Four Dates and an Argument
The following evening, Nick met Rafael at a Chinese restaurant that he liked. The two men were dressed differently from how they did for work, and by this point Nick was getting more used to seeing Rafael out of his work suit. This time he was wearing dress black trousers and a silk purple shirt, with the top buttons undone and no tie. Nick was wearing a shirt and smart pants too. Both men smiled as they saw each other, then they entered the restaurant.
Over the meal they discussed everything that came to mind except work. Time flew and before they knew it, the restaurant staff were encouraging them to leave so they could close up. They were the only ones left in the restaurant. They took the hint and left, with Nick paying the bill, after a good-natured argument about it. Rafael gave in when Nick told him he could pay next time. Rafael liked the sound of there being a next time.
The restaurant was only a few blocks from where Rafael lived, so they walked back there. At the doorstep Nick stopped. Rafael was surprised, expecting Nick to come in, and said so. Nick shook his head. "I don't think so. It would be too tempting to stay, and this is only our first date. I want to take things slowly, and not get distracted by how great the sex with you is." Rafael had to smile at that, even though he was disappointed. "But if you are free at any point this weekend, I am looking after Frannie for Amanda as she is away, so if you want some fresh air and a walk around the park, let me know. I'd like it if you could join us."
Rafael thought for a minute about what he had arranged, and then agreed to meet him and Frannie the next day at 11am. Nick was about to walk away, but Rafael caught his hand and pulled him to the darkness of the underground entrance to the car park for the apartments. He pulled Nick in for a kiss, getting no resistance. After a few minutes, where the kiss changed from gentle to passionate, and nearly got out of hand, he pulled away. "That's better. Even if it is our first date, I still want a goodnight kiss." He leaned in again for another kiss, this time keeping it quick. "Thanks Nick. I really enjoyed tonight, and am looking forward to seeing you again tomorrow."
Nick smiled. "Me too. I'll see you at 11. Sleep well."
Rafael nodded and smiled before heading into the building, while Nick hailed a cab to take him home. Their first date had been a success, and both men went to bed feeling content.
The next day Nick was throwing balls for Frannie in the sunshine when Rafael joined them. He wasn't really used to dogs, never having had a pet, but Frannie soon took to him when he gave her a treat and then threw her a ball. They walked around the park, chatting about the pets Nick had had growing up, and how Zara had begged for a dog, which was never practical, even when her parents had been together.
Rafael listened as Nick talked about his daughter. He had known that he was unlikely to ever have children as he was gay, so had never paid much attention to them; he didn't want to spend a lot of time with them and crave them himself if it was something that couldn't happen. He had never considered having a partner who had children, but if he and Nick continued to see each other, it was likely that at some point he would meet and get to know Zara. So he asked questions, and saw the happiness in Nick's face as he talked about his last visit with her.
They stopped at a café and got some lunch to go, and ate in the park with Frannie watching every mouthful. She soon realized that Rafael was a soft touch, as he dropped quite a few chips and bits of his sandwich for her. Nick laughed at him. "If you give in so easily to Frannie's begging eyes, I'd better watch out when you meet Zara. She is much more skillful at persuasion than Frannie is." Rafael grinned at him at the confirmation that Nick was anticipating he would meet Zara.
"I'm looking forward to that, especially now I've heard all about her," Rafael confirmed.
Nick's eyes clouded over. "Yes, but obviously it won't be anytime soon. With her living in LA, plus of course, I agreed with Maria that we wouldn't confuse her by introducing her to anyone we were dating unless it is serious."
Rafael nodded. "That's very sensible. I wasn't meaning it would be soon, and anyway, I don't mind meeting her as your friend or a work colleague. She doesn't need to know about our relationship."
Nick sighed. "I think no-one should know about us, especially at work. We need to see how things go first, and it would cause complications at work if anyone knew. We need to give it time but for now just keep it between the two of us."
Rafael nodded. He was disappointed, but realized it was for the best. He didn't want to have to keep quiet though. He hadn't been in a relationship for a long time and now he had found someone, he wanted to talk to someone about it. But he could see the wisdom in not doing so. He could be patient. It was only their second date after all, even though it didn't feel like it as they had known each other for so long.
They went their separate ways not long after that. Rafael was meeting up with his mother and Nick had to get Frannie home. Rafael was disappointed that their date ended without them touching each other at all, even casually. Of course they had been in public in the park, and they had agreed to be discrete, which kissing in the park wasn't. A small voice in his head asked if Nick would have been so reluctant if it was a woman he was seeing. Rafael ignored it.
Thanks to a big case that had them all working long hours the following week, their next date wasn't until Saturday night. They had been in touch during the week though, through texts and the occasional late night phone call. Of course, they had seen each other in work too, but both men were working hard at remaining professional, and not showing any indication that their relationship had changed. Neither of them found it too hard, to their surprise. They had practiced ignoring their feelings for each other since they had first got together in LA, so this was just an extension of that, even though they were now closer in their private lives.
Thankfully nothing came up at work to stop them meeting up on Saturday night at a bar close to Nick's apartment. They had a few drinks and then ordered food. It was quite dark in the booth of the bar where they were sitting, and the two men found themselves sitting very close together, with their thighs brushing each other's, unseen by anyone. Their eyes were meeting and holding, and both men could feel the anticipation in the air, and knew that neither of them were going to be satisfied with a goodnight kiss tonight.
But before they got into bed with each other again, Rafael wanted to know how experienced Nick was, and what he was comfortable doing. Not really the ideal place to have this conversation, but he suspected it wouldn't happen otherwise. "I know that you have been with men before me, from what you told me in LA, but I also sense you're not very experienced in that department, so before we get intimate again, I wanted to get a few more details. I don't want to push you into anything you're not comfortable with, or make any assumptions." Rafael spoke in a low voice, so no-one would have any chance of overhearing them, but Nick glanced round before answering.
Nick swallowed and looked down. He hadn't really expected this. "Well, my first encounter, I suppose you would call it, was in Iraq. I suppose I should have expected it, with all us men away from home and no chance of being with a woman. It wasn't much, just a group of men giving each other hand jobs. It was treated like it was normal, and no-one was doing more or expecting more, that I could see. It did open my eyes though, and make me start to see the possibilities more. Then we had one free weekend where some men made it clear they knew where to go to get laid, and I went along with them. I hadn't realized until too late that it wasn't a brothel they were going to, but they were meeting up with men, but I was so horny by that point that I carried on. I got a blow job that night, and the next time it happened, I fucked the guy. I had never realized how much enjoyment I could get with a man, which in the past I had only had with women." Nick looked at Rafael and finally met his eyes, but didn't see any judgement there.
"Go on," Rafael encouraged him.
"When I got back I was still single. I was doing a lot of overtime and trying to move up in the ranks and get off the beat, and didn't really have time for dating. So when I needed to get off, I occasionally went looking for male company. I tried a few of the clubs with back rooms, and found I could get what I needed there. It continued when I was undercover too, and I never met any of the men twice, or did much. It was usually hand jobs or blow jobs, and when it did get as far as fucking, I was never on the receiving end. I found I was attracted to some men, but never really considered having a relationship or doing more than I was already. Men were a convenience rather than relationship material. Then I met Maria, and fell head over heels for her. I was faithful to her until our marriage broke up, and then I went back to my old ways, although I did have the occasional dalliance with a woman too." Nick let out a relieved breath. It was all out now.
Rafael briefly squeezed Nick's hand before letting go and having a drink. "Thanks for telling me that. With that past I'm surprised you even considered getting involved with me, with any man."
Nick shrugged. "So am I to be honest. But in the past I've always been able to forget about any encounters I've had the next day, but with you I couldn't. I suppose the time in your hotel room was so different to previous encounters with men, which had always seemed so sordid. What happened was much more like I've had with women so I think that's why it stayed with me. Knowing you and having fancied you for a while also didn't help me to forget it."
Rafael smirked. "I knew you fancied me, and that was why you approached me in that club, even if you wouldn't admit it at the time."
Nick looked a bit sheepish. "Yeah, I gave myself away a bit there. But if it had been the other way round, and you had seen me, would you have made a move towards me?"
Rafael grinned. "Definitely. I'd been attracted to you since I met you, even though you irritated the hell out of me at work sometimes."
"So you really haven't done anything more with any man than you've done with me," Rafael checked. Nick nodded. "That's fine. I am comfortable on the receiving end, and what we've done together so far has been pretty good. We don't need to do more, unless you want to expand your horizons at some point. Just let me know if you do, and otherwise we'll stick with what you're comfortable with."
Nick cleared his throat. "Well I am curious. In the past when I've been with men it's been about my pleasure, and just wanting to get myself off, and do what I needed to do for my partner, but in that hotel room you really seemed to enjoy yourself."
Rafael smirked. "I did. I assume you've never had any prostate stimulation then?"
Nick flushed and glanced round the bar again, but no-one was paying them any attention. He shook his head and couldn't meet Rafael's eyes.
Rafael laughed, and Nick looked round and glared at him. "We spend half our working lives talking about sex in one way or another but you're blushing at our conversation? It just strikes me as funny." Luckily Nick saw the funny side too and relaxed.
"Yeah, but it's different when I'm talking about myself. Anyway, it's your turn. How did you realize you were gay?"
Rafael took another drink. "I was in high school and realized that although I found girls attractive, I also liked some of the guys. I knew I couldn't admit that though, so concentrated on the girls. I started seeing Yelina and although we were good friends, it never really felt to me the way I expected a relationship should, and neither did the sex. When I went away to Harvard, it wasn't hard to leave her behind, and I wasn't that surprised to hear she had decided to start seeing Alex. It didn't break my heart."
"At Harvard I worked hard but found time for some fun too, and things were more accepted than in the Bronx. I had a brief relationship with one of the guys I met and realized that I definitely preferred men to women. Then I met James, who was older and not involved with the college crowd. We started seeing each other and I fell hard for him. He introduced me to all the joys to be had with gay sex, and we saw each other for about 6 months, although he told me he travelled a lot, so we didn't see each other as much as I wanted to. It was only by accident that I found out the truth, by bumping into him at a local park. He was with his family. After that, I threw myself into my studies and didn't have more than one night stands for years. I didn't want to get hurt again. I have had a few relationships since, but nothing serious. I've got used to being alone, and my work taking up most of my life."
Nick sighed. "So this is quite a change for both of us." Rafael looked at him and nodded.
"I think it's worth it to take the risk though. I do want things to work out with you Nick, and am willing to do what it takes to give us the best chance." Rafael looked into Nick's eyes as he said that, and the detective could read the truthfulness there. He smiled.
"Me too." Nick finished the rest of his beer and stood up. "How about we get out of here?" he suggested. Rafael quickly followed and they made their way to the desk and paid for their meal before leaving the bar. Nick set off walking towards his apartment, and the two men didn't speak all the way there.
Nick opened the door and let them in, and no sooner had he got the door locked behind them, Rafael was kissing him passionately. Nick responded immediately and the two men tried to get each other's coats off without breaking the kiss. Nick steered them backwards and they bumped into the sofa, with both men falling onto it, still wrapped up in each other. They were grinding against each other, and trying to get off their shirts when the sounds of Rafael's cell phone ringing interrupted them.
Nick pulled away and quickly moved off Rafael so he could get to his cell. He knew that with their jobs there was no way they could ignore a call that might be urgent. Rafael sat up and reached into his pocket and sighed when he saw Olivia's name on the screen. He had hoped it wasn't work. He answered and listened as she explained the case she had been called to. She needed a warrant and he would have to sort it out for her immediately, as a child was in danger. He promised to get back to her as soon as he got hold of a judge, and then sat looking at Nick, feeling frustrated. Nick looked the same as him.
"I have to go, get a warrant for Liv." Rafael sighed and ran his hand through his hair, realizing it was ruffled from the make out session he and Nick had been interrupted from.
"I guessed that." Nick squeezed Rafael's hand and then stood up. "If there's one thing I do understand, it's your job. It could just as easily been me that got called into work. We'll definitely pick this up again, next time."
Rafael smirked. "I hope so. I can't wait." He stood up and leaned in to kiss Nick goodbye before picking up his coat and leaving. By the time he got to the precinct, he was in work mode, and able to concentrate on the job.
It took a few days before Rafael and Nick could schedule some time together again, and this time Rafael invited Nick to his apartment for dinner. He told Carmen he wouldn't be back to the office after court, so he had time to cook, and by the time Nick escaped from the precinct and got there, the food was in the oven.
Nick was determined that they wouldn't get interrupted this time and left frustrated, and latched onto Rafael straight away. Their kiss turned passionate in seconds, and they were removing each other's clothing within minutes. Nick pulled away from the kiss to ask about the food, but once Rafael confirmed it would be fine in the oven for an hour, there was no more hesitation. Both men stumbled down the hallway to Rafael's bedroom, and hastily removed their clothing before moving back into each other's arms on the bed.
Rafael was the one who pulled away this time. "Slow down Nick. We've got time. I want to savor this." He pushed Nick down onto the bed and held his arms down as he slowly explored all the golden skin that was revealed to him. He sucked Nick's earlobe, licked down his throat and pressed kisses to his collarbone before moving down to the taut muscles of his chest. By the time he had sucked Nick's nipples to hardness and traced every ridge of his six-pack with his tongue, the detective was arching off the bed and his cock was dripping.
"Rafael, stop please. I can't take any more." Rafael pulled away with a smirk and straddled the detective as he reached for a condom and lube from the bedside drawer. Nick took the lube from his hand and opened it, squeezing some onto his fingers before wrapping them around the ADA's hard cock. Rafael immediately groaned and thrust into the hand enclosing him, before pulling away. Instead he guided Nick's fingers towards his opening, and Nick took the hint and started to open him up. He watched Rafael's face and could see the arousal there. Once he was sufficiently relaxed, Rafael opened the condom and put it on Nick before moving position. He sat down and felt himself open up and take in Nick's cock. After a few seconds he started to move, and Nick thrust upwards. He was watching Rafael's face still, and could see when he hit his prostate from the moan and look of ecstasy. They got into a rhythm and both men were looking into each other's eyes as they got closer to their peaks. Nick leant up on one arm and briefly kissed Rafael before leaning back and using his still sticky hand to finish the older man off. The look on his face and hearing his own name called out was enough to tip Nick over the edge, and both men collapsed to the bed to catch their breath.
Unlike the previous times, there was no awkwardness now. Nick looked at Rafael and saw the relaxed grin on his face. Rafael sensed he was being looked at and opened his eyes. He rolled over closer to Nick and reached up to kiss him. "Wow, that was definitely worth the wait," he commented. "I think we need a shower before dinner though."
Nick grinned. "Is your shower big enough to share?" he asked.
Rafael laughed. "Just about. Come on." He pulled Nick off the bed and into the bathroom.
Half an hour later both men were partly dressed as they sat in the lounge and Rafael dished up their dinner. They had worked up an appetite and so had no conversation while they ate the delicious Cuban dish that the ADA had prepared. Then they washed up before sitting back on the sofa with a drink each.
Nick was feeling affectionate and couldn't stop touching Rafael, who was in no way objecting. They didn't talk, but moved towards each other for another kiss, which continued lazily. Passion started to build again, and Nick took charge, and took off Rafael's top, before exploring the skin of his top half. "I thought I'd miss breasts and curves, but I'm not. This is nice," he commented as he caressed a nipple before running his fingers through Rafael's chest hair.
"Good," Rafael commented breathlessly. He was feeling turned on again and starting to get hard, something he wasn't sure he would do, considering he wasn't as young as Nick was.
Nick reached further down and caressed the bulge he could see in Rafael's pants. "I like this too," he said with a grin, feeling the twitch of the cock under his hand and it grow harder as he caressed it.
"I'm definitely glad about that. We would have a problem if you didn't," Rafael laughed.
Nick moved in for a kiss, and then stood up, catching Rafael's hand in his own, and pulling him up too. "Come on. I think we need more space and the lube."
Rafael happily followed. "Oh yeah. What did you have in mind?" he asked as they got to the bedroom and both men started to take their clothes off again.
Nick swallowed hard and picked up the lube before passing it to Rafael. The older man could see nervousness in his eyes. "I thought you could show me what's so good about prostate stimulation," he said, quietly.
"Are you sure?" Rafael asked. He hadn't really expected Nick to be ready to try anything new so soon. He saw the determined nod though and quickly coated his fingers in the slippery lube. "Okay. But tell me if you change your mind or want me to slow down."
Nick lay down at Rafael's urging and the older man settled between his legs. Nick looked surprised.
"I thought a bit of distraction would be helpful for you, plus I want to taste you again," Rafael explained. He kissed his way up Nick's thigh and rolled his balls round in the palm of one hand before licking up the cock in front of him, and at the same time moving his hand further back. He stroked over Nick's opening as he took the head of the cock in his mouth and sucked. Nick arched off the bed and moaned at the sensation. He was aware he had tensed up his ass and consciously tried to relax. Rafael made no attempt to push his finger in though, and Nick soon got used to the sensation of being stroked there, and found it aroused him.
A few minutes later Rafael asked Nick if he was comfortable and wanted to try one finger. Nick nodded. Rafael sucked Nick deep into his throat and caressed his cock with his tongue, then gently slid his middle finger forward, gently breaching the tight muscles. Rafael pulled back to breathe and coached the inexperienced man "push out, and it won't hurt that way."
Nick did as he was told and felt the pain ease and the finger slide into him. It was a weird feeling but no more than uncomfortable. Rafael crooked the finger and searched for Nick's prostate, finding it easily. He stroked the gland gently, watching Nick's face all the time to see his reaction. It was just what he hoped for. Nick gasped and his eyes opened in shock as he hadn't expected the pleasure he was feeling. "Do it again, more," he begged Rafael, who smirked but did as he was asked.
Within minutes Nick was lost in passion, thrusting between the mouth sucking his cock and the finger thrusting in and out of him, stimulating his prostate on each pass. He called out a warning but Rafael didn't stop, and was soon swallowing Nick's release. He pulled his finger out and had used a wet wipe to clean both his hand and Nick's groin before the detective came back to himself.
Nick gazed at Rafael in wonder. "Thank you. I never realized it would feel like that. It was amazing."
Rafael smiled at him. "It was my pleasure."
Nick pulled Rafael towards him so he could kiss the other man, and realized that although he had come, his partner was still hard and in need of relief. He pushed Rafael down to lie on the bed and moved downwards, taking the hard cock in his hand before enclosing it with his mouth. This he had done before, although it was different this time in a bed in the light, rather than the dark alleyway they had been in last time.
Rafael gasped as he felt the suction on his most sensitive organ, and gasped out that he wouldn't last long. Nick had no sooner swiped a finger over Rafael's opening and licked his cock for a minute before he felt a hand on his shoulder and felt the gush of semen enter his mouth. He swallowed before licking the cock clean and then moving back up the bed to take his lover in his arms.
Rafael was still gasping as he recovered from his orgasm when Nick spoke. "How am I meant to get practice at that if you come so soon," he said with a grin, making it clear it wasn't a criticism.
Rafael turned his head to look at him. "Considering what a turn on it was to watch you, you're lucky I lasted as long as I did. Don't worry, you will get chance to practice again, although I don't really think you need it." Nick grinned at him.
"I guess by your reaction that you like your prostate being stimulated," Rafael commented.
"Oh yeah. If being fucked is anywhere near as good, I can see I'll be fighting you for who bottoms soon." Nick said with a laugh.
Rafael joined in the laughter. "We can take turns. It'll be a while before you're ready for that anyway. Taking one finger is not the same thing as taking a cock, so you'll need a bit of opening up and to get used to relaxing first. We'll get to it though."
"Good," Nick murmured. He felt his eyes closing and cuddled closer to Rafael.
Rafael pulled the covers over them and turned out the light, and both men drifted off to sleep in each other's arms.
A month later, both men were feeling more secure in the relationship. They were spending quite a few evenings each week together, plus a considerable amount of each weekend, and the more time they spent together, the more they found they had in common. They were getting on great, and their sex life was definitely in the honeymoon stage. After a few weeks of getting used to anal stimulation, Nick was loving it, and after some persuasion, Rafael had finally felt his eager new lover was ready for it, so topped Nick. The detective had a day's soreness, which he declared was totally worth it, and now they were good naturedly arguing about who was to top each time they had intercourse.
Rafael had been consciously trying to open up to Nick, and be honest about his feelings, and the closer they got, the more he trusted him and felt comfortable doing so. Their relationship was going great, and Rafael had never been happier.
They spent the day in the park, making the most of a lovely day, and took a picnic with them. They were surrounded by families and other couples, but felt pretty anonymous in the crowd, and were making the most of the time they had together before the work week started again. Just then, Rafael heard a voice calling out his name. He looked round and saw one of his oldest friends, Eddie, walking towards him. Nick and Rafael had been sitting pretty close together, with Rafael's hand on Nick's arm. But as soon as Nick heard Rafael's name being called, he immediately tensed up and snatched his arm away. He shuffled backwards on the blanket so they were a couple of feet apart, a respectable distance.
Rafael looked at Nick in confusion, after greeting Eddie and waving, but he didn't have time to say anything as Eddie was stood there in front of him. Rafael stood up and hugged his friend, and then introduced the two men. He hesitated as he introduced Nick, not sure how to introduce him, and Nick quickly added that they worked together. Eddie shook Nick's hand but looked at Rafael, and the ADA could see that Eddie thought Nick's reaction was strange. He chatted with Eddie though for a couple of minutes, before he excused himself, saying he was on his way to pick his son up from a party.
After Eddie walked away, there was an uncomfortable silence between the two men. Rafael looked at Nick and waited to see if he was going to say anything. When it became obvious that he wasn't, Rafael decided to break the silence.
"So, are you going to explain what happened there, Nick?" he asked.
Nick looked back, after having avoiding eye contact for the last couple of minutes, and tried unsuccessfully to brush it off. "What? I don't know what you're talking about," he muttered.
Rafael leaned forward towards Nick and held eye contact. "Of course you do. That over-reaction when Eddie walked up. You jumped away from me as if we were naughty children being caught with our hands in the cookie jar."
Nick shrugged. "It wasn't that bad, you're exaggerating. It just took me by surprise. I wasn't expecting to see anyone either of us knew."
Rafael laughed. "Oh it was that bad Nick, and that obvious. Eddie certainly noticed it. He is one of my oldest friends, and he's known I'm gay for decades. He wouldn't think anything of seeing me with a man, and wouldn't have given it another thought. He's not homophobic, but you certainly gave the impression you are."
Nick glared at him. "I'm not. You know I'm not."
Rafael looked at him with an expression of disbelief. "I know you have no problem fucking me, or me fucking you, but you obviously have a problem being seen with me, and with anyone getting the impression you might be gay." He said this in a low voice, well aware of the people surrounding them.
Nick looked round hastily. "Can we not have this conversation here?" he hissed.
Rafael glared. "You'd prefer to go somewhere private, where there is no danger of bumping into anyone else we might know?"
"I'd prefer to not have this conversation at all, but if we have to have it, then yes, it should be in private." Nick stood up and started packing up their things into the basket. Rafael stood still and watched Nick who was now a whirlwind of activity, wanting to get out of there as fast as possible. Only when Nick had finished packing up their stuff did he make eye contact with Rafael again.
Rafael was stood with a sad expression on his face, and a look in his eyes that Nick could read as disappointment.
"When we first agreed to start this relationship Nick, you insisted that in order for it to work I needed to trust you and open up to you. I've tried very hard to do that. But it goes both ways. You need to be honest with me and trust me. I know you have a problem with anyone seeing you in a gay relationship, but you need to admit that and talk to me. We can get past this if you want to, but you've got to want that. I won't be your dirty little secret. I'm not suggesting we walk hand in hand into the precinct together; I know it's best if no-one at work knows about us, but I didn't expect you to want to keep us secret from everyone in both our lives. That's not what I want from our relationship, and if it is what you want, then we might as well stop this now. Your decision Nick. Let me know when you've made it."
After he finished saying this, Rafael looked into Nick's eyes for a minute, seeing the confusion, the anger and the shock there. Then he walked away. He knew if they carried on discussing this, here or somewhere private, that they would both lose their tempers and say things they didn't mean, and they would be over. He didn't want that. He wanted Nick to calm down and think about what had happened and what he wanted from their relationship when he wasn't angry. Rafael felt tears pricking his eyes as he walked home. Things had been going so well and he had been feeling optimistic, and knew he was falling in love with Nick. He didn't want things to end, but on the other hand, if Nick really wanted to keep them a secret, and was embarrassed to be seen with him, then it was better that they called things quits now.
Nick was left stood with a picnic basket in his hand, watching Rafael walk away. He knew he had messed up, and he felt embarrassed and angry at what had happened. He hadn't thought about it, just reacted instinctively, and he couldn't blame Rafael for being upset with him. As he walked back to his own apartment, and then got on with the chores that needed doing over the rest of the weekend, he couldn't stop thinking about what Rafael said. It was true; he had seen how much effort Rafael had put into being open with him and talking to him about how he was feeling. He wasn't sure how to do the same though. He hadn't realized he had a problem being seen with Rafael until now. But did he really want to call it quits and give up? Nick thought back over the last 6 weeks; they had been getting on so well and having such a great time together. He wanted to keep that, and build on it. If it meant he needed to get used to people thinking he was gay, then he would have to do that. It was worth it.
Nick made his way to Rafael's apartment the next day and knocked on the door. Rafael opened the door and let him in without saying anything. Nick could see the guarded look in his eye, and how tense he looked. He realized that Rafael thought he was there to dump him. Nick walked up to Rafael as soon as he closed the door and wrapped his arms around him. "I'm sorry," he murmured, and dropped his head to kiss Rafael's neck. "I know I over-reacted. I didn't think about what I was doing. I didn't mean to hurt you." Nick could feel Rafael relax, and his arms wrapped around his back as he returned the hug.
Rafael breathed in the scent of Nick, not realizing how much he had missed it, with only one day apart. "Thanks Nick. I'm glad you're here." They stayed in the hug for a minute, before Rafael pulled away and walked to the kitchen to get them drinks. Nick followed him and watched as he poured out a scotch for each of them. They both moved to the lounge and sat on the sofa, close enough to touch.
Nick knew he needed to do the talking here, although he still wasn't sure what to say. "I want to be with you, in this relationship. Don't doubt that. I didn't realize I would have a hard time adjusting to it around people we know until now. I suppose I've always been conscious of other people's opinions, more so than I should be. I don't want to hide. I know most of my friends aren't homophobic, although I doubt my family will react well. As you've said, your friends know already that you are gay, so will be fine with us. I think I just need to get used to it."
Rafael sighed, but took Nick's hand in his own. He had been doing some thinking of his own in the last day. "I believe you, Nick. I want you to be sure though. I don't want to get more invested in this relationship if you're going to have a problem with us being seen together."
Nick lifted Rafael's hand and bent forwards so he could kiss the palm. He looked into Rafael's eyes. "I am sure. I… care about you, a lot. I want this to work. I know I might feel a bit uncomfortable at the moment around other people but I will get over that. I'm not giving this up." He could see the softness in Rafael's eyes and realized that the other man had read into his words what he really felt. It was too soon to speak about love, but that was the sentiment he was starting to feel, even if he couldn't say so yet. He could read the same in Rafael's eyes too.
Rafael nodded and smiled at Nick before moving closer and leaning in to kiss his lover. "We can take it slow, and plan to meet each other's friends, so you can get used to it. I know your family is different and there is no rush there."
Nick laughed. "It's ironic that the one set of people we both know aren't homophobic and won't have a problem at all with us is the one we can't tell – the ones we work with."
Rafael smiled. "I know. Personally I don't have a problem with that, as long as it's just SVU, as there can still be some homophobia in the PD, but it's probably best not to start with them. If we continue to see each other then we will need to disclose, sooner or later, so the DA and Liv would need to know, but we're not there yet."
"No, we're not, but we will get there," Nick promised. "In the meantime, how about we make up properly," he suggested, as he pulled Rafael closer and allowed his feeling to show on his face. He had missed his lover the night before, and wanted to make up for lost time.
Rafael grinned and pulled Nick into a kiss. He had no problems with this at all.
Four weeks later and the subject of them coming out to other people caused problems again. After they had made up, Rafael had decided to drop the subject for a bit, to give Nick more time to get used to the idea. He had visited his mom though, and had told her that he was seeing someone. She was happy for him, as she had been nagging him for some time about him always working and looking tired. She was keen to meet Nick, but Rafael put her off, telling her that they hadn't been seeing each other long enough to introduce family yet. He also didn't mention that Nick had a problem meeting people as a couple. It was still at the back of his mind though, a niggle he couldn't quite get rid of.
When he next saw Nick that evening he told her about his visit to his mom, and that he had told her about the two of them, although she knew no details. Nick looked uncomfortable, but didn't say anything. But while the subject was being discussed, Rafael did tell Nick about the invite he had to a friend's birthday. It was a meal at a bar with probably about a dozen people going. Rafael wanted Nick to come too and meet his friends. Nick wasn't so sure. At first he made an excuse about work, but that just made Rafael angry, and he accused Nick of lying to him.
"Stop lying, Nick. If you wanted to be there you could be. You know Liv always tries to accommodate requests for nights off. You just don't want to be there. You don't want to meet my friends." Rafael glared at Nick, feeling his temper flair.
Nick glared back. "We agreed that we would take things slowly. Meeting a group of your friends like this is not taking it slowly. I thought you had more patience than this. First you tell your mom and now this. Stop rushing me. It's only been a couple of months."
Rafael took in a deep breath, trying to keep his temper. "It's been 10 weeks, and that might not be a long time to you, but it is for me. I'm serious about this relationship. I didn't realize there was a time limit before you would take it seriously. We discussed this a month ago, and you said then that you would make an effort and we could meet each other's friends. You've made no effort to tell anyone and the first time I suggest you meet with any of my friends, you make an excuse to get out of it. Admit it Nick, you're homophobic. You have a problem with gays, especially with yourself being attracted to men. You'd be much more comfortable with a woman, and I bet by now you would have introduced me to your friends if I was a woman."
Rafael could see Nick's fists clench, and took a step away from Nick, worried he'd gone too far. Nick saw this reaction and stopped, taking in deep breaths to get himself under control. He glared at Rafael but didn't say anything. He didn't trust himself to say something he would later regret. Instead he picked up his jacket and walked away, leaving Rafael's apartment and slamming the door behind himself.
Rafael slumped onto the sofa and let the tears pooling in his eyes fall. Oh God, what had he said? He knew it was his insecurity showing. Everything was great with them when it was just the two of them, but they needed to resolve this issue. He was worried that Nick would decide he couldn't get used to being in a gay relationship and break up with him. He poured himself another drink and drowned his sorrows in scotch.
In the meantime, Nick was making his way home, trying to figure out how everything had gone to hell so quickly. He realized he had panicked when first Rafael had told him that he had discussed their relationship with his mother, and now he wanted them to go out as a couple with his friends. Nick didn't feel ready for that. He couldn't even blame Rafael for accusing him of homophobia. He remembered the gay murderer who they had put away a year earlier, who had hated himself for being gay. He knew homophobia wasn't only found in people who were openly dismissive of gays. He had to find a way to get more comfortable with this and start telling people about their relationship. Despite what he had said, he did consider it serious, and had no intention of giving it up, even if he wouldn't have had these problems if he was seeing a woman instead of a man.
Both men slept badly that night, both of them stewing over the argument and worrying about what it meant for their future.