Chapter 18

"Jo, where are you?" Alex whispered to his phone, not wanting to disturb the other people who were in the waiting room with them.

"I'm home..." she answered him quietly as well "I just wanted to take a quick shower and-"

"You've got to be kidding me, Jo!" he interrupted her and got up, making Abigail instinctively tug at his shirt not wanting him to leave. "I'll be right back kiddo..." he told her.

"Alex? Are you there?" he heard her say while he was still talking to Abby.

"Yes! Just hold on a second." He said taking his eyes from his child for a split of a second "Just stay with him, okay?" he said to Abby pointing to Morgan who was sitting next to her.

"Okay..." she answered him and then Alex excused himself.

Alex walked out of the waiting room and went to a place where he could talk to his wife in private.

"Jo?" he said and heard her sigh before she spoke.

"Alex, I don't want to do this through the phone..." Jo said exhausted.

"You said you were forty minutes away, Jo!" he spat to the phone "We have been waiting for two freaking hours!"

"Alex I do-" she started but was interrupted.

"Who are you with?" Alex asked after hearing giggles on the background

"Nobody... It's just the TV."

"So you are not coming... Will I find you home or are you escaping tonight again?"

"Alex, I'll see you later. Bye" he heard her say and before he could answer back, Jo ended up the call.

Alex went back to the waiting room where he had left Morgan and Abigail at and when he got there, he found the doctor already there trying to talk to his daughter stepfather who had his face buried in his hands. He tried looking around for Abby but couldn't find her, so he just assumed she had gone to the restroom or the vending machine.

"How is she?" Alex asked the doctor once he got close to both of them.

Alex watched as the doctor looked away from Morgan and then at his direction shaking his head slowly.

"She coded on the operating table. We did everything we could but we were not able to bring her back" the doctor said shaking his head "I'm sorry for your lost" he stated before he left the waiting room.

Alex stood there looking at Morgan and remembered what it was like when he was at that situation. He remembered how desperate he felt when Izzie and he were still together and he had lost her, even if it was for a short time. He still remembered how he felt when he watched his colleagues working on his then wife that had died on his arms.

"I'm sorry, man..." Alex said putting his hand on Morgan's shoulder and squeezing it, in return the detective only nodded his head as a sign of appreciation of Alex's attitude. "Where is Abby?" Alex asked and it wasn't necessary for Morgan to answer him that question because they both had seen Abby walking out of the restroom as he had assumed before.

They watched as Abigail strolled towards them, unaware of what had happened. None of them knew what to say or how to say it when she was finally near them. Alex wanted to be straightforward but she was just a kid who had just lost her mother. Alex found himself struggling to say anything so Morgan stepped forward and started talking.

"Hey Abby... Why don't you sit down?" Morgan said pulling the girl to sit down in one of the chairs.

"Can I go see her now?" she asked them a bit impatient.

"Abby... She didn-" Morgan started but the girl interrupted him.

"She's dead, isn't she?" she asked him with her eyes glistening and when he didn't answer her she looked up to Alex "Dad?" she said not holding her tears in anymore. Alex closed his eyes and nodded.

"Abby I'm so sorry..." her stepfather said trying to hug her but she fought his hug.

"You said she had more time... You promised..." she told him sobbing.

"We thought she had more time, honey..." Alex was the one talking now. He kneeled in front of her and forced her into a hug, ignoring her attempts to make him to let go of her. "I know, baby... I know. It hurts right now, but I promise it will get better." He said stroking her hair once she stopped resisting him.

"You said... You said she would be alright, Dad." She said and heard Alex whispering 'I know' to her "I wanna go home..."

"Okay, we'll go home now" Alex said and then kissed her temple.

"No. I wanna go home." She said again and Alex realized she was talking about her home and not Alex's house. Alex looked at Morgan and he nodded his head letting Alex know it was okay for her to stay with him.

"I have to take care of some things firs Abby, okay?" Morgan informed her and she nodded. He went to deal with everything about Izzie's death and sign some papers while Alex stayed with Abigail until he came back. When he got back to the waiting, Abigail held her arms out for him to pick her up and so he did.

"I'll come to get you whenever you're ready, okay?" Alex said and Abby nodded.

The three of them left the waiting room and Morgan and Abigail left the hospital before Alex di because he had to talk to Hunt about getting back to work.

"Dr. Karev?" Just as Alex was about to leave the hospital he heard somebody call his name and turned to where it was coming from. "Dr. Karev, this was left here for you" the receptionist said handing him an envelope.

"Who is it from?" Alex asked scrunching his face after looking at the envelope and not seeing a sender's name.

"I don't know... I'm not the one who received it, I just started my shift and this was already here."

"Okay... Thank you..." Alex thanked her and the receptionist gave him a little smile.

Alex left the hospital and got into his car, so that he couple open the envelope and see what was inside it. Once he opened it, he first saw pictures inside and then a folded paper behind the pictures. He took one of the pictures out of the envelope, but closed his eyes not wanting to see it just yet, because he knew only one person would sent him an envelope without signing it. He stayed that way for a few seconds before he sighed and opened his eyes. His eyes immediately met the face of his baby girl; he could tell she was laughing when the picture was taken. She was in a backyard he did not recognize and in a bathing suit he had bought her. He looked at all the pictures inside of the envelope and then took the letter out to start reading it, surprised that it was a short one.

Alex, first I want to say sorry, for taking her away from you. It was never my intention but I couldn't find another way be with her without you constantly wanting to be with her. At first, I didn't think she'd be okay without you but she is now. She would ask about you all the time, wanted to see you and talk to you; she doesn't anymore, at least not much. She has seen you a couple of times, even though you did not see her and it crushed her heart every time she would see you and you didn't notice her. I am sorry it has to be this way, I really am, but we are okay. She is fine; she is great, healthy and happy. I'm taking care of our little girl, don't you worry about that. Stop looking for her, please. I promise you I will do my best to raise her and love her like I always have. Alex, I know it was a selfish act from me to just take her away. Alex thank you for giving me one of the best presents I could ever get in my life.

I'm sorry.

He put the letter and all of the pictures back inside the envelope and remained neutral as if what had just happened never did happen and started the car to go home.

Alex drove alone through the dark streets of Seattle, even though he didn't like it he knew he had made a good decision by leaving his daughter with the one she had known has her dad for the last couple of years. Alex knew that even if Abigail didn't referred to Morgan as her dad she loved him that way. Without knowing, he found himself already at his driveway. He sighed and rested his head on his steering wheel. He found himself laughing after a little and then his laughter became a cry, a much needed cry. In three months he lost one daughter and gained another one. he wanted to be happy, at least a little bit happy, but he couldn't. Every time he looked at Abigail, he thought of Camilla, he couldn't not think about her every time Abby called him dad. And now he knew that somebody was making his baby girl think he had abandoned her and making her forget about him. He cried until he had no more tears to cry and then sighed and cleaned his face free from tears. There was no way in hell he would stop looking for his daughter.

Alex got out of the car and took a couple deep breaths before he entered his house. Since all the lights downstairs were already off he assumed Jo had already fallen asleep so he went upstairs, put the envelope on his bedside table and took a shower before he could go to bed.

When Alex got out of the bathroom, he found Jo sitting on the bed instead of being asleep like she was.

"Hey..." she whispered to him and Alex looked at her with a tired face. "How is Izzie?"

"Dead." He said and then climbed in bed "She died in surgery." He said and laid down face away from Jo.

"I'm sorry... Is Abby asleep?" she asked him, looking at his figure.

"No."

"Where is she?"

"Home." He said annoyed.

"Alex, can you talk to me?" Jo asked him with the same annoyance as him.

"Now you wanna talk?" He barked at her turning around to face her and showing her his angry face.

"Okay, Alex. Why are you so mad at me? What did I do? I'm just trying to know how she is..." she said trying to make him calm down.

"You don't even care about her, Jo, why do you want to know?" he said and then got up grabbing his pillow.

"Alex? Wait..." Jo said getting up as well and rush behind him "Where are you going? Stop!" she yelled at him making him stop walking in the direction of the guest room. "Alex, talk to me... Why do you think I don't care about her?"

"Because you don't. All you do is run away; you don't even put in an effort to get to know her."

"Alex, you know tha-"

"She thinks you don't like her because you're never around. You are never around Jo. Where do you even go to? I don't get to see you anymore. I go to sleep to an empty bed. I wake up to an empty bed most of the times." He said, his voice getting louder with every word that came out of his mouth.

"She is your daughter Alex... She isn't Camilla..." she said with her voice breaking.

"No shit. Don't you think it is hard for me too? But I don't go away every time I feel like to. I don't up and decide that I don't want to be home and leave until I feel like coming back."

"Alex, I lost my baby... And I-" she said as tears fell down her face.

"I, I, it's always I... Does it ever cross your damn mind that I lost my child too?! She was mine too, Jo! WE lost our baby, YOU weren't the only one!"

"I know she was yours too Alex, but you don't know how I-"

"I don't know how you feel... because I don't know how much it hurts to wake up and know that isn't here, do I? Do you even hear yourself? I miss her too. I hurt too!"

"But you have Abby..."

"I can't believe you, Jo. I can't do this anymore... I'm don't even know you anymore. There's a... an envelope on my nightstand with pictures of Camilla in there." He said before he turned around to keep his track.

"What? Alex? Please. Stop." She yelled at him again.

"Goodnight Jo." He said and slammed the door to the guest room when closing it.

Today had been a tiring day.