Chapter Seven

Playlist

Gave you All : Mumford and Son

A/N:

I am so very sorry it's been so long since my last update. My life imploded in the best possible way. I had like four book signings in a row which meant traveling from place to place. On top of that I had a couple of book deadlines and some major blow back from a book release that went insane. I managed to hit the top 100 on Amazon, which was a first and a huge deal. I'm taking some me time this week to get back to this. I haven't forgotten about Opie and Jill, or their story.

Opie.

Staring at the reflection in the mirror, I find I don't know the man gazing back. He looks like me, except there's something missing in his eyes and his entire demeanor. I spent the entire morning sobering up and shooting the shit with Jilly and Jax. It felt good to talk about life before everything got completely fucked, and the club turned into a black hole sucking shit in and killing it. I run my fingers through my hair. I've been a shit dad. I should've been there with the kids right now, but I couldn't handle it. We just barely got past the Dad's basically a stranger after being locked up for three years, and then this happened. Donna had always been the glue that held us together. Mostly because it's the way she made it. Unlike me, she reared them to have one foot in the club and one foot out. It means there's a part of them I can't' relate to.

Donna was always our bridge. The translator that made shit run smoothly. Now I'm lost, overwhelmed and scared as shit I'm going to fuck them up. Kenny's a little easier than Elle. She's like her mother that way with a small tolerance for bullshit, and a healthy dose of mistrust. I resent Donna for the way she made our girl. Not that I have the right to bitch. I knew what I was getting into when I made that choice. It's painful to think I might've made the wrong one. Except for my kids. I would never wish them from existence. Speaking of kids. I can't keep the wide grin off my face. Me and my Jilly made a baby boy. In a twisted way, it felt right that she'd given me my first born male who bore my father's middle name and the name I'd almost gotten. She remembered everything.

"You fall in there or what?" Jax yells.

"You gotta piss?"

"No."

"Then fuck off," I bark. I don't need him around to see me like this. Ever since Tara returned his attention and at times his loyalty has seemed divided. It's best if I handle this one on one with Jill. She's the main person I need to get right with. Leo's spent all this time alone with his mother, he'll notice if we're off. I don't want anything hurting my chances of forming a real, close relationship with my boy. Time to stop hiding and face the world. I turn away from the mirror and exit the bathroom.

"and he lives," Jax cries.

"Dick," I muttur. I peer over at Jill, who's perched on the couch, studying me with a thoughtful expression on her face. She's matured. Her face is slimmer, her ass is bigger along with her tits, and her eyes are full of strength and knowledge. It's attractive.

"You okay?" she asks.

I shrug and shove my hands into my pockets.

"I think we're good for now, Jax. Seems like what we need to do now is a lot of talking, and I don't think either of us wants to do it with an audience," Jill says.

Jax raises his hands in mock surrender. " I know when I'm not wanted. Time's ticking brother. Leo won't stay hidden forever, and Gemma sniffs out secrets like a fucking bloodhound. Better to bring it to her and then Clay first."

The order he suggested the telling of isn't lost on me. If Gemma is behind it, Clay will be more likely to go with the flow just to keep from having to hear her bitch.

"We'll get this shit hashed out by the end of the night. Isn't that right, Jill?" I ask.

"We'll rough out the basics. Going to take a lot more than a day to truly untangle this web."

I nod my head, feeling up for the challenge for the first time since we put Donna in the ground. Jillian had given me something attainable to work toward. One step at a time I could handle. Smooth shit out with Jillian, meet my boy, work on piecemealing what's left of my family together.

"I hear you loud and clear, brother," I say to Jax.

"Alright. For what it's worth, you already look a million times better. Always did have a way with him Jilly Bean," Jax sayd winking as he slips out the front door.

"And then there were two," Jillian says dramatically making me snicker. This is the soberest I've been in God knows how long, and I have to admit, it feels good.

"I don't even know how to start this shit, Jill. What the fuck have you been doing all this time?"

"Work, Leo and more work."

"No old man?" I ask, unable to curb my curiosity.

"No time."

"Bullshit, Jillian. You have always been a master multi-tasker."

"What? You're disappointed I'm not Mrs. So and so?" She asks snarkily.

The exact opposite, and that's the problem.

"Just trying to see who's been in and out of my boys life," I say putting my foot in my mouth.

"Fuck you, Opie. I've done right by our boy. He knows your father, knows his club history, and your family history. Knows of his siblings and he knew of Donna. He doesn't hate your guts, which is like a fucking miracle. What more do you want for me? Life hasn't been all rainbows and sunshine for me. Shit. Being a single parent is hard. Yes, he's worth it, but it wore me down. I'm tired, and my time is up. I can do many things, but showing our son how to become a man isn't one of the. I'm sorry as hell for the reason we're here, but my God did we need it."

Hearing her say she needed me woke something primal. I walk over to the couch and sink beside her resting my hands on her thighs.

"I got a lot to answer for. I haven't been the best dad to any of my kids, but that's going to stop now. I don't like how you did shit. That'll never change, even if I can understand why. But I do hate that you've been alone this entire time. That shit stops today. So we need to figure out what the hell we're telling everyone."

She looks up, and I can see the tears glistening in her eyes. "I wasn't sure you'd be so – " Her voice cracks, and she shakes her head.

"So what?"

"Forgiving."

I close my eyes. "What couldn't I forgive you? I owe you my life. You made living with my mother survivable. She was always putting down me, dad, the club. What I wanted to do with my life, and never letting me have freedom. I was ready to do something drastic, and then there you were the very first day of school." I laugh. I'd done more reminiscing in the past day than I had in years. It felt good. The minute I got out of the pen I'd been thrust into nothing but conflict, internal and external. This was a breath of fresh air and clarity about how I wanted to move forward.

"What do we say to them?"

"The truth. This is your big brother. Once a long time ago before I married your mom, I had another love. Because she didn't want to hurt the family I and mommy had, she stayed away." As I spoke the words, the sacrifice she made awed me. This is love without limitations.

I know this is on the shorter side, but I promise , more will come tomorrow. 3