John Ringo Lesbothon

Black Tide Rising Three

The Omake

"This may be the worst John Ringo novel yet," Sophia Smith noted, holding the book like it was a dead fish. The cover had a completely unrealistic image of cheerleaders carrying machine guns.

"Nah, his book Tiger By The Tail is worse. That was just awful," Faith Smith pointed out.

"Okay, Tiger and the character who's only purpose was to be a torture victim was worse," Sophia conceded, "but this sucks nearly as bad."

"What's wrong with it?" Faith asked.

"You know how we had to fight our way around half the planet and ultimately raid a zombie overrun London to make vaccine?" Sophia said dryly.

"Yeah?" Faith answered dubiously.

"According to this the Hole had a lab making it since early on," Sophia said.

Faith looked at her blankly, "But that makes no sense."

"Agreed," Sophia nodded. "Oh and apparently everybody and their mother knew about how to make vaccine, according to the cheerleader story. Which, supposedly, was something ethical doctors didn't do."

"Huh," Faith blinked.

"Oh, and they end up grinding up several cheerleader spines to make it," Sophia added.

Faith kinda choked a moment. "Well, considering some cheerleaders I knew..." she said, shaking her head.

"Mean, Faith. Very mean," Sophia snickered. "Oh, and there is one story starring a lesbian character," she noted.

Faith did NOT like her tone of voice. "Bad?" she asked.

"The ending, yes," Sophia said darkly. "Unlike the lead characters in every other story in the book she was killed off... she gets wounded and left to be eaten by zombies."

Faith just shook her head. "Shanejayell ain't gonna like THAT," she said, knocking the fourth wall down a bit.

"Oh, and in the last story Ringo has Dad suggest starting slavery again with tame 'Beta' zombies," Sophia added.

"Da FUCK?" Faith yelped.

"I can't imagine him suggesting that," Sophia noted as she shook her head, "or any rational President agreeing with it."

"Did you notice that Mom hasn't even has a speaking part in the last two books?" Faith noted as she got up. "We should stop in and pay a visit."

"Yeah," Sophia agreed, "and check and see if Dad's been rplaced with a pod person..."

Faith snickered as they left the room, "And we could bring Olga along, and we can tell them she's your girlfriend."

"Dad will choke," Sophia sighed but didn't deny it...

To be continued?

Notes: this will PROBABLY be the last chapter on this, but who knows I may get inspired to do something else.

Tiger by the Tail is the most recent 'Paladin of Shadows' book by Ringo, and his first co-written one in the series. It was fairly awful, and as I noted it has one character who's sole purpose in the book is to be a torture victim. There's no other plot based reason she's in there. Ugh.

Black Tide Rising is a short story collection in the Ringo Zombie verse and it's a VERY mixed bag of stuff. There's some decent stories, then there's the cheerleader one, not to mention Captain Smith suggesting slavery as the solution to USA's problems. No, not kidding.