Bringing it to the table

By

Shyla Colt

Playlist

Coming Home: Diddy

Yellow: Coldplay

By your Side: Sade

Demons: Imagine Dragons

Float on: Modest Mouse

A/n: Thanks to everyone who reviewed. Your words are encouraging and appreciated. This is the first time in too long I've been excited about writing. The break has worked wonders!

JILLY

I'd be lying if I didn't admit I was about to piss my pants right now. I knew this moment would come. Everything that affects a member of Sons is brought to the table. I'm not sure how I'll be received. What I do know is this, Clay doesn't fuck around. He's shrewd and calculated. I recognized it in him after dealing with my father who's ambition and self-importance came first. Clay feigns niceness, but a woman who interferes with club business isn't tolerated. That's Old Lady 101.

It's why I'm over here putting my ass on the line to have coffee with the Queen first. My palms sweat as I pull up outside of Teller-Morrow. I park the rental and step out. I can feel eyes on me. Ignoring their penetrating gazes, I hold my head high and strut my stuff through the lot toward the office.

I made a special trip to the store for this occasion. So, I know I'm flawless in a pair of skinny jeans, a black tank top that shows my cleavage, and knee-high boots with a heel. Aviators obscure my eyes from view, and my hair tumbles down around my shoulders in tamed waves that took me hours to get just right. Today my make-up is biker chic with red lips and perfect pin-up eyebrows paired with cat eyeliner.

I barely recognized myself when I left the house. From the triple take Leo did, I think he felt the same. I usually went with a more laid back aesthetic when I was off the clock. My heels clicked on the hard surface as I entered the shop.

"Can I help you?" A smooth masculine voice asked.

I didn't recognize the brown-skinned man with the Mohawk and tattoos running down the side. He was adorable in a way that put him at odds with the rest of the crew. I wonder what his story is.

"I'm here to see, Gemma, thanks," I say bypassing him as I walk to the office and knock, hovering in the doorway as I take her in. The years have been kind. Her face is a little more mature, but her hair is on point, as is the make-up, hiding lines and wear and tear.

"Can I help you?" Gemma asks, narrowing her eyes and pursing her lips.

I step inside, close the door behind me and push the shades up into my hair. "God, I hope so."

"Holy shit, Jillian?" She whispers. I nod. "Opie know you're here?"

"And Pops," I say.

"Well damn. If you aint a blast from the past. I can only assume you're not here to stroll down memory lane."

I shake my head. "More like unearth family secrets. This is going to be common club knowledge soon, but I knew you'd skin me alive if I let you walk into the situation blind."

"I'm not liking the sound of this shit at all."

"I brought Opie's son with me."

Her eyebrows shot up. "Jesus Christ."

"Yeah."

"He knows?"

"They met. They're working on their situation. There's no animosity, except what he feels toward me. I never spun this shit against him. I let Leo know up front this was my choice and one day I knew I'd have to pay for it."

"Did you know this when you left?" Gemma asked.

"I knew. It was a motivator. You remember those days? Brown wasn't a good color to have hanging around, and pregnant it wasn't about me and what I wanted anymore. Plus. I felt at the time; Donna was a better fit for him."

"You were wrong there, baby girl. She never had the love for us she needed, God rest her soul. I admire your determination to protect your child at all cost. I understand that," she said.

"Can't go back. I can only go forward."

"Why show up now? You coming to collect on his cash and hoping to profit from his grief?"

"Fuck you, I'm the reasons he's back in his house right now trying to parent his children. Piney brought me in. We've been in touch this entire time."

"That old bastard. Figures he'd be in on this," Gemma said pulling out a cigarette. "Take a walk with me."

And here comes the interrogation.

I follow her out, thankful she didn't tear me down with her dagger sharp tongue and rip me a new asshole. We always understood one another, though. I got what it meant to be an Old Lady and I was willing to put things first that needed to be. I never had a love for the drama and lies the way she did. There was always something slightly artificial about her. I wouldn't do whatever it took to survive at the cost of my own soul. I couldn't help but smirk at the curious gazes we received.

"Brown still a rare color around here, huh?" I ask.

"Well, we have, Juice now."

"I'm sorry who?" I said wondering what the hell he'd done to earn that title.

She laughed. "The baby-faced Puerto Rican with the head tats."

"Aaah, so he's not a prospect."

She barked a laugh. " No, not that you can tell half the time. You knew how it being the new guy on the block."

I nod my head. I'd been around to see some of the initiation processes.

"Only reason I didn't throw you out on your ass when you came in is because I liked you. You had guts, understood loyalty, and honesty. You were a good fit for Op. He needed that grounding force, and you had claws. I'm a woman who can appreciate that. You don't make it out alive in this life without that toughness. What's your plan here kid?"

I shake my head. "Hell if I know."

"You better figure it out quick. You want him?" I glance down at the ground and shrug. ""So that's a yes. You'd be good for him. He's been lost since this shit with Donna. You getting him home says a lot. No one else could do that. Even Jackson. Sit," She said as she sank onto the bench.

My head lifts at her words. "I'll give you the speech. You fuck him over, and I'll bury you. That boy's been through enough heartache to last a lifetime. If you're going to stick around, stake your claim and step up. Mary doesn't need to fuck up a new generation and Piney's too damn old and sick to play full-time parent."

"I get it."

"Good. If you're all in, I'll back you."

"Just like that?" I asked shocked.

She laughed. "Oh don't mistake me, if you fuck up, I'll rip your heart out and feed it to you. But you never been stupid. Not even back then. You look well. You're not strung out, or begging for anything, and Piney approved of you. I got respect for that. You fucked up not bringing his boy around sooner."

"Yeah. I didn't think he and Donna could handle the blow. Especially not after he went in." I shook my head. I thought about writing him a million times doing those years he did inside.

"Make it right then. No half in, half out shit. You relocate and dedicate, or don't cause a stir and slink back to whatever hole you crawled out of."

The answer was easy. I was back in it up to my neck. I couldn't leave Opie the way he was now. He needed a firm hand, and those kids deserved someone who was in it for the long run, and not completely fucked up. Mary would ruin them over time and sour them towards the family that would lay down their life to protect them.

I sighed and tilted my head back to stare up at the sky. I never really loved Arizona anyway. I had no real friends to speak of. It was such a transient space with people constantly coming and going, and I'd been too busy raising Leo. It was the perfect storm for loneliness. Not that I allowed myself to be idle long enough to think on it too much.

"What will I do here?" I asked, not content to

"We'll find you something," Gemma said with a smirk. She knows I'm going to stay, the bitch.

I sigh and nod. I'm staying the way I should have seventeen years ago. I can't go back in time, but I can set things straight.

"Well, welcome back to the family. Now you better get your ass out of here before Clay rolls in and starts asking questions. I assume you're leaving that to your man?"

I nod. "Yeap. I'm ghost now."

"It's been interesting," Gemma says as she watches me leave.

It went better than I expected, but I never had quarrel with Gemma. I got where she was coming from, and envied that primal love she held for her child and extended family. I had no doubt, she'd slit someone's throat if it meant keeping either of those two things safe. It was foreign to me. My family's love came with conditions. You could fall out of favor at the drop of a hat. It was a way to control, manipulate, and shame. I made me way to the car unsure if this was the right decision, but positive it was the only one I could make and live with myself. Leo deserved to get a chance to know his father and everything that came with him without feeling he had to divide his loyalties.

The house was in no way, shape, or form calm. Elle resented my presence as much as she was fascinated by Leo and the concept of having an older brother. Kenny was torn between his loyalty to his sister, the memory of his mother, and the desire to be nurtured. Opie wasn't oblivious to the issues. I just didn't think he knew what to do about them, or us. We navigated the rocky waters of the house with curious glancing, painful politeness, and too much silence. I climbed into the car making plans for what needed to happen next. I had to resign, collect my checks, move out of our place, and transfer our money. Holy shit I'm actually going to do this. My hands shook as I pulled into the driveway. Opie had taken the kids to school today per my request, which gave me enough time to see Gemma and get out before he was there to intervene. He'd be bringing everything to the table tonight at church. I'd resigned myself to hoping for the best, but expecting the worse to cover all my bases.

Being in Donna's home was hard. It was like a living tribute. Their pictures covered the walls, rested on tables, and nightstands. It was too soon to make changes, but her eyes seemed to follow me everywhere. I rested my head on the steering wheel in the driveway, reluctant to go inside. Where do I belong in all of this? Every day I ate a table, slept in a bed, and sat on a couch picked out by the woman I'd once lost the love of my life to. I need to suck it up. I didn't put up the fight then, so I damn sure better now. This is my time for redemption.

The rumble of a bike had me sitting up straight. Opie pulled up beside me in the drive. The concern in his hazel eyes, and the frown on his lips twisted my guts. He gestured for me to roll down the window and I obliged.

"What are you doing sitting here in the driveway?"

"I just got back from running an errand."

He paused. "You don't look right."

"Overwhelmed. I'll be fine."

"I know you well enough to know fine never means fine, Jilly."

I waved him off. Now was not the time for a heart to heart.

"Are we going to talk about what the hell we're doing?" he asked bluntly.

I blinked, shocked by his sudden change of heart. A week ago he wasn't sure if he wanted to fuck me or wring my neck. I'd been trying to give him time to digest everything.

"Maybe when I figure it out."

"That's a bullshit answer and you know it. I've hurt my kids more than any father should. I need to give them stability."

"You asking me to stay?" I whisper, afraid to hope.

"I'm asking if that's what you plan on doing."

"No. I 'm not doing a round robin with you. Either you want me here or you don't. "
"it's not that simple—

"Why not?"

"Because I have a lot of different shit going on when it comes to you."

"I understand that. All I'm asking you right now is if you want me around."

"Fuck, Jilly, of course I do. I will always want you. If it's what best for either of us, I don't know. Maybe that's what we need to find out, but my kids they have to come first. If you're going to be here. You have to commit to them too. Even if we don't pan out you can't disappear."

I was proud of him right now. This was a man being a father.

"They're Leo's forever family. I wouldn't do anything to hurt them."

He gave a nod. "I need to get in to work."

"Go," I whispered feeling like we'd just jumped a massive hurdle.