Day 4 Past

I am so so so sorry! It's been so long since I updated and I feel really guilty… I'll try to update more often, but I have a feeling that the next few weeks will be even busier. Thank you The Power Complex for the review!

-Aug 22 Again not much edited, just a bit was cut out and replaced...-

I remember Ivan vividly for the first few years of school

I remember the first day of school. Eduard and Raivis walked with me. Eduard was already memorizing his multiplication table, Raivis was nervous to meet new people (he was awfully shy).

We walked into the classroom and we met a child with bright purple eyes and pure white hair. Warm and sweet would have been the first words I would use to describe Ivan. He was clingy and often tailed us, but there was never any harm meant by it.

At the time we would often see his older sister taking him to school. She was always with him, also awfully sweet but also soft spoken. They never let us go to his house, but it was alright.

The first few years were like a mini paradise

It was in grade 5 that I started noticing something different about Ivan. He seemed sad, and somehow, darker. I told Eduard and Raivis that something seemed off, maybe we should ask him about it? Maybe something happened at home? But they saw nothing different, so another few months passed. I would learn to regret not saying anything more.

The first time Ivan hit someone, it was me.

We had been sitting outside during recess, it was part of lunch break. I asked Ivan why he was wearing a scarf in the middle of spring. It was a good natured question, but Ivan didn't take it well. He slapped me in the face, his own turning dark and I remember clearly him asking "What does it matter to you?" It hurt, and Raivis seemed really scared. Eduard of course stood up and said that he couldn't just do that, it was mean. But Ivan played clueless and none of us had the will to ask about it.

The next time, it was also me.

I don't remember what kind of fight it started off as. I only remember the ending. Ivan, he punched me over and over and I remember him saying, "Do you know why I'm doing this, Toris? It's because I love you" I heard a sweet giggle then I woke up in the infirmary with Eduard and Raivis beside me with worried eyes. Their eyes were filled with horror.

Then the silence started.

None of us dared speak too much, in case we would get beaten up by Ivan. Because the beatings got worse. We were scared. Especially me, I got hit the most, Ivan said it was because I was his "favorite". Though I see nothing good in that, I do realise I was his closest before he became like this. We didn't even bother telling the teacher because Ivan was good at lying and hiding. Not to mention his sweet facades. Who would believe us? No one.

Eduard and Raivis left as soon as they could, running far, far away. They left the school within months. I was the only one that was there, even after Ivan's sister stopped taking him to school. My parents didn't let me move schools, so I was stuck in a type of hell. Every so often, when he felt like it, he would hit me, beat me, and hurt me. And I couldn't do anything about it because I was weak and timid.

It was in grade 7 that Feliks dragged me out of the mess. He became my closest friend, even though he didn't often listen to me, and held no fear for Ivan. And somehow, we distanced ourselves from him.

By high school, it was all over. He didn't beat me anymore, but I was still scared. I never changed. And I never knew why it all started either.

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To say Yao was shocked was probably an understatement. She wondered to pick up Leon and Xiao Mei in some sort of trance. She saw nothing around her, nothing seemed to make sense. She would have said before that Ivan would never hurt anyone, but Gilbert was proof against that and Toris did not seem like someone that would lie.

And out from behind, two arms pulled her back and dragged her into an alleyway.

"What did he tell you?" he said, in a whisper.

She turned to see Ivan, but yet it wasn't Ivan. So angry, so sad, yet a hint of loneliness. But anger prevailed.

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"I asked what he told you Yao! Tell me now!"

"I don't know who you are talking about."
He slapped her across the face.

"Do not lie to me Ya-"

He stopped and let go of her. He sank to his knees, in tears.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please don't leave… I love you I don't want them to take you away from me anymore. They're all gone, everyone's gone. Please, please don't leave. I love you Yao, I really love you."

Yao stood there, stunned as Ivan broke down.

And then she ran, his eyes trapped in her mind.

Somehow she took Leon and Xiao Mei home without them questioning her. But when she went home, Kiku seemed worried.

"Yao, is there something wrong?"

"No"

"But nii-san, you're crying"

And Yao touched her face, indeed there were tears.

Maybe it was because there was no chance of denying Ivan's inner violent anger. It seemed that everyone was right, she had been wrong. Ivan had betrayed her.

"It's just melted snow."

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They ate dinner in silence.

Alfred called once, Kiku picked up. Yao didn't bother to listen to most of the conversation, though it was obvious that the topic had to do with her and Ivan.

Her mind only thought of Ivan, when he looked at her with those eyes. The saddened lonely ones. Maybe she shouldn't have run.

"Ahhhhhh, I don't know what to do!"

Everyone at the table stared at her for a moment.

"Well you could always ask us…" Xiao Mei said, in her irritated voice.

"Never mind"

They sighed and went back to finishing dinner.

When Yao went to bed, she couldn't sleep. The words went in a chorus in her head.

And even when she fell asleep she heard them.

"I love you, Yao"

"Please don't leave"