The sun was beginning to sink, gold and red rays of light streaming over the tops of the mountains in the west, when Gandalf came for them. Immediately the company ran inside Beorn's house, crowding around where Bilbo had been laid in a cocoon of blankets and pillows beside the fire. He was still pale, and his eyes were closed, but it was clear he was no longer at death's threshold.

"Thank you." Tears were in Thorin's eyes as he went to Beorn, who was watching the company through hooded eyes from the other side of the room. "I don't know what I would have done- thank you. How could I repay you?"

Beorn snorted. "Not all beings seek reward for good deeds, dwarf," he rumbled. "You and your companions wash quickly in the river; take care that you return before the moon ascends. The grey wizard has explained enough to me that I shall allow you to remain here for some time, so long as you keep your peace."

Thorin nodded and bowed, backing quickly away. He ushered the company out the door, and they went quickly to the river. Amelia watched them go, then knelt by Bilbo's side.

His skin wasn't cold any longer, and the pulse beneath her fingers was steady. Amelia breathed a sigh of relief and tucked his blankets further over him before going to where Beorn sat at his table, gazing with an unreadable expression out the window.

"You have not gone to bathe," he observed. His eyes didn't leave his view, where green plains stretched far into the distance to the south.

"There is a bit of a difference in gender," Amelia commented. "I'll go after them."

"If they do not return with enough time for you to go to the river?"

Amelia shrugged. "I can wait the night." She moved closer to the table, and when Beorn didn't comment, sat beside him.

"Thank you," she said at last. "For saving my friend."

Beorn nodded. For several minutes they sat in silence, and then Beorn turned to study Amelia. She let him, refusing to stir under his scrutiny.

"You should have those wounds looked at," he said suddenly.

Amelia glanced over to him with raised eyebrows, then shook her head. "The bleeding has long since stopped. I heal quickly."

"Hmm." Beorn made a disapproving noise deep in his throat, letting Amelia know he disapproved. He made no further comment though, and the two sat in silence.

At last the men returned. They smelled much better, and each had done their best to wash their clothes in the river. As a result each was sopping wet, but Gandalf flared the fire a bit, and the company settled down around it to dry.

Amelia glanced outside. The sun was setting, and night was taking over the sky. Beorn stood beside her, shooting her a pity filled glance as he made his way to the door.

"Lock this door behind you," he ordered. "Do not leave the house before sunrise."

With that he was gone. Amelia and a still wet Gandalf fitted thick bars of oak over the door, and when Amelia looked out the window Beorn had vanished. The only sign of him was a pair of trousers lying in the grass near the small wooded area that stretched to the north.

The company ate some of the food in the house, though, clearly afraid of their host, they took little, and then settled down for bed. They grouped around Bilbo protectively, hands on swords and axes. Amelia sat in a nearby wicker chair, tired to the bones but somehow still wide awake.

At last the company was asleep. Even Gandalf, though his eyes remained open. Amelia watched the stars drift lazily across the sky, and in the distance heard the cry of a very large bear.

She rose only when the fire began to burn low, leaning over the company to throw a couple of logs onto it. The motion caused pain to flare through her back, and she grimaced as she returned to her seat.

Turning her gaze back to the night sky, she wondered what would happen if she simply left. If she strolled out into the night. She could wait for the company on the edge of Mirkwood, follow silently behind them through the rest of their journey, aiding from the shadows.

Or maybe not. Maybe Beorn would kill her. The thought was somehow almost appealing. Amelia even stood, and began to move toward the door when she paused, glancing back.

She couldn't abandon the company. She couldn't let Thorin, Fili, and Kili die. She had to see them through the Battle of Five Armies, take the ring, and end things, once and for all.

Sighing, Amelia returned to her seat.

She didn't sleep at all that night, keeping silent vigil over Bilbo. When the sun began to creep over the trees of Mirkwood in the east she went to the door. Beorn found her waiting on the doorstep, and as he entered the house she stalked off toward the river.

There she threw aside her tattered clothes; they were of no use preserving. She had a second pair in her bag, which she set to the side. Then she got to work scrubbing the dirt and blood from her body.

She hissed in pain as her fingers brushed past her newest injuries. With Kili's care the goblin bite on her shoulder blade was already closing, though the marks were still raw to the touch. The slice on her back had closed merely from blood caking over the wound. As it was washed away a thin trickle began to flow down her back.

Amelia probed the injury gently with her fingers, and was glad to find that it wasn't very deep. It would be annoying until it healed, but as long as she took it easy until then, it would all turn out fine.

She dressed quickly, and found the company finishing breakfast with Beorn. Bofur, being the best storyteller among them, was detailing to the shape shifter their journey.

"It's his price for his aid and shelter," Ori whispered to her as she sat at the edge of the table. "He likes stories."

Amelia nodded. Bofur was detailing their arrival in Rivendell, and Amelia rubbed her shoulder as she recalled the incident herself.

Seeing this, a few of the dwarves shot her looks that were somewhat tenderer than before. Amelia searched for Kili, and found that he was still avoiding her eyes.

The company dispersed quickly after Bofur had finished, and while Oin, Gandalf, and Beorn went to check on Bilbo's injuries Bofur drew Amelia to the side.

"I feel I must apologize," he told her.

Amelia's eyebrows drew together. "For what?"

Bofur sighed, the motion cascading his floppy hat up and down. "I have been unkind to you since our rescue from the mountain. Tis not your fault what happened. Things would have been far worse if not for you. I see that now."

Amelia shook her head. "You have nothing to apologize for," she soothed.

Bofur smiled and put a hand on her arm. "You blame yourself," he observed. "Don't. If you are to convince Thorin of your innocence you must first believe it yourself."

Amelia shrugged. "I know. I never said I don't."

Bofur cast her a knowing look. "You don't need to."

Amelia gulped. "Excuse me," she said. She ducked away quickly, moving towards Bilbo so she could eavesdrop on Beorn, Gandalf, and Oin's discussion. It seemed nothing had changed since the night before, so she slipped outside. She wasn't quite sure where she was going, maybe she would just sit by herself for a while. She couldn't deal with Thorin's yelling yet.

"Phoenix!"

Amelia turned to see Balin waving her over. Concern was on his face. It was such a change from the stony looks over the past day that Amelia hurried to him, despite the fact that he was only feet away from Thorin.

"Your back," Balin said as she drew near. "You're bleeding."

Amelia frowned and twisted, then cursed. The cut on her lower back had opened, and there was a small red stain slowly spreading across her shirt. She put her hand under her shirt, and her fingers came away wet and sticky.

"Well, there goes my last good shirt," she muttered. She began to back away so she could find somewhere private to tend to her injury, but Balin sent her a glare that told her to stop.

"Where are you going?" He stood. "You let Oin look at that."

"Oin has greater concerns than my scratch," Amelia objected. "I heal quickly. I'll be fine."

With that she hurried away, feeling the gazes of the others on her retreating form.

Fili and Kili were sitting quietly against the wall. They watched the conversation between Balin and the Phoenix, and Kili sighed as she all but ran off.

Fili turned to his brother. "So?" he asked.

Kili raised his eyebrows. "So what?"

Fili rolled his eyes. "You know what. You've barely looked at her since the mountains. What are you not telling me?"

Kili shook his head. "Nothing."

Fili scowled. "No. Not nothing. Something. Brother, tell me."

Kili stood, scowling. "Fili, leave it alone. Ok?"

He stalked away, kicking at the grass as he went. Not wanting to face the rest of the company, he went around the corner of the house. It wasn't until he nearly ran into the person slumped against the wall that he realized he wasn't alone.

The Phoenix scrambled to her feet, and Kili thought he saw her wipe at her eyes.

"Sorry, I…" Kili turned away. "I'll go."

"No."

Kili paused at the sound of the Phoenix's voice. It wasn't like it usually was. There was no strength there now, the armor that had always been there was gone. She was vulnerable.

Kili turned slowly. The Phoenix was staring at him, her expression as unreadable as always. Her eyes said all Kili needed to know though. He found that he was getting quite good at reading her eyes.

Then she blinked, and the vulnerability was gone. Not gone though. Just masked. She was hiding again, hiding behind all her many years.

For some reason, that just pissed Kili off.

"What is it?" he asked. His voice came out harshly, but he didn't care. Didn't care that she flinched as though he'd hit her with a hot iron.

Well, maybe he did care. But he wasn't going to admit it.

Amelia resisted the urge to let the tears brimming behind her eyes come out.

"Kili," she started. She paused, the words choking on her tongue. What was there to say?

Kili wouldn't meet her eyes. For several long moments they stood there, until he broke the tense silence stretching through the air.

"Phoenix," he responded. "I- I trusted you."

"You don't now?"

"I don't know!" Kili threw his hands into the air. His eyes met Amelia's for the first time since she had tortured that goblin, and they burned with anger. "I don't know what to think anymore. What was that? Back there, in the tunnels? That wasn't you!"

Amelia shook her head, tears welling to the front of her eyes, but didn't say anything.

"Tell me!" Kili was practically yelling. "Won't you offer some defense for yourself? What was that?"

Amelia couldn't hold it back anymore. "I don't know!" she snapped. "I don't know, Kili! I don't know anything!"

She broke off, panting heavily. She turned away, brushing roughly at the tears in her eyes. Behind her Kili was quiet.

"I don't know anything anymore." Amelia turned back to him with a sniffle, angry at her weakness. Angry that she couldn't stop caring, couldn't stop the bad things, couldn't stop anything. "Don't you see? Maybe you're right, maybe that wasn't me. I don't know. I don't even know who I am! I lost that, long ago!"

Kili stared at Amelia with wide eyes and a slack jaw. It was clear he hadn't expected such an outburst. Amelia doubted he had expected any of what she had said. She vaguely wondered what he must think of her; probably some sort of horrid monster.

"Ph-Phoenix," he started.

Amelia wasn't done though. Too long she had kept quiet. Too long she had suffered for others, endured for them. Worlds had spun by and faded into nothingness while she suffered on, and Amelia was tired of it.

She was tired of it all.

"I have been made and un-made for thousands of years," she said to Kili. Tears began to leak from her eyes now, streaming silently down her cheeks, but she made no effort to stop them. "I know what I fight for, but sometimes I don't know why. How can I? How can I fight for strangers when I can't even remember the faces of my own family? When I can't even hear their voices. Do you know what that's like, Kili? To not know your parents' faces? Your brother's? Your sister's?"

"Aye." It took Kili several moments to respond, and when he did his voice was husky with grief and deep pain. "My father died in battle when I was young; I never properly knew him. I've been told that Fili looks very much like he did, and I remember enough to know it is true, but it is all I remember." He paused now, tears coming to his eyes. "I have no true memories of my own father."

Amelia's face softened. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

In front of her Kili shuddered. "All I remember of him," he continued. "Is when he was brought back from the Battle of Azanulbizar. His face was pale and his arms were still. There was no laugh, no smile upon his face." Kili closed his eyes as he fought against some terrible memory. "All the life was gone from him."

Amelia's eyes widened as realization struck. Memories of a scared young dwarf in Rivendell. She couldn't help the guilt that swept over her as she realized what he must have been remembering in those moments as he and Fili had worried about her.

"I'm sorry," she said again. She let out a bitter laugh. "How damaged we are."

Kili nodded in agreement. Together the two sat on the grass, silently watching the bees and birds mosey happily by. As they did, it seemed as though the tension between them was let out, like air hissing from a balloon. It was still there, partially, but no more than it had been before they had crossed the Misty Mountains.

Kii turned to her suddenly. "You really don't know who you are?" he asked.

Amelia sighed. "I know who I should be. I know why the Valar chose me. But so often lately it seems as though those very traits they admired in me are slipping away. I feel like an empty shell; I've nothing left in me to give."

Kili took her hand. "Then let me tell you who you are," he said at last. "You are a good person. Brave, and kind."

"Not kind." Amelia pulled away. "No kind person would have tortured that goblin."

"You were lost." Kili took her hand again, refusing to let Amelia pull out of his grasp. "But the path is laid before your feet. You have but to find it again."

Amelia shook her head, tears threatening again. "I don't know how."

"I will help you." Kili sent her a small, gentle smile. "Phoenix-"

"Mia."

"What?" Kili blinked rapidly, surprised.

Amelia fought back shock of her own. What was she doing? She hadn't used that name in centuries! Why was she suddenly using it again now?

One glance at Kili sealed away all her doubts, and with a deep breath Amelia divulged her greatest secret.

"Amelia Blackwood. That's my name." Amelia smiled down at Kili. "But people used to call me Mia for short."

Kili smiled happily. "Mia," he murmured. He rolled the name around on his tongue, liking how it sounded. Liking how it fit the woman sitting beside him. "Mia."

Amelia smiled wanly. "At your service."