied up the atrocious mess the police violating Martin's house left behind. I'm sorry to say they even went through your things sweetie."

"It's ok. I knew they would. That's not to say that I'm happy about the fact they went through my underwear drawer, but I know the drill." Kensi shrugged as she continued to dig into her bowl of casserole.

"Speaking of your underwear drawer. I tried to be respectful tidying up but I couldn't help but notice that you've practically moved in there sweetie, so why do you still have this place?" Roberta's voice held no judgement or criticism, just pure curiosity but despite the innocence of her tone, the comment still surprised Kensi.

"What?" She nearly choked on her mouthful of food and brought her hand up to cover her mouth.

"Why haven't you moved in officially? You're there most of the time, I thought most of your things were there. I was expecting to find this apartment empty, but clearly Martin's jokes about your hoarding aren't completely off base. So why haven't you two made it official?" And there it was. Kensi wanted to laugh at the sly hoarding joke Roberta managed to slip in. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree indeed.

"He hasn't asked me." Kensi answered truthfully. Her voice was smaller and softer than she would have liked, but it wasn't until that moment that she realised that he hadn't asked, and that it did in fact bother her. If only slightly.

"Hmmm." Roberta hummed in thought as Kensi cut her eyes to watch her.

"What?"

"Martin is a good man."

"The best." Kensi replied firmly and saw Roberta smile happily out of the corner of her eye. But there was also pride in that smile. A very similar pride to that which Kensi felt toward her scruffy love.

"But he doesn't know that. For all of his sarcasm and teasing, he's insecure. His father... He did a lot of damage. Not just physical damage. He drilled into Marty that he was nothing, that he wasn't good enough, and despite my best efforts, it stuck. He hides behind the jokes, but in many ways, he's still my beautiful but terrified little boy." Tears filled Roberta's eyes for the second time since arriving at Kensi's apartment while Kensi found herself fighting back tears. She could only imagine 10 year old Deeks, and the image nearly broke her.

"He doesn't talk about it. I know Brandel was a monster, and I know what Marty did to him, but other than that... He keeps it to himself." Kensi put her spoon down gently. The turn in conversation having banished her appetite.

"He's barely talked about it since it happened. It's his way of coping. He's not shutting you out of it, he just doesn't want that horror to touch you."

Kensi nodded knowingly. This was a topic she knew her boyfriend didn't want to discuss, and that was more than ok. This wasn't a secret. This was another Siderov, another Afghanistan. "I know. If he wants to talk about it, I'll always be here to listen, but it's ok if he doesn't."

"You're a good girl. But I know my son, he's terrified of losing you. He won't ask you to move in, he'll wait for you to bring it up. So bring it up, Kensi." Roberta reached across the table and gripped Kensi's hand tightly, imploringly.

"I will. Once I get him out of this mess, we'll talk about it." Kensi promised and Roberta smiled happily. As horrible as all of this was, and as much as Kensi wished Deeks wasn't going through this mess, she was glad that she was getting some one on one time with Roberta. She felt accepted by the mama Deeks and that meant more to her than she'd ever be able to say.

"And what about babies and marriage?" Straight to the point, these Deeks's were.

"What about it?"

"When are you two going to get married and give me beautiful but deadly grandchildren?"

Kensi couldn't help but smile. It was close, but not quite there. "Ninja assassins."

"What?"

"That's what Deeks calls our future children. Ninja assassins." Kensi smiled at Roberta and tried to ignore the hope shining in her eyes.

"So you have talked about it?"

"Not seriously. Always jokingly. But..." Kensi hesitated. This had always been a sensitive subject between Deeks and herself, but there was something about Roberta that had her opening up and being honest in a way she'd only ever been with Deeks. "I want it. I never did. I really didn't think I'd ever want kids, but then I met Marty and fell in love with him. Now I want that. But I only want it with him."

"So I will get grandchildren?"

"Eventually. We're not there yet, but it would almost be a crime not to give that man kids. He's so good with them. He amazes me actually." Remembering every time they'd interacted with children and the way Deeks had always been able to naturally connect with them, put them at ease even in the most frightening of situations and always make them laugh, brought a smile to Kensi's face. Her boyfriend was a man of many talents, but the one that made her heart swell the most, was his connection with children. He would be an amazing father. And she wanted to be the woman who made him one.

"He's always been that way. So determined to be the opposite of his father. What he doesn't realise is that he always has been. It's not in his nature to hurt, he's a protector." Roberta smiled with pride and Kensi nodded her agreement.

"Yes he is. No matter what it costs him, he always protects the innocent." As the words left her mouth Kensi couldn't help but remember all the times she'd witnessed Deeks put his life on the line, go through hell, in the name of protecting another. The countless times he'd saved her life. But mostly, the look on Tiffany's face as she recounted her story. The details were simple but brutal. A lost 17 year old girl, selling herself on the streets and caught in a corrupt web of lies between three dirty cops. And then there was Deeks. A beautiful, kind and compassionate man who could not walk away and allow that girl to be killed at the hand of an evil man.

Kensi had started to suspect that things were not as simple as they'd all like them to be as she sat in the boat shed and listened to the girl's story. But now, with his mother, as they both simply stated the gods honest truth of Marty Deeks' character all the pieces fit and she knew. Deeks had shot and killed Boyle. Once again Deeks had put his life and his future on the line to protect an innocent. Kensi smiled softly, she loved that man more than anything in the world, and she'd fight for him always. It didn't matter what he'd done, what mattered is why he'd done it. And Deeks shot Boyle for all the right reasons.

So this is just the first in a total of three fics from Internal Affairs. Thank you to all that reviewed. Hope to hear from you all again. I love reviews. 😊