Monday Morning
5 AM: Hell masqueraded as a Monday morning. Without any warning, consciousness ejected the metamorphagus from a sweat drenched womb of nightmares. Deprived of sleep and unwilling to emerge from her blanketed cocoon, Tonks rested motionless. Don't move. The molecules of her being commanded her. Every breath measured in rhythm with the ticking of a grandwizard clock. Rejection decimated. Remus Lupin no longer loved her. Did he ever? The past two years read like a penny novel fiction. Don't feel.
His departure annibilated her entire world… leaving nothing but the post relationship fallout. Tonks longed to hold her emotions hostage but her thoughts so cruel and traitorous continually revolved around him. Don't think. If it was possible to obliviate yesterday, she would do so in a wand flick. However no incantation could erase the fact that the man eviscerated her so completely. No ritual could exorcise him from her heart. Don't love.
God make this hurt disappear. Please I just want to be numb. Reverent pleas fell on deaf heavens. She contemplated owling in sick for a few days but Tonks knew that with the holidays arriving, it would be difficult convincing someone to cover her shift. Her sense of responsibility defeated the urge to wallow in the bowels of despair. Reluctantly she crawled away from the sofa refuge and padded quietly towards the lavatory.
As she passed by Remus's room she hesitated for a moment, wavering between intrusion and escape. Before Tonks could knock on the door, it swung open to reveal a bedroom devoid of possessions. His trunks were gone and the bed was neatly made. Only an indent in a pillow remained. Skimming her knuckles across the flannel sheets, she could not detect any residual warmth. He must have left hours ago…
The specters of their intimate encounters suffocated the air. Whispered endearments… the tenderness of his expressions… haunted her mercilessly. She could still recall savoring salty kisses and the impression of his claw slashed body melding against hers. Even if she damaged every one of her five senses she could never erase the memories. They were tattooed into her brain. It seemed improbable that three days ago they basked contentedly in the afterglow of passionate union. The promises of forever that once seemed absolute now faded away like leprechaun's gold. I don't wish to love him anymore and yet I can not stop myself… Stumbling out of his room, her vision was blurred by acidic tears as she nearly dry vomitted all over the oriental carpet.
Upon entering the bathroom temple, Tonks prostrated herself in worship before the porcelain toilet. Heaving up a sacrifice of last evening's supper, she rose unsteadily… her clothes slid to the floor in an reckless heap. She spat out mouthwash until her tongue turned blue with minty freshness. Twisting on the taps she stepped into an old fashioned marble tub. With her arms protectively wrapped around herself, she succumbed to the Lethean bubbles.
Melting in the deluge of scalding steam, she allowed the heat so luxurious and cleansing to renew her spirits. She needed to wash away the werewolf's smell of crisp green wilderness. She wanted to scrub off the invisible brand of his caress. Resting her cheek against the wall, the tears rained down and would not cease. Eventually the wailing subsided into ragged and hiccupping sobs. After pulling the plug she yanked on the showerhead chain to rinse off. As the shower grew tepid, she shampooed the unruly mane that straggled down her back in forlorn ropes. Pink suds floated down the drain as she left the sanctuary of the water.
Desolation blackened her vibrantly magenta hair. Staring hopelessly in the mirror, Tonks gave up morphing after several unsuccessful minutes of intense concentration. Frustrated, she briskly swept her inconveniently long hair back in a ponytail and toweled off. Shunning the usual plain cotton underwear, she dressed carefully in lavender satin panties and a matching brassiere. Reveling in the feel of something feminine and clingy against her skin, she pulled on a dove gray jumper that drifted off her right shoulder. The softness of the lamb's wool comforted her. Her legs were snugly sheathed in rust colored suede pants and a scuffed up pair of combat boots. Once dressed, she grabbed her wand and headed downstairs towards the kitchen.
Grimmauld Place was deserted. Sirius had spent the night at Emmeline Vance's flat. It was unlikely that he would meander back home until later that evening for an Order of the Phoenix meeting. Tonks set the kettle to boil while she rifled through the breadbox. Her appetite knotted with queasiness as she forced herself to prepare breakfast. After singeing the toast and her fingers (from said rescue of the toast) she slathered the thick slices in marmalade, butter and mashed bananas. The food had the consistency of soggy cardboard but she ate it anyways. She stirred her tea methodically between sips focusing on the swirled pattern of the oak tabletop.
The indignant screeching of her grand aunt's portrait interrupted the peacefulness. Knocking a bottle of cream over, Tonks cursed and stormed towards the front foyer to investigate the disturbance. The hallway loomed dark and narrow with a presence. Abruptly she rounded the corner and collided into something. Initially she thought it was a statue due to its solid and immovable nature but upon squeezing the object it felt warm and slightly yielding. Gingerly she traced her fingertips along smooth material until she discovered… buttons?!
A/N: This is dedicated to those mornings when you want to stay in bed but don't because you have a lot more strength than you realize.
"Waking up Beside You" by Stabbing Westward - "The Kill" by 30 Seconds to Mars
"The Sharpest Lives" by My Chemical Romance - "Pin-Up" by Evans Blue
"Psychopomp" by the Tea Party - "Black" by Pearl Jam
"I Could Have Lied" by Red Hot Chili Peppers - "You" by Radiohead
"Stay" by U2 - "Hands to Heaven" by Breathe - "Careless Whisper" by Wham
"Nothing Compares to You" by Sinead O'Connor - "Pictures of You" by the Cure
"Fade Into You" by Mazzy Star - "Please Let Me Get What I Want" by the Smiths