warnings: (canon) character death mention, parents, discussion of mortality/a super intense freakout over mortality, descriptions of food

anyway this is the last of the 1 update/day schedule. its caught up with the ao3 version now. should have the next chapter out... relatively soon

When I wake up, it's slowly, like syrup pouring out of a bottle, or the leaking of a bad faucet. Once I manage to both sit up and open my eyes, I look around the hospital room.

There's someone else sleeping in a bed in the corner, and a group of two are huddled around another bed just a little ways away. The room feels really cramped. I look to the side-

Yasumaru. That's Yasu on the bed next to mine. I scramble off the bed only to practically trip over my dad, who's laying on a blanket on the floor.

"Wh..?" he groans.

"Dad?" I ask, surprised. He wakes up more at the sound of my voice, pausing for a moment before suddenly enveloping me in a hug. I freeze, and then return it. I'm so glad he's okay. Yasu too.

"Is Mom okay? What about Yasu? And Plum?" I ask, ignoring the slight headache pounding against the side of my head.

"They're fine. They're all fine," Dad says. "Your mom is working here. Our house is fine. Plum was inside when that monster attacked. Yasu fell and broke his arm while the Academy students were being evacuated, but the doctors said that he'll be okay."

"That's good," I say, sitting back on the bed. I think back to the attack - screams, blood, that arm - and ask Dad: "So what happened? Um, during the attack." Did anyone I know die?

"The Fourth Fire Shadow is... dead," Dad says slowly, like he can't believe it, and for a moment, neither can I. The Yellow Flash... dead?

But Dad isn't so crass that he would make a joke like this, no matter how weird his sense of humor is. "He's... dead?" I parrot back, shocked from that revelation. I don't want to think about that. I don't want to think about- about him being dead.

Dad only nods, frowning. "You should get back to sleep, sweetie," he says, and I nod slowly. I get back on the hospital bed, headache still painful, and Dad lays back down on his blanket.

I can't sleep, though. I keep thinking of what happened earlier - of that arm - and how I couldn't do anything, how that person was alive, but now they aren't, and of how my grandfather is dead, the Fourth is dead, and someday I'll be dead. Someday I'm going to die. Someday I'll be dead. I'll be dead. I'll die. I won't be alive. I'll be dead.

I'm crying, terrified, fear prickling on my neck, breath coming in short gasps. I'm going to die someday. My life will be snuffed out. I'll be gone.

I get off the bed, tears streaming from my eyes, nose running, and wake up my dad by shaking him.

"Dad," I whisper, still crying. I don't want to die, ever.

"Setsuna?" he asks, sounding alarmed. He gets up and sweeps me in a hug. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

"N-no," I start, and then start sobbing even harder. I try to calm down, but it's hard with the constant repetition of "I'm going to die" circling in my thoughts. "Dad... I'm going to die someday," I manage to get out. "I-I don't want to die. I'm scared."

He frowns, and squeezes me a little tighter. "Oh, sweetie. Everyone dies."

I can only sob harder at that; now I'm thinking of Dad, dead somewhere, neck broken or throat cut or just not moving, only still, still, still like how only the dead can be.

"Th-that doesn't h-h-help," I get out, gripping him tightly but not as tightly as I can (even as terrified as I am, I still remember he's a civilian).

"Setsuna... when people die, their souls go to the Pure Land. It's not an end," he explains, and I calm down a little, sobs reduced to sniffles.

"Really?"

"Yeah. It'll be okay, sweetie. You'll be okay," he says, and I sniff, wiping my nose with an arm.

I can push the thoughts away, now. I say goodnight to Dad and then fall into a deep sleep.

The next time I wake up, the people in the other corner are all gone - they must have checked out of the hospital. No one else in the room is awake. I yawn, and get up; my headache is pretty much gone now, actually, but I really need to go to the bathroom.

I find the bathroom easily enough, but on the way back, a man moves from the side of the hallway to fall into step with me. I falter, looking up at him. He's wearing a black cloak, and half of his face is bandaged.

"Um... hello," I say, placing a hand on the side of my neck. I realize that even though the hallway was crowded a few minutes ago, now it's just me and him here.

"Matsushita Setsuna," he begins, voice low and heavy. "It's good you survived. How did you get your injuries?" he asks.

"Uh... I was thrown... by the force of a tail coming down-" down, burning through skin and muscle and bone in an instant- "and I think I hit my head." I swallow, trying to ignore the memories of dread and fear.

The man says nothing for a moment, just looks at me with an intense focus. I look away within a second, feeling uncomfortable.

"You felt powerless, didn't you, Matsushita?" I look back at him, and then nod, frowning. "I can help you, but in return, I'll need your help."

"Help with what?" I ask, furrowing my eyebrows. "Um... what's your name, though?"

"Shimura Danzou. And you would be helping me by helping protect the village. You see, Matsushita, there is a covert group that I am in charge of: Root. Root protects the village from the shadows. The roots of this village's leaves, you could say."

Covert... like Covert Ops? Like the white-masked ninja? I- I'm not good enough to get into that group. Not even close.

Maybe he sees how my expression shifts, because his next words are said a tiny bit softer. "I was once where you are, Matsushita: practically powerless. But I trained hard, and I worked to improve. With the help of Root, you'll be strong enough to protect yourself and protect others."

That sounds... really good, actually. I was so useless when that monster attacked; I couldn't do anything to prevent myself from getting hurt or even- or even stop that ninja from dying.

"What about my teacher? What will he say?" I ask, but I'm hoping they've already worked this out. I want to join Root and get stronger.

"Ah... Sueno Hotaka? One of Orochimaru's students, if I recall correctly," Shimura says, turning and placing a little weight on his cane. Orochimaru? Like the traitor Orochimaru? "He's not in Root; he's not allowed to know. So, Matsushita... what's your decision?"

Well, there's plenty of stuff that I can't know right now because I'm a low-rank ninja or not in the right department; there's always going to be classified information in ninja villages. It's not a huge problem if Teacher doesn't know, then.

"Okay," I say, nodding firmly. "I want to join Root."

He smiles and inclines his head. I'm suddenly picked up, thrown over someone's shoulder. My vision goes a little blurry, and everything slides over and over each other. This is the Body Flicker technique, right? My stomach is doing weird little flops every time we stop for an instant and then restart.

It doesn't seem to take any time at all before we finally stop moving; I realize we haven't started up again, and try to look around, but everything is still pretty blurry. Suspiciously blurry, actually. An illusion technique?

I'm about to break it - I can feel the foreign chakra around my brain and eyes, and if I cut off the flow for a second, it'll disappear - but my vision returns to normal without me doing anything. It's a brightly lit room. I'm placed down on the floor, feet first so I'm still standing.

Shimura approaches me, and I take the opportunity to look around; we're in a narrow corridor, all steel and gray, red pipes bulging out of the walls and crossing around. "Stick out your tongue as far as it will go," he says, and I comply, pushing it out until there's a slightly painful tug near the bottom.

He places a gloved hand - thin, like my mom's medical gloves - on the crease in the middle of my tongue, and then I feel chakra enter my body, running along my tongue and then up into my brain. There's a feeling of compression but without pressure, and then Shimura steps back.

"You may stop, now."

"What was that?" I ask, feeling his chakra loop around from my tongue to my brain and back again. It's such a weird feeling, and I swear I can almost sense some kind of emotion in it; it's detached but has a heavy regard.

"In Root, you may go on dangerous missions. That is a seal which will prevent you from spilling any secrets in the case you are captured," he says, and I feel... I don't know what I'm feeling, but this is more real, now. This is serious. He continues, eyeing me for a second. "Your new name is now 'Aoi'. You will be one of my agents in the public eye, so to speak, but amongst your fellow Root members, your name is only 'Aoi'." I feel my lips twitch a little; I wonder, is that my name because I have blue hair and blue eyes?

"In addition, remember this is a covert operation - you cannot speak of this to anyone who is not me, or a Root member; that is treason and you would be dealt with accordingly. Your orders are to continue as you have been doing. Speak with operative Yakushi Kabuto when your team meets next for your training schedule," he says.

Yakushi's a Root member?

He nods to someone behind me, and they Body Flicker us back to the hospital, dropping me off in my hospital room. Everyone is still asleep except for me, and I yawn, deciding that I'll think about this tomorrow - the matter of Root and Yakushi both.

I don't see Mom the next day, but during that time, Mister Hotaka visits.

I'm laying on the hospital bed, having just woken up. The door opens, and I turn over, wanting to see who's doing that. I sit up in surprise as I see my teacher.

"Teacher?" I ask, not sure if I should get out of bed or not.

"Setsuna," he says with a large smile. "I'm glad you're okay. Were you badly injured?"

I shake my head. "No, I'm fine." There's an awkward silence for a moment, and then I blurt out "Oh! Uh, what about Yakushi and Tsurugi?" That's polite, right? You ask if other people are okay?

"They're fine, too," he says. "Kabuto is working in the hospital right now if you wanted to see him, but I don't think Misumi is doing that great. He lost his father during the attack," he explains, frowning.

Oh. That's sad. I don't like Tsurugi, but I didn't want him to lose anyone. I frown. After a moment, I ask: "When is our next meeting?"

"When do you get out of the hospital, Setsuna?"

"Um... I'm not really sure."

"I'll find someone and go check, okay?" he says, and exits the room.

Maybe next time I should ask him about him being one of Orochimaru's students. I don't think I will, though - I don't want to bother him. He's probably not a traitor, if he's still in the village. I bet all the members of Orochimaru's low-rank ninja team were interrogated, so if he's still here, he must be okay.

I stare at the door for a moment before hopping out of bed. There's a note on the table next to my bed.

Setsuna, I'm taking Yasu back to the house. The doctors said he was fine. I'll be back later. -Dad

There's someone else in the bed where Yasu once was. I can't believe I didn't even notice that. I scowl and run fingers through my hair, wishing I still had a hair tie. Thinking about my hair makes me remember how Mom won't let me cut it. It's not her hair. I pick up the note and fold it roughly, shoving it in my hoodie's pocket.

I huff and exit the hospital room, wondering if I should go talk to Yakushi about Root. I probably shouldn't; Shimura said to meet with him during practice, and he's busy. Well, if I don't have any reason to visit him, I'm not going to. I want to go home and see Dad and Yasu and Plum. I want to see Mom, too, but she's just busy; she'll have to come home soon, though. I'll stay up and wait for her.

As I start to make my way through the crowded hallways, I pause, realizing I probably should wait for Teacher to tell me when our next meeting is. I head back, deciding to wait by the door to the room I was in. I take the note out of my pocket and try to move it around my body while I wait. I experiment with the best way to 'transport' it: is a continuous stream or concentrated bursts of chakra the better option?

The note flutters with the chakra bursts, and sometimes I miss or overshoot with that, but I can catch the note easily enough, so it's not really a problem. A continuous chakra stream takes more out of me, but it's more controlled. The note keeps falling when it flutters over a thigh, and as I bend down to catch it before it hits the floor, I see Mister Hotaka.

"Hello," I say, pushing the note back in my pocket. I'll probably throw it out later, or maybe doodle on it.

"Practicing chakra control?" he asks, smiling slightly.

"Yeah, but getting the paper to float over my thighs is difficult," I complain.

He hums. "It's impressive you're able to expel chakra from other areas besides your hands, you know? If I recall right, there aren't many chakra points there, and you've got small reserves right now."

I make a face at that. Chakra techniques are so cool, but if my reserves don't increase that much, I'll never be able to do most of them. I purse my lips, thinking over the first part of what he said.

"What do you mean?" I ask. "Like, um, the hands thing. I've... pretty much always been able to expel chakra from anyplace there's, uh, those... holes? I can't see them but I can feel them."

He raises an eyebrow. "You have pretty good chakra control then-"

"Yeah-" I cut myself off, embarrassed at how I had started speaking before he had even finished. "Sorry-"

He waved a hand at me, laughing a little. "It's fine, it's fine. What were you gonna say?"

"Um, it's not that important. You finish first," I say, looking down.

"Alright. Well, your chakra control is really good if you can expel chakra from chakra points other than your hands."

I recall back to the first time I had consciously used chakra. "I expelled chakra from my back the first time I used chakra," I say, offering an explanation of sorts.

"Wow," he says, adjusting his glasses. "How old were you?"

"Uh, five, I think," I say, beginning to lean back and forth, shifting my weight from the front to the back of my feet.

"No wonder you graduated early, huh? Well, while we're here in the hospital - you know that medical techniques take precise chakra control, right?"

I nod. "Yakushi sometimes complains when he has trouble with a technique," I say.

"Right. Given any thought to a medical specialization?" He offers, gesturing slightly to the hospital walls around us.

I pause. "Um, I..." I trail off as I remember the breakdown I had the night before, of the realization of my own mortality - I don't want to think about that any more than I have to. I don't want to do that at all. I don't- I can't. "I don't think I want to specialize in medicine," I say after a moment, feeling cold at the base of my neck.

He looks at me for a moment before nodding. "Alright. Well, you're still a low-rank, so don't worry too much about if you decide to change your mind. There's other specializations for people with good chakra control, though; illusion techniques, for one."

Illusion techniques are pretty cool, I guess. "Yeah, but..."

"But...?"

"But I have trouble with the Clone technique and the Transformation technique - I can't use them that often because I don't have, like, any chakra! And if I have trouble with illusion techniques, then how am I gonna be able to do chakra techniques?" I ask plainly, frustrated.

He tilts his head before leaning down to ruffle my hair. I glare at him. "Setsuna, you're nine. Your chakra reserves haven't really expanded yet, and besides: most civilians would have trouble having enough chakra to transform or make a clone even once. You've worked hard to get here."

"It's not good enough," I say, leaning against the wall, folding my hands over my arms.

"You might not be able to spam out illusion and chakra techniques, but that just means you'll have to find a different focus. Weapons, martial arts... Things like that," he explains. "You're already pretty good with shuriken and kunai, right? Chakra techniques aren't the end-all, be-all of ninja techniques. And you've got one weapon right here in your skull."

"My brain?"

"Right," he says, smiling some more. "In a tough situation, your brains will serve you better than throwing out flashy chakra technique after flashy chakra technique," he says.

"I guess," I say, drumming my fingers against the wall.

"Well, beyond that - apparently you're free to go, Setsuna. Oh, and practice is in two days. Regular location," he tells me.

"Okay, got it," I say, and he nods, disappearing in a puff of smoke. I wish I could do that.

I head home. I almost stop by the library, but I know myself; if I stop there, I'll be there for hours - but also, more pressingly, something more upsetting: I felt the Nine-tail's awful chakra there first. I know the Nine-tailed Fox is gone - sealed in some poor kid, if the rumors I heard in the hospital are right - but I'm scared. It's silly, but in the end, I don't go.

I enter the house, slipping my shoes off and house slippers on, and I close the door behind me.

"Dad? Yasu?" I call, peering around a corner.

"Setsuna? Oh, you're back! So you're feeling better, then?" Dad asks from the kitchen. Smells like he's making stir-fry.

"Yeah, my teacher said I was free to go," I explain. "I have practice in two days."

"That's good," Dad says. "Hey, can you help me out with this? I need some vegetables cut."

"Sure," I say, heading into the kitchen to wash my hands and then grab a knife and cutting board. "Where's Yasu?"

"He's napping," Dad says. "He's doing better. Apparently he ended up falling and breaking his arm - though the ninja at the hospital fixed that up real quick, didn't they?"

I nod idly, rinsing the vegetables before setting them on the cutting board. "Yeah. Wait, how did you want them cut?"

"Just in little chunks. Don't make it too small, though!" he warns.

"Right, I won't," I say.

There's a pause as we work on the food - me with the vegetables and Dad with the meat - before Dad speaks up again. "How did you get hurt, though?"

I continue with cutting the vegetables as I consider his question. I think of that horrible chakra, of that fearful run, of that ninja's death. "I almost got hit by a tail," I say after a moment. I don't want to explain more. I don't want to think about this more. It happened, but I don't want to remember it.

Dad makes an upset noise. "That's- Well- At least you're okay," he finally settles on.

I make an affirming noise, not really sure what to say. We work for a moment in somewhat strained silence before Dad speaks up again. "I talked with Teruko before we left the hospital. Your mother is going to try to become a medical ninja," he begins.

Mom? Becoming a ninja? I feel a little annoyed that after years of showing her disapproval over me being a ninja, she's decided to become one herself. Except that Mom is kind of old. Can she even become a ninja?

"How?"

"Well, apparently she can use her, uh, chakra, and since she's already a nurse, it's just a matter of learning how to heal with it. Apparently she's been wanting to do this for a while, but because she immigrated from the Land of Water, there's been some hurdles. Her grandfather was apparently a Mist ninja."

I feel pretty bewildered. I knew I had relatives in the Land of Water, but I had no idea that my great-grandfather was a Mist ninja. "What?"

"Yeah, I wasn't expecting that either. But her parents weren't, and she wasn't, so..."

Huh.

I decide to not worry about it. I have more important things to worry about, frankly. I finish with the vegetables, heading to my room to practice some chakra exercises before dinner. Mom can do what she wants. I need to improve.

edit: ok, so, a guest reviewer brought this up and i forgot it would be an issue. i've played with a few character's ages a little bit (kabuto & misumi are now older than they were in the show) along with some other minor stuff. the major details are the same for the most part. i don't want to artificiality inflate my wordcount so most of my notes abt the chapters are on the ao3 version of this fic