As she became aware of the sun filtering through her window Cassandra rolled over to check the clock: 8:19. They'd let them sleep in this morning. Or she'd slept like a log, either one. She pulled herself out of bed after a moment of staring blankly at the clock, and looked over the side of the loft to see if Ashwin was still asleep. She found her older cousin still curled up under the covers, but Faith's bed was empty.

She stared down at Ashwin for a while, debating if and how to wake him up. Becoming bored with waiting she started to mutter "Aaashwiiiin…" raising her voice with each repetition. As called his name for the seventh time, raising above normal speaking volume she got discouraged and tromped down the loft's ladder to get closer. As she stepped toward his bed a chunk of white among Faith's pink sheets caught her eye.

Following her curiosity she found a piece of paper with a note scrawled across it in much nicer handwriting than a 9-year-old could muster.

This girl is the new gnome queen!

Your family is so blessed.

We apologize, but you are not invited to the wedding.

- The Gnomes

Second Glen, Magical Part Of The Forrest

Cassandra stared at the parchment for a moment before blurting out,

"Ashwin?" remembering that he was asleep she whipped around to face his bed, "Ashwin!" she barked.

With a jolt and a gasp he sat bolt-upright in bed,

"What? Huh? What-Where?" he spluttered, head whipping around in startled confusion.

"Fath's been taken by gnomes," Cassandra told him, still not entirely recover from the surprise herself.

"Gnomes?!" he wailed, "Wait- gnomes?" he repeated in disbelief.

"Look!" she insisted, shoving the note under his nose.

He looked it over for a moment, wide-eyed, before looking up to stare at Cassandra the same way, a look of it's-too-early-for-this-but-also-oH-MY-GOD?! across his face.

"What do we do?" Cassandra asked.

"Wh- you're asking me?!" Ashwin spluttered, "You're the one with the notebooks of weird stuff! You tell me!"

"The notebooks!" Cassandra realized, "Of course! They have an entry on gnomes!" she blurted, scrambling back up the ladder and fishing the first notebook out of her bag, "Woah," she responded, reading through the first entry, "this guy's sister was also gonna' be the gnome queen! Except they put more effort into that one - like, six of them dressed up as a teenage boy and dated her for a little bit. Glitter-pen - his sister - says it was really weird."

"OK, great," Ashwin interjected, impatient, "what does it say about getting her back?!"

"Uuhhh…." Cassandra flipped through the handful of pages dedicated to gnomes, before running into a full page of blabbering about some unrelated girl, and turning back again. "It says their weakness is leaf blowers?" she offered.

Ashwin looked up at her with disbelief, disappointment, impatience, and annoyance all rolled up into one expression. Though mostly annoyance.

"What? That's all I've got!" Cassandra insisted.

"Now what?" Ashwin demanded, "Does the stupid book even tell us where 'The Magical Part Of The Forrest' is?!"

"…No," Cassandra had to admit. "But- but I bet we could find it!" she assured him as he started to fume, "We'll see if Grunkle Soos knows anything! He's lived here his whole life. And if he doesn't, there's always the Corduroys,"

"Aright, let's go!" Ashwin concluded, stepping towards the door.

"Clothes," Cassandra reminded him, "we really shouldn't hunt gnomes in our pajamas."

"…Right," he acknowledged after a moment's hesitation.

After hastily getting dressed the two teens rushed down to get some breakfast, grabbing protein bars out of the pantry as their parents looked on.

"You two are in a rush," Mabel noted,

"Yep!" Cassandra blurted, "There's just so much to do out in the world!" she insisted, a nervous laugh sneaking out, "So many people to see, you know. So much. Gotta' get an early start!"

"Well it's good to see you up at a reasonable hour," Mabel smiled. "Where's your sister?" she asked Ashwin.

Ashwin froze up without an answer.

"She's fine, no worries, gotta' go!" Cassandra insisted, grabbing her cousin's arm and yanking him out the front door.

"That was terrible cover!" Ashwin hissed as they jogged toward The Shack, "Now they're sure to look into it!"

"It's the best I could do on short notice," Cassandra retorted, "We just have to find her before they start looking."

Ashwin made an exasperated noise as he chased after her.

As the door clacked shut behind Cassandra and Ashwin Mabel and Abel exchanged looks and Mabel headed for the kids' room.

"Faith?" she asked, opening the door with hesitation, "You in here?" as she stepped into the room she didn't see any sign of the perky nine-year-old, even going to the trouble to check up in the loft.

"Mabel," her brother grabbed her attention, having found a scrap of paper. Without further explanation he handed it to her, and Mabel broke out in laughter.

"Gnome queen? Oh no," she chuckled, "runs in the family, I guess. We're too beautiful to resist," she decided, taking on a pose of assumed elegance.

"Should we do something?" Abel prompted.

Mabel mulled it over,

"I think they might be pretty capable," she admitted, "I mean, with Cassie's brains and Ashwin's compassion, they're probably covered."

"…you think your daughter is safe?"

"Pssh!" Mabel waved the comment away, "The gnomes aren't that bad! Until you make them angry. But by then it'll be a pretty fair fight: three humans agains the weird gnome hive-mind. They'll be fine. There's nowhere a Pines is safer than the woods of Gravity Falls."

"You really think so?" Abel prompted, "I mean, I know Cassie has my notebooks, but…"

"I mean, we could track them if that would make you fell better," Mabel offered.

"Everything OK?" her husband asked, poking his head in the room.

"Yeah, it's fine," she assured him, "Faith's just playing a little game."

"Oh. So, where is she?"

"Playing hide and seek out in the woods. Abel and I'll go find her."

"You're sure?" he asked.

"Yes! We'll be back before lunch," Mabel assured him with a kiss on the cheek.

Bursting into The Mystery Shack Cassandra and Ashwin zeroed in on the college student behind the counter in the green question mark shirt.

"Gabby!" Cassandra blurted, "Where's Grunkle Soos?"

"Sorry, Cass, he and Mom go out for breakfast on Tuesdays," Stan Ramirez commented, stocking shelves with his dad's fez perched on his head.

"Is your name Gabby?" his sister retorted.

"Maybe you can help us, then!" Ashwin prompted, "Do you know how to get to The Magical Part Of The Forrest?"

"Hm," Gabby considered, "yeah, probably. You got an area map?" she asked Stan.

"You mean one of these?" he offered, tossing a roll of laminated paper to her.

"Yeah," she confirmed, unrolling the map, "OK, so we sell these to tourists as a general map of the area - see, there's the museum, town hall, all that - but it has a vague map of the weird stuff, too. We laugh it off with tourists as fake, just a dumb ploy to drum up business and all that, but it's pretty accurate. Look," she tilted the map in the light, and some more matte spots on the laminate pointed out locations like 'DANGER: Manotaur Caves!' and 'Floating Head Island,' but most importantly:

"The Magical Part Of The Forrest!" Ashwin blurted.

"Yep. It's kinda' in the heart of this section of woods here," Gabby pointed out, "I don't think I've ever been, but I'm told you know it when you find it."

"Thanks, Gabby!" Ashwin beamed, bolting from The Shack.

'We owe you one," Cassandra assured her.

"Here, take a shovel," Stan told Cassandra, tossing her one from a back corner, "it's amazing what you can do with a shovel."

"Like kill zombies! And take your hat!" Gabby added, tossing the blue and white trucker hat to her, "To keep the hair out of your eyes."

"…OK?" Cassandra shrugged, donning the hat and following her cousin.

"You ready?" Ashwin asked her, as she joined him at the forrest's edge.

"I guess," she accepted, "they gave me a shovel," she added, offering it to him.

Before the cousins could step off the dirt-and-gravel road that lead into The Shack, and into the mysterious Gravity Falls woods, the roar of an engine gained their attention. The all-terrain vehicle pulled up beside them, the driver lifting up her sunglasses,

"Hey, Pines-lings, what's shakin'?" Brenda asked with a grin. The Fundshauser twins, Jenda and Kenda, waved from the backseat.

"N-not much," Cassandra stuttered on instinct.

"Faith was taken by gnomes," Ashwin blurted.

There was a silence before Kenda piped up,

"Can we help?"

"Uuuhhh…." Cassandra hesitated. Ashwin seriously considered the offer,

"Heck yeah!" Brenda agreed, "You guys need a ride?"

"Yes!" Ashwin accepted, "We even have a map to The Magical Part Of The Forrest!"

"Hop in, kids! Let's go punt some gnomes!" Gabby hollered with gusto as the cousins buckled in.

Abel and Mabel watched the all-terrain vehicle barrel off into the woods from around a corner of The Mystery Shack.

"Were those-?"

"Some of Grenda's girls," Mabel confirmed, "they're in good hands."

"Really?" Abel prompted again.

"Sure! Their mother fought unicorns with me, I think they're more than capable. It's in their blood!"

"Aren't they adopted…?"

"Alright, it's in their upbringing," Mabel clarified. "they'll be fine."

"Mr. Pines?"

The twins jumped at Stan Ramirez' remark. The twenty-something was leaning out a window, watching the adults with interest.

"Jeez, Stanley, don't so that," Abel sighed. He always called the kid 'Stanley'; 'Stan' was reserved for the original Mr. Mystery for whom he was named.

"Sorry. What're you two up to? Ashwin and Cassie just went on a gnome hunt, you know."

"I heard!" Mabel beamed, "Did you set 'em up with everything they'd need?"

"Gave 'em a map and a shovel," he explained with a shrug.

"And a hat!" Gabby called from inside.

"Oh yeah, and the cap that Dad gave Cassie," Stan confirmed.

"Why do they need that?" Abel asked.

Stan shrugged again,

"Dad insists on giving to her. It's one of the blue ones, with the pine tree on it?"

Abel chuckled,

"Of course he did."

"They'll be fine, Mr. Pines," Stan assured him.

"Thanks, Stanly," Abel responded, "and Mr. Pines is my Grunkle! Jeez," he shook his head.

"Oh, I don't know," Mabel grinned, elbowing him in the ribs, "You're more like the old man every day!"

"Don't say that!" he insisted through a laugh, following his sister into the woods.

Cassandra held onto her hat for dear life, bouncing along as the all-terrain vehicle careened through the forrest.

"Is this safe?!" she hollered from the back - Ashwin was serving as navigator in shotgun.

"Sure!" Brenda barked back, "Why not?"

"I'm pretty sure we've bumped about twenty trees so far!" Cassandra responded. The car jolted as the tail end smacked into another trunk, "Twenty-one," she corrected.

"It'll be fine!" Brenda assured her, "I'm sure we'll get there!"

As if on cue, they ground to a halt; the forrest around them seemed to be all that much greener, and light refracted magically around the trees and grass and everything.

As they all stared around in awe and curiosity, two flickers of light started to play around them, and it was finally Jenda who drew attention to them,

"Woah, a fairy!" she breathed.

"I'm a PIXIE," the tiny, glowing being corrected her as all eyes turned to them, "There's a big difference."

"Oh, sorry," she squeaked.

"We're Flotsam and Jetsam," another pixie explained, fluttering up beside their comrade, "That's Flotsam, I'm Jetsam. Are you lost, travelers?"

"We're looking for the gnomes," Ashwin told them, "you know where they live?"

The pixies scoffed,

"Do we know where the- of course we know where the gnomes live!" Jetsam assured them, perching on Brenda's shoulder, "go that way," Jetsam told her, "we'll be there in no time."

Flotsam settled on Ashwin's shoulder, and they set off.

"So, you guys live here in the forrest?" Cassandra asked the pixies.

"You bet, hon," Flotsam responded.

"Have you lived here a long time?"

"We have a lifespan of about fifteen years, sweetheart, you tell me," Flotsam told her, a bitterness in his tone.

"What is the difference between pixies and fairies, anyway?" Cassandra prompted.

"Turn left," Jetsam commanded. "OK, now right, mm-hm. Another right. Wait, no, your other right- no, no, never mind keep going this way."

"It's really just up ahead," Flotsam chimed in, "no more than five minutes, really. It just feels like a long time because-"

"WOAH!" Brenda yelped, the car screeching to a halt barely a foot before it hit a unicorn, standing directly in their way, staring them down with a look stronger than steel and colder than ice. The humans could find no words, and the pixies dared not speak.

"Flotsam, Jetsam," the unicorn demanded, in a voice far lower and reminiscent of New Jersey than Cassandra ever would have guessed, "what do you think you're doing?"

"H-helping some weary travelers…?" Jetsam offered weakly.

The unicorn's eyebrow shot up with the power of a thousand skeptics,

"You're 'helping' them, you say?"

"Yeah, Phil, we're helping them, honest!" Jetsam assured the magical equine.

"You know us," Flotsam joined in, "would we lie to you?"

Jetsam jabbed Flotsam in the gut with their elbow and gave the other pixie a meaningful look.

"I do know you," Phil assured them, "and I know your game. Where are you trying to get to?" he asked Brenda.

"We- we're looking for the gnomes," she explained, still barely able to comprehend that she was speaking to a unicorn. Her inner nine year old was ecstatic. The actual nine-year-olds in the back seat were still slack-jawed in awe, wonder and disbelief.

"The gnomes?! Oh, jeez, you guys. Get out, come on," Phil insisted. As the humans began to comply, he had to clarify, "No, no, not you guys. Flotsam, Jetsam, shoo. You have better things to do than mislead humans."

"We really don't," Flotsam admitted.

Phil only glared back at them as they flitted away.

"A'right kids, this way," Phil said, turning and starting to walk back the way they came, "unicorns may be jerks, but we just want to be left alone to be jerks in peace - nothing personal."

"You're a unicorn," Cassandra breathed, staring intently at their new guide as the all-terrain vehicle creeped along at the unicorn's pace.

"How astute."

"So, have you lived here long?"

"Long enough to know that hat," Phil responded, "and that the star on that guy's shirt is no accident," the little shooting-star logo on Ashwin's favorite button-up shirt was illuminated by magic, and he joined the conversation.

"But, that's just the clothing company's logo," he explained. He'd worn that shirt over t-shirts often since he'd gotten it - usually open-faced, with the sleeves rolled up in warmer weather - but had never thought much of it.

"So maybe it's a coincidence, but news travels fast. You're the Pines' kids."

"How did you know that?" Cassandra breathed.

"You're kidding, right? You think none of the creatures in the forrest ever talk? You think we don't know when the Pines are back in town?"

"But why? What's so special about our family?" Cassandra asked.

"They've done a lot around here," was all Phil said before noting, "here ya' go, the gnomes live right down there. Now, if y'all ever go looking for unicorn hair or something-" he hesitated, "Well, I was gonna' say leave us the heck alone, but then I remembered how hard your mom punched me in the face, and you know what? You need unicorns, come askin' for Phil, I'll hook you up."

"Thanks," Cassandra managed, as he pranced back into the woods without another word. "Crud!" she realized, "I should've taken a picture for Faith."

"I think Faith would rather we save her," Ashwin commented, hopping out of the car.

"We ready for this?" Cassandra asked, grabbing the shovel out of the back.

"You bet your butt," Brenda assured them.

"Yeah!" the Fundshauser twins cheered.

"Alright then," Cassandra concluded, "let's go fight some gnomes."

The group slid down an incline and sure enough, there were plenty of gnomes to be found, and right in the middle, was Faith. Sitting on a lawn chair.

"OK, but what's the catch?" she asked the gnome beside her, standing on a stump to reach her eye-level, even when she was seated.

"No catch, no catch," he assured her, "you can rule over a good chunk - I think it's about a third - of the magical forrest, you can have all the food you want, I bet I can even get you a unicorn-"

"Faith!" Ashwin hollered, running up to his little sister.

"Ash!" she responded, letting him lift her off the ground in a hug.

"Faith, are you OK?"

"I guess," Faith shrugged.

"Hey, woah, hey, didn't the note explicitly say that you were not invited to the wedding?" the gnome she'd been talking to barked, shuffling up to Ashwin, his pointy hat barely clearing the teen's kneecap.

"Wedding?!" Faith squeaked, still in Ashwin's arms. She dropped to the ground and turned on her 'suitor,' "What wedding?!"

"Ah, that. See, OK, all that power sort of comes with the whole 'queen of the gnomes' thing, which means we'd get married-"

"EEW!" Faith shrieked, "No! No way, uh-un! No! No! No!"

"Aw, come on! I thought we had a good thing going here,"

"Never!" Faith hollered, and a cheer erupted from her friends and family behind her.

"Well, then I guess there's only one thing to do," the gnome sighed.

Cassandra brandished the shovel in apprehension, and the whole group took on fighting stances.

"We'll have to let her go," the gnome concluded.

"Really?" Faith respond.

"Oh yeah, of course," he assured her.

The group let out a collective sigh of relief.

"…Of course we'll take one of those other girls in exchange."

"WHAT?!" the whole group hollered.

"Well I mean, yeah. If you aren't planning on cooperating we'll have to chase you down and force one of you to marry into the gnome kingdom anyway."

"TO THE JEEP!" Brenda commanded, and the whole group sprinted for the car, piling in as Brenda turned the key and it growled into life. As they sped away the whole backseat crew turned to see if the gnomes would follow.

Yes, they would.

And it would look like a blanket of gnomes across the dirt road.

"Uuuh, Brenda?" Cassandra called, watching a wave of gnomes building up, "This is a lot of gnomes!"

"Should I try to lose 'em?" Brenda called back from the driver's seat.

"I'm not sure you could," Cassandra told her.

"Oh yeah? Hang on!" she hollered, careening off the path and hurtling through the woods again. The gnomes followed, swarming over trees and rocks and anything. Cassandra wondered how gnomes could move that fast, even on all fours.

"We gotta' use the shovel," Ashwin decided, now watching a new gnome-wave grow, along with everyone but the driver. As the wave broke over them Cassandra swing the shovel like a tennis racket, taking out a handful of gnomes, and some fell away as they sped on, but some tumbled into the backseat, to the shrieks and punches of all the girls. With a few hard hits those fell away, but another wave was already building.

"There's too many," Cassandra said to Ashwin, "I get, like, five with the shovel. Out of a wave of fifty, that's not enough!"

"Wait, what's that?" Faith asked, tugging something from the pile of cargo in the back. With some effort she lifted it up, and Cassandra stared,

"It's a leaf-blower," she realized, "how did that-?"

"Who cares?!" Ashwin barked, "Crank it, Faith!"

The cordless yard tool roared to life, blowing back the closest gnomes.

"Suck one up and shoot it into the wave!" Cassandra told her cousin as she took out another handful with the shovel.

As another wave built, Faith zeroed in on one of the few gnomes still scrabbling around the car and sucked it into the blower's nozzle. She aimed carefully at the heart of the wave, and as it reached it's peak-

FOOM

With a squeal the gnome was shot from the leaf blower, dissolving the wave as it broke through.

Cries of "Leaf blower!" rang through the gnome ranks and they stopped in their tracks, disappearing from view as the Jeep took a hard turn. Laughter broke out among the passengers at the realization that they had just fought an army of gnomes - and won. But Cassandra suddenly winced in pain; apparently a gnome bite had broken the skin.

"Oh, jeez," Brenda responded, noticing the blood, "Ash, grab the bandaids and the ice pack out of the glove box."

"Bandaids I get," Cassandra acknowledged, accepting the bundle, "but an ice pack?"

"Always have one in case of emergencies!" Brenda told her.

"Cool," Cassandra acknowledged, tending to her wounds.

Jeff hollered frantically, trying to regain control over the gnome masses; why did this always happen? Why couldn't they keep it together?! He fell silent as a tall shadow grew over him. He whirled around to find a woman that was almost familiar, but he couldn't quite place her-

"Jeff," she barked, "do you want to explain yourself, or do you want me to drop-kick you into the lake?"

"Uh, be-beg pardon?" he responded

"You kidnap my daughter, you attack my son, my niece, a bunch of children-!"

"OK, I know I know you from somewhere," he noted with a nervous laugh as she lifted him up to glare at him at eye level, "but I just can't place you. Were you ever a mythical creature? Did you, like, fall in love and turn human or something, or…?"

"Jeff, I swear to god-"

"I say drop-kick him," her brother commented from behind her, grinning at Mabel's fury. Once the gnome caught sight of the birthmark under her brother's hairline it clicked -

"Mabel! Oh, man, that was your daughter?" he responded, trying to brush it off, "Wow! Small world! How ya' been?"

"You come near my family again, or I ever get wind of you kidnapping another child, you will be spending the rest of your days as an exotic pet, you understand?"

"P-perfectly!" he assured her. He was grateful when she finally put him down, tossing an 'I'm watching you' gesture at him before striding back off into the woods.

"See you 'round, Jeff," Abel added, following his sister, "she means it, too."

Cassandra dropped the shovel and the leaf blower onto The Mystery Shack counter, tossing the hat on as an afterthought.

"Woah, where'd you get the leaf blower?" Gabby asked, looking up from her phone.

"I just assumed you'd tossed it in the back and we forgot, or didn't notice, or something," Cassandra responded, "I mean, it's got 'Mystery Shack' written on it in sharpie."

"No, yeah, it's ours," Gabby confirmed, "I just don't know how you got it. But, you know, whatever. Weird stuff happens around here. All's well that ends well."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," she assured her, "go on home. Get some Lunch. Tell your sister we're glad she's OK."

Cassandra nodded, heading for the door.

"Oh, and take this hat, for pete's sake," Gabby added, brandishing the tucker hat.

"What?"

"The hat, it's yours."

"But I didn't buy it?"

"Just take the darn thing!" she insisted, tossing it to Cassandra, who ducked awkwardly, but caught it.

"Oh, OK, um, thanks, I guess?"

"No, thank you," Gabby assured her, "now Dad'll stop hounding us about it."

Twirling the hat absently around, she headed out of The Shack and back to the cabin.

It had been a long morning.

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(Also, for the sake of the guest reader who asked - Wendy kept her last name through her family's history and impact in Gravity Falls. This either gave her enough leverage to keep the Corduroy name, or the entire town just still calls her family the Corduroys, even if they legally have her husband's last name.)