Weapons Known as Shinobi

by Jenneke88

Sakura finds out the hard way that her parents aren't her parents, and that Tsunade, the elders and even Kakashi have kept a secret from her. Had Naruto failed to bond with the Kyuubi, she would be his replacement. Now the village that supplies Konoha with their potential jinjuuriki wants her back. Rated M for a reason!

11. Chapter 11

Thanks to those who've favorited and put this story on alert. Enjoy

Chapter 11

Every morning I wait, hoping to fall asleep again. Knowing that when I fully wake up, I wake up to a world absent your warmth. When I close my eyes, and really listen I can almost hear your voice, see your face. And then I open my eyes and you're gone. I'm dying to hold you. To feel your touch. To know you are here...

In a way I felt lost. I was far away from my home and my friends. And then there he was. A big smile on his face. A promise of warmth and comfort. That is what Kenji was. My glimmer of hope. He made me feel at home, and in a way gave me place in the village, made it my home too. I can't say how happy he made me. Words can't begin to describe the meaning of the feelings that he gave me. Was it love? Isn't that what it's called? I'd like to believe it was more than that. Like a deeper, more spiritual connection. Maybe even soulmates.

I loved Kenji from the moment I first laid eyes on him, until the moment I felt his presence leave his body, taking his warmth with him. I try to keep warm, but in his absence I just grow colder. Knowing that I may live a long time in his absence scares me. I want to escape, I feel trapped. I want to feel his arms around me, hear him whisper sweet nothings in my ear.

He promised me he'd never hurt me. He promised me we'd be together forever. He promised me that we'd have a long happy life together, and that one day it wouldn't be just the two of us…

He lied to me. He didn't keep any of those promises. He left me all alone. How am I supposed to live like this? Alone?

But you're not alone…

XOXOXO

Lucy had calmed down after the events from earlier that day. It had all gone so fast. She hadn't even managed to say that she didn't want them to go off on their own. She had needed just a little longer, to reassure herself that both were okay. How could anyone condone them leaving after what had just happened? Pushing out of the warmth of Ryoga's embrace, she sat up straight. "I'm okay now." Lucy smiled at the redhead. "Sakura's right. You are comforting to have around."

Ryoga smiled, and looked at the door of Naruto's hospital room as it opened. Kakashi stepped inside and found Yamato, Ryoga and Lucy. Naruto lay in unconscious in the hospital bed, his chest rising and falling with each breath.

"Where's Sakura?" Kakashi asked. He had hoped to explain his behavior before she left with Kazuya.

"They left a while ago," Ryoga answered. "She and Kazuya."

"How's Naruto?"

"Lady Tsunade said he'll be fine in a day or two," Yamato answered softly. "Kakashi-senpai… I'm sorry I shouldn't have fallen asleep. I'm to blame for what happened."

Kakashi said nothing. He too had been too caught up in his own thoughts to really pay attention. His head had been filled with thoughts on his daily visit to the memorial stone. Before he merely went to pay his respects to his deceased friend, but lately it had become much more than that. He looked forward to going and meeting her there. Sometimes they wouldn't speak at all, and sometimes she'd tell him stories about her life in Waterfall. She'd ask him what he'd been up to. What she had missed while away. It had become clear to him that he longed to see her, to hear her voice and to feel her presence.

"It's not your fault," Ryoga said. "You've been working 24/7. I think we need to tell Naruto to slow down on his training, so you can get some rest… And Kakashi.."

Kakashi looked at Ryoga, he too had something to say to him.

"I'm sorry I threatened you," Ryoga said quietly. "But understand that there was no time to explain."

Kakashi nodded. He understood that now. "Your ability… Why didn't you use it on Kazuya?"

"You want to know because he's my friend?" Ryoga rubbed a hand over his mouth a couple of times. He took in Lucy's expression. Seemed like she wanted to know this as well. "Let's see… Last time I used my ability I was eleven. Team Ranmaru, that being Kazuya, Yugito, Ranmaru and I. We were on a mission during the war with the Sand. At some point, we were attacked and we got separated. They eventually found me and took me prisoner. I had a medical emblem on my uniform. I was the team medic, but not in the same sense as Sakura is a medic. I let people bite me to heal them. It's a very rare trait within the Uzumaki clan." Ryoga paused, looking at Naruto who had been blessed to live without this gift. "The enemy quickly found out and they tossed me inside this tent with people on the brink of dying. They made even the people with the smallest injuries bite me. By the time Ranmaru and the other came to save me… I was nearly dead. I spend three months in a coma and when I finally woke up, I vowed never to use my power again. A vow I broke to save Sakura."

"Ryoga," Lucy said softly.

Kenji, I always promised you that if something were to happen to you, I'd take care of her. I'd keep her from suffering. But how can I? All she wants, all she thinks about is you? How can she not suffer? You two were perfect for each other. The one complimented the other and now it's like half of her is gone. As long as she lives, she will suffer, even if time dulls her suffering, she will never stop suffering.

"Do you love her?" Lucy asked.

Ryoga had taken to look at his hands as he had told the story. "Not in the way you're asking," he answered softly. "But I do care about her."

"Kazuya took her somewhere," Kakashi said. "What do you think they're doing?"

"I don't know, but I hope they find each other," Ryoga said calmly, earning him a nod in agreement from Lucy.

"Find each other?" Kakashi asked.

"Those two have led tragic lives," Ryoga explained. "Kazuya more so than Sakura. But I hope they fall in love."

"Even if Kazuya would feel that way for Sakura," Lucy said. "He'll never act on it. She looks too much like Akane. That's what Ranmaru was aiming for when he put her on our team. That he'd fall for her."

"Who's Akane?"

"Kazuya's wife," Ryoga answered. "She died a little over four years ago. She was Sakura's older sister. It's why Ranmaru suddenly took an interest in getting Sakura back. Under Lady Mei, our village didn't once ask how Sakura was doing. Even under Ranmaru we didn't ask. Then Akane died, Kazuya took a turn for the worse and even though he got better… He's never been the same old Kazuya. So Ranmaru cooked up this little scheme."

"I guess it didn't work," Lucy said.

"Only because Kenji took a liking to Sakura the moment he first laid eyes on her."

Lucy nodded. "They were great together."

"Perfect," Ryoga said. "Two pieces of the same pie."

"So Waterfall had planned to leave her here?"

Ryoga nodded. "At first yeah… But then Ranmaru felt that he had to do something… Anything. It was that or watch Kazuya take one suicide mission after another until he finally wouldn't come return from one"

"I love her," Lucy said. "She's my friend. I liked her too, right from the start. I'm glad Ranmaru came here to get her."

Kakashi finally understood a few things. He finally knew why Sakura hadn't fallen into the regular symptoms when suffering from a depression. And he knew now why Waterfall had so suddenly decided to retrieve her. Naruto had been sixteen for months when Waterfall showed up to reclaim their kunoichi. Part of him was glad for the friends she had made. They really seemed to care for her. Making life in Waterfall not so bad. Was it selfish of him that he wanted her back as a Leaf ninja? Or was he only interested in her because Kazuya had told him to talk to her, to help her? Did she hold more meaning to him than before? He didn't need to ask the question, he knew she meant more to him than just a friend. He felt drawn to her like a moth to a flame.

XOXOXO

You know that feeling, when as a child you sit in your mom's lap and feel like nothing can hurt you? That safe and warmth that only one very special person can give you? That was what it felt like when he'd come home at night, from a mission. He'd kiss me softly, his strong arms around me, like a shield. When I was with him, the world around us would fade away. All that mattered were the two of us.

Sometimes he'd bring me flowers. When I was off a mood, he'd make it better. Whatever he did, he always did so for me. He made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.

I remember our first real date. He had prepared a basket with food, brought a blanket and took me to the river that causes the waterfall to hide our village. The sun was shining through the trees. He had found this little meadow where we had our picknick. I kissed him there for the first time. Whenever we had time off together we'd go there, to our meadow. I haven't been there since he died.

He'd given me so much to live for. But now I can't see past losing him. I thought that seeing Naruto again would help me heal. But like with Ryoga it only serves to remind me of a deep gaping hole that's been left in chest. How do you get over losing someone this close to you?

You never truly get over it… You find a place for it and move on.

Looking back, all the happy memories. Kenji… I… I'm grateful for the memories you've given me. For all the love I found in you. And I need you to know how much I love you.

XOXOXO

Naruto had woken up after only one day in the hospital. He couldn't remember what had happened, but he felt a deep tension in the air. When he asked about what had happened all of them at first exchanged looks. How and what would they tell him? Eventually it was Kakashi who told Naruto what had happened, making him clench his fists, and curse his fate. Why did he have to be stuck with the fox? He had placed his closest friend in danger. Sure he hadn't attacked her, but her desire to save Kazuya had put her life in danger.

Looking around, Naruto noticed that she wasn't in the room. In the past, each time he was in the hospital, she was right there at his side. "Sakura… Where is she? Is she okay?"

Ryoga nodded. "She's okay."

"So she'll be right back?"

"Naruto," Kakashi said in a serious tone. "Sakura… She's on a mission here."

Naruto nodded. He knew that!

"It was too soon," Kakashi continued, crossing his arms over his chest. "She's still mourning the loss of Kenji."

It was the first time Naruto heard the name from Kakashi. In the past he had merely called him the fiancé. "But she was getting better," Naruto argued. "I heard Kazuya say that."

"She was faking it," Ryoga interrupted. "She didn't want us to worry."

"So where is she?"

"We don't know," Kakashi answered. "Kazuya only said that he would help her and that he'd take her somewhere."

"When will they be back?"

"When Kazuya thinks she ready," Ryoga said softly. "And that could be a while."

The group sat in silence. Everybody looked up when Ryoga opened a window and leaned over the windowsill. He pulled out a crumpled pack of cigarettes and pulled one out. While leaning out of the window he started smoking his cigaret, knowing this wasn't allowed. The swirls of blue smoke seemed to attract everyone's attention as they sat in absolute silence.

XOXOXO

When I watch other people go on with their lives, looking at young families. I feel like I missed my chance. We always talked about starting a family. I wanted to wait. I wasn't ready. Now I regret not leaping into the unknown. I used to dream about being a mom someday. Now I see those dreams slip through my fingers.

Without him… I know I'm alive and that I should be grateful for that. But part of me died when he died. The life I had with him is only a memory. All that's left is to accept that it's over. As time passes I feel that my old self is slipping away. Like the wind takes a little more of me every time it blows through my hair. And eventually nothing will remain.

My mind travels to Sasuke. He did this to me. Part of me wants to go out and get revenge, but then what do I have left? That won't bring Kenji back to life. It'll just cause another hole in my heart.

Sasuke broke my heart more than once. First time was when he abandoned the Leaf village. He rejected me, left me on a bench and went to seek power. After that we met some years later. Back then he tried to kill Naruto, but luckily Sai stopped him along with Yamato. We failed to convince him to return home.

After that I met Sasuke on a bridge. I had made up my mind. I would no longer let Naruto be tormented by his promise to me. I would kill Sasuke myself. In the end Sasuke was on to me, and Kakashi ended up saving me. I just couldn't do it. I still loved him, even after all the pain he had caused me. During the fight between Kakashi and Sasuke I wanted to help, but ended up nearly getting killed, if it wasn't for Naruto.

That is the story of me as part of team Kakashi. The person who always needed to be saved. I thought that after training with Tsunade I'd be stronger, but I've always been the weakest link. Then I came to Waterfall and it all seemed to have changed. I was still the weakest, but not like before. I was catching up.

I feel that I am to blame for Kenji's death. If had been stronger, or faster. What if I had killed Sasuke back then on the bridge?

No one will ever know…

Kenji, I want you to know that I still remember the way you held me. The way you kissed me. And how you whispered to me. I hope that someday we'll meet again and… that you're proud of me. You helped shape me as I am. And I will never forget. I will never let go. Your memory will live inside me, forever.

XOXOXO

Obito… How come I'm still screwing things up? I made a promise to you that I'd look after Rin, but I couldn't keep my promise. And even my own team, I keep failing them. I made a promise to Sakura that Naruto and Sasuke would return to their old selves again, but I failed at that too. Sasuke left the village. Naruto was trained by Jiraiya and Sakura was taken from us by the village she was born in. To make things worse, I told myself that I could help her. In the end, she helped me. I look forward to seeing her. And sometimes I feel like there's more. What am I doing?

Kakashi ran a hand through his hair. He still came here hoping that he would find her here. How often hadn't he found her here? She'd either sit against a tree, or against the middle pole. Weeks had passed and only Ryoga had received word, which he would then relay to Tsunade. But he would let nothing slip of where they were, or what they were doing.

Upon returning to rejoin Naruto, he found them at the training field. Naruto was whining to Ryoga that he wanted to know what it said in the latest letter that he'd gotten from Kazuya. But Ryoga refused, saying the letter was meant for him, not for others and that Kazuya was trusting him not to tell anyone. What he did share was that Sakura was doing better, but he wouldn't explain what he meant by that.

For now they just had to wait.

XOXOXO

Sitting in the sun, letting the sun shine down on her face, feeling some kind of peace. It wasn't like it had been before, but she could honestly say that she was finally able to enjoy some of the small pleasures in life. This place was beautiful, secluded and it held something spiritual. Being here had indeed helped her. She had found herself again. Though she was far from being whole. Thinking about Kenji, and all the happy times they had had, made her smile, instead of cry. And someday, she'd see him again.

Sakura looked up as Kazuya tossed her an apple and took as seat in the grass with her. They were on the outskirts of the land of Whirpools, near the border to the land of Fire, at an old abandonned monastary. Kazuya had told her it used to belong to the ninja guardians, but it had been abandonned when they were disbanded. It lay deep in the woods, far from any town, or road, and what road had once lead there, was overgrown and swallowed up by the forest.

The building itself held moss and grass and plants growing in, on and around it. They had cleared the old well, so they'd have fresh water, and every day they would go hunting together. Living as simply as this, talking and training. Kazuya saw to it that she faced her feelings instead of running from them. He made sure she ate enough and he'd given her something to do while there. Though she was doing better, part of him knew that she would need more time than the three months he had asked for. He had merely steered her in the right direction. Soon, they'd have to return.

Seeing her smile again, made him feel better too. If there was hope for her, maybe there was hope for him too. Sharing in their pain, both seemed to do better.

Akane. Who she was? There are so many ways to answer that question. To me she was my soulmate. She meant the world to me. I met her when I was seventeen. I woke up in the hospital, and she was looking after me. Akane Haruno, the head medic at only sixteen. I'd heard of her, but never actually met her before. I knew right then and there that I loved her. She healed me and when I was no longer a patient, I asked her out and after that… I'd never been happier. For six years, she was mine and I was hers. Now all that's left of her is her sister. A part, no matter how small, still lives and I will cherish that part from afar for as long as I live.

XOXOXO

Tsunade listened in silence as Ryoga told her about the contents of the latest letter. She liked Ryoga a lot better than Kazuya. He answered her questions the best he could and when he couldn't, he'd explain why. Not once had he been rude, or glared at her. In a way he reminded her of Naruto. He was kind, polite and smart.

"Do you think they'll be back soon?" Tsunade asked.

Ryoga shrugged. "I don't know," he answered calmly. "He wrote that she's doing better. She's eating properly again, gained some weight and color returned to her cheeks. But he wants to keep her for a little longer, just to be on the safe side."

"It's been nearly ten weeks… How much can he achieve in such a short time?"

"Enough," Ryoga said assuringly. "He's been through the same process. He knows what she's thinking and feeling. I'm sure he'll be able to help her."

One thing had been bothering Tsunade ever since she spoke to Kakashi a few weeks ago. He had revealed something regarding Sakura's family in Waterfall. Apparently he wanted to confirm if it was true with the Hokage. Instead it rose questions with Tsunade. Now was a chance to ask one of the people who would know. After all, Ryoga was one of Ranmaru's students. "Kakashi told me that Ranmaru only took an interest in her because her sister had died some years ago… Is this true?"

"When did you hear this?"

"Several weeks ago."

Ryoga regarded Tsunade, without showing any emotion on his face, or in his posture. How would he answer without setting things in motion that he'd rather remain still. "I believe that originally it was the plan to just leave Sakura here," Ryoga answered, choosing his words carefully. "She did grow up here." Ryoga took in Tsunade's facial expression. He had heard stories about the Hokage and her relationship to Sakura. Saying too much would obviously piss her off. "I heard a rumor that her sister dying was one of the reasons to bring her back, but I can neither confirm or deny."

This was a lie and Ryoga could tell that the Hokage was questioning his honesty. He should've known that Kakashi reported to the Hokage and that this would eventually come up. From now on he would have to watch his mouth around Kakashi. Working towards the same goal didn't mean that he could fully trust the man, or so it would seem. Obviously Kakashi had let slip that Akane was Sakura's sister, and that she had been married to Kazuya. Maybe he shouldn't have shared that piece of information. It was too late now.

"If there's nothing else," Ryoga said politely.

Tsunade waved at Ryoga, dismissing him. He was so smooth, she couldn't tell of he was lying or not. He'd make one hell of a poker player. Not once had he shown triggers. People usually do something when lying, but he remained so calm. She shouldn't have expected nothing less from an ANBU member. For now she'd have to wait and if it ever came up, ask Ranmaru herself.

Stepping out of the Hokage tower, Ryoga pulled out a crumpled pack of cigarettes. He placed one between his lips and lit it with his lighter. Looking up at the sky, through the blue swirls of smoke, he sighed. 'So they're finally attacking,' he thought as he sensed a change in the wind. Ryoga looked up at the window to see Tsunade looking over the village. Soon this place would become a battlefield.

XOXOXO

Kazuya quietly listened as Sakura told him about the day she tried to die. How she had decided to this in a spur of the moment. He was dying and she could save him. The choice had been so easily made, it angered Kazuya a little bit. She hadn't given any thought to the effect that her death would have on the people who loved her. It had been a purely desperate and somewhat selfish act. The thought of losing someone close to her, when she was still mourning Kenji had been too much to bear. She had given up so easily.

Several things that day made her see how wrong she had been. First time was when Ryoga yelled at her. His anger had been so clearly on his face, in his voice. His usually calm, and friendly manner evaporated in an instant as he understood what Sakura had done to herself. She finally understood what she had tried to throw away.

Second time was when Kazuya had sat with her in front of the memorial stone. Him understanding exactly what she was going through, being able to give voice to the feelings that had driven her to commit such an act. Feeling tired and alone. That feeling of being in a dark place, with no way out. It was frightening, cold and all consuming. She had let those dark feelings fill her up, until she had nothing left but the will to die. Whenever she would look at Ryoga she could see his face. That face which held all of her pleasant dreams. But as reality dawned, that face belonged not to Kenji. And the wounds on her soul simply wouldn't heal.

The third time was right after Kazuya had left with the promise that he'd help her, and that he'd talk to Ryoga. Kakashi had been there all along, listening. He'd been at a lost of words, asking only one question. A question he could easily answer himself. Maybe he had felt it too? Being unable to explain what he felt, he had kissed her. Thinking about it, it had come as a surprise, and Sakura wasn't sure how she felt about that. Kakashi had always been someone she respected and admired. Now that they were no longer teammates, what were they now? Allies, friends? Saying she hadn't liked the warmth that had come with his closeness would be a lie. She'd have to face herself, her feelings at some point. But part of her dreaded that Kakashi would call kissing her a lapse in judgment.

XOXOXO

Having left Naruto with Yamato and the Waterfall shinobi, Kakashi sat at the bar draining his glass in one go and immediately asking for a refill. Getting drunk seemed like a good idea, having heard that Kazuya and Sakura would soon return to the village. He had often thought of how he had kissed her. He hadn't planned for it, it just happened. And the more he thought about it, the more it became clear. She wasn't his friend, she couldn't be, not with the way he felt about her. It had taken him many days at the memorial stone to truly realize what he loved her. He was in love. Gripping the glass in his hand tightly, turning his knuckles white, he willed the thought away. How could he love someone who was so very clearly not in love with him. Who was still mourning the passing of her lover?

He berated himself for letting his guard down. For opening up. For letting her open up. For interfering, when he had no business to do so. Sakura was Kazuya's student. Kazuya had to look after her, and simply passed his duties along to others to handle for him. Ryoga who was constantly with her, and even he had let himself be tricked into looking after her. Even if he did little more than listen to her as they sat at the memorial stone.

Kakashi softly slammed his fist on the bar, drawing Gai's attention. "Who is she?" he asked, taking a seat next to Kakashi.

Kakashi shot Gai a surprised look. "What?"

"The woman who has you looking like your puppy just died," Gai said casually, pointing at Kakashi's glass to signal the bartender to pour him the same. "Who is she? I haven't seen you like this since… Well… Rin."

"I didn't do anything," Kakashi said, draining another glass, holding it out to the bartender for another refill.

"I didn't say you did. But you do look like shit. What happened?"

Kakashi sighed, contemplating if he should just tell Gai and get it off his chest. "Remember when you said that Sakura was the closest thing I had to a friend?"

Gai nodded, he remembered. It was the last time Kakashi was here getting drunk. Seemed he had missed something on his diplomatic mission to the Sand with his team and the new team Shikamaru. "Did something happen? I thought she was in Waterfall. I mean I heard about her man."

Kakashi nodded. "He died that night when her team came to help us out. And… Lady Tsunade asked Waterfall to send her here with that team to look after Naruto, keep him from doing something stupid."

Gai nodded. "That's great. So you have your friend back!"

Kakashi shook his head.

"You guys have an argument? I could talk to her."

Kakashi shook his head again. "She's not here," he said quietly. "I messed up. I didn't see it. I was blinded."

"See what?"

"She tried to kill herself. And I?" Kakashi gave a humorless laugh. "I decided that I would show her how I felt about her, only hours after she did this."

"What did you do?"

"I kissed her." Kakashi's head dropped. It had seemed like the right thing to do at the time. He couldn't think of any other way to voice his feelings for her. It had come as a surprise to him as well. The thought that he was in love with her made Karachi curse himself. He was in love with the one woman he simply couldn't have.

"How did she react? Did she hit you?"

"No… She kissed me back," Kakashi raised his head again, knowing that this was indeed strange, but trying to take your own life didn't exactly preach sanity. "And then she pushed me away, turned around and practically fled the scene. It was stupid. I shouldn't have done it."

Gai shook his head. "You took a chance. And you haven't seen her since?"

"No."

"Well. Talk to her when she gets back," Gai said, striking a pose. "Let her know how you feel, why you kissed her. And maybe she feels the same way."

"You don't get it Gai," Kakashi said. "I have no business laying this on her. She's young and deserves someone who'll give her everything she dreams of. What can I give her, but heartache? I have no aspirations to start a family, which I know she wants. And let's not forget that she was my student once. And fourteen years younger. She had the perfect man for her, and she lost him to Sasuke. The student that I let get away. I could've stopped this years ago... And I didn't. Telling her how I feel?" Kakashi gave another humorless laugh. "That's simply not an option."

Thanks for reading. Drop me a line, let me know what you think, or what you want to see in future chapters.