Author's notes: Well the rewrite is finally finished. For those who suffered the original, hope this closes the wound. And for those who didn't, well congrats, you evaded a rather faulty piece of writing.

To anyone who caught the fiasco: Consider things 'back to normal'. Sooner than I would have predicted, actually.

Enjoy.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ash's eyes opened. He probed his hazy mind for a moment, trying to figure out why he felt such a sense of dread, which involved trying to figure out things that could actually make him feel dread. Was he lost in the middle of nowhere (it really sucked when on your own) again? Nope, he was home. Laundry day? Nope, he was home now, that was taken care of. Was he out of food supplies? Nope, home again. Were any of his Pokémon in a medical emergency? Nope, all his Pokémon but Pikachu were at Oak's lab. They were fine. Was he spending another day on his own? Well, you think he'd be used to that by-

"Oh crap." It was today. The day he had to go to Celadon.

He forced himself into a sitting position, yawning. "This is not going to be a fun day." He sighed. So very few actually were anymore. Actually, when was the last time he spent a day having fun?

He got out of bed.

He took a few moments to find his essentials (clothing, and, well that was all he really cared about). He was just about to head to the bathroom for a shower when his foot kicked against something. He looked down, it was his bag. He gave it a look for a moment, considering something.

He nodded to himself, leaning down to seize it before removing something, and in a moment he'd felt that familiar fabric. He looked at it for a moment, feeling a jab in his heart for his trouble but he wanted to do this. He opened his Jacket's heart pocket, placing the folded handkerchief in with the lure. It hurt, to see two reminders, two gifts from her but somehow it felt right to have them together. They belonged together. Like him in a battle. Like Charizard and his family. Like him and Pikachu. Like him and Mist-

"Chu..."

His head snapped to attention, losing all trail of thought. Pikachu was still asleep, but muttering about something (he could make several educated guesses as to what). He considered going over to poke his friend awake, but then he remembered their little...game.

Well, it wasn't so much a game as a small war. It'd started sometime in Unova, and whoever launched the first strike was a fact long forgotten. Ash and Pikachu, two fighters in a pointless conflict. The only rule was: Fight only on days when there was somewhere on the 'to go' list. Last time Pikachu had been the one to seize a victory, but today...

Today it was Ash's turn. He grinned, taking a few moments to leave the room, and return with a small bucket filled to the brim with cold water. He'd soak his bed but it would be worth it. Last time, Pikachu shocked him, and he'd ended up smacking his head on a low tree branch. The result: a day-long headache and numbness in the specific area where Pikachu had shocked him. It became one of those days he was glad he was travelling alone.

It was true: Revenge was a meal best served cold. Or in this case, a drink served ice cold.

"GOOD MORNINGGGGGG PIKACHU!"

It was the final round in their conflict. It was the end of their 'wakeup call war'. Delia had not taken kindly to wet sheets. Now that was a face far closer to what he would have expected when he came back home.

"Still worth it."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Misty double-checked herself in the mirror, clean teeth? Check, clean face? Check. Hair? Ah, she'd yet to fix her side ponytail. She blindly reached down, finding the band which kept her hair in place when her eyes caught something in the mirror.

It was a framed photograph. Of herself, Brock and Ash, back when they were still travelling as a group. Ash, the foundation of the group of three was in the middle, grinning along with Pikachu who'd taken a place on his hat. He had an arm wrapped around the neck of Brock and herself (she was holding Togepi, oh how she missed her first 'baby'...), who were on either side. She remembered taking that picture, well, Delia insisting they pose while she took the picture. Clearly Ash making such close friends meant a lot to her, and it meant a lot to them as well.

Ash's grin was matched only by those he was holding close, even though they were pulled down a bit both herself and Brock considered it one of the best pictures they'd ever taken. It was just them. Three great friends travelling the land. Those were the days...

Days long since gone. Now there was only an uncertain future, one only recently made slightly less so.

Misty had made her decision.

She would not pursue Ash. She'd done that for the longest time and look where it gotten her. She deserved better than that, and Ash didn't deserve the effort she could spend going to him. She'd not let herself wander into his life again only to find herself shut out again eventually. She'd not go to him, but if he ever came to her, then she'd open her door for him. She'd let him in, and if he had something to say worth hearing then she'd let him into her life again. They would be friends once more. After a good, long beating of course (her mallet was always ready and waiting).

As for what she really wanted them to be...well, one thing at a time.

She fixed her signature side ponytail, ready to make the most of her day off. She was leaving the gym in her sister's charge today, not that they had to battle. They had a show today, but she wasn't interested. A happy Azurill had bounced away from Misty when the three sisters started preparing for the day, the child had such an affinity for her sister's shows, especially when Misty took part in them (it happened now and then), so her baby would be staying home, leaving Misty to her carry out her day plan alone.

She had to get to Celadon. It would be good to see May again, and finally meet Dawn in person. She'd only ever really talked to Dawn over the phone, it was a sad thing that her group of friends were so often separated by distance, but even across the distances they kept themselves together.

Most had anyway. It was sad how the very person who'd brought them all together was the one who'd they'd all lost contact with.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ash walked into the fields of Oak's lab with a grin, quickly locating a certain family of fire types. Little Ash quickly ran up to his namesake and found himself swept up into a hug, all the while said namesake moved closer to Charizard and Charla with a slightly nervous grin.

"Hey Charla, Ash, mind if I steal daddy away for a while? I really need a ride to Celadon City and well, nothing's faster than 'air Charizard'."

Charizard gave an amused grunt, before moving in to nuzzle his mate, an action which was eagerly returned. Little Ash made his opinion known. "Charmander!" Charizard smiled, leaning down to nuzzle his son, who his namesake had outstretched. Little Ash hugged his father's face, making his namesake smile. Never would he had expected his Charizard capable of being so gentle. After a moment the child was content, for now, and signalled he was ready to be put down. He ran to his mother, as his father got into a position that signalled he was ready when his trainer was.

"Hey, Ash!"

Ash turned to see. "Tracey, hey! Just picking up Charizard. I need a ride to Celadon."

"Celadon? What do you need to-" It was then Tracey remembered something. "The contest?-OH!"

"Yeah..." Ash fidgeted slightly, former friends were not a pleasant topic, simply because they were former. "I mean, what's the worst that can happen, right?" He walked up to Charizard, quickly taking his position on his back (Pikachu already on Ash's shoulder, clutching his hair, just in case). "Alright, Charizard, time for us to get moving!"

Well, almost. "Wait, Ash! You're not going in disguise?"

"Disguise? Why would I go in disguise?"

Tracey just barely managed to avoid rolling his eyes, Ash was never going to outgrow being dense. "You're the Pokémon Grandmaster! If people see you in public you won't get five seconds to yourself. Get a disguise or something!"

Ash waved a hand, wanting the topic over. "Alright, alright, I got something for that." He looked down at his current mode of transport. "Hey, Charizard. Quick stop at home first, then onwards to Celadon!" Charizard started flapping his wings, almost instantly putting ten feet between his feet and the ground, stopping for a moment to growl out a goodbye to his family. Ash gave his friend a wave. "See you later, Tracey!"

"Good luck, Ash!"

They'd be in Celadon in just under an hour. Charizard really was unmatched in air speed. It was just a matter of Ash managing not to throw up at full speed. Many a Pidove had been the unfortunate victims of Ash's failed training sessions in this regard. Better them than Charizard though.

Charizard had made it perfectly clear he'd drop Ash if he'd been the victim of Ash failing to control his bodily functions. Which meant he had to prevent more than just throwing up.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tracey was an absolute genius.

That's what Ash would have told you in this moment had you asked him. Ash had initially shrugged off the idea of hiding himself in public, but out of a mixture of respect and guilt he took his friend's advice, and what could be the harm? He collected a cloak from home (bought and used in Unova, to use against a mixture of weather conditions and having to talk to people more than need be.). The cloak was rather simple in design. Light brown, with a hood to cover his head, and the cloak itself went down to just below his knees. It didn't have anything in the ways of zippers or openings (except some small pocket-like holes near the waist, so he could reach for his Pokeballs, inside his jacket pockets and such) so he had to pull it over his head to wear it. The cloak also came with sleeves so it was rather comfortable and practical (also roomy), and boy was Tracey right.

He'd needed it.

As he walked through the streets of Celadon, Ash was almost overwhelmed. All around him people were still fawning over the new Grandmaster (randomly flicking through TV channels only showed him so much, but it would be a while before an hour passed when he wasn't on TV. Re-runs of his battles at the championship would be on one channel or another for months.). He passed by restaurants, stores and random groups of people, and nearly everywhere he went he was the topic of their conversation, of the magazines in the stores (he'd dared not even think about what was in most of them) and he even saw a billboard advertising some Pokémon League related thing with his face on it.

The cloak was his shield. With it he was just another person, albeit with a Pikachu on his shoulder but thankfully no one had made the connection yet, though he'd chosen to move carefully when cries of "isn't that Pikachu cute?" reached his ears, lest he draw too much attention to himself. They'd both almost voided their bowels when someone spoke of how Pikachu looked "like the Grandmaster's Pikachu". Fortunately Ash's shoulder, cloak and nose had been spared. As had Ash's pants.

It was actually weirder for Pikachu, because wherever Ash's image was, his was with it. What was he, Ash's mascot?

Ash moved slowly through this new world. Half in something akin to fear, half to just stop and sample the strange wonder. When he'd left Kanto last time he was just another stranger (with some accomplishments to his name), now he was Kanto's biggest name. He was...famous. More than that he was perhaps the definition of fame. He'd come across some big names in his travels, but now he was more famous than them all. He used to be just a no-one. Another face in the crowd that was the world, wanting to be noticed by all. Now he hid his face, taking precautions to not be noticed. This was everything he had worked for. He had seized the Holy Grail.

But he did not seek to drink.

Standing here, at the top now, he found himself thinking thoughts he'd have never dreamed of. Okay, he was Grandmaster, but what was the big deal? Why did everyone suddenly want to know him? Why was he was expected to sell himself to the public? Make appearances, meet other celebrities, interact with people who otherwise he'd have nothing to do with? Why couldn't people just settle with the fact he was the best and leave him be? "I'm not really that special." He dared to take a glance at the window of a store, but no magazine there really said anything about him. He frowned. Where was the magazine that with an article on what it was like trying to wake him up in the morning? The one that gave an honest look at his eating habits and mannerisms? He saw one magazine promising a detailed analysis of his battles at the championship, but where was the one saying how he'd trained for it? The things he had gone through to get there? The bonds he had with his Pokémon?

Where was the one that said what he did to any who were foolish enough to be his friend? The one that revealed what a bad son was? Where was he among everything that bore his image? Because he did not see himself there. A nice ideal perhaps, but someone who might as well have been a stranger to him. This ideal was that of someone who'd almost magically appeared out of nowhere and taken it all. Nowhere was there details of just how he'd done so. Nowhere was the account documenting every step of the struggle, and who'd endured it with him. Had no-one been paying attention? Had no-one noticed those he'd travelled with on his journey? Two of which were currently in this city for crying out loud! The ones he'd travelled with, they were the ones the real Ash Ketchum could have been exposed by. Yet no one had seen fit to ask them.

The world had become...so surreal to Ash. He trudged on, every step taking him further into this strange, strange new world. He walked on a bit faster, still catching snippets of conversation about the Grandmaster, that wonder of a young man. Brilliant, noble, selfless and fearless. The one without weakness, without fault, the one all aspired to be or be with. A living standard of perfection.

No, they were not talking about him. He was none of those things.

Ash came to a stop when he arrived at a park, and saw something which caught his interest. A battle (a good one could almost always catch his eye), but this was not a high class battle. No, something else got his attention. It was between two children, a one-on-one battle by the looks of it. To his left Ash saw one child was using a Machop, which at a glance Ash could tell had been through some training, but not too much. It was his opponent that caught Ash's eye. A little boy, younger than his opponent clearly. It was how the boy stood that interested him, how he composed himself.

How he used a Pikachu for the battle. It was like gazing back in time. Put his old jacket and hat on the kid and you'd almost have a miniaturized version of a ten year old Ash. The battle had been in play for some time, if the Pokémon were any indication, the Pikachu was panting, exhausted. This would seem to be a done battle to all but the most trained eye, and very few were as trained as Ash's were. He knew the look in the eyes of that Pikachu and his trainer to know he wouldn't back down. This battle would seem to have been far from over, but when the Pikachu's trainer suddenly grinned Ash knew that the ending was about to come.

Ash smiled. "This is gonna be good." Pikachu did too, his thoughts along the same line.

"I'll show you! Me and Pikachu are gonna be the best! Just like Ash Ketchum and his Pikachu!" Ash couldn't repress the very strange sensation that coursed through his spine at that (Pikachu didn't even bother trying). This kid actually wanted to be like him! That was gonna take some serious getting used to. "Pikachu! Get up close with Agility!"

"Pika!" The Pikachu moves swiftly, each step met with a 'pika' of effort. Quickly the mouse Pokémon got closer to his opponent.

A foolish mistake. "Karate Chop, Machop!" Machop formed his hand into a make-shift blade, ready to deliver the final blow. Pikachu's trainer had cost his Pokémon the battle.

Or so it would have seemed. "Pikachu! Uproar! The Pikachu opened its mouth and screamed, the sheer force and volume forcing Machop to flinch and grab his ears, stopping his attack. Which was all the stall time Pikachu required. "Electro Ball!"

The Pikachu pulled back his tail for a moment, his body briefly crackling with sparks before a small sphere of electrical power formed near the tip of the tail. The Pikachu slammed its tail, the energy along with it right into his opponent's face, the backlash of the attack knocking both Pokémon back from the force of the attack. Both Pokémon attempted to get up, but Pikachu's last attack had taken a toll on both of them.

It was a draw. Ash resisted to urge to clap, not wanting to disturb the children. That had been some pretty good thinking for a child. However, his opponent didn't feel the same way.

"Well you still haven't beat me yet. You'll never be Grandmaster." With that the boy walked off, with Ash resisting the urge to challenge the little brat and beat some humility into him and his Machop, but he had a more intriguing thing to address. He walked up to the child, who was currently tending to his Pikachu.

"He's a jerk, Pikachu, don't listen to him. He's just jealous that he's older than me but I'm as good as he is."

Ash reached the child, not bothering to greet him before speaking. "You'd have done better to use Electro Ball in tandem with agility. Electro Ball gets stronger the faster its user is moving ya know."

The boy looked up, intimidated by the tall, cloaked figure that had just waltzed up to him and started talking. Ash paid his reaction no mind (he'd gotten too used to such reactions). His Pikachu jumped down, walking up to the other Pikachu to offer some words of encouragement. "Also, using Electro Ball like that, pretty good for inflicting heavy damage, but it takes a while for the Pokémon using it to get the hang of not getting hurt when trying that." Ash looked down at his own Pikachu. "Like my Pikachu did."

"Your Pikachu?" The boy suddenly gasped, that voice! "You're-"

"Shhhhh." Ash shifted his hood slightly, giving the child and his Pikachu alone a view of his face before he winked. "You got talent kid, and guts. You're a lot like me when I started out. Don't give up. Get strong, you and your Pikachu, and when you do come find me." Ash grinned. "And remember to teach your Pikachu Iron Tail, and let's see if he can cross tails with my Pikachu."

The boy was utterly floored, the Grandmaster was speaking to him! The Grandmaster was speaking to him! He could only nod stupidly, grinning like an idiot. To Ash it really was like looking at a younger version of himself. Ash smiled. "Keep my advice in mind. I'll see you in battle someday."

Ash's Pikachu gave the boy's a grin of his own. "Pika chu pi chu, pi chu ka?" I won't hold back, you got that?

The Pikachu grinned, but like his owner was a little too shocked to say anything. Pikachu really did carry one amazing reputation among his kind (that were owned by trainers) now.

Ash held out an arm, and his trusted friend hopped onto his shoulder, he turned around, but turned his head back. "What's your name, kid?"

"Uh, Michael. Michael Ryde."

Ash slowly nodded. "I'll be keeping an eye out for that name. Kick some ass, kid." Ash walked away, smiling to himself. Truth be told there wasn't much he was liking about his station so far. Fans everywhere, constantly wanting to hound him. His face on every TV, magazine and billboard (he was still working through that one) his eyes could find. Not to mention every news station and company wanting to use him to boost their ratings/sales. No, there wasn't much he was liking, but having children look up to him, and wanting to follow in his footsteps gave him was an interesting feeling.

Helping those children on their way down said path, yeah, that he liked. He wondered for a moment if that boy's journey was going to be anything like his own when he finally started. The life and death situations he'd find himself in, the occasional 'save the world' job he'd been handed, the age-defining battles, and the great friends he'd found on the way...

"Well if he doesn't screw up the last part he'll be fine."

He stopped and turned to look at Michael when he got far away enough, the boy was just going home. "Good luck, Michael."

As he watched the child go, his Pikachu standing on his shoulder, he couldn't help but see someone else in his place. A boy in an official Pokémon League hat, a blue jacket and a head full of a simple, innocent dream..."When did I stop...being like him?" Ash Ketchum, that little boy from Pallet town hardest head and biggest heart around. That wonder of a boy. That noble, selfless, fearless, amazing young boy.

He turned once more and walked, he could not stand to see even the image of his ten year old self.

That Ash Ketchum would judge him harsher than anyone, except perhaps himself...

"When did I stop being him?"

XXXXXXXXXXXX

As it turned out, getting into the audience of a Pokémon contest was extremely easy, even if you were hidden in a cloak. Ash had worried he'd be forced to reveal himself but he'd been spared that horror. He sat in a corner, way at the back, trying his best to (as usual for him now) to avoid strangers. Pikachu masked his pained look. There was a time Ash liked to be around crowds, around new people, but now he'd go out of his way to avoid them, even suffering inconveniences if need be (he'd once delayed entering a city for a gym battle for three days due to some festival, and the nights out in the wilderness had been absolutely freezing). Pikachu'd had a spark of hope when Ash had talked to Michael, a hope that maybe he was starting to break out of his shell, but the second Ash suddenly paused at seeing the size of the crowd that was coming to watch that hope had gone down the throat of a Muk. Pikachu knew all too well that if this wasn't so important to Ash he'd have walked away. Fortunately this was important, but he swept inside the building as fast as he could, talking only to purchase his entrance into the contest (after his little visit to a bank cash machine...Ash never did tell him how much in Ketchup that amount was.)

Pikachu made a makeshift seat for himself (sitting on Ash's shoulder and leaning against the back wall). They were going to be here a long while. He smiled, at least he'd get to see some old friends today and if all went well Ash would have some old friends back. He turned to look at Ash, but his hood obscured him, Pikachu hated that thing! Often was he and Ash could read one another near perfectly with little more than a look, the hood negated that outright. Pikachu could not completely quell the irrational fear, the fear that sometimes Ash wore that to shut him out along with the rest of the world, but then Ash would strike up conversation, or reach up at seemingly random times to pet his friend, and he'd stop worrying.

"Ah, perfect timing." Pikachu gave a contented sigh as Ash's hand found the underside of his chin and started scratching. "I should get his mom to pet me more..." Ash withdrew his hand "Hey!", before it returned with something even better than a petting. "Chaa!" Thanks!

"What bottle are you up to, anyway?"

"Chu ka." Lost count. Ash chuckled.

In the various rows before him people were gathering, taking seats and getting hyped up for the battles to come. It was to be quite a day. Ash never paid the people even the slightest mind, if he had he'd might have noticed something. Might have, but from his vantage point he could see the entire ring, he had no reason to even shift his head and he would not do so for the entire contest.

Ash would never angle his vision just slightly to his left.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Misty took a careful look around, quickly settling into a seat, the crowds were starting to really file in now, but she managed to find herself a spot near the front before things got too bad, she wanted to her friends to see her cheering them on.

She never took a look behind her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

The appeal rounds had been something, Ash didn't really see what the big deal was about contests these days but he had to admire some of the pretty combinations that he'd seen taken place. May and Dawn had passed the appeal rounds easily (naturally), and one by one the battles had taken place, quickly filing off lesser contestants.

Ash was grateful for the five minute set time limit in each match. Battles that dragged on really did take up the time that other fighters could use in the ring. Pikachu's fight against Cynthia's Garchomp alone had taken what felt like forever to end. No, this was simpler, not as exciting in the same way the Championship had been, but when beauty was the goal it created it's own distinct charm. Ash very much doubted he could do the whole contest scene now, his Pokémon were warriors, not showmen, and he himself no longer had the mentality to even try and make a battle look good. He'd be very out-of-place in a contest now.

He signed, and smiled. No matter, because two people who were very much in place in the contest world were taking the stage. The final match had come, May against Dawn. Now this is what he'd come to see. He didn't want to pick favourites in this one, but currently it was 2:1 to Dawn (or 1:0 if you don't count a draw)...hey, gotta be fair. "Good luck, May."

"Ka Pikaka!" Go Dawn!

Well at least Ash didn't have to feel bad now. Now both girls had somebody cheering for them.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ash would never again find an interest in contests. But he'd always enjoy a good battle, and that had been one great fight. Both Pokémon still stood at the end of it, and it was again up to the judges who would win (maybe next time one of the Pokémon would actually faint, Ash secretly hated victories decided by judges, they were just so damn cheap to him). It was an agonizingly long minute before the winner was declared.

May

The crowd erupted with applause as May jumped for joy, finally the score was even!

Up in the stands Ash clapped, a grin on his face. "They really are great." Again he couldn't quite stop a surge of emotion, guilt be dammed!

He really was proud of them both.

Ash didn't pay much attention through the ceremony (he hadn't paid attention to his own, actually...did they even give him a trophy? Nope, he'd have taken it home with him. He'd wonder about why there was no trophy eventually). He did smile, even if he wasn't paying attention. His two (former) friends were well on their way to achieving their dreams, how could he not be happy for them? He just wished he'd paid more attention to them along the way. Well no matter what happened he was going to keep careful watch on them as time passed, and whether or not they wanted him to, he'd be watching when they finally reached their dreams.

He didn't have the slightest doubt that they would.

Eventually the ceremony ended, and row by row the rows of spectators cleared out, Ash remaining in place until he had a clear path out. In all that time he didn't pay even the slightest bit of attention to the moving crowd.

Nor did any member of the crowd pay attention to him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Two years alone can teach you a lot of things, it can teach you to wait, to think, to have patience. Ash never would have thought he'd learn these traits, but alas there he was, biding his time carefully. Crowds had been heavy once the contest was over, alive with the buzz of what they had all witnessed. Ash had quickly, and stealthily retreated from the reach of the crowd, partly because he didn't like crowds, partly because they already had enough to talk about without knowing the Grandmaster was among them.

He'd watched carefully, and eventually his goals had emerged. They'd both been hounded by adoring fans for a while, but that passed, now both were finally in a (relatively) crowd less street. It'd taken a while, but finally both May and Dawn were alone, pretty much. There were people around, but none were interacting with the pair, one of which was looking slightly more giddy than the other, but restraining herself. Ash took in a breath. "This I can do. They got off lightly next to..." He released his breath. "Well this is pretty much as good as I'll get. If I don't get lucky here then I have no chance anywhere else."

He removed the hood of his cloak, he'd do this face to face, no deceptions. He took another breath and prepared to move forward. He needed to do this while he still had his nerve. He took a step forward, then another, before finding his strength and taking more.

Before one sound took it all away from him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"May! Dawn!"

Misty ran with a spring in her step, dear Arceus it was hard to keep track of two mini-celebrities in a crowd but Misty was nothing if not determined, and at last she had found them. Now it was time to spend a day with old friends.

"Misty!" Both May and Dawn waved her over, and finally the three were together. Today was going to be a great day, a wonderful day, without the single slightest worry or concern.

Save for one.

"IT'S ASH KETCHUM!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

From the second he heard her voice, from the second his mind processed the fact that she was here. From the second he understood, he couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't do a thing. Then he saw her, and gasped, she really was here. He was mesmerized, watching her every step, taking in her every detail. Her face, her hair, her smile, her eyes.

Misty

He thought someone might have said his name...he wasn't sure. All he knew is that somehow, the unthinkable happened. The impossible. The one thing he dreaded, and longed for at the same time.

She looked at him.

May and Dawn had too, but all he could see, all her could perceive was her. His blood froze. His heart stopped, his world was suspended in time. For just this moment there was only him and her.

So many emotions burst through him at once he couldn't process them normally. One instant there was glee, it was Misty! Then shame...it was Misty. He wanted to run to her. He wanted to run away. He wanted to fall to his knees before her and say he was sorry. He wanted to shut her out, so he'd never have to face the wrath he knew he deserved. As he looked at her his world was knocked out of orbit, all because of what he saw.

He saw it in her eyes. Those beautiful eyes...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ash

She almost smiled. She almost frowned. She almost jumped for joy. She almost ran over and started screaming at him. She wanted to hold him. She wanted to start breaking his bones. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to shut him out, so maybe he would know what it was like to be abandoned. All these emotions were made all the more confusing by what she saw.

She saw it in his eyes. Those wonderful eyes...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

No. This was...

He couldn't do it. He could have faced May and Dawn, but not her.

Not Misty...

His heart clenched, actually causing him real pain as the weight of his own feelings rammed into his chest. He almost moved his hand to reach for his heart, but the vision of what was in front of it stopped him, why couldn't he just move those memories away from his heart? Shame nailed him to the spot and strangled his heart tighter and tighter. This was all his fault, this pain, the way things were, but somehow, it was only in this moment that perhaps the worst fact of all delivered the final blow to him. He knew that in the end they'd simply ceased talking. That he knew...

But he didn't know who'd stopped talking first.

He'd give anything to change things...but he had nothing that was near valuable enough to trade for that wish. He couldn't take his eyes from hers...he didn't know what to do. He tried, but he couldn't think of what to do...

"KAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" RUNNNNNNNNNNN!

Of course...

That was what he should do.

He turned, running from the growing crowd with all the strength his body could give him. Running from her with all the strength he could find. His mind processed the hoard of fans only as obstacles, ones he shifted quickly to avoid.

He had to get away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She watched him go. She watched as his form was pursued by the growing crowd. She watched as he ran. She watched as he ran from her. She wasn't sure what she should have felt, but her mind was too curious to be restrained by feelings.

"What are you doing here, Ash?"

Her heart stung. Well it couldn't have been for her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He was running.

He was gonna keep on running. Until his feet bled, until his legs broke, no, even if they did he wasn't gonna stop running! He wanted to, no he needed to keep on running! He couldn't face her again. He couldn't see what he had done. He couldn't face those eyes. Those eyes...He shook his head, he couldn't think about that! He kept running, but it wasn't fast enough! He wasn't fast enough! Not nearly enough distance had been put between them, but what did he have that was faster than-?

He reached into his cloak, quickly seizing "Charizard! The Dragon-like Pokémon emerged with a mighty roar, but before he even realized what was going on Ash had jumped onto his back. "Fly!"

Not fully grasping the situation, Charizard rose up anyway, but not too quickly. He took a moment to look at the area around him, a quickly growing crowd of people, due to his trainer most likely. It was understandable he'd been called, his trainer didn't like crowds these days so a retreat was logical, consider they were coming from all directions. He was about to fly off when-Ash's friends! Charizard had come in so late in Ash's Unova tour he didn't know the full story, so he concluded the most logical thing he could. Ash's friends were there, and he hadn't seen them in such a long time. Surely he'd want to greet them/say a proper goodbye at the very least? Charizard flapped his wings, very quickly making the journey to the area just above Ash's (former) friends.

Ash had slammed his eyes shut, so he didn't notice Charizard looking around, but he did notice when Charizard was flying in a direction other than 'up'. He opened his eyes just as Charizard stopped, and found himself looking down at-

It was still there...it was all he could see in her eyes.

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Charizard had stopped above them, and once again Misty found herself looking into his eyes.

It was still there...it was all she could see in his eyes.

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Pain

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"I can't..." His eyes stung, but he wouldn't break, he couldn't let himself break. Not in front of her, he didn't have the right to break before her. He didn't have the right to show her pain. Long gone were the times she would help him, that he could go to her for help. A single tear found escape, travelling down the side of his face.

Pikachu looked to his friend sadly, this wasn't going anywhere, especially with the crowds rapidly moving towards them. Ash couldn't do anything, he was too locked in his emotions. Pikachu gently whispered to Charizard.

Take us home.

Charizard flapped his wings harder, and the three of them rose higher and higher, but still Ash could not look away, could not act, and still the tear crept down his face. Crept further and further down as they rose higher and higher. Misty was getting smaller, further and further away, and soon all he could make out was the familiar shine of her hair.

Still he could not turn away. "Misty..."

The tear fell from his face, falling down to the world below.

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She felt it, a warm drop fall onto her face. It landed just beside her eye. She somehow knew what it was, and she knew where it had come from. She reached up, claiming the drop of emotion in her hand. "Ash..."

He rose, further and further until finally Charizard he was gone. She didn't turn away until Charizard had turned and gone, and she knew Ash hadn't either.

She looked down, her now open hand holding the remains of Ash's tear. It said so much...but so little. He was sorry for what he did, but why did he even abandon her to begin with? He cared about her, but he'd never made any of the efforts she had. He was in pain, but didn't he realize she was too?

He missed her...

...she missed him too.

She closed her hand, letting the tear be split by the fingertips. So warm, so honest was the feeling that spread over her fingertips but she tried to ignore it. She would not let this sway her. She wasn't wrong, she had made the right choice.

Still, she could not silence a pang of guilt, and a second one of pain.

Besides her May and Dawn were ranting to one another about 'that jerk' but Misty didn't care. She could tell that they, like she were masking how they really felt. She didn't blame them, just like she'd never blamed herself. She repressed a sad smirk, even with what Ash had done, and how easy it had seemingly been for him to do so. Even after all that...

Everyone he had abandoned still cared about him.

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The trip home was mostly uneventful, save for running into a wild, angry Fearow (is there any other kind?). A quick flamethrower took care of that problem. Charizard landed back at Oak's lab, and Ash quickly discovered how little Ash liked to greet his parents when they got back from a trip.

You'd think fire would have affected him, but the bigger Ash merely got down and walked home, stopping to quickly pet little Ash before doing so. He never said a word the entire way home.

Later he sat at the dinner table with his Mom (Mimey tending to the household flower garden, of great personal pride to the Clown-like Pokémon, and Pikachu out "working off some Ketchup", likely by looking for a sparing partner back at the lab, Ash had feeling Scrafty would be the one to take the offer, he was determined to beat Pikachu one day.), and it was an oddly silent affair. Delia knew something was wrong within the first few minutes. Normally by then Ash had emptied his plate, and would be regaling his Mother with whatever story she asked for (she'd seen all his battles at the championship on TV, but she loved it when he told her about them. Cameras caught the moves, the action, but she quickly learned that it couldn't capture the feeling, the thoughts, the soul of the trainer at work), but today he was just idly picking at his food, completely silent. Sometimes bothering to consume a bite but he'd quickly regress to his brooding.

Delia took a moment to think, she knew Ash had gone to Celadon today (he said yesterday that's where he'd be going), but he hadn't said why. She was unaware of the contest in Celadon, so she had to try and draw her own conclusions. She couldn't think of anything that made real sense (none of Ash's close friends lived in Celadon) so she decided there must have been something she was missing.

What that was however...well she'd have to ask him.

"So how was your day, honey?"

Ash lightly poked his meal before finally letting the fork go, creating a brief clatter as it hit the plate. He was quiet for a moment, and slowly his gaze aimed down, hiding his face beneath his messy hair.

"I...I saw Misty today."

Yes, that would explain it perfectly. Out of all those Ash had...lost touch with in his travels, Misty was the one who was affecting him most. She knew it when she found him...well she was still trying not to think about that memory. She knew it when he'd run off when Misty had called. In a way she was glad, she liked Misty, and she was the only girl (indeed the only person) Delia who'd ever seen that could match Ash's headstrong nature and control his ego when need be (which was more often that Delia cared to admit). Ash in turn always made the young maiden's life fun. Even when they weren't actually doing anything Misty was never truly bored in his presence, he kept her happy, and she did the same for him. They gave one another strength. Misty lived a rather dull life before and after travelling with Ash, and he did something that Delia felt her sisters never did enough.

He cared about her. Even she'd admit Ash wasn't always the best at showing just how much he cared back in the day, but he did show it in subtle ways, little things she (and she hoped Misty) noticed. He'd make her laugh, make her smile. Even while they argued (Delia personally found their arguments entertaining), Ash, as well as Misty always did those very subtle things that meant though they were mad, they still cared about each other. Whether it'd be the look in their eyes, a small hint in their body language, or taking restraint never to go a step too far. This was made even sweeter to Delia because she had an inkling to just why they argued as much as they did.

It was far easier to ignore your love for someone while arguing with them.

She looked across to her son with a small sad smile, she was sure somewhere along the line things were going to work out, but she hated seeing him like this. Even she would admit her son hadn't been a saint, but he was such a good boy, no, a good young man. He'd never wanted to hurt anyone, he'd just gotten sidetracked, extremely so, but he'd come back the second he was finished with his dream, and he was sorry for what he'd done.

It was good enough for her, she just hoped it would be for everyone else. She didn't want her son in pain.

Oh no. She saw it before he'd even made a sound.

He was crying.

"Oh, baby." She rose up, quickly moving around the table to embrace her son. She felt his tears fall upon her as she clasped him to her.

"She must hate me-" He choked back a sob. "I'd hate me. I..." He forced himself further into his Mother's embrace. "You should hate me." He held his mother tighter. She didn't hate him, he didn't understand why, but she didn't, and for that he was never going to be stupid enough to let her go again. He really did have the best mother in the world, not something he felt he deserved but he'd throw away his title before giving her up. He simply let himself weep. Weep for a life that was doomed to be lonely, doomed to be full of regret. A life that would be spent wishing he could take it all back, wishing he could undo his mistakes.

The life he'd earned.

Delia held her crying son close, gently whispering to what he needed to know, and she longed he would believe. "She doesn't hate you, Ash. She doesn't. She could never hate you." She continued saying these things to him, hoping that they would break through the veil of sadness that covered his heart.

Ash listened to her words, desperately searing them into his mind. If he tried hard enough, maybe, just maybe he could believe them, If only for the moment. If only for one blessid moment...

For that one moment, everything could be okay.

Delia stroked her weeping son's hair, her thoughts upon the one who had triggered his tears. "If only you could see him, Misty." Her thoughts were of the two, she'd had a feeling about the two since she'd first heard about Misty, and when she met her she'd found herself even hoping it. Now, now she was certain of it, only she had this hold on her son. Only she could affect him this much. They were going to be together...if fate was kind enough. If Misty's heart could still be opened to her son. "If only he could realize just how much he loves you."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Misty was laying in bed, Azurill already having long since fallen asleep, but she would be up a little while longer. Her mind was still running through the day. Ash had been in Celadon. He'd come to watch the contest. He'd come to see Dawn and May. He'd come to talk to Dawn and May.

He hadn't come for her.

That hurt. Did she really mean less to him than Dawn and May? She didn't have anything against either of them (she really liked them actually) but...she'd known him longest, she'd spent the most amount of time travelling with him, she loved him. Okay, she would grant that May and Dawn were only in Kanto for the contest, so he'd needed to take the opportunity while he had it (though they both intended to stick in Kanto for a short while together, not that Ash knew that), but she was in reach of Ash every day. She was so easily within his (physical) reach, yet he didn't come to her, May and Dawn were further away, yet he'd come to them when an opportunity sprung up. With a sting in her heart she wondered...did he feel something more for one of them?

She dreaded to think about it, so for now she didn't. She continued running through the rest of the day.

The rest of the day after Ash's little show had been fun, a restaurant, then the rest of the day was spent regaling one another with stories of battles/contests fought, with May and Dawn often in hysterics after Misty mentioned her new rule at the gym; challengers pick which Pokémon (out of those that fight, some are there just for performances) will be their opponents.

Many tended to pick the weaker looking Pokémon.

Many also tended to leave with their egos brutally beaten, along with their Pokémon. Only a couple days ago somebody decided to be funny and picked her 'baby' to fight, 'forgetting' Azurill was not one of the 'fighting' Pokémon.

As far as she knew his Pokémon were still in the Pokémon Center. One thing about Misty's 'children', they were forces to be reckoned with. Just like their 'mom' in that respect.

It had really been a fun day, but there was always that subtle shadow cast over them, the shadow named Ash. His presence in the city had been one none had expected yet there he was, and Misty knew Ash enough to conclude that he had come to where May and Dawn were for a reason. She had said nothing about Ash's presence, but she could not shake the memory of...she looked down at her hand...the hand which had held his tear, which created a morbid sense of hope inside Misty's heart.

The tear had been for her. She clenched her hand again.

She had made her decision, and she wouldn't let a drop of emotion sway her.

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A sigh met the sound of Ash falling onto his bed, he was finally ready to call it a day, and what a crappy day it had been. He didn't expect today to be easy, or even pleasant, but damn. Just seeing Misty again, seeing her eyes...

He'd never told her or anyone else (and wasn't planning to), but he'd always liked Misty's eyes. That wonderful green with a subtle touch of blue really captivated him. He guessed there was some fancy name for that color but he never bothered looking it up, and asking someone about it would have likely got him teased for weeks (Brock about a month at least, and Misty herself would have never let him live it down). He knew it probably wasn't very manly to like a girl's eyes so much, but he didn't care, he really liked her eyes. He'd heard it said over the years that the eyes were the windows of the soul, well he never thought about it on a deep level, but he knew eyes could tell you a lot if you looked at them.

He'd quickly gotten used to telling when she was angry (like he needed her eyes for that, often his head would be screaming it at him within a few seconds, and not from of a sudden surge of thought), when she was scared (which was funny to him if it was because of Bug Pokémon, though he'd dare not laugh or she'd convert to angry). When she was determined (always an interesting one), happy (always made him happier too), sad (opposite effect of the happy look), when she was thinking, when she was scheming. He was rather skilled in telling how Misty felt when he put his mind to it, and one look at her eyes today told him he'd royally screwed things up.

But there was always one emotion he could never identify, and he'd tried to do so (always getting annoyed when he couldn't). It was a something her eyes only ever held for him, it was only prominent rarely, the last time he remembered seeing it was when he'd returned from Hoenn, and she'd been at his house waiting for him. It was a strong emotion whatever it was, but he had no idea and it had bugged him to no end. That wasn't the strangest part, the strangest part was something he intended to take to the grave.

He'd really liked it when her eyes showed him that emotion. Didn't know why, he just did. It gave him this weird feeling inside, it was warm, and it was so comforting, he felt like nothing to could possibly go wrong. It somehow made all the sense in the world, even if he couldn't begin to understand it. He'd gone to sleep smiling many a time because of that feeling.

Perhaps the worst thing about Misty leaving when she did was knowing he'd never see that emotion, never feel that feeling again. He was absolutely ecstatic when he was proven wrong, and when the feeling came back stronger than ever. He'd had to forcibly fight down a sudden urge to...hug her when he saw that emotion again. And not just a normal hug either, he'd wanted to hug her tight and never let go.

There wasn't a chance he'd see it again now...and that made him want to cry.

He closed his eyes, the real world was becoming too much of a hassle, maybe sleep would be kinder to him. Maybe not.

As he slowly felt into a slumber, he couldn't silence his last thought.

As horrible as the day had been...it'd almost been worth it..."Just to see her eyes again..."

The darkness grew behind his eyes, even as they became warm with the sadness breaking free from them. He fell asleep, still with the sadness freeing itself from his eyes, contradicted only by the look upon his face.

He was smiling.

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The crowds roared as Grandmaster Ash Ketchum emerged onto the field. It was time for his first title defence, and it was going to be a glorious battle. He was alone, not even Pikachu was with him as he walked out into the field. That didn't matter, he didn't even think about or notice it. The world was darker than normal, and all he could see was a figure coming out of the darkness in front of him, coming to stand face to face with him.

Ash gasped.

A much shorter figure stood in front of him, wearing a signature hat and jacket Ash could have spotted a mile away. The world seemed to almost entirely fade away, there were no crowds cheering, no atmosphere of a battle about to pass. Now there were only the two. Ash...

...and Ash.

The ten year old Ash looked up into the eyes of his older self, angry, enraged even, alive with a fire that burned with more intensity than any sun in the universe, spoke of pain that could fall even the strongest, of loneliness darker than night itself. All this seeped out in a tone with a most venomous fang."What have you done to me?"

How dare he

How dare this little brat say that! Ash had spent six years working tirelessly for the dream the boy in front of him had set out to do. Ash had travelled the lands, fought countless battles, shed blood, sweat and tears and taken himself to the breaking point and beyond to do what he did! Didn't he know how much Ash had gone through to earn what he had? Didn't he know how much Ash had sacrificed?

He his ten-year old self didn't have the right to look at him like that!

"I fulfilled your dream! I did what you set out to do! I made you the best there is! I made you the strongest! I made you the greatest Master of them all!"

This did nothing to quell the fire that burned in those younger eyes, instead it only grew, droplets of it escaping as water. "Then why am I so alone?"

The younger Ash clenched his fists, his body shaking from the emotions that were fighting to free themselves. "Why are my friends gone?"

The younger Ash rushed forward, seizing his older self by the collar and both fell back, the ground ceasing to exist as the both continued to fall. Ash could only see the face of his younger self, the rage, the sadness, the fear, the shadows of emptiness...his own eyes. All his mistakes reflected back at him.

"Why do I hate you?"

They fell, into nothingness, into an endless darkness, and all Ash could see was his younger self still grasping him, still asking that question, the only one he'd ever ask.

"Why?"

Falling.

"Why?!"

Falling...

"WHY?"

Falling...

"WHY?"

XXXXXXXXXXX

His eyes shot open, but the sounds of his younger voice still reverberated in his mind, casting that unanswered question to all areas of his thought, seeking, demanding an answer.

An answer Ash did not have to give.

He closed his eyes and sighed, before turning over with his eyes open again. It'd be a while before he'd fall asleep again. It was sometime after midnight, but the moon still shone bright through his open window, illuminating many things in the room. His eyes found some trophies, some trinkets of his travels, some choice items that were on display. Then he found something that really caught his attention.

His eyes found a very old framed photograph. Had his mood been lighter he'd have laughed, it was the day he'd set out for his journey. His Mom had made him stand by the fence of Oak's lab and whipped out a camera just before he'd left town, eager to catch the momentous occasion. In the photograph was a ten year old Ash, day one on his journey to become a Master. He was already wearing the rubber gloves his mother had given him, and had Pikachu tied up. The Mouse Pokémon was looking away from the camera, arms crossed and not looking even remotely pleased with the situation. Ash on the other hand was grinning. How long had it been since he'd grinned like that? And those eyes, such fire in them, such passion, such innocence in them, such strength and resolve.

When had he lost all that?

Ash took one good look at the picture in the light of the moon, the smiling face of the child he'd long since been...long since left behind...long since abandoned, just like so many others.

"I'm sorry..."

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End of Chapter

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Author's notes:

Not much of a change I admit, but I removed the needless/dark stuff, and extended some of the good stuff, I figure there might as well be a bonus for you fans who stuck with the book somewhere.

'Down the throat of a Muk': My attempt at a Pokémon version of 'down the shitter'. I figure Muk is about the most disgusting Pokémon around, so anything that gets lost in a Muk is not something you want to try getting back.

Last thought:

Notice the tradition in the anime now of the new main female character beating the previous one? Dawn did it to May, now Iris did it to Dawn. Why is it that the writers of Pokémon always seem to say 'up yours' to the previous main female? It really undermines all the episodes the previous main was around (and all the character development involved there). I'd call that bad writing, but my writing is just fan writing. Meanwhile theirs is the writing that still rakes in who knows how much cash. Likely more in a month or two than I will in my lifetime at least.