A/N: I wasn't going to post this until the weekend, but the sun is shining, I've got a day off & I was feeling generous...Hope you like it :)
Suddenly the world seemed to fall away under his feet. "What?" His head snapped back and forth between Halstead and Lindsay and he swayed a little when it finally dawned on him that this was no joke. "What the fuck?"
Maggie stepped forward and rested a hand on his arm. "She's down in the room on the left."
For a moment his feet felt like they were nailed to the spot. He couldn't move and his mind spun wildly as he was trying to get the words straight in his head. "What?" he repeated.
Halstead reached out and grabbed onto him trying to bring him back from wherever his mind was spinning off to. "Ruzek. You can help her."
"What did he do?" The words finally sunk in. "What did Roman do?"
"Go talk to her Man."
Halstead lowered himself onto the couch as soon as Ruzek headed towards the bedroom. Erin perched herself next to him and slipped an arm across his shoulder. "How are you?"
"Man, this is all bullshit." He leant back and folded his arms behind his head. He was agitated and angry. "How? How did we miss this? How did we not know?"
"It's not like we deliberately ignored it. We haven't seen much of them lately. Now we know why. We thought it was just because things were awkward with her and Ruzek now she was with Roman." Erin was trying keep everything under control. They had to focus on their job. True, it wasn't just any case but that made it all the more important that they stayed on course.
"I hate this for Kim, I hate this for Ruzek."
"I do too."
Adam pushed open the door slowly and stood in the doorway watching her for a moment. His heart was in his throat and he felt like he was going to vomit, he had no idea what to expect. Kim was curled up on the bed and she looked as beautiful as ever. All he could see a dressing on her chest and an IV bung in her hand, there were no bruises or cuts to her face and he felt the breath he had been holding leave his lungs. Her eyes were closed but her face was streaked with tears, like she had been crying for hours. Only once had he seen that before, the night after they had spent all day trapped in that warehouse. He crouched down beside the bed and tentatively reached out and brushed the hair away from her face. "Kim."
Her eyes flew open and he was startled by the look of fear on her face, it was that same look she gave him when he approached her in the locker room after the recent shooting. Her eyes were wild. "Adam." She eventually whispered. "How?"
"Doesn't matter. Are you okay?"
"No." He kept stroking her face lightly. Kim closed her eyes; she couldn't look at him but for just a moment she wanted to feel him touching her again. It felt familiar and more importantly it made her feel safe and lately when anyone touched her she felt anything but safe. "I'm so sorry."
"Shhh, it's not your fault." He felt his fingers tingle. To be touching her again was so bittersweet.
"For us."
"Not now Kim." He choked on the words a little. "What happened?"
"It's so screwed up."
"What did he do?" Adam demanded softly.
"He threw hot coffee at me. It got infected and when I collapsed at work they took me to hospital." Adam felt his barely contained rage bubbling to the surface and he felt every muscle in his body tighten.
"What else?"
"He tried to break my hand. A few weeks ago."
"And?"
Kim didn't answer she just closed her eyes and let the feeling of having him close calm her. How had she got it so wrong? After all that had happened he still had her back. He still cared and she had stomped all over his heart. Sure he wasn't perfect but time and distance and experience had led her to know that he was perfect for her and she had thrown all that away. For what?
Never in her wildest dreams did she think he would be here. His hand moved to her hip and he rested his head on the bed as he tried to control all his emotions. Hurt, anger, frustration, despair and pure rage swirled through him. He didn't know he had that depth of rage in him and trying to control it was hard.
He stayed with her until her breath evened out and she fell asleep.
"How's Kim?" Erin jumped up and tried to offer him some support when he came out.
"Asleep." He brushed her off and was pacing around the room, they could all sense that he was a tightly wound coil and it was just a matter of time until he snapped. "How long?" he eventually exploded.
Jay tried to keep his voice calm, letting his own anger show was not going to help them keep Ruzek under control. "Not long. Will bought it up a few weeks ago when she hurt her hand but she blew it off. It wasn't until yesterday when she was taken to hospital that we figured it out."
"Why the fuck didn't you tell me?" Anger was dripping out of every pore. He wasn't just angry at Roman, he was angry at everyone.
"Because we didn't want you going off all half cocked at Roman and putting Burgess at more risk. When we figured it out our first priority was that we needed to make sure Kim was safe and away from him."
"Where is the fucking prick now?
"We don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know?" he screamed at them. He turned to Erin "Can you stay with Kim?" he snapped as he started heading to the door. Halstead stood in his way. "Move."
"No. I can't let you go." Ruzek tried to push him out to the way but Halstead stood his ground. "Ruzek, just cool it. You are better off here, looking after Kim. He doesn't know where she is and we are going to find him. Voight and Al are all over it."
He pointed down the hallway. "That's Kim in there. He abused…" he gasped for air. "..Kim, he hurt….her." The longer he spoke the more he struggled to breathe, he felt like he had an elephant sitting on his chest. "I loved her and she left me for a guy who hurt her, who abused her. What else did he do?" He swung around to face Halstead. "You know don't you?"
"She hasn't said much else."
"Did he rape her?" Ruzek couldn't believe those words came out of his mouth. He tried to soften them. "Did he force her to have sex with him?" It hurt to say them, and he suddenly felt like he was being stabbed in the chest and he bent over and took a few deep breaths. He saw Halstead, Lindsay and Maggie all look at each other. "Did he? If he did I will kill him."
"We don't know. Kim hasn't said a lot yet. Once she's awake I'll talk to her."
"I'll do it."
"No you won't." Erin stepped forward. "You know you can't be in there."
"I'm not leaving her."
"I know Adam. You can stay here but I will talk to her." Erin stood her ground. Mouse had taken off back to the District with Kim's phone. It would be easier to track from there. He had been more than a little shocked by the news. He didn't have an issue with Roman; he had always been pretty cool with him until now. Now he was going to do whatever he needed to do to help them find him.
Ruzek staggered to the couch and sat down heavily when he felt like his legs were about to give out and dropped his head into his hands. Halstead sat next to him and rested a hand around his shoulders. "It's okay man, let it go." And he held on tight to his mate as he sobbed his heart out.
As soon as Lindsay had left the District with Ruzek and Mouse Voight pulled the whiteboard to the centre of the room and taped two photos to the board. "What the hell?" Atwater's jaw dropped as he looked at the photos that Voight put up. He couldn't believe that he was looking at Burgess and Roman.
"We need to find Sean Roman." Voight spoke before turning around.
"You are kidding me?" Antonio finally found his voice.
"I wish I was." Voight faced them and shook his head sadly. "The woman we have in protective custody is Burgess."
The silence was deafening. "What?" Antonio stood with his hands on his hips: this had to be a joke, right? Except why would they joke about something like this? He looked from Voight to Al.
"I'll fucking kill him." Atwater roared as he stood up so quickly that his chair crashed to the floor. He was literally shaking and he slammed both of his hands onto his desk sending half its content scattering.
"It's a long line." Voight muttered.
"Where's Burgess now?" Antonio was trying to get his head around it while Atwater cooled down.
"She's safe. She's with Halstead, Lindsay and Ruzek."
"They knew? What did he do?"
"Halstead came to me this morning with his concerns. His brother had been worried because of a few injuries that Burgess had come in with so Halstead got her away from Roman with the help of Will and Maggie at Med. Lindsay took Ruzek over to see her. He had no idea until then but I knew he wouldn't be able to control himself; he's no good to us while we are trying to find Roman. It was better that he was there to help Burgess."
"I know what he'd do to that piece of shit and I'll happily do it for him." Atwater didn't even bother to keep his voice down.
"And the same goes for you." He looked at Atwater. "If you can't control yourself you are no good to us. We are doing this straight down the line." Voight was adamant as much as he agreed with Atwater. "Trust me it will take all my willpower not to beat the shit out of him but for Kim's sake he needs to be handled right so that there is no way he wriggles off the hook. He's cooked and the thing is he probably knows it so this isn't going to be easy. He's a smart cop, he knows how we work."
Atwater nodded. "Is Kim okay?"
"She is and she is being well cared for."
"What'd he do?"
Voight looked over his shoulder as Commander Crowley came up the stairs. "Not now Kev." Before they disappeared into his office. Al stayed behind and filled them both in on what they knew so far. "We know he's been at Burgess's place looking for her."
It was now Antonio's turn to lose it. "He's a cop. You know I'd take a dirty cop over this any day."
Ruzek paced back and forth in the lounge room while Erin and Maggie spoke to Kim. Halstead sat and watched him but he didn't say much. Even when he tried to talk to him his answers were almost monosyllabic.
Erin was worried that Kim was going to back out as she tried to talk it down a little. Erin kept pushing though; she wasn't going to let him off, none of them were. "Kim, I have to ask." She squeezed her hand. "Did Roman ever force you to have sex with him?"
"No." but her voice wobbled and she started to sob harder. "I don't know."
'What does that mean?"
"I guess there were a few times that I didn't want to but he kept going. But you don't always feel like it, in any relationship. I am sure there are times you don't really feel like it with Jay."
"True, but Kim this is not like that. He had no right to force you. That's sexual assault."
"No Erin, No." she sat up suddenly and protested painfully.
"Hey. Hey" Erin pulled her against her chest. "I can only imagine how horrific this has been for you, but you are a strong beautiful woman that has so many people ready to help you. We want to make sure he doesn't get away with anything and has no chance of hurting you or anyone else again. You can put a stop to it, I know you can do this and we'll all be here for you. All of us."
"Please Erin, I'll admit to the burn and my hand but I won't say that he forced me to have sex. You and I both know proving that when you are in a relationship is almost impossible."
'It shouldn't stop you."
"No." she said adamantly.
"Okay." They moved on and finished off her statement. But Erin wasn't giving up on that. She'd give her time and then came at it again. Too many women let men get away with it because it was hard to prove, she was right about that. However if nobody took a stance nothing would change.
"Is Adam still here?"
"He is. Do you want to see him?"
"No. I don't know. This is all such a mess. I treated him so badly."
"It has been a mess but he's here because he cares. You know that and I doubt that's changed in the last hour."
"Hey." He said softly as he came and sat on the bed beside her. "You okay?"
"Not really." Kim took a deep breath. "Thank you." Her voice was barely above a whisper. "Thank you for being here for me. You didn't have to, I wouldn't blame you if you left and never came back. After everything I've done to you. I don't know why you keep coming back."
"Because you are hurt." He wanted to tell her it was because he still loved her, no matter how hard he had tried to stop. No matter how many times she'd kicked him in the balls but he couldn't tell her that.
"I can't believe how much of a mess I've made of everything."
"This thing with Roman, the abuse it's not your fault."
"I know, but I knew about his temper before I got involved with him."
"Kim, he's not going to hurt you again. I promise you that. You've got the whole of the District behind you. They'll all support you."
"And you."
"I've told you before, whatever you need. I've got your back." Again he sat with her, his hand resting on her leg until she fell asleep. Maggie promised to stay with her and tell her that he would be back soon if she woke. He needed to go and talk to Voight. He needed to know what was going on.
Halstead reminded him not to do anything stupid. If he did and Roman walked he would never forgive himself. Antonio jumped up from his desk when he saw him come up the stairs.
"How's Burgess? How are you?"
"Burgess is okay, she's sleeping. Me…" he shrugged. "I don't know. I am finding it hard to get my head around it all, it fells like I'm in some horror movie."
"If you need anything, let me know." Antonio could see that he was itching to talk to Voight. "If you feel like you are spinning, you come to me. If you want to hit something, anytime of the day or night you call, okay?"
Voight was surprised to see him. "You don't have to be here."
"I want to know what's going on. Have you found him yet?"
"No and you know you can't be involved."
"Why not?"
"You are too close to this. You know that."
"Just tell me what's going on and I'll leave. I owe it to Burgess. I couldn't protect her from this I can do this for her now."
"Adam." Voight came and put his hand on his shoulder. "None of this is your fault. None of it. Choices were made, things happened. The only person to blame for this is Sean Roman. No-one else, not Burgess, not you."
"I know but it doesn't make me feel any better. I let her go and basically pushed her into his bed and look what happened? If I'd fought harder for her none of this would have happened."
"Not to Kim but it would have happened to someone else."
"Yeah, sure but it's Kim. He did this to Kim." That elephant was back again and he pressed his hands to his eyes. He was stronger than this; he didn't want to cry in front of his boss. "Where the fuck is he?"
"We don't know yet but we have a lot of people out looking. Patrol is all over it, they are watching his house, Kim's house and yours." Voight watched as a confused look came over him.
"Mine? Why?"
"Because, for some reason Burgess thinks that he has it in for you. He thinks she is still in love with you. Because he's unhinged and he's asshole, but he's also a cop and he's is a damn good one."
"I'm not scared of him. If you think he'll come after me let him come."
"We are not there yet." Voight held up both his hands to stop him. He knew it was a possibility that they may have to use Ruzek as bait but not until they had exhausted every other avenue. "If you want to protect Burgess from him you need to be smart. I need you to go back and look after Burgess."
He agreed reluctantly that the best place for him was with Kim. She was asleep when he got back to Maggie's. "How's she been?" he asked Maggie as she handed him a coffee.
"Not too bad." She took a seat opposite Adam. "What's going on with you two?"
"Nothing." He shrugged. "I have no idea. I'm not sure what happened but it's over between us and she moved on."
"Do you really believe that? Then why are you here?"
"I'm here because I still care about her a lot, I can't help myself but she made it perfectly clear that she wanted something else, that she didn't love me and I need to accept that and move on too. Doesn't mean I ever wanted to see her hurt like this."
"I think you'd be surprised by what she wants."
"It's not the time." He wearily pushed himself out of the chair. "Anyway, I'm going to sit with her for a while."
Kim was fast asleep. He touched her face lightly before sitting down on the floor beside the bed. He rested his back against the mattress and closed his eyes. He was surprised that he dozed off because when he wasn't the greatest of sleepers and when he was this worked up about something basically an insomniac. It was his phone buzzing in his pocket that woke him. He stole a quick look at Kim who was still sleeping and slipped out of the room.
It was Voight. "Can you come in?"
"Sure. What's up?"
"Roman has been calling Burgess and he seems to think that she is with you. We think he's going after you." Mouse had tracked his phone to Ruzek's address. It had taken him a while, he was smart enough to turn off his GPS but Mouse was onto that from the start and worked his magic.
"Ha, she is with me." He chuckled despite the seriousness of what was happening. "I am on my way."
When he arrived at the District everyone was waiting for him. "How's Burgess?" Lindsay asked.
"She's still sleeping. I think Maggie gave her something."
They had a plan. Ruzek was to go home, as bait. They had a patrol officer from another District with a similar build and colouring to Burgess that he would arrive with to look like Kim was with him, they had found some of her clothes in her locker for her to wear. They believed it was there best chance to draw him out of whatever shadow he was hiding in.
"Vest up." Voight told him.