A/N: Here is chapter 3! It's heavy in dialogue but is soooo full on Hotchniss... Thank you so so much for your reviews, I love reading your comments so keep the reviews coming!
Enjoy!
Disclaimer in Chapter 1
Chapter 3: A trip down to memory land [Part 2]
Previously
Jack nodded and buried himself in her embrace again "When is Emmy going to be here?"
"In about an hour, Jack-Jack."
Next
"Why don't you tell me how you and your husband met? Maybe we could start from slightly easier and happier subjects." Robert said. Emily looked up and looked at the man in front of her "Maybe you are right, we met when I was about twenty; he was twenty six, twenty seven maybe. He was assigned to my mother's staff to run security clearances, I saw him around the house a couple of times, he was tall, dark hair, hazel eyes, he didn't smile a lot but when he did, oh boy… he would light up the room, I liked him I'm not gonna lie…I did. Funny thing is, we never talked. Not until the last night, before I left for Yale. I would feel his eyes on me, and I know he felt my eyes on him but none of us made a move. It's like we convinced ourselves that the other was unavailable, out of our liege and we shouldn't try. My father introduced us that night, split second I shake his hand and then my mother drags me away to socialize with some 'more appropriate' species of the male population, proper husband material in her eyes. The whole night I would feel his eyes on my back, it was like he was burning my skin with his stare. I chose a red gown that night, knowing that the color looks good on me. I wanted to get his attention. I rammed through hundreds of stores to find it. But I did… oh and it was perfect. It was a trumpet style, really tight all the way to the hips. It had a lace pattern on the front, a small train, long sleeves. If some only saw the front they'd call it boring, but the whole back was open. First time I went to a hair salon to get my hair, I went and got nails done, bought matching shoes and clutch. I got a professional makeup artist to do my makeup. The lengths I went to get his attention were absolutely ridiculous."
Emily looked outside the window and smiled nostalgic when she remembered the younger version of the man she loves with her whole heart giving her his hand "Please call me Hotch, or Aaron." And his smile, oh god his smile.
"Did he ask you to dance?" Emily turned her head back startled. Robert was smiling "Yes. One dance, just one, and the feeling of his hand on my back imprinted itself in my senses and I could get rid of it. It's truly pathetic because after that meeting he rekindled his relationship with his high school sweetheart which he ended up marrying in 2000 and having a son with and I stayed stuck in limbo. I don't blame him, just to clear this out, and his late wife was an amazing woman, I really liked her, and I tried to move on as well. It's not like I stayed back pinning over him to come back and sweep me off my feet so we can live happily ever after. I moved on, I fell in love, I fell out of love too. I got relationships, even an engagement. Although my fiancé was a national terrorist and I was undercover so that doesn't really count." Robert laughed, easing Emily's nerves, being engaged to Doyle was something that she joked about a lot now that both he and Lauren were dead and buried, but she still didn't know how other people would take it.
Aaron for example saw it as a joke and would usually answer to her with "Well sweetheart aren't you happy that at least the second time wasn't a wanted criminal?" they would laugh and get it over with. "Oh well second time is a charm." She smiled at his comment "That's Aaron says too."
"And after that meeting when did you saw each other again?"
"It was about ten years later. November 25th, 2006, I went to his office because I had finally gotten the transfer to the BAU I wanted and I needed to inform him give him my papers and ask him if he knew where to put my staff, he wasn't informed of the transfer it was all scheme by our former Section Chief, she wanted to get him fired because she saw him as a competition for the director's chair, but Aaron doesn't want that. He doesn't even want to be section chief; a desk job would kill him. She got me in the unit and he thought it was a favor, or that maybe I had a political agenda. He was an asshole to me! But still every look, every involuntary touch, it would spark a fire unlike any other. I can't really explain it. But it was like he had me under his spell. It took us three months to get to a civil point and about ten to get to a point where we were almost friends. We trusted each other; we would lay our life to the other's hands and shared occasional drinks with each other every week. It's not exactly friendship but its close. The first night he came to my apartment and we reached that agreement, his wife had just left, she took their son and left, she had enough of the job, of the danger, of the long hours. I never really knew. Over the course of months we really did became friends. I started see glances of the man he really was. His humor, his big heart, his southern gentleman ways. He made me fall in love with him harder than I have ever had before." Robert looked intrigued with her story.
"When did things started to shift between you two?"
"I think…we had a case in New York the bombers/shooters. Aaron got blown up, he was going to his SUV with another agent SSA Joyner and the car blew up. I saw him getting blown from video feed and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Felt like someone was chocking me. I don't know how exactly to describe the feeling because I haven't… I'm not exactly sure what I felt. All I know is that I felt as if I got blown up which is impossible. After the bomb he had an acoustic trauma, his right eardrum was blown, so he came over my place, the doctor forbade him living alone for the month he was recovering. He hadn't told me he just appeared on my doorstep. We both could feel something changing between us; no one did anything to stop it. He lasted one month, just one month on medical leave. He tricked his doctor to sign his return to duty and she did. He came back to the field almost deafened himself three times. Every time I saw him in pain…"
Emily exhaled trying to figure out the words, how could see explain the feeling? Was there any word fitting? "I can't explain it. I just can't. But when the case was over, he decided to drive back to D.C. it was over seven hours. At first I got in the car prepared to go with the others, but I found myself I couldn't, I got out, got in his SUV took the keys and we drove off. Three days, three days pretending to be normal, driving through some magnificent scenery, enjoying the sun on out skin, the sound of birds around us… just acting normal. He kissed me the first night, we went for dinner and we bickered over dessert. He took the spoon away from me and I reached to get it from his hand, but he was leaning forward to me. I thought I forgot how to breathe. I don't know how long we kissed, but when we stopped he leaned towards my ear and whispered to me that maybe we should forget about dessert. He paid the bill and we got out of the restaurant, almost run out, we were spending the night in Ravenswood. A small city on the side of the Ohio River, our hotel had an amazing park right across and we got there, he held my hand the whole time, we found a bench and we sat there watching the sky above us. He told me 'I spend over ten years wondering what would have happened if I asked for your number that night we danced, what would have happened if I talked to you the first time I saw you, coming out of the pool like some kind of mermaid. I don't want to spend another wondering whether my other half was in front of me the whole time or not. I don't want to lose another moment not being with you, the hell with bureau, the hell with the rules I just want to give us a try.' I memorized his speech, I also cried. I waited to hear those words from him for so long that I gave up in the end. It was like that, we just were there together and for a short time it was enough. It was really enough."
"What changed?"
"A case in Vegas, two boys kidnapped, one killed and we had a race against time to find the second, we did, after the case we went out for drinks, we had a few too many and we got married. We were walking down the boulevard and there was a chapel on out left, a bar right across and an open mall next to the bar, I didn't even knew those things stayed open 24 hours in Vegas, he took my arm and told me 'here's where we'll get married, there's where you'll get the dress and I'll get the tux and there is where we'll celebrate. What do you say are gonna be Mrs. Hotchner?' ok, you know maybe I lied we weren't that wasted. I wouldn't remember all those details if I was right? Anyway we did, we got married, we woke up the next morning, I was freaking out, completely, and he asked me a question I never thought he would, he asked me if it would be so terrible if stayed married. He told me 'I want everything with you, the kids, the house, to grow old with you. Is it so bad if we give it a try? Let's see how it works and if does, we can always re do the ceremony.' So we did. We gave it a try and it worked. It worked well. Too well. I'm not saying we didn't fight, god no, we fought like cats, the whole time, over little things. It was always over though before we got to bed we forgot about it." Her smile faded and slowly fell, leaving a grim expression behind.
"What happened, I sense a story here."
"He got attacked in his apartment by the Boston Reaper, George Foyet. First night, first night I wasn't there. That sick bastard tortured him for hours; he stabbed him nine times, nine freaking times. And he took his time, he taunted him. And leaving he put a target on his ex wife and son. He wouldn't answer his phone, I called and called and called, all went to voicemail. I had enough after a couple of hours calling and got in his apartment, I said that we need more eyes and he should be there. I reached the apartment and called him again, just to be sure that he was there. I heard his ringtone, everything inside me froze, because there was no way he hadn't heard the calls, because that meant that something terrible has happened. Because Aaron never leaves the house without his phone… I opened the door, it was unlocked and barely closed and got in. there were his things, his go bag by the door, his briefcase on the couch, something that always drove me mad but he did it anyway, his holster and gun was on the dining room table, there was a bullet hole above the drink's cabinet from a .44 and no shell casings, there was a stain from scotch on the carpet and I turned my head following the shreds of glass and found a… a pool of his blood on the carpet." Emily felt the tears running down her cheeks freely now. She knew that probably being seen in hysterics by an agency director wasn't the best thing she could do, but couldn't help it. She never talked about it with anyone before.
"I called a friend, our technical analyst and she sent the CSU to process the scene and started looking for him. She found him in a hospital; Foyet drove him there and dropped him off using a coworker's stolen credentials. After he was released we had our biggest fight ever, he wanted me to go in witnesses' protection alongside his ex and his son, I told him that I was a trained FBI agent and it would take so much worse than George Foyet for me to leave him. At first he seemed to agree, and for about two weeks he didn't brought it up again, but then two weeks in his leave he gave me an ultimatum, either I was going to go into witnesses protection or he was done. I got so angry, furious, because that's not something you just decide and expect everyone else to follow, I told him to get his trash from my apartment, where we were living, and get the hell out of my face. I screamed despicable things to him, and the moment the door closed, I felt as if my whole had crushed down, as if I lost everything. Six months after the attack we had almost gone back to normal, we weren't together, but we went back to being friends, having drinks together, watching a couple movies. One night, he told me he never stopped loving me, and that the fact that we weren't together was just because of Foyet, because if he lost me to this psychopath, he'll never recover. We made a promise that the moment Foyet was caught, we'd get back together, and we'd be serious about it this time, we'll talk with bureau, we'll tell the team and our families.
But Foyet wasn't caught Aaron killed him; it was justifiable they fought for I don't know how long. Foyet killed Haley, Aaron's ex over the phone where all of us could hear it. We heard the gunshots going off. And he threatened to kill Jack too. He just couldn't do it if Aaron wasn't there to watch, he wanted to have an audience. I couldn't bring up our promise, it wasn't the time, he had to learn take care of a four year old alone, and with the job we do… it took us two more months. We had a case in San Francisco, working with another team, and an agent there started flirting with me, at first I just didn't care, but my friend JJ kept nagging me that it's been too long since I last got some and that I should get hot British dude with the sexy accent and just jump his bones in the hotel room, Aaron was there, I guess he heard us because he would talk to me for about two weeks afterwards. I realized that the feelings were still there, he was jealous of Mick, the other agent. Exactly two weeks after San Francisco we had a case in Alaska, and the motel only had four rooms. Unknowingly to me and apparently Aaron, the rest of the team had already planned the sleeping arrangements and got us to sleep in the same room. Now the beds were tiny we had to practically sleep on top of each other. Or maybe we ended up like that. I don't really remember. What matters is that we spent two nights there, sleeping in the same bed, I asked him why he wasn't talking to me and when he wouldn't answer I asked him if he was jealous of Mick and he told me 'You're damn right I am, you are my wife damn it!'
I reminded him that we weren't together and technically I wasn't his wife. I don't really remember how the rest of the fight went; I just remember it was short lived. We kissed and he told me he couldn't live without me. I told him I didn't know what love meant before him. And I didn't, not really. We were good. We talked, we told the team, not the bureau, but we weren't hiding. So maybe they knew, maybe they didn't. But then the whole mess with Doyle happened and I just couldn't put him in risk, and I couldn't really tell him about the mission, because yeah he had a high security clearance but, not nearly high enough. It broke my heart not being able to tell him, but I did it. He helped JJ fake my death, but never once visited me. When JJ and I were flying to Paris she gave me our wedding bands. I knew I lost him then. One thing Aaron can't stand is lying. The only thing he ever asked of me was honesty. And I knew that by not telling him I might lose him and Jack forever, but I hoped that he would understand that maybe he could forgive me. Seven months in hiding were the worse months of my life. Especially after I learned that I was pregnant, Aaron and I were trying to have a baby for months, and Doyle took her from me! I hated him so much, but I begged JJ and the doctors to not put this in the file, I knew that not only the team but Aaron too would get the file and that would kill him. I knew that he probably didn't love me anymore, but I hoped I could at least save him the pain of… of losing a child. I would carry the pain for both of us.
When I got back, everyone tried to act as if nothing happened, and so did I. I acted as if nothing happened and every night leaving work I'd ask myself if I should just drive to our apartment, just drive home, be with him and Jack, and hope the pain lessens a bit, but then I would look myself on the mirror and I'd see the shell of a woman I truly was and I couldn't drag them down with me. I dreaded the day Aaron was going to come asking for a divorce. I dreaded it. I was back for four months when I heard rumors that Aaron found a woman, someone he liked. I saw him going out with her, stalking I know, but when I saw him leaving the building with that big smile of his, anxious to go to her, with the same look he had for me I couldn't stop myself, so I followed him. I did and saw him kissing her. It was Valentine's Day, he got her roses, drove her to a fancy restaurant, held her hand, opened the door for her, just like he used to do for me. I drove home, I cried myself to sleep that night, and the night after and after and after.
When three months later Clyde called with the offer from the London office I didn't have to think about it. JJ got married that day he made me the offer, and Aaron came to the wedding with her, Beth, I met her once before a month ago and I realized that I wasn't what he wanted anymore, I wasn't his other half. I realized he had moved on, while I was stuck there, I couldn't move on… I was trapped. I knew I would get the job. I just knew. That night we danced again and the same feeling I had sixteen years was back, I got it back… that feeling that his hands left an imprint on me, like he marked me as his and only his. I knew then I had to get as far away as I could, and I did. For a year, I settled in London talked with JJ and Penelope, the technical analyst I told you before, sometimes with Derek, my old partner and sometimes Dave, I even got few letters from Spencer, he has technophobia, doesn't have an email. Never Aaron though, but I learned about him. I knew he was happy with Beth. Late June, the next year, our section chief Erin Strauss she was murdered by an UnSub, Dave was in a relationship with her, I went back home to see how he was doing, but this time I was ready, ready to let him go, I had caused him enough pain, so I got the divorce papers ready and I signed them, I couldn't stop myself and I wrote him a letter. I told him everything, how much I loved him, how I'm never going to get over him, how I didn't want to get over what he had because he was the one for me. I told him about out baby and I asked him to forget about me. I gave the letter and the papers to Dave asked him to give them to Aaron as soon as he could and never talk about it again. And I left, thinking I'll never have to look back again. It took Dave three months to give Aaron the papers."
"Was it the family emergency back in September of 2013?"
"Yeah, Aaron had internal bleeding due to the scar tissue from Foyet's stabbing. I went home and drove straight to the hospital thinking that since I didn't get the files back maybe we still had a chance, maybe he still loved me. I saw Beth there, on his bedside I didn't even went into the room I left the hospital running, it took Aaron months to sign the papers, and when he did, it was because Beth asked him to, she left him the same night. Aaron hadn't read the letter I left him with the papers, till after he signed the papers and when he did, he threw them in the shredder. For a little over a month he would call me again and again and I couldn't talk to him, he'd email, write letters. I couldn't read any of them. One day, I don't know why it was early February he called me and I just knew I had to answer. He told me JJ and their new section chief, Cruz, were kidnapped and he needed my help to find them because the state did nothing. That night, after we found them, he pulled me into his office, he told me he was really going to sign the papers and he did, he did thinking that this was something I wanted, but he couldn't do it anymore. He dropped a bag with the shreds of the papers on his desk saying that he was staying married and if I was so hell-bent on getting a divorce I should get another batch of papers but not to expect of him to sign them 'If you truly want a divorce fine, but don't expect me to just sign away our marriage because I won't. If you don't love me or want to end this fine, do so. But I love you and I don't want to end this.' I don't really remember much but I remember that I threw the bag and the paper shreds flew around us, I almost climbed up his desk. Few minutes later, when the whole bliss left I reminded him that I lived in London, and he lived in D.C. and none of us is going to relocate. I wasn't ready to leave London and he wasn't ready to leave the BAU. He told me he was going to ask me each time if I was ready. We agreed to work only on rebuilding our relationship. We needed that. To work on out issues, with ourselves and each other first before trying to be a couple again, we had Jack to think about and we also had to deal with the fact that we did lose our baby. Eleven months… it took us eleven months to work out everything. We were in a good place, then an old mentor of Aaron's died, Jason Gideon, he was shot in the head by a Serial Killer. I got back for the funeral and after when we went to Dave's place for drinks we told them that we got back together. Every time we would see each other Aaron would ask me if I was ready to come home, every time I told him 'no'"
"But this time you told him yes. What changed?"
"Peter Lewis. Last august an UnSub was using two really strong dissociative drugs, he would drug his victims and they'd kill, under his suggestion their loved ones. He mind controlled them. Aaron was his last victim. He fought the drugs and managed to stall Lewis enough for the team to come. He fought against the drugs and didn't hurt anyone. It shock him harder than I've ever seen anything do that. Dave called me the same night asking me if I could get Jack for a couple of weeks in London so Aaron would have time to recover without worrying about Jack. I did, Dave got him on the plane and talked with the stewardess to help him during the flight and after to find the gate and I waited for him right there. I can never thank God enough for his trusting nature. His daddy told him that Emmy wanted to show him London and he would go on a trip with a plane like a man and he just believe him. Didn't ask why Aaron wasn't coming or why I decided to do this now and not at another time, or even why it was so urgent. He got better, shorted out what was real and what was made up by Lewis. Took him some time but he got back to normal. Something in me broke. I realized that life is too short, too precious and too fragile. I went back to the states with Jack and I realized that every time I would board a plane for London, a little something of me would break. I also realized I wasn't ready to go back to the states full time either. It was a mess." Emily turned her eyes towards the window; all she could see was the ocean below. She wanted for the trip to end, she needed to see if Jack was alright, she needed to see Aaron, make sure he is alright; she needs to make sure that they'll get him out. She needs to put her life back together because right now is in shreds.
"But something made you to go back. Something happened that pushed you to return here." Emily leaned back in her chair trying to remember what was it, what was that something that made her come back. She wasn't entirely sure, maybe it was the fact that she couldn't deal with being away from her family, a network of hit men put a price on Penelope's head, a psychopath kidnapped Derek, he tried to kill his wife and son. The world was going to hell and she wasn't there. Maybe it was that… maybe it was because she was getting older…she was getting older and the dream of growing old with Aaron was starting to fade, it would if she didn't go back, she would never ask him to give up the BAU and move to London. Even if he did, it wasn't as if they would have any kind of normality in their lives. She would still be running the London field office and he would… he would defiantly find something else to do, with his skill set she was sure he would, but she was also sure that it would have been a surrogate for the BAU, just like her job was.
"I think…life was moving on, I am not getting any younger, neither is he. We had a dream when we got married, a dream of a happy life, we wanted kids, for Jack to have a brother or a sister, maybe both, we wanted to get a house in the suburban, we knew we couldn't have the American dream, but we had our own dream. And even if all those didn't work, all we needed to be happy was being there for the other, patch up the other's wounds after the fight. I realized I wasn't there. I realized that if something terrible happened to Aaron, I wouldn't be there till… till it was too late. His job is terrible and dangerous and… he plays his life heads or tails each time he is in the field, I could literally loose him every given moment. I just didn't want to leave my boys behind anymore." Emily raised her eyes and looked at Robert, his black eyes were soft, a smile was grazing his thin lips. "It was a beautiful story. I really hope things work out with you two. You deserve it."
A/N: Chapter 3 is done! Hope you liked it. As always let me know! Next chapter we'll get a bit more into the actual problem, (Hotch being in jail!). We'll also see Hotch and more of the team.
Till next time, Bye!
AAAAAND the sneak peak!
As soon as the whole team was in the conference room, Dave nodded to Kevin to shut down the camera feed, the things he wanted to tell them weren't for the bureau's ears, after all his speculation was just that… speculations!