Playlist
( Don't Fear) The Reaper: Blue Oyster Cult
Secrets: One Republic
The Unforgiven: Metallica
Cruel World: Lana Del Rey
In this life, you do what you have to, and worry about the heart break later. ~ Jillian Stewart
Chapter Two
Jillian
"Mom, where are we going?" Leo croaks. His voice is heavy with sleep, and he's using a whiny tone that reminds me of him as a boy. These days it's hard to recall when he was so small. His voice is deep, and he passed me in height two years ago. His eyelids are droopy, and his hazel-colored eyes are glassy and unfocused. I smile sadly. This is the last time he will ever be this innocent. His long legs dangle off the end of the bed as he blinks, struggling to focus as he watches me stuff his duffle bag.
"You've been after me for years about meeting your father. The time's come," I whisper.
"Is it… safe?" Leo asks.
I glance up and meet his intense stare. His eyes are full of awe, and the sleepy boy is gone. I want to lie to him and say yes, keep him close and protect him the way a good mother should. I did that for as long as I could. Time to pay the piper.
"That's the thing, Leo. It's never safe. There are periods of peace that eventually end. Once we let the cat out of the bag, you'll be a part of this life forever. I didn't want that for you." His eyes widen. I'm laying it on thick. I want to impress upon him just how serious this shit is. As much as I talk about it, he won't be able to wrap his head around the reality until we're both in too deep to ever get out. I whisked him away and kept his birth from Opie because I wanted Leo to be safe. It's been my cross to carry all this time.
"So why now?" Leo says.
"Cause Piney asked us to come." I close the bag. I owe Pop this. I'm terrified. Part of me wants to pack up, take Leo, and move on to the next town.
"Pa wants us to come there?" Leo asks. His face lights up. I can't help but smile. I love the connection the two share. A perfect combination of me and Opie, Leo is six foot one with the same hazel eyes of his father, dark red hair, and skin the color of coffee with a few dashes of cream. To his credit, Opie never saw my skin color. He only saw me. He told me so on a number of occasions. It was one of the reasons I hesitated to get involved with him initially. Interracial dating didn't always go over well, especially in small towns. People stared, whispered, and talked shit. I smirk, remembering Op's solution. He showed him why it was better for their health if they didn't mind their own business. It was the first time someone had made me their top priority. I came from parents who put their career first, expected nothing less than perfection, and consistently made me feel unworthy, so Op's treatment was a revelation. He showed me what being accepted felt like.
"He thinks it's time, and I agree. We're going to be walking into drama. I'll be honest. I can't say how everyone is going to take it." We run on realness. I can't change it up now because I have to face my demons. It wouldn't be fair, and I could lose him. That's one thing I refuse to do. He needs to know he has a safe place to come no matter what happens. I'll always have my baby boy's back.
My anxiety spikes. We're leaving behind our anonymity. The days of safe, ordinary, everyday life will be exchanged for one fraught with danger. Am I doing the right thing?Doubt assails me. Maybe I should grab him, cut ties with Piney and never look back. Wouldn't that be saner?
"Mom?"
I turn to see my son and recognize the joy and excitement on his face. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm working on things right now."
"I know you never wanted this life for me, Mom. But it's my right to choose. I can't do that unless I experience it for myself," he says.
With his brows drawn, and the corners of his lip turned down he's the spitting image of his father. It guts me.
"I know, but it's never easy to let your children grow up and go out into the world. For me, it's multiplied by a million.
"Don't worry about me, Leo, I'm like a cat. I land on my feet. All I want is a promise that you'll be patient with your mother, okay? Your world is about to open up in ways I can't fully explain. It's going to take serious adjustment on my part."
"I can do that," he says with a grin.
"Good, now go pack your essentials quickly , so we can get on the road. You'll find none of the Sons are very patient men."
He hops up from the bed and rushes from the room. I bite my bottom lip, wishing I had a quarter of his enthusiasm. This is my version of hell on earth. Coming back to the man who broke me, taken all I had to give, and walked away unscathed. My stomach churns like the choppy ocean during a storm. What if I make him worse? I heft the bag over my shoulder and move to load the car. One way or another all my secrets are going to be laid out for everyone to see. I will weather the consequences, knowing I've done my duty. The club came first the way it needed to, and Leo remained safe. In the end, that's all that mattered.
Fifteen minutes later, we're on the road. The rising sun is turning the sky into a patchwork of orange, purple, and pink. It should be breathtaking against the desert background of Nevada, but I can't concentrate.
"You're quiet, Mom," Leo observes.
"I'm about as nervous as you are excited. Besides, some of us didn't get a full eight hours," I tease, trying to lighten the sullen mood.
"I'm sure Dad will understand. I mean, you tell me it's all about family. He must see it the same way." He's fishing for confirmation I wish I could give it to him. The truth is; I don't know the man Opie had grown to be.
"I sure hope so, Le," I say.
"We'll make him see," he says.
Yeah, you don't make that man do anything. It's a wonder they didn't name him Mule.The tires eat up the road, and morning gives way to day. We stop to gas up and use the facilities only as I revert to my road warrior days. The sooner we get this done. The quicker I can rediscover normal. The Welcome to Charming sign mocks me as I dial Piney.
"You here?" Piney rasps.
"Just passed the welcome sign," I say
"Meet me at the diner," Piney says. The light wheeze he has concerns me. He's not taking care of himself the way he should. I want to read him the riot act. I know better, though. Far be it for me to try to talk some common sense into the stubborn Son. He lives on his terms. I can't fault him for that. Hell, I always admired him for it.
"You got it Pops." I disconnect and drive the familiar streets. It's bittersweet being back in the place I called home for such a brief time. Pain explodes in my chest. I hadn't been good enough. What was the saying, always a bridesmaid never a bride, only in my case, always a runner-up, never first place? I park outside of the small building, and we make their way inside.
"Wow, blast from the past, much?" Leo snorts. I take in the shiny chrome counter, old-fashioned red and white vinyl booths, and aquamarine waitressing outfits. It's cute in a very Charming way. They like to keep things simple and small here.
"Hey, this place used to have killer food. Let's see if it's held up." I take a seat in the booth in the back. My head is full of white static as I go through the motions of ordering and making small talk while we wait for Piney. Millions of thoughts run through my mind. The bell above the door jingles. I look up and see the old man lumbering through the entrance. He nods and heads for us. He sinks onto the bench across from us and grins.
"If you two ain't a sight for sore eyes," Piney says.
"Hey Pa, how you doing?" Leo asks.
"I'm still kicking, boy. How are you, Jilly?"
"I'm here, Pops." I shrug. "How do you want to play this?"
"We don't need an audience; that's for damn sure. Told him tonight to go up to the cabin and clear his head. Said I'd watch over the kids for a day or two. He's had them with Mary." Piney's face twists in disgust. "You believe that shit?"
I wince recalling Mary's less than stellar parenting skills. "No, I can't."
"My grandma?" Leo asks. The admiration in his voice is undeserved.
"Unfortunately son," Piney grumbles making me laugh. Some things never change.
"Boy doesn't know what a pit of snakes he'll be dealing with when it comes to that one," Piney says.
"He'll learn,"I say confidently. "You want us to head up to the cabin after this?"
"I think we might need back up," Piney says.
"Jesus, you think he's going to lose his shit, don't you?" I ask.
"Yeah, at least initially. That's why I want to bring Jax in on it."
"Piney—"
"It's a solid plan, and you know it," Piney says.
"Jax, as in my Dad's best friend?" Leo asks.
"There's only one Jax Teller. Thank God. The world couldn't handle anymore," I mumble.
Piney chuckles. "Glad you agree, he should be here any minute."
Meddling old bastard.
The bell above the door jingles once more, and the blonde haired, blue-eyed man strolls into the diner. He searches the area and goes as still as a statue.
"Jilly Bean?" He arches a Nordic brow and glances at my son. "Jesus Christ, what did you do?"
"What I had to," I say, lifting my chin.