He went back to Maggie's while they took Roman in. He had begged Voight to let him be there for his Interrogation but he point blank refused. "I am not letting you anywhere near him. You are too worked up. Let us handle it. You know the best place for you right now is with Burgess." Kim was awake now and they were sitting up talking. She had been disappointed when Maggie told her that Adam had been and gone while she slept. "Can you give us a minute?" he asked Maggie.
"What is it?"
"He's in custody." Adam didn't sit; he rocked back and forth on his heels. His arms were folded across his chest like he was trying to protect himself from her, from everything. He was still worked up and the adrenaline was still coursing through his veins.
"How? What did he say?"
"Nothing, he said nothing." Kim was a little unnerved by the intensity of his gaze. "I don't know if he's talked yet. They won't let me near him and I wanted to come here and let you know, so that you can stop worrying."
"Where was he?"
"Doesn't matter, all that matters is that he can't hurt you again." He closed his eyes then quickly added. "or anyone else." There was no way he was going to tell her that Roman had gone after him. It had certainly rattled him but he knew, without a shadow of a doubt that he would do this for her. He would risk his life for her and that made him even more confused. He honestly didn't know which way was up at the moment.
Early the next morning Ruzek found himself in front of the holding cell. He shoved his hands deep in his pockets. They were shaking but not from fear, they were shaking in rage and seeing him bought it all rushing to the surface.
"What the fuck do you want?" Roman sneered at him.
Ruzek rolled his shoulders to try to release some of the tension. He'd been awake most of the night. Initially he sat with Kim while she cried and then while she slept. Finally had then tossed and turned on the floor beside her and eventually left Maggie's in the early hours of the morning and after a run and a shower he was now here, looking at the man who had shattered his whole world. "Why? Why would you hurt her?"
He took some kind of satisfaction from Roman's black eye. When Ruzek opened his door and faced Roman for the first time he felt his lips twitch into a painful smile. Roman saw the strange woman with him, he was stunned briefly and frozen to the spot then Voight and Olinsky appeared from behind Ruzek and he turned quickly, realising he'd been set up only to run head long into Antonio's fist. He was pretty sure he would have a nice little bruise on his back where Atwater dropped his knee into him as they handcuffed him and took very little care in dragging him down the stairs. Ruzek had watched from the doorway, strangely detached from it all.
"I don't need to tell you anything."
"No, true." He turned to leave before turning back. "Was it worth it? Did it make you feel like a man?"
"You know what? It's pathetic, you pretending that you care. It was so easy to convince her to dump you. She's so gullible it's quite sad really. It was a snap…" He clicked his fingers. ".to convince her that you didn't want to marry her. Ask about the 'push test', you'll see how stupid she is and after that it didn't take much to get her in my bed."
"Is that all you've got? I wonder how much of a man you'll feel when you are in Gen Pop and they find out you are a cop who beats up on women. They'll be licking their lips in anticipation. We'll see how much of a man you are then."
"You and I both know this won't stick. She's weak as piss."
The hairs on the back of his neck stood up. He wasn't expecting this."Typical fucking coward."
"And you are a gutless prick. Why don't you come in here and say that?"
'You are so not worth it." He walked away. It took everything he had to walk away. He had looked him in the eye. He wasn't sure why he needed too? Perhaps he wanted to see some regret, but there was none. He sounded like he hated her. Where was the remorse? Why wasn't he begging for forgiveness? Why wasn't he sorry that he had hurt her? Why didn't he love her, like he did? How the fuck had they all been duped by this guy for so long?
"Neither was she." Roman yelled after him but Ruzek didn't break stride. The guard nodded and patted him on the back on the way out.
He left the building; he couldn't stay in there any longer. Suddenly all the walls were closing in around him and he jumped in this truck and just drove. How he ended up by the lake he wasn't sure but looking out over the still water provided some relief from his torment. These past couple of days had thrown up so many emotions and taken him places that he never thought he could go. For the first time in his life he wanted to physically do harm, serious harm to someone. Sure he'd been pushed to the edge on several occasions in this job and it was only those metal bars that were keeping him from doing that kind of harm to Roman.
Adam knew he should have been thinking about Kim and he should be there for her like he promised he would be. His mind wouldn't let him though, not yet. Roman had said something. 'It was easy to convince her that you didn't want to marry her…' Was that it? Was that why she gave him back his ring? Did Roman manipulate her, screw with her mind? When did that start? What did he say to her? He always trusted him to have her back when they were on Patrol, but he had screwed him over and he had no idea why. What the fuck was going on?
In all the months since she called it off she never once explained to him the reasons why. That night when he blew off the dinner with her mother he felt like a dick because of it. She just dumped him without a reason then and there and walked away, she never even gave him a chance to try and explain. That was the only thing he could think of. And the push test? What the fuck was that? Stupidly he googled it and nothing came up. He threw his phone across the dash of this truck and started pounding his steering wheel and screaming in frustration until his hands ached.
Kim almost jumped out of her skin when they heard a knock on the door. Maggie squeezed her shoulder lightly as she got up to answer it. They hadn't talked much today; Kim seemed lost in her own world today and Maggie did wonder what was going through her head. Every so often she would ask something or mention a conversation or moment with Sean but for the most she was quiet.
Kim stood up when she saw Voight. "How are you doing?"
"I'm feeling better." Her hands were trembling and she clasped them tightly together so that Voight wouldn't see it. "Thank you for everything."
But he did. "Kim." He held both her hands to stop them shaking and encouraged her to sit. "I wish I'd known earlier. We would have kept you safe."
"I know but I didn't know what to do. Everything got so far out of control and I felt powerless. I guess I now understand how all those women we help feel."
"We always think we know how we will handle any given situation, reality is so much different." God knows there were situations that he had found himself in that required a different reaction to the one he ended up going with. He was trying to work on that, like yesterday he wanted to introduce Roman to the inside of the cage but everyone was watching this case. Commander Crowley was two foot up his backside from the moment she found out about it and again he had to fight to keep it under Intelligence's control. He promised her that once they had Roman he would hand it over to IA. He would also never forgive himself if Roman walked. His team wouldn't forgive him either and he couldn't expect Ruzek to toe the line if he wasn't willing to do it himself.
"And I couldn't come to Intelligence because of Adam. After everything I did to him and I know that Intelligence was his team, that they were on his side."
"He would have done the right thing. He never would have turned his back on you if you were being hurt. None of us would have."
"I know. I know that but at the time…" her voice trialled off. "Where is Sean?"
"Roman is in custody. He's had bailed denied. He's pissed off a lot of people. He's already been stripped of his badge and more importantly he can't hurt you or anyone else again." Voight let her rest her head on his shoulder and he pressed a tender kiss on her head.
After a few moments she lifted her head and wiped away her tears. "How's Adam?"
"He's pretty angry. I know he went to see Roman this morning."
"He didn't do anything stupid did he?"
"No. Surprisingly he listened. He's being smart for once. Gotta give him credit for that, I didn't think he had it in him. He's taken this pretty hard."
He may have been smart but where was he? He promised to come back and so far she had heard nothing from him. Voight had handed her back her phone but there was nothing, no messages from Adam. There were plenty of messages from everyone else checking in on her. They had also wiped all the messages from Roman.
Perhaps he had decided that it was all too much. Of course he said all the right things earlier and although she told him that she wouldn't blame him if he didn't come back it was breaking her heart all over again that he seemed to be taking up her offer to walk away. Why would he come back though? She had done nothing over the past few months to make him think she still cared about him. The problem was she still cared, far too much and she had tried to push away those feelings and it ended in disaster. It ended with her sitting here, alone and battered both physically and emotionally.
It wasn't long after Voight left that Atwater came to see her. Kim realised that she had all these people who could have helped her and she'd shut them out. As her patrol partner Atwater had always had her back, but unlike Roman he had no ulterior motives. He had been and always would be a friend, the best kind of friend; one who didn't want anything in return.
"The problem with Ruzek right now is that he blames himself." Kim finally asked about Adam. Atwater had cornered him before he saw Roman. Voight had also clued him in on Adam's current state of mind, that he was blaming himself for letting this happen and wanted Kevin to keep an eye on him. He made sure that all of Intelligence had his back. "He needs us, even if he doesn't know it yet. If he gets into trouble I'm coming for all of you." He pointed at all of them.
"For what?" Kim was a little surprised.
"All of it I guess." Atwater shrugged. He had tried to talk him down but that was easier said than done. Nobody was getting through to him, perhaps the only person who could do that was sitting here with him right now.
"None of this is his fault."
"That's not how he is seeing things right now." Atwater slung his arm over the back of the couch. Kim curled her feet up beneath her and pressed herself deeper into the corner of the couch. "He seems to think that this only happened because you weren't still with him."
"Even that's not really his fault." She had gone through moments when she did blame Adam, it wasn't rational but while she was in the middle of it all she couldn't help but think if Adam hadn't let her go none of this would be happening. Those moments were fleeting but they still stung. "I didn't give him a chance or a choice. I gave him no explanation why I called it off. I listened to Roman and he filled my head with doubts about Adam. He hates him for some reason. None of what Roman did to me is his fault."
"I'm not the one you need to be telling this to."
"I wish I could, but he's avoiding me right now and I can't say I blame him for that."
"He's just processing things. You know what he's like? He'll stew over things and get it straight in his head; otherwise he's a loose cannon. You taught him that, to slow down and think." Atwater squeezed her leg lightly and he was surprised that she jumped a little at his touch. That prick had done a serious number on her. How he would love just another few minutes alone with him. The arrest had given both him and Antonio some satisfaction; they certainly didn't treat him with kid gloves. The cuffs were just that little bit too tight and Antonio's perfect right jab had laid him out. Atwater was glad that he had Antonio with him as they drove him back to the District because he wasn't quite sure he would have stayed on track. "Give him a chance."
"I know." Kim smiled but there was no joy in her face. "I just really wish he was here. I felt safe with him here, for the first time in a long time. You never really think about it, how safe you feel with someone until you no longer have it, until suddenly you are too scared to go home."
"He's been through the wringer too. Obviously nowhere near as much as you but it was tough for him. Putting himself out there as bait was a big call, we didn't know if he was going to be able to do it. It wasn't that he was scared of Roman I think he was scared of what he would do to him."
"What do you mean bait?"
"Last night, some of the messages on your phone led us to believe that he was going after Ruzek. He thought that was where you were, with him. Turns out that Roman did turn up at Ruzek's. That's where we got him."
"Adam didn't tell me that last night. Is he okay?"
"He is." Atwater suddenly looked guilty, perhaps he shouldn't have said anything. It was obvious that he wanted to keep that from her. Why he had no idea? Knowing Ruzek it would be because he didn't want her to know that he would still do anything for her.
Now that she had her phone back she called her sister. She had no idea how to even start to tell her what had happened.
"Kim, are you okay?" Amanda could hear some trepidation in her sister.
"I've been in hospital." Kim tried to ease into it.
"What? What happened?"
"I had a burn, it got infected. On my chest."
"God Kim, why didn't you call? I would have come down."
"It's okay. I couldn't call, I didn't have my phone." She knew she wasn't making sense. "My phone was taken off me."
Kim could hear Amanda starting to freak out. "Kim, what's going on?"
"Sean, he took my phone off me. Amanda, he's been arrested for assault."
"Kim, what?" She wasn't sure she heard right. "What do you mean? Who did he assault?"
"Me, he assaulted me. Sean has been abusing me, for the last month or so. Someone at work found out and now they have arrested Sean and I'm okay."
"How can you be okay?" Amanda shrieked. It was a long and emotional conversation. Maggie had gone out and left Kim alone. She didn't need people constantly listening to all her private conversations. Amanda wanted to come and get her immediately but she needed to finish off her course of IV anti-biotics and she really wanted to see Adam. She couldn't go away without talking to him so they agreed on the weekend.
Adam didn't go back to see her. He couldn't face her, not yet. This had been the worst few days of his life and that was saying something because he'd had some pretty crappy ones lately. "Hey." He called her though. "How you doing today?" He sounded tired and spoke softly.
"I'm okay." The silence was awkward and they had never been like that before. "I'll be glad when I am done with these Meds though. They are making me feel like crap."
"Do you need anything?" Her head was screaming, yes. She needed him but that would probably make him run a mile. "No, thank you though. Maggie's been great." Again the silence was painful and prolonged. "Voight and Atwater came by."
"That's good." He paused for a moment. "I'm sorry I didn't come back."
"I understand."
"No, it's just…" she could hear him struggling to even speak. "I went and saw Roman."
"I heard. Are you okay?"
"Not really. I wanted to know why he did it."
"Adam…."
He interrupted her. "Kim. Tomorrow okay. We'll talk tomorrow." Adam needed time, he needed to get his head around all of this and he couldn't be near her to do that.