Chapter Five
Opie
"We'll be there in a minute, man," I call. Her salty sweat flavor coats my tongue, and I know once will never be enough. I've opened Pandora's box. Now I have to deal with everything I let out.
"I want to see him," I say watching as she buttons her jean and slips on her shirt.
"Once you get your shit together."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I bark.
"You looked in the mirror lately Op? When's the last time you had a shower or something to eat. And no— alcohol doesn't count." She says.
"You come back here and you want to sass me. You ever lost a spouse?"
"No, I never even got that far, "She shoots back.
I close my mouth. What the fuck can I say to that?"
"I won't try to keep you away from Leo. He needs you. I've cared for him and taught him all I can, now it's your turn to help him become a man."
"Why should I believe you?" I ask, furious over the time I've lost.
"Because I'm here when I don't have to be, and I did this to protect you and the club. Love the man love the club."
I love and hate her for parroting the words back. Donna never would've hid the kids to keep Samcro in one piece. She'd have let it go up in flames and collapse from the inside out. And that's why we could never get right. I bow my head. She's barely been in the ground, three months and I'm defaming her name. Truth is truth.
"Let's just see, Jax, and go from there." She sighs heavily, and stands from the bed. "I'll wait out here."
I grab her wrist. "No, you'll leave with me."
"Op—."
"You had sixteen years to do shit your way. This is my time."
She bows her head. "Fair enough."
I tighten my grip.
She hisses, but takes it. I release her. There are too many conflicting emotions circling my brain at the same time. A dull ache begins in my temples. I shed my old clothes, and stumble to the dresser rummaging up a clean pair of boxers and a t-shirt. I tame my hair into a bun and wait by the door. "I'm ready."
"Okay," Jill says softly. She follows me out of the door. I can't help but be happy she's right by my side again. She's always had a quiet strength that gets you through the tough shit. We
Jax appears in the doorway and his eyes turn into azure sauces. "I see you weren't killing each other."
I growl. He backs up, palms up in the air. I look down at Jilly, our gazes met and we retreat to our corners like fighters at the end of a round.
"Pop knew about this?" I ask. He must've.
"Yes, he— he kept in touch. He didn't agree with my plan one-hundred percent, but he supported me and kept my secret."
"Until now." I snicker. Wiley fucker.
"Yes," she says.
"We both know you're no shrinking violet. Don't pretend to be one now," I say to her.
"A lot's changed. This is not my territory or my people, and I'm rusty on my club communication rules. My son's happiness is riding on this. I need to get it right."
"Now you care about him and this side of the family?" I ask cruelly.
"I've always cared. But caring and knowing the time isn't right are to separate things, " She says again in the soft voice I already hate. The old Jilly would've cussed me out from one end of the cabin to the other. I'm not sure what to think about this make and model. Is it a ruse? A case of nerves, or a set up?"
A year ago I wouldn't have a reason to let my mind go to this dark place. Now, there are very few brother I trust to watch my back. Thoughts of the club make the situation more complex. The kids are being shuttled between Mary and Pop. I hate it, but I know it's better than exposing them to me and my bullshit. I couldn't be their father when everything at home reminds me of Donna. I 'm hanging on to a ghost. I feel her accusing eyes following me around with every step.
"Let's go out there and show Jax we're fine."
"This is a family matter. What does he have to do with it?" I snap, pissed that she's trying to use my best friend as a buffer.
"There's no such thing. We both know you can't separate one from the other," she huffs, pushing past me. It's all I can do to keep my hands to myself. Bitch or not, she's right, and I fucking hate it. I stalk after her.
"You going to be okay here if I leave?" Jax asks hesitantly.
"Yes," I say
"No." Her answer pisses me off.
"That's not what you said when I was fucking you with my fingers."
She flinches. "You're a mess, and while I can handle you mentally. I sure as hell can't physically. Look at you." She gestures toward me with a wave. "You're barely standing right now."
"I'm fine," I snap. My words slur and I sway slightly.
"Right." She rolls her eyes.
"How about we sober you up, and I let you do your thing?" Jax asks.
"Fine," I say.
Jilly nods.
"Come on man, let me start you a coffee. Jilly maybe check in with your boy and Piney?"
"Yeah, I think I will."
I watch her walk away, frightened she'll disappear again, or worse she was never really here in the first place. Being in this cabin with my best friend, Jack Daniels has me loopy.
Jax rights a chair. "Sit man" I slump into the chair and drop my head in my hands. "You're one fertile motherfucker bro. I got to give you that," Jax says.
I groan. "No jokes now man."
"Got to do something to lighten this shit up. It's like a damn funeral."
"When your ex comes back telling you about a child, then you can judge me," I snarl.
"My ex did come back, and I had to tell her about my current junkie wife's fucked up pregnancy. I think you got the better surprise."
"I ain't so sure about that," I say.
"I am."
I hear the coffee running into the pot and smell its distinct aroma. My stomach grumbles, and I realize it's been days since I really ate something. Footsteps cross the floor behind me.
"They're good. Told them we'd let them know the place and time when we were ready. You hungry? I could fix something," Jilly says softly.
"That'd be great darling," Jax says smoothly. I've never disliked his ability to charm as much as I do now. I want to drag Jill off to a corner and keep her to myself till the beast screaming inside me is silenced. I rest my head on the table.
"Drink this," Jax says setting down a mug with a heavy hand.
"Ugh," I groan.
"Reminds me of better days," Jilly says.
Jax laughs. "You're first trip to Charming during Spring break. "
"Oh my God, to this day, I've never been that drunk in my life," She says giggling.
"I told you Dad's Tequila was potent," I say. My lips twitch into a small smile.
"I know, but I wanted to impress everyone so badly," she says.
"Oh trust me, you left an impression," Jax says.
"Stop thinking 'bout my girls' tits," I mumble thinking about the impromptu streaking she and Tara had done.
"Can't help it brother, that shit's seared on to my brain," Jax says.
Jill snickers and we all burst into laughter that breaks up the tension filled room.
I sit up and slowly sip the black coffee as Jill moves around the space, salvaging food for a meal, and Jax begins to straighten up.