Breaking up with Random Guy had been surprisingly undramatic. Jim stayed home most of the week that followed the shoot of Something Hot.
The soreness went away in a day or two and oddly enough he kind of missed it. Reluctantly he lubed up the new plug, made himself comfortable and pushed it in. It still hurt and he had to go slowly, but it was easier this time. And once it was in, rather than feeling like he might rip apart if he made any sudden moves, it was kind of nice.
He rolled onto his side and began stroking himself. He was not thinking about Sebastian pumping into him or bending him over various pieces of furniture. Nor was he picturing Sherlock. Remembering the burning pain the first time he took him or lying in the dark that night, trying not to cry.
This time the pain lasted less than a day and the next morning he slipped the plug in again. This wasn't going to work for long, but surely he wouldn't keep needing it. Just until he'd gotten the last lingering bits of Sherlock out of his system.
By the sixth day, he decided he was ready to move on and went into the studio, figuring he could convince Angelo to let him do an easy project. Just some promotional stuff or something. With anyone but Sebastian.
"Hey, Jim!"
Closing his eyes, Jim took a deep breath. Of course he'd be hanging around the studio. He'd be eager to learn more about the business. So Jim put on his polite smile, turning to face Sebastian. "Hi..."
"How are you doing?"
"I'm great," Jim said. "How about you? Have you heard anything from editing?"
"I did," Sebastian said. "And they love it. Well, the guy I spoke to did, what was his name, Raoul. He said he believed people were going to like it because it was so different from what UMQRA usually does. So... We better start planning. I'm definitely looking forward to working with you again." He grinned.
"Yeah... About that..." Jim tried not to squirm. The way Sebastian was smiling at him. He really meant it. "I was thinking... Maybe it would be better if we didn't. For your sake. You've got your career to think about. You should try other partners. Show your range." Jim himself had made the mistake of only working with one actor and look where that had landed him.
Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "It would make two films. And they'd be very different. The audience might not even see that we're the same guys. Besides, before we filmed the coffee thing, Angelo said he considered letting me do something with Tony, so no need to worry about me being tied to you all the time."
"Oh. Okay." Jim had kind of agreed to working with him again. "So what did you have in mind? If Angelo lets you do your own thing?"
"Well... I was thinking of something in the line of my previous job," Sebastian admitted. "If you'd be okay with that, of course. But I am sure you'd be amazing in it. And it would mean a lot to me, actually. There are so many of those films that just get it completely wrong. Give the wrong idea about the whole SM community. We often had to stop people at the club and remind them that they weren't in a porn movie... So I'd love to set that right, I guess."
Jim rolled his eyes, but he had to admit to himself that he was intrigued. "I'll need to know more before I agree to anything. Do you have a script?"
"How about I show it to you tonight when we have that second drink?" Sebastian suggested.
"Show me?" Jim couldn't help but smile. "That does sound interesting."
"Well, I actually meant show you the script, but of course actually showing you is a much better idea." Sebastian smirked. "My place, then?"
"Prat," Jim said, laughing. "Just bring the bloody script. Same time and place?"
"Alright," Sebastian said. "That's a date."
"No, it's not!"
…
"So... What do you think?" Sebastian asked as Jim turned the last page.
"I don't know," Jim said. "It's basically just shagging but with one of them tied up... I don't think it'll really interest the viewers unless they're already into that stuff. It's not really sexy, is it?"
Sebastian raised his eyebrows. "Really? Everyone with either a dominant or submissive nature will love it. I mean, the sub's completely defenceless. He has to trust the dom with everything!"
"No, he doesn't," Jim said. "There's a safe word. And they clearly agreed on the rules before starting. And what's with all that soppy stuff at the end? Why would anyone want to do that? Or watch it?"
Sebastian let out a deep sigh. "Great. You've also taken on porn as your great SM source." He shook his head. "If you'd ever been in that position, you would know why the safeword is there. And you still need to trust the dom to actually stop when you say it, don't you? And aftercare... How long would their relationship last after all that humiliation, if they could never admit to each other that they really care and don't do this just to hurt or get hurt?"
Sebastian's words hit Jim deep. He knew exactly how it felt. To want the sex to stop while his partner just kept going. To have the person you trusted use and humiliate you. And then just cast you aside. Ignore you while you fought alone through the pain.
"You don't care," Jim muttered. "All those people at the club... You were just using each other. Your way is no better than..." His breath caught in his throat and he reached for his beer.
Sebastian actually straightened up, his eyes flaming. "You think we don't make the same agreements before we start? That I just abused people for a living?"
"No!" Jim gasped, shocked at his reaction. "I meant the other part. The comforting and bonding..."
"Of course it's different when you're not actually in a relationship," Sebastian said, seeming to calm down a little but still looking fierce. "But even then you need to make sure people don't go home feeling like they're less than you just because they were in another role. They need to feel good, after all the pain and humiliation. Safe. So many people come to the club because they just don't want to think for a while. Because they can put it all in our hands after a day full of responsibilities and stress."
Jim didn't respond. This conversation was stirring up feelings that he had fought so hard to put behind him. "I guess..." he said. "I don't know if it will translate to film, though."
"I believe it will," Sebastian said. "And if I have the chance, I'll show it."
Jim just nodded and looked down at his hands. Neither of them spoke for a long time and when they did, they both avoided the topic. After some failed attempts at small talk, Sebastian said he had to get going and Jim agreed that it was getting late.
…
That night, Jim had trouble falling asleep. There were just too many things that he did not want to think about, trying to push their way into his mind. He tried fighting them off, but as he finally drifted into a restless sleep, the thoughts became dreams and he was trapped. Quite literally, as he found himself spread out on a bed, his arms and legs pulled apart by ropes, biting into his skin.
"It hurts," he whispered, but he was alone. No one responded.
And then he wasn't alone. There was someone with him in the dark. Someone warm and smooth. Beautiful. Someone who was touching him with gentle hands. At first the hands were just caressing him. Stroking his arms, his legs, his chest and sides gently. Jim closed his eyes and sighed. It felt good. And made the pain from the ropes fade into the background.
The touches grew more intimate and Jim felt his body getting aroused. "Nice…" he mumbled, smiling at the unseen lover. He tried moving, inviting their touch, but the ropes seemed to tighten and he could do nothing but lie there and just receive.
It was frustrating, but also kind of nice. It made him feel safe. Taken care of. Then lips covered his. Soft lips. Sherlock!
The kiss was slow, tender, passionate. Hot. The kind of kiss you could wait a lifetime for. Jim moaned and nibbled at Sherlock's lips, wanting to pull him close. To press their bodies together. To feel their skin touch. But the ropes held him down and Sherlock stayed distant.
Jim began begging. "Please… Touch me. Sherlock. Please. I need you."
"I need you too," Sherlock answered, his voice low and soft like velvet. "We are perfect together. We can do anything. Together." He kissed Jim again and finally lowered himself down so he was resting on him, lips to lips, chest to chest, hip to hip. "Will you help me, Jim? Will you stay with me? You and me."
"Yes!" Jim cried. "You and me."
Sherlock began moving then, grinding against him and for a while everything was heat and touch, skin against skin, and low shuddering breaths. The pleasure was intense. There was pain too, but not a specific pain. Jim could not determine what was hurting and why. So he ignored it, instead rolling his hips up to meet Sherlock's thrusts. It was utter bliss.
Then suddenly Sherlock cried out and spilled between them. Over and over again. And it was like liquid fire. It hurt so bad. Jim twisted and writhed, trying to escape the pain, but Sherlock held him down. And then it was just the ropes. And then they were gone too. Jim was alone. Completely alone on a large bed in a dark room. Curling up on himself, Jim cried. Trembled and sobbed until he finally woke himself up.
…
They were back in Angelo's office, this time fully dressed and, at least for Jim's part, quite determined not to make eye contact.
"You were right," Angelo told Jim. "People are pretty eager to win an exclusive, signed pre-release version of Relevé. The issue's out for three days and we've already received fifty reviews."
"And what do they say?" Sebastian asked, impatience clear in his voice.
"It varies," Angelo said. "A few said it was too messy. Too aggressive, according to some. But most…" He sighed. "Well, I must admit I lost the bet. They seem to like it. 'Indescribably hot', 'holy fuck', 'best wank in a while'..."
He pushed over the stack of forms and Sebastian picked them up and thumbed through them with a growing grin.
"Relevé is finished?" Jim asked. "When did that happen? Who's been doing the editing?" His hands were clenching the armrests of his chair so tightly it hurt. He had hoped the film would be pushed back because of the issues with the last scenes. Maybe dropped altogether.
"Oh, it's not completely finished," Angelo answered. "The winner will have to wait a couple of weeks before getting the prize. But it'll be worth it…"
"One of yours, then?" Sebastian asked, smiling. "No wonder they're doing their best to win. They'll be happy to know they made another film with you happen through these." He held up the reviews.
"I doubt that's why they want it," Jim muttered. "Let me see those." He reached for the forms.
"This means we can do it, right?" Sebastian asked Angelo as Jim started reading. "The script I chose? Or do we need to wait until the deadline of the contest?"
"Of course I will have to see the script first," Angelo said. "Make sure it's all doable. And… Jim, are you sure you want to do another film with Sebastian so soon?"
Jim shrugged. "It's not like you've got anything else lined up for me, is it?"
"Not immediately…" Angelo said, frowning a little.
"Then I might as well. I can't just sit around doing nothing. My boss might decide I'm not worth my pay." Jim got to his feet, tossing the stack of papers on Angelo's desk. "Let me know when he okays the script," he told Sebastian. "I'll start memorising my lines."
"Wait!" Sebastian called, coming after Jim as soon as he'd left Angelo's office. "Jim… Are you okay? You know you don't have to do this film, right?"
"If I want to work, I have to," Jim said. And then added: "And I do want to work. Even if it means letting you tie me up and fuck me. So let me know when and where, so we can get on with it."
Something shifted in Sebastian's eyes. "Jim..."
"Don't worry," Jim huffed, not wanting to hear whatever BDSM dogma Sebastian would spout this time. "I'll make it look good." He turned and walked away as fast as he could.
That night, Jim relived the filming of Relevé in his dream. Not every single shot, but the kissing. The dancing. And the time between filming, spending every waking moment with Sherlock. In his arms. Being so happy. Being so in love.
The next day, he went running for the first time in ages. Music blasting in his ears, he circled Hyde Park, not stopping until his muscles were burning. He limped home, indulged in a very long, very scented bath and then stumbled into bed, sleeping for almost fourteen hours.
No dreams.
He started either going to the gym or running in the park every day and found the physical exhaustion calming. He was actually feeling quite good. Until Sebastian called.
"Hey. How are you? You weren't at the studio so I asked Angelo for your number. Hope you don't mind..."
"Of course not," Jim said. "So are we doing the film? Your script?"
"Yes," Sebastian said. "Angelo actually liked it. Scheduled the filming next week. Will you be coming over one of these days so we can start preparing?"
"Coming over? You mean... your place?" He'd never been to Sherlock's flat. Not once. "Can't we just meet at the studio? That's where we usually go over lines and stuff. And we'll need the set to plan angles and positions."
"Sure, we can do it there, but I was thinking you might want a little more privacy," Sebastian replied. "It's the first time you'll be doing something like this, so... I think we should really rehearse this one. All of it."
"Oh..." Jim's mind went blank for a moment. "We don't... We don't usually do that. Just talk it over. To make sure we're on the same page. So to speak." He had no idea why he said the next bit. "But I see your point. So... Maybe meet tonight? After the others have gone home."
"Okay. That's a date." Sebastian chuckled. "What we'll be doing will be sort of fitting for a third date, I guess."
"It's not a date." Jim ended the call before Sebastian could hear him giggle.
What the hell had he done now? He should just call Sebastian back and tell him to meet him tomorrow during the day so they could do this the normal way. But he had been the one to suggest it. And he had read the script. There was nothing really bad in there. And even if things got out of hand, he could just tell Sebastian to stop.
He checked the time. He had better start getting ready. Humming to himself, he found the lube and the big plug.