Chapter 13: Mistletoe Mishaps
The merry cadence of laughter and song drifted away with the sealing of the Great Hall's doors. And now, they were alone, the castle's paintings and ghosts were off enjoying their own celebration in the west wing's conservatory. It was difficult to believe that in the hours before the festivities, students had skated down the corridors which were enchanted to resemble a wintry cavern. Prisms of light emanated from the stalacites above and from beneath the glacial floor changing in hue with each passerby. The air was crisp yet sweetened with peppermint and cherry incense from the candy cane torches burning in the alcoves.
Wordlessly, the potionsmaster melted away the ice blanketing the floor with a sharp flick of his wand. It was a Yuletide miracle that his auror companion had not tripped and shattered an ankle this evening. Deliberately, Severus shortened his stride to match Nymphadora, wanting to prolong their walk before returning to the ball and its migraine inducing melodrama. The rustling of fabric and staccato of footsteps upon frosted stone seemed a perfect substitute for an otherwise awkward conversation.
Her stiletto sandals were murdering her slowly. The merciless spikes impaled themselves into her soles (or perhaps soul) while the straps were like glittering barb wire crisscrossing upwards past her knees. The only thing preventing her from tossing the footwear into the moat was the lack of an icepick and the fact that they were a deterrent against overzealous dance partners. Nothing said unhand me you cad like a vicious mashing of toes or a swift kick to the shins or any other strategic body part. These silvery torture devices had entranced their fair share of admirers mostly witches but had yet elicit comment from the acid-tongued professor. His silence seemed a momentary ceasefire from the usual snark and volley of misunderstandings that ensued between them.
Wait did he just pull a flask from his cloak?! His eyebrow arched in wicked bemusement at her mock disapproval before he threw back a hearty swig. With a flourish he offered her a sip which she accepted with a cheeky wink and attempted to match his impressive swallow down to the last drop. His whiskey soothed chuckle followed her harsh coughing from having underestimated the severe afterburn of the liquid. Gallantly he escorted her to a seat after she nearly stumbled over from a coughing fit. So much for suave sophistication. Before she sat down, he removed his cloak and spread it across the bench. Lounging beside her, he rested his arm around the back of the seat, tantalizingly within reach of pearly smooth skin.
"I want to thank you for rescuing me from that disaster of an evening." Tonks admitted with quiet sincerity.
"Think nothing of it." Snape replied blandly. "I daresay the protege of Shacklebolt and Moody could have handled herself even against the questionable charms of Lockhart. Perhaps it is I who should be thanking you."
"True, another dance with that she-toad and she would have made off with your virtue." Tonks grinned impishly as she nudged at him playfully with her knee, before resting her legs on the bench to rub her dainty feet.
"Would you have interceded on behalf of my honour?" Severus asked loftily, trying to ignore the distraction of supple limbs snuggled against his cloak. The heavily brocaded curtains shielding the granite bench provided some privacy from would be curious onlookers.
"A duel at dawn? Would that assuage your maidenly outrage?" The auror quipped as the professor snorted. He tensed as her feathery boa fluttered and entwined provocatively between them.
"That would depend on my champion." He flushed slightly as Tonks deftly caught the naughty boa before it undid his buttons and slithered down his shirt. She wrapped the length several times around her left calf with intriguingly... expert knots.
"O-ho a champion did ye say? Are ye in need of knightly services?" The brash voice of Sir Cadogan interrupted the startled pair. Tonks accidentally jabbed her companion in the inner thigh with a viciously sharp heel.
"Hardly!" Severus rudely pulled the curtain over the interloping portrait with a harsh wheeze of pain.
"Do you need me to escort you to the healer good man?" Sir Cadogan asked with muffled concern. The curtain moved as the painting tried to reveal itself.
"No!" The hot tempered man growled. His jaw twitched with impatience.
"But I can not in good conscience leave you unchaperoned... you are both unmarried." The knight stage whispered as the curtain opened a few inches. "Think of the lady's reputation. And what of your own reputation?"
"Maybe he's right, we don't want to scandalize the school." Nymphadora's question dripped with sarcasm as she covered her mouth to keep from laughing out loud. "Or end up in the Daily Prophet as star crossed lovers in a torrid May-December affair."
"Great Merlin, she's not a student is she, Snape?" The boisterous portrait was horrified as he peered closely at Tonks.
"Of course not! Miss Tonks has not been a student at Hogwarts for many years." He snapped in barely contained anger.
"Mayhaps I should summon her cousin Sirius Black to accompany you two on your jaunt." Cadogan cajoled as he mounted his horse.
"ENOUGH! Leave now or I'll inform Lady Constance of your dalliance with that milk maid on the third floor." The Slytherin head of house's threat was met with an outraged gasp.
"Why ye scurvy scoundrel! A gentleman does not kiss nor tell. It was a mistake... nay an accident." The short man huffed as he reached for his sword.
"An accident like, the Duke's wife in the dungeon or the Fat Lady in the kitchen?" Snape intoned carelessly as Cadogan reached through the painting to reclose the curtain in indignation.
"Maybe we should go before we are..." She looked around for others to come walking down their hallway.
"Caught in a compromising position?" His smirk challenged her to deny it. She drew nearer and touched his chest, toying with those damnable buttons, before tracing her fingers lower to reach for his... flask.
"I believe it would take a lot more spirits and fewer clothes to compromise you." Tonks toasted him before finishing the rest of the drink.
"That sounds like an enticing experiment." He slyly retrieved another flask from his other pocket and drank. "How does it begin?"
"I'm not sure if you're equiped to handle that at the moment. It would require some hands on study. And I hear that the teacher is rather difficult to please..." Her smile was far from innocent as she jabbed in the thigh deliberately with her foot.
"And what would she demand in return from an eager pupil?" Severus inquired silkily placing exquisite emphasis on the word 'demand'.
"Oh you know, what every woman wants... words to bewitch the mind... ensnare the senses..." She leaned in sultrily, a whisper against his ear "but barring that... maybe bunny slippers." Obligingly, he pushed her gown up to unlace her shoe straps to remove them before transfiguring them into white slippers. Tenderly, he put them back on their incorrigible owner.
"As you wish." Rising to stand, he boldly kissed her hand, his lips ghosted against her skin with lingering promise. And if I commanded...She countered his storm cast gaze with one equal in savagery.
"Seeing that we have both escaped with our virtues somewhat intact, where shall we proceed?" He didn't free her hand and she didn't seem to mind.
"Anywhere you want." The auror blurted out, her complexion pinkened slightly as she exited her daze. That not so innocuous hand kiss from him was branding. As he gallantly helped her to her feet, she resisted the urge to pull him back down to the bench. "I uh.. um mean where do you normally find these rulebreakers?"
"In the usual places..." His smirk took on a devious glint. It was alarming and somewhat sexy. She knew how inventively vengeful he could be and wondered if she had pushed him too far. A part of her wanted to stretch his boundaries further still.
"Such as?" Tonks prodded cautiously, aware that the taciturn professor seemed different this night. Less guarded and more reckless. His grip tightened every time, her delicate frame brushed up against his side as they rounded the seemingly countless corners of the castle.
"Like kissing beneath the star splayed skies atop the East Bridge or stealing a moment in the shadows of the secret passageways." His attention was torn between the crimson pout or her lips before studying the fascinating transformation or her irises from emerald to a light grey.
"Is that so?" She struggled to explore the uncharted galaxies in his gaze, it would be all too tempting to lose herself in their blackness. Tonks stilled her thoughts to keep them from betraying her.
"But some prefer a private assignation between the shelves of the restricted section to the desperate fumblings in a broom cupboard." His words were like spoken honey. "While others... want a whispered promise in front of a blazing hearth." Each throaty syllable caused Nymphadora to pause and quiver. An uncivilized part of him enjoyed eliciting this response. The man was extremely thorough... in his descriptions.
"What about the astronomy tower?" She inquired breathlessly, backing away as if the heat emanating from her companion was almost unbearable. The brief touch of his finger tips carved a sensuous trail over her sensitive skin.
"Of course." He inched closer. Close enough for his insinuation to breeze across her cheek "But if one desires danger, there is always a rendezvous in the Forbidden Forest." Before she could forget herself, she pulled away, scampering up the stairs. She needed space desperately but wanted his proximity more...
Those infernal bunny slippers glimmered in the moon silvered light, drawing his eyes past slender ankles and calves upwards... He moistened his lips slightly. The swishing sound of her wispy gown beckoned as he hastened to catch up. He felt disoriented... almost feverish. It was not just the drink that emboldened him to give chase. How interesting, she was blatantly flirtatious but shy when actually touched.
"Are you speaking from experience?" Nymphadora teased tentatively, as she slowed down her pace. She couldn't hear his footsteps but she could sense him stalking after her. "So no steaming up in the windows in Greenhouse 6?" Her golden red lashes lowered innocently as she abruptly turned to face him. "Or luring someone into the quidditch shower room... with you?"
"..." His normally inscrutable face, seemed pained. With hands clenched behind his back, the images of skin, slippery with soap and hot cascading water, consumed his thoughts. She did not need to be a Legilimens to read his less than gentlemanly intentions. Fortunately, laboured breath and steam clouded the rest of this fantasy. He would require a few moments to recover. Clenching the railing, he held himself stiffly, as he paused at the stair beneath her own. Half of him, wondered if he was clutching the wooden banister so tightly as to prevent himself from collapsing or to keep from taking her on the stairs. Logic warred with the desires of the flesh. His restraint was evident in the harshness of his breathing.
It was empowering to render this man speechless. Counting the footsteps as they drew nearer to the top of the staircase, she came to a complete stop. Barely touching him, she wondered if he was close enough to see her trembling. The man smelled intoxicating and male. Inhaling deeply, of cloves, and sandalwood, she could not help but recall the bathing incident of a few weeks ago. How deliciously different, things could have turned out...
"Be thankful that the statues in the prefect bathroom are silent." He muttered.
"I suppose it beats skinny dipping in the Black Lake." She countered, trailing her hand along the railing enticingly.
"No more insane that discarding your clothing on the moonlit field of a quidditch pitch." He challenged. So he had heard about that incident in her sixth year.
"Well you can't exactly do that during quidditch practice, Madam Hooch would disapprove." An errant boa slipped away to the ground. Severus picked it up and quickened his pace.
"She always struck me as a voyeur." He rumbled, acutely aware of her enchanted boa fluttering around his arms lightly, sliding their feathery softness along his shoulders and back before looping around his neck. "What's next, heavy petting behind the curtains of the Great Hall during the sorting ceremony?"
"Hehe, now that's just wrong on so many levels." Bemused at his half hidden grin, she giggled and backed away up the stairs. A scarf dangled from her shoulder exposing an expanse of cream skin.
"Almost as sacrilegious as scattering the papers from the Headmaster's desk?" He replied sardonically. "To make room for less... educational endeavours.?" His concentration was riveted by her enticing presence. From the sweet bite of her lips to the delectable dimples in her lower back (memorized during her stay in the infirmary).
"With Fawkes and all the former headmaster paintings watching? Now who's being the exhibitionist?" She studied him intently as his hand covered her own possessively. "And if one didn't wish to get caught, I'm certain there are more isolated places..."
"Enlighten me." His hiss was harsh as she lured him down a secluded hallway.
"For example, detention..." Savouring the predatorial slant of his stare, she sauntered away blithely out of reach. "Or maybe the dungeons. I've heard the furniture is quite sturdy... particularly the potions table." Her provacative statement caused him to nearly trip over his own feet.
"Indeed. But Miss Tonks... detention is only given to those in need of disciplinary action." The seductive cadence of his Professor voice would be her undoing. She had little doubt how exacting his form of discipline would be.
"Pity... Professor Snape. A few lessons in an abandoned classroom wouldn't be amiss. Lastly did you forget the room of requirement?"
"Hardly." He swallowed as her dainty fingers skimmed the buttons of his cloak, upwards before lingering on the only button done up. "That room only appears when you are in need?" Recognizing that they were on the seventh floor, he realized he had been ensnared quite completely.
"And how much need are we talking about here?" Huskily, she asked, already knowing the answer. As she twined the boa languidly around her wrist reeling him in nearer.
"Dire need..." His confession was barely audible above her gasp as she pressed her curves in his willing embrace beneath the mistletoe.
Author's Note: Here's what really happened after they left the Grand Hall:
"Mistletoe." She pointed upwards at the large expanse of thick vines and abnormally large scarlet berries above them. Tonight the fates were conspiring against us.
"A ludicrous tradition." He scoffed attempting to leave but his feet were charmed to the floor. She tried to walk away also but without any success. It appeared the more they struggled and delayed, the ominous vines lowered from the ceiling to tangle around them.
"Um Snape, do you happen to know the counter spell." Tonks felt ackward, pressed against him like a second skin. Her legs snugly draped across his left thigh, and her face flattened against his equally granite chest. She wondered if he could feel her runaway heartbeat. The vines had curled the two around each other in mockery of a wanton embrace.
"My wand has fallen out of reach. Can you retrieve yours?" He doubted she had any pockets on her dress to hold one. She struggled to try to reach her wand holster, but the mistletoe had other ideas, forcing her hands around the curves of his backside.
"If you haven't noticed my hands are rather full at the moment." She sputtered trying to play off her embarrassment as inconvenience. Her flush nearly matched her hair.
"Try moving your elbow so I can get my hand further up." Several leafy tendrils circled around his wrist, Severus hoped he could stretch his restraints upwards. His hand travelled cautiously up her side. She was ticklish, he could hear her smothering a snort.
Involuntarily she broke out into giggles and tried to avoid his wandering hand. Suddenly the mistletoe forced his hand over her heart. His hand felt molten.
"We can make our apologies at a later time." He croaked out not daring to look at her. The only thing worse would be if the Creevey brothers were to come across them with their cameras and papparazzi questions.
"Right well, I rather not be tied up like a mummy and stuck here for the holidays. So pucker up Romeo." Perhaps for an evening or two. If it felt this good to be entwined against him in the vertical position, how would it feel horizontally...
"I protest, it is asinine to have to pander to this pagan ritual. Just tell me where your wand is and I will attempt to get us out of this predicament." A bead of perspiration betrayed his lack of cool detachment. The lace of her bra peeked out of her decolletage and felt spidery thin beneath his fingers.
"Said the man, pretending to be my pushup bra. Just so you know my wand holster is strapped to my thigh, rather high up my dress. Can I trust you to behave?" She brazenly offered, moving her leg further up his side to give him access to her... wand.
"Wait.. before you do that... stop moving so much. I believe..." But she didn't listen and the plant lifted her higher. She brushed against him alluringly, legs spread around his waist, the engorged hilt of his desire insistent against her soft core. "Oh..."
"Sprout has cross bred mistletoe with Venomous Tentucula... what was that psychotic ninny thinking?" His irises were dark suns in his unflinching gaze. Uncomfortable (well parts of him enjoyed it) in this position, Severus shifted slightly to gain a less compromising one. I solemnly swear to leave Greenhouse three's door unlocked and let Hagrid's brother have his fill of the flatulence inducing Methanosphyll plants and then aim a few fireballs in there for good measure.
"Let's be thankful that she didn't mix the mistletoe with the Whomping Willow." Tonks tried desperately to ignore the fact that their bodies fit together. A sharp intake of breath coincided with her wriggling. His hands were now tangled in her hair, not close enough to reach the wand that was now digging into his ribs.
"A concussion might be more tolerable..." He gritted through his teeth as he focussed his breathing techniques. She was so achingly close. It would be humiliating to be thus unmanned. He wondered what gypsy had cursed him in a previous life.
"About that kiss... 10 seconds... no tongue." She negotiated, still somewhat distracted by the tautness of his muscles supporting her. It has been awhile, the lack of intimacy no doubt causing her to respond to his proximity, his heat. And his hardness.
"Fine, I'll count." He conceded surly and watched her close her eyes before he did the same. 10, 9, 8 Lips like rose petals, her lipstick tasted of dark cherries and madeira. 7, 6,5,4 It was demure, almost innocent... 3,2,1 And it seemed to endure a millenia.
"Anything?" She asked as the mistletoe's tendrils remained stubbornly around them.
"Again... I mean perhaps we have to be more convincing." The thrumming of his blood matched the unevenness of his words.
"Yeah alright... how about this?" Before he could stop her, she nibbled on his bottom lip. A groan fell from his mouth while she forced his lips further apart with her tongue. A tentative exploration ensued. The vines began to loosen but they were not free so they renewed their efforts. He gripped her silken hair, and sucked tenderly at her lips, robbing her of breath.
"I... think... it's... working. Keep... going... a... little bit longer." He paused between quick kisses and words they were getting more difficult to articulate. His hands, mouth and body spoke for him. Pushing against her, frustrated by the clothing between them he worshipped with tongue and teeth, the contours of her neck and collar bone.
"Yes... yes definitely helping." Her whimpering spurred him on as did her nails digging in his back.
"Hem.. hem. 20 points from Slytherin and 20 points from Hufflepuff!" Professor Sinistra interrupted grinning deviously. The ardent pair stopped their frantic snogging from shock.
"For lewd and carnal acts in a public place." Professor Vector's eyebrows waggled independently of each other. Oh this just keeps better and better, another witness to toss in the moat.
"But we... the mistletoe... and you know..." Tonks sputtered, her cheeks afire in embarassment. In that moment the plant dropped them both to the ground, bottoms first.
"It's not what it appears to be..." Snape explained to his smug colleagues.
"I should hope not. Now pardon me while I debate whether to scourgify my eyes or my imagination first." Aurora teased mercilessly as Blaine shuddered in sympathy.
"Maybe use an obliviate and a lot of muggle bleach. You should really be thinking of the children. What if they saw? What if they got ideas?" Blaine feigned a face of shock. "Mind you, I think plenty of them would be shouting out advice and possibly critiques."
"Yes those who wouldn't be sick with revulsion watching their elders get a leg up. Now how can we explain this away. Wait, I didn't realize we were offering Sex Education this year. Were you practicing some new curriculum? Snogging 101. Heavy Petting in semester 2?" Sinistra was revelling in her coworker's and friend's discomfort.
"Now exactly what would it take to get an O in Professor Tightbritches' class? I heard he doesn't appreciate foolish wand waving." Vector guffawed at Severus's dementor like coldness.
"Maybe it depends on who's waving his wand." Aurora crudely suggested. "I don't even want to know what you have to do for extra credit."
"Yes I pity you, I've heard his exams are grueling. Such a harsh task master our Sevvie is. Hands out more detentions than points... that one does." Professor Vector eyed Nymphadora with fake empathy.
"Shut up!" Snape's fury growing with each comment. Tonks was uncommonly silent. Perhaps she was ashamed of being caught with someone like him.
"I'm not sure I want to keep quiet about these recent events, this is too juicy to keep to myself. What would you offer for my silence... hmmm?" Aurora coaxed.
"I'll volunteer to supervise the next Hogsmeade outing." Severus offered through gritted teeth.
"Three Hogsmeade outings." Vector countered.
"Two." The defiant man conceded. "Now leave." You'll be lucky I don't add something extra to your Monday pumpkin juice.
"Let's go Professor. I suppose four is a crowd." The astronomy teacher recognizing the danger signs of aggravating the dark hair wizard any further.
"Have fun in the room of requirement kiddies!" Vector yelled out laughing as the drunken pair scampered away.
"Imbeciles." Severus grunted.
"Severus... about that mistletoe..." Tonks moved closer to the disgruntled potionsmaster.
The doors to the room of requirement appeared before them and opened. Before she could say anything more, out walked Madam Pince and Argus Filch?!
"Good evening Professor Snape... Auror Tonks." The librarian greeted them stiffly as she readjusted her robes. Filch shot Snape a knowingly well satisfied grin as he escorted his companion down the hall. Mrs. Norris meowed at them haughtily before following the unlikely pair.
A/N: Like you haven't thought about it...
Bad Habit - The Kooks * I am Your Skin – The Bravery
Don't Hold Back – The Sleeping * Jet – Are You Going to Be My Girl?
I'm Finding it Harder to Be a Gentleman – The White Stripes
Take Me Out – Franz Ferdinand * Girls Girls Boys – Panic at the Disco
I Bet You Look Good On the Dancefloor – The Arctic Monkeys
Sour Cherry – The Kills * Last Nite – The Strokes
Maps – Yeah Yeah Yeah * Sex – 1975 * WDYWFM – The Neighbourhood
When You Were Mine – Night Terrors of 1927 * Remember – Black Lab