Cassandra answered her phone as soon as she read the caller ID - Meranda.
"Hi!"
"Hey," Meranda responded, "guess what?"
"What?"
"I'm all patched up! I was patched up yesterday, but the ladies had to make sure the cut wouldn't open again. Turns out, I've got a clean bill of health! I'm going home!"
"Cool!" Cassandra managed, hoping her brief hesitation hadn't given away the slight sinking in her gut. "Oh man, that's great," she assured Meranda.
"Yeah! We're heading to the dock in just a little bit."
"But- what about the thing in the lake?"
"I'm sure I can take it! Plus, Ms. Candy says she's rigged me something up to shoot at it if I've gotta'."
"Oh, cool."
"You wanna' come see me off? And your cousins wanna' come, too?"
"Oh! Yeah, definitely," Cassandra agreed, "I'll be there. I'll see if my cousins can make it."
"Awesome! See ya' there around… one."
"OK, you got it. See you there."
"Bye!"
"Bye…" Cassandra let her face fall a little as Meranda hung up.
"What's going on up there?" Ashwin called, reclined on his bed several feet below her.
"Meranda's going back to sea."
"Oh! Oh," Ashwin altered his tone, realizing what it meant for the two girls. "I'm sure Ms. Candy can find some way for you to communicate," he offered.
"Yeah," Cassandra accepted, unable to avoid the hint of wistfulness in her tone.
"Seriously," Ashwin insisted, "it'll be OK. Long distance relationships aren't impossible!"
"I know, but… interspecies?"
"If it could happen anywhere, it could happen in Gravity Falls."
"But we don't live in Gravity Falls!" Cassandra reminded him. "Can long-distance, interspecies relationships work from Piedmont California?!"
"Probably! You're, like, half an hour from the beach!"
"Good point."
"Are you guys even really dating?" Faith piped up, taking her attention from her lavishly illustrated guide to dinosaurs.
Cassandra groaned, throwing a pillow over her head,
"No," she admitted through the pillow. "We're like-" she yanked the pillow off, realizing how much it screwed up breathing. "we're friends, but she's cute, and maybe she thinks I'm cute? I don't know-!" she groaned.
"Alright, well, I don't think I can stand your moping all day," Ashwin decided, "while your love life is falling apart, I'm going to try to fix someone's up! Today shall be a busy day for-"
"Oh no," Faith sighed, "not-"
"Ashwin Howley: Love Master!"
"Do you really call yourself that?" Cassandra asked, pulled out of her misery by the sheer ridiculousness of her cousin's title.
"Yes! Now if you'll excuse me, I've got work to do! Also I bet there's a lot of lonely saps at the diner, and I'm really Jonesing for some pancakes."
He strode out of the room and Cassandra turned to Faith,
"Does he do this often?"
"Yep."
Ashwin sauntered into Greasy's Diner and sat down at the counter with all the apparent confidence of a kid really apparently trying to look confident and suave.
"Well hey there, handsome! What can I do ya' for?" Old Lady Susan asked, smiling genially at Ashwin.
"Ms. Susan you are looking lovely today!" he beamed. He was full of charm and willing to dole it out to anyone who was would take it. "Could I bother you for a short stack of pancakes?"
"Short stack, coming right up!" she smiled back, shuffling off into the kitchen.
Ashwin wondered how likely it was that he would actually get a short stack - word was Susan had been a little loopy for years, and age probably wasn't helping matters. He swiveled the creaky old stool around to survey the diner - surely someone here was eating comfort food to combat their woes. He zeroed in on a single person in a booth - dark clothes, sullen attitude, practically a dark cloud over her head. Perfect!
As he tried to get a better look, she looked up - not in his direction, thankfully - and he got a glimpse of multicolored hair and a heart-shaped pendant. So it was Lilith! He hesitated a moment, realizing that maybe she always had a metaphorical dark cloud over her head. But even if she wasn't in need of emotional support, it might be good to talk to her to help him think of her more as a person than as a terrible girl with a leg up in the competition for Paul's affection. Cassandra had suggested he try to humanize her, anyway.
Old Lady Susan put his plate on the counter, regaining his attention.
"Thanks, doll!" he beamed, "How much? I'm headed over to that table-"
"Just a short stack? 5.67."
Ashwin fumbled with his wallet for a moment, leaving an extra buck for tip.
"Thanks Susan, stay beautiful!" he told her, grabbing his plate and scampering over to Lilith's booth, slowing down as he got closer to better feign casualness.
Lilith jumped as the young teenager sat down across from her.
"So, how's your morning?" Ashwin asked, as though the two of them were the closest of friends and this was not at all weird to just sit down across the table from almost a complete stranger.
"…fine…" Lilith responded with great hesitation before cutting right to the chase: "who are you and why are you sitting here?"
"I'm Ashwin Howley," he introduced himself, cutting into his pancakes, "I'm friends with Paul, maybe he's mentioned me-"
"Oh, you're one of the Pines kids," Lilith said, "yeah, I know about you guys."
"Well, I mean, my last name is really Howley, but, you know…" he pointed out. He'd been lumped into 'Pines' since they'd gotten here. For some reason that name carried some power.
"Yeah, sure, OK."
"So, uh, any significance to that cool necklace?" Ashwin asked, aiming for small-talk.
"Hm? Oh, my dad gave it to me a while back," she explained, glancing down at the charm, "The symbol means something to him, and I mean, it's kinda' cool - a stitched up bleeding heart. I wore it to be nice, but it sorta' fits my aesthetic anyway, you know? I- Hang on, what do you want, kid?" Lilith asked, sensing ulterior motives, or at least something the kid wasn't telling her.
"Well, you looked a little bummed out, and I happen to be a pretty good counselor - particularly in matters of romance, if you have any problems there - so I thought-"
Lilith snorted,
"You're what, twelve?"
"I'm fifteen!" Ashwin shot back.
"Still, I doubt you have a hell of a lot of experience in this area."
"Please, I come from orange county public schools. I bet we've got way more action that you do in this little Podunk-"
Lilith forced a hand over his mouth,
"Jesus, kid! I get your point, but what do you think you're doing? Don't insult the town in Greasy's Diner! That's suicide!"
Ashwin pushed her hand away and continued,
"Point is, I can take whatever drama your life can dish out."
"Oh, please. You're just a city slicker. What you have in volume we can make up for in interpersonal relationships. You know everybody, somehow or another. Particularly if your family runs the funeral home, weirdly enough. For example," she began, looking out into the diner, "I have chem with her, she was my best friend in second grade (before a falling out over glitter pens), he was in bio and art with me last year, he tripped and fell in the cafeteria two years ago and we still won't let it go, and the kid behind the counter is a grammar wiz but a math dunce so he's been held back and skipped a grade. Don't even get me started on everybody else's kids! I've babysat for at least three different people in here."
"Wow," Ashwin acknowledged.
"And I don't like babysitting," she added.
"Hey, about that, do other kids in this town have psychic amulets, or-?"
Her concerned stare told him all he needed to know.
"Anyways, that's your social life, but what about your romantic life?"
Lilith groaned.
"Not good?"
"Long and complicated," she elaborated. "and I bet if you did the math, more bad than good."
"Alright, so, what's your most recent, er, problem?"
"You mean breakup?"
"Uh, yeah, kinda'."
Lilith sighed,
"I guess you're leaving town," she admitted. Ashwin dug into his pancakes, preparing for a tale of woe. "So, his name was Brad,"
Ashwin winced - very little good ever happened for anyone dating an '-ad' in high school.
"He was a guitarist in a punk band, which was pretty sweet. He could play pretty well, and he looked great-"
"Do you have a picture?" Ashwin asked.
"Uh, not really," Lilith responded.
Ashwin gestured with his fork for her to continue.
"he was from out of town, too. He was the total package."
"So what happened?" Ashwin asked, pancake stuffed in his cheeks.
"He kind of forgot I existed at all. He also got really moody if I skipped even one show, and I think I was just kinda' arm candy to him."
"That sucks," Ashwin assured her.
"Yeah, it does. So, that was the end of him. End of the school year I ditched him. He seemed surprised, but not really upset or anything. I found another punk chick in like a week-"
"Woah, woah, woah!" Ashwin interjected, "Do you stalk exes online?"
"Yeah," Lilith admitted.
"That's rule number one of breakups! Never stalk the ex! You know they're terrible! Don't stalk them!"
"I know, but-"
"You gotta' get yourself a monitor! I get my little sister to do it. She keeps tabs on me. It's annoying, but I think it really does help me get over stuff like that."
"I could probably ask Paul," she acknowledged.
"Yeah, he'd probably be good for that," Ashwin admitted begrudgingly. "So, are you looking for rebound dates?"
"I don't know," she shrugged, "I think I may've dated all the dateable guys in town."
"Is that possible?!" Ashwin gasped, "I don't think it is! We shall comb the town for other guys with potential!"
"In my age range."
"In your age range," he agreed.
Faith watched Cassandra as she packed her backpack. She was working a lot slower than usual - without the common yay-a-mystery energy.
"Can I come with you to see the mermaid?" Faith asked.
"Sure," Cassandra responded, flipping absently through the second notebook.
"You're gonna' miss her?"
"Yeah."
"You know, Mom used to tell me stories about mermaids. She said they have magic message bottles that can find you wherever there's water!"
"That'd be nice, but I'm not sure aunt Mabel knows from mermaids."
"You never know," Faith shrugged.
"I guess not," Cassandra acknowledged, learning her little cousin out of the room, ready to head out.
When Cassandra and Faith pulled up in the golf cart Candy and her wife were already there, with Meranda in a cooler on the dock. The three waved eagerly, and the cousins returned the gesture.
"Ready?" Layla asked.
"Born ready!" Meranda cheered.
Cassandra nodded, managing a smile.
"Take this," Candy said, handing Cassandra a device that looked a lot like a speed gun, but at the same time not quite.
Cassandra gave Candy a confused look.
"You will escort Meranda to where the river feeds into the lake. Just in case that big scary monster comes back." Candy winked at Cassandra, and Cassandra looked down at Meranda in the cooler.
"Let's go!" the mermaid beamed.
"OK," Cassandra agreed.
That was all the encouragement Meranda needed. In an almost startlingly fluid movement she leapt from the cooler and over the dock into the lake. Cassandra hopped in after her.
"Thanks for taking care of me," Meranda smiled up at Candy and Layla.
"Anytime," Layla assured her.
"It was our pleasure," Candy agreed.
"Bye Meranda!" Faith waved.
"Bye Faith," Meranda smiled back. "see ya' around."
"OK!" Faith chirped.
"Come on, bodyguard," Meranda added, nudging Cassandra.
The pair swam deeper into the lake, Meranda ducking under the water and circling her slower, human companion incrementally.
"You know, I think the thing that bit you may've been called the Gobblewonker," Cassandra noted after a little while.
"What a name," Meranda snorted.
"Yeah," Cassandra agreed, her breath a little short. Swimming and talking at once was a little difficult. "though the notebooks say it was a robot. But the guy who ran it stopped, so maybe- maybe there's a real one."
"You love all that mystery stuff, don't you?" Meranda noted, swimming backward to face Cassandra.
"Yeah," Cassandra confirmed.
"Is that why you like me so much?"
"H-huh?!" Cassandra faltered a little.
"Oh, come on! You've been my best friend since I got here! Nobody else even gave me a second look once I told 'em to get lost! You're the most persistent person I met!"
"Well, you were kinda' suspicious," Cassandra pointed out.
"And cute, by the sound of it."
"Your words, not mine," Cassandra retorted.
"The river's mouth is right up there," Meranda told her, as the water began to get a little choppier. "you should probably head back."
"So, this is kinda'… goodbye."
"Kinda'," Meranda admitted, "but, I mean, Ms. Candy gave me a cellphone optimized for underwater use. I can always call you. And if that doesn't work I can send you a message in a bottle. Those things can find you anywhere."
"Ok. I live kinda' close to the ocean, around the coast,"
"I'll visit you! As long as I don't have to get out of the water."
"No problem," Cassandra assured her.
There was a moment between the two, in the quiet of the lake, pretty far out from the docks.
"See ya' round, I guess," Cassandra prompted.
A grin flashed across Meranda's face and she pulled Cassandra close, placing a kiss on her lips,
"It's been a blast, Cassandra," she agreed before beginning to swim toward the river, "don't be a stranger."
"N-no problem," Cassandra stammered.
"I'll call you when I get home safe."
"That'd be great."
"Bye, Cassie."
"Bye, Meranda."
And in a flick of a scaly tail, Meranda was gone.
Cassandra had paddled a little ways back toward the dock when Candy, Layla and Faith met her with a paddleboat.
Ashwin sat on a park bench with Lilith, watching the passersby.
"What about that guy?" he asked.
"Him? He's, like, sixteen."
"Wow, he's tall."
"Yeah. He's a gangly guy."
"That guy, then?"
"Dated him," Lilith retorted, "he dumped me for some pink-haired poser."
Ashwin wasn't going to comment that at least half of Lilith's hair looked pretty pink to him, but on second thought, maybe it was magenta…
"Ooh! He's even kinda' edgy and stuff, what about him?" Ashwin prompted.
"Oh, him? He's a poser. All he's got is a band shirt! He's not committed."
"He has dark hair," Ashwin pointed out.
"Oh, it's naturally that way."
"Ah," Ashwin responded. He rubbed his head in mild exasperation, "run your standards by me again?" he asked. The sheer amount of guys they'd considered that hadn't passed was starting to wear on him.
"Tall, dark, handsome, not a jerk."
"Right…" Ashwin confirmed, trying to put together a mental list of all the things that hadn't worked with other guys: too young, no hygiene, poser, too short, too much of a dork, not dark enough, too dark, known jerk-wad, a scrawny wimp - "What was wrong with the tall guy with the black and red hair?"
"He's just in town for the summer."
"So?"
"I don't do long distance. I tried that once, it didn't work out."
"OK," Ashwin sighed, "so we need somebody strong, tall, dark, handsome, stable-"
"I never said anything about stability," Lilith pointed out.
"Maybe, but by the sound of your exes you could do with some stability."
Lilith frowned at the indirect insult just tossed at her by a fifteen year old.
"Handsome, stable, seventeen or older, not too far away… hm. You know, I'm not sure we've seen anybody of that description."
"My problem exactly," Lilith agreed.
"Because anyone stable isn't dark, a lot of people your age are already taken, handsomeness is extremely relative… It might be hopeless. You're sure you can't do long distance?"
"Positive."
The pair sat there, discouraged.
"Hey, guys!"
They both snapped to attention as Paul strolled over.
"I never would've expected to see the two of you hanging out. What brings you together?"
Both teens froze up, not wanting to say 'Lilith is searching for potential boyfriends.'
"Pancakes," Ashwin finally blurted.
"What?" Paul snorted, "Sounds like a story you'll have to tell me later. I'm grabbing some stuff for Mom from the hardware store. She'll kill me if I don't make good time. See ya' round!" he added, tossing a wave over his shoulder as he walked away.
The pair sat there for a moment before Lilith commented,
"Paul's cool."
A thought occurred to Ashwin. He didn't want to be right, but he went down the list anyway: Tall, handsome, seventeen or older, lives close by, stable…
"You need a guy like Paul," Ashwin realized, his heart sinking.
"Oh, yeah, that'd be pretty good. God, if I could find a punker like Paul…"
He didn't even need to be punk, Ashwin realized. In fact, it might be better if she didn't date a member of a goth punk band. That had never worked out well for her. There was no avoiding it.
Ashwin took a deep breath.
"You have no idea how much it pains me to say this, but… you should date Paul."
"What?" Lilith went wide-eyed, as if this was occurring to her for the first time.
"I mean it. I know he doesn't meet all your must-haves, but you guys know each other so well, and he'd be so good for you by the sound of it, and I hate that I'm saying this but you should date Paul."
"Wow, that'd be bizarre."
"Just- consider it. Do it for me. He's a really good guy, and you guys kinda' deserve each other with the whole 'kid-next-door' narrative, and you should just try it."
"You know, you might be onto something."
"You think I don't know that? He's attractive, and stable, and knows you inside and out and as much as I wish it wasn't true you're perfect for each other. Just promise you'll do good by him."
Now, Lilith was not blind or deaf, and she stared at this kid who clearly had a crush on Paul and felt the seriousness in him. So she matched his seriousness in her response.
"I'll try my best. I mean it. I care about him too, you know," she pointed out, patting him on the shoulder. "I promise, kid. I'll do the best I can."
"Thanks," Ashwin mumbled.
Cassandra walked into the shared bedroom, still damp around the edges, to find Ashwin lying on the bed, laced fingers resting across his stomach, staring at the ceiling.
"How was your day?" she asked, climbing up the ladder to the loft.
"Well, I may have helped someone find the love of her life, but I may have given away my dream man in the process."
"That's rough," Cassandra acknowledged. "I helped a friend get home, but I kinda' don't know if I'll ever see her again."
"Bummer."
"Though I did get my first kiss," she added.
Ashwin sat up,
"You did?!"
"Yeah," Cassandra confirmed, a little smile sneaking its way onto her face.
"You had your first kiss with a mermaid?! Awesome!" Ashwin cheered, standing up on his bed and holding up a hand.
Stretching down from her loft Cassandra accepted the high-five. The two had a little joy in the midst of their melancholy.
…
… …
… … …
Dipper was driving the car down a long road, Cassandra in the passenger seat. They were in California, and the car was the 'Stanley-mobile.' He could see his old blue and white cap on his head. They were talking.
He hit something.
As he left the car, around the bumper, he realized what was happening. He'd had this dream before.
"Hey, Pine Tree," the yellow, glowing triangle said, lying flat on the road.
Dipper jerked back, but he didn't wake up.
"Had to try a little harder to keep you under this time," Bill elaborated, drifting up to Dipper's eye level, "I would've thought in your old age you'd be a deep sleeper."
"Bill," Dipper snarled.
"Hey, yeah, good to see you to. You holding up well?"
"None of your damn business."
"Fine, be that way," the demon shrugged.
"Get out of my head," he demanded.
"Make me," Bill retorted.
"We defeated you, you deranged nacho. How are you even here?"
"Well, actually, it's a courtesy. See, I have a beef with you, but I've actually been commissioned to mess with her," Bill explained, tossing a gesture at Cassandra through the car windshield, frozen in the interrupted dream.
Dipper couldn't think of anything to say.
"And you know," Bill continued, "she's all alone. She doesn't have that nice partner-in-crime you just happened to be born with. She's
far
more
vulnerable."
Dipper noticed blood dripping down from somewhere concealed by Cassie's hairline. "Whoops, looks like she cracked her head on the dashboard!" Bill commented. "You should take better care of your kid, Pine Tree."
Abel sat bolt upright, breath shallow. Bill's words echoed in his mind, the image of bleeding Cassandra still fresh. He glanced at Christy lying beside him; he thanked any higher power bothering to listen that she was still asleep.
This was no accident, no trick of the sub-conscious. This was Bill.
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