Sebastian hurls himself into his routines, into the "perfect student" aesthetic. Yet the damned desires persist, now fused with exhaustion and hunger.
He cannot belong here, cannot survive here. So Sebastian starts dreaming of heights, of towering far above this town, of flying, of falling . . . Of snapping his neck.
(It's a clean, efficient method— well, not for those who wipe up the mess left behind, but that won't be his concern.)
Satanism breaks his fall— LaVeyan Satanism, its cool, atheistic rationality easily discovered through the internet. Religion rings in Sebastian's bones still, whispering he is possessed, yet he is certain his mind is his own.
Doubts re-emerge.