The Black Queen

When I opened my eyes, my heart froze. I was back there. At the execution. Nominally my execution parade, but I knew now that it had never been mine at all. 'No. No. I can't be here again. Even if this is just a dream, just a nightmare. I can't go through this again!' I begged whatever power was listening. I was back in time, right? I had a geass! I was trying to save him!

It didn't seem to matter. Zero appeared on the horizon. Again. And Jeremiah went out to face him, again. An empty attempt. I growled. My glare forced my geass to activate, which made it even worse, watching everything in slow motion. I couldn't do anything. Just like the first time...I was trapped to the damn pole. No longer a prison to keep me from escaping my death, now a prison preventing me from doing anything to stop the one I was about to witness.

He'd planned it like that, hadn't he?

Maybe I could scream. Maybe if I yelled out his plans loud enough for the world to hear in the next 20 seconds, I would ruin them. Lelouch would have no choice but to live...if anyone even paid attention. If he even heard me. Certainly they hadn't...when…

I couldn't even bring myself to think it, but the dream forced my eyes to follow Suzaku while he ascended to Lelouch's throne and brandished his sword.

It had to be a dream. It just had to be.

Suzaku, you bastard. I hate you. I hate everything about you. If it wasn't for the fact that the Lelouch I'm trying to save right now still considers you a friend, I'd kill you in your sleep. You stood in his way every time he tried to accomplish anything until the end. And then…

I closed my eyes and screamed once more when he thrust the blade forward and stabbed Lelouch. So much blood. I hadn't been forced to watch Naoto's death...I hadn't had to relive it again and again like this…

Except Lelouch isn't dead…

Not yet, anyway. Right?

I hadn't changed anything major yet. Except for kissing Lelouch. Everything is happening exactly as it had before. At least it seemed like it. What if I wasn't changing enough? What if I couldn't change enough? What if I couldn't change anything?!

I couldn't lose him again. He can't die. Not again. If I can't change anything else there are at least two points where my actions and my actions alone could have saved him.

I ran away when he needed me the most on Kamine Island, and his father erased his memories because of it.

I walked away when he needed me the most on the Ikaruga. Because I let him push me away. Because he had nothing left and I believed his words, instead of his actions. Because he totally hadn't proven to me time and time again that I was more than just a damn pawn.

I cracked my eyes open when I heard the slide of his body finish. And there he was, next to Nunnally. Fading violet eyes staring...straight at me. A peaceful, yet tired smile on his face. Accepting his death with open arms.

"Happy...birthday...Kallen…" He whispered. And somehow I heard him, even across the distance. Even over Nunnally's wails.

I'd forgotten it had been my birthday. I had thought him scheduling my execution for my birthday had been some kind of cruel irony.

It was, just far worse than I'd expected. I clenched my fist so tight I could feel the blood starting to pool against my fingertips. A sob building in my throat.

This had been my damn birthday gift. He thought I wanted to see him die. Or maybe his asinine attempt to make the world a better place had been my birthday gift. A peaceful world I could enjoy. Without him.

Lelouch, you idiot. Nunally didn't want a peaceful world without you in it. I don't want any part of a world without you in it either. There had to be some way you could pull of your plan and live. You're a genius. You…

...Had stopped caring. Didn't you?

Your mother was gone. Euphemia was dead. Shirley was dead. You thought Nunnally was dead. You pushed me away because I was the only thing you had left and you thought I'd be better off without you.

This execution, it wasn't a plan to bring peace to the world.

It was just you giving up.

My eyes snapped open and I sat up in my bed, breathing shakily and covered in a cold sweat.

"I won't let you give up, Lelouch." I vowed aloud, though in a quiet whisper. "I don't know if I can stop Euphemia. Or Shirley. Or Nunnally turning on you...but I swear to whatever god exists...I will give you a reason to live." 'I will be your reason to live if I have to.' I tacked on mentally without missing a beat.

Because I won't betray you again.

I don't have a plan. I don't know how this is going to end up. Free Japan? Britannia controlling the world again under your rule? I don't care.

Screw the black knights. Screw Japan. Screw Britannia. I'm loyal to you, Lelouch. Be you a vi Britannia, a Lamperouge, or Zero. I'm your Queen.

'I love you.'

I had been afraid to say that before. Thinking that maybe I'd fallen in love with him eventually because of things he hasn't done yet. That I shouldn't love the version of him I could save right now. He hadn't thrown everything into helping me achieve Naoto's dream because my goals aligned with his yet.

But I didn't need that. I fell in love with him because of who he was. Something that had been unchanging for years before I met him. He'd always hated Britannia. He'd always wanted to make a gentle world for his sister to live in. He'd always loved Nunnally.

I'm not afraid anymore.

Not of that, anyway.

The White Knight

I gasped awake. Immediately looking down at my hands as if I expected to see them covered in blood. They had been. But they weren't now.

Go figure. For years I'd had nightmares about having killed my father. Only makes sense that murdering my best friend would take that mantle eventually. Even if I was in the past, even if I technically hadn't done it yet.

A minute later, my head was in my hands. My wishing for another way had brought me here. To the past. That had to be why I was here, right? I literally made that wish and then the next thing I know I'm in Shinjuku again.

But there had always been another way. I just hadn't let him look into. He'd been tired. He'd lost the will to live, and instead of being a friend and helping him find a reason, I'd encouraged him. Pushed him to go through with it.

'Are you going to go through with it?' I'd asked, over and over again. It hadn't been out of concern. Not the first time anyway. It had been out of contempt. It had been out of anger. It had been condescending and it had been a challenge.

Even the last time I'm not sure whether it had been out of scorn or out of concern.

I drove my best friend to kill himself. By my hand, but none of it had been my plan. I'd made him do all the dirty work, relishing in the fact that I could kill him at any time if he strayed too far from the path he'd set out for himself.

And then the time finally did come to kill him and I could barely do it.

I shouldn't have.

I was supposed to be his friend. I was supposed to drive him to find a reason to live. Not drive him to accept that he didn't have one. I was supposed to protect him. Not…

Not kill him.

If you can't tell, today has been a little rough. I'd shown up at Ashford, and it was hard to keep my composure with Lelouch on the roof. Even harder to have dinner with him and Nunnally later that night. The little sister taking my hand, crying and thanking heavens that I was alright. Asking if I was going to stay the night.

I killed your brother, damn it. You should hate me.

God knows I hate myself.

I will fix it. Lelouch's uncaring bastard of a father and she-devil of a mother will still get what's coming to them. It's just that he won't have to lose his memories this time to do it.

I have a plan. Maybe it's stupid. Usually my plans are. Usually I'm too stubborn to change them. Not this time. This plan will change if it needs to. I'm going to help Lelouch. First as Zero, and whether that rebellion ends with Euphie's SAZ or a Free Japan, it doesn't matter. When Zero's rebellion is over, Lelouch vi Britannia will rise.

And he won't be a demon this time.

Now, I just have to get my wits about me after that nightmare and start planning. I already have Jeremiah. I can work on Euphie, possibly Lloyd and Cecile. Maybe Jeremiah can work on Villetta and Cornelia. Maybe. I'm not holding out too much hope, but it would be nice.

After all, I had a coup to stage to get Lelouch to the throne once his father was dead.

Because whether he wants it or not, Lelouch is the only member of that bloodline I trust with the throne. He's ruthless enough to make the hard decisions Nunnally and Euphie couldn't, but all he wants is for the world to be a better place. I can't say the same about Schneizel or Cornelia.

I snorted to myself at the irony of it. Staging a coup to get Lelouch to the throne with me as his sword was easier than trying to become Knight of One with Charles in power. And the whole world would be free instead of just Japan.

Why the hell hadn't I done this the first time around?

Suzaku Kururugi, Knight of Honor to Euphemia li Britannia. Knight of Zero to Lelouch vi Britannia. Murderer.

Probably going to have to kill a lot more before this is over.

Oh well, can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.

The Orange Knight

Like the Kururugi boy promised, I'm free. Innocent in the eyes of the court, but demoted three ranks for my failure and ridiculed as the 'Orange boy'. I'd have to start over as a pilot or cultivating an orange farm.

Or as a knight of my Lord, Lelouch vi Britannia.

Project Orange; a network inside the Britannian military, loyal to my Lord. A project known only to a trusted select few.

Perhaps it was a slip of the tongue by Kururugi or perhaps it was intentional. That wording implied that Zero was trusted by my Lord.

Perhaps he was, my Lord surely couldn't lose his most valuable agent in Britannia to a witch hunt. Zero was probably an agent of my Lord. Just like Suzaku. And now? Just like me.

I smirked to myself when Guilford continued to try and ridicule me about Orange. If it hadn't been for Kururugi, I would probably take offense. Probably go on a desperate attempt to prove myself.

Now? I'm proud of the moniker. Internally. I can't let anyone else see it. But I am an 'Orange-boy'. The only issue is that I probably won't have access to the kind of information I otherwise would have as a Margrave, but Kururugi assured me that will not be an issue.

I can not wait for the day I get to see my Lord again and swear my loyalty to him and him alone.

The Black King

And now I have a fucking cat to deal with.

Wonderful.