Sebastian spent the next few minutes wandering around. He stepped out into the cold January air briefly to find a small stray cat and bring it inside. He then returned to his bedroom, sitting on his bed with the cat cradled in his arms like an infant.
"Where to go from here? I can't let any of them know I'm any different and wrong. I need to act like I'm not completely fine, health wise. I need to play along for just a little bit." Sebastian thought aloud, looking down at the small cat his arms, gently stroking it's belly. "What about master, though? He's got a lot of intelligence in that little body. He'll see right through me. Will he still want me around if I'm not the man he originally hired anymore? If he decided to get rid of me…"
Sebastian trailed off at that, quickly coming to the realization that he had absolutely nothing outside that house. He had no family left to comfort him, no wealth or anything to fall back on. He had no friends, and he knew he wouldn't be welcomed in the church. The world suddenly seemed a lot larger and scarier than he remembered it being, as he realized that he would never see his parents again. There would be no more visits or embarrassing stories. There wouldn't be anymore Easter or Christmas celebrations. His parents would never wish him a happy birthday ever again. He wouldn't be receiving any more personal letters from anyone in the mail, because they'd been the only people who'd ever written to him. His mother would never pet his hair or kiss him goodnight ever again, and he'd never feel the rush of pride when he heard his father call him 'my boy' ever again.
The next day, the Undertaker would come to retrieve the bodies, then the funeral would be a few days later. Sebastian would have to write and give a eulogy in front of the people who would show up. It would likely be a small group of people from the church and people his parents had worked with, along with himself and the other servants and Ciel. Then, it would all be over, and the last shreds of them would be gone from his life and he'd have to go back to his daily routine in the manor, because that manor was the only thing he truly had left anymore.
Sebastian clung close to the cat, laying down on his bed with it as he felt himself start to cry tearlessly. The only thing he had left was his life in that manor, and even that wasn't necessarily guaranteed anymore. Ciel had been good to him up until that point, but everybody had a breaking point. Sometime, Ciel would have to give up on him and stop being so kind all the time. He might throw him out and leave him completely on his own in his new body, without any semblance of a clue as to what he truly was and how that would affect his life from then on.
Eventually, Sebastian passed out from exhaustion, sleeping with the cat curled up next to him until he felt a hand gently shaking his shoulder.
"Mr. Sebastian? The doctor just got here. It's time to wake up, okay?" Finny said a bit timidly.
Sebastian hummed as he woke up, blinking awake to the sight of the blonde boy next to him, gently petting the cat on his bed as he watched him with his big eyes.
Finny blinked at the sight of the red irises that met his own, but just decided to brush it off. There was something about Sebastian that definitely seemed off, but he had no idea what it would be. Besides, he'd been told quite a bit that he wasn't too observant about most things. It was more than likely that Sebastian had always been that way and he'd just never noticed.
"How're you feeling, Mr. Sebastian?" Finny asked curiously, figuring it would be good to continue talking and keep the other man awake until the doctor came back to the room.
"Not amazing." Sebastian replied honestly. "Can you do me a favor quick?"
"What is it, Mr. Sebastian?" Finny asked, smiling a bit at the thought that he could be useful to the butler.
"This cat, can you put it in my wardrobe? If master sees it, he'll get angry and I don't want it to have to go back outside. The cold winter air isn't good for anyone, let alone a small animal."
Finny blinked at the request and smiled a bit before nodding. He quickly scooped up the cat and put it in the wardrobe gently, shutting the doors to it just as the doctor and Ciel walked into the room.
"Good morning, Mr. Michaelis. The earl says you're just in need of a regular checkup. However, since you were also the victim of a sexual assault, I'm going to have to do further examinations that are a bit more intrusive." The doctor said as he moved to get his things set up on the desk in the room.
Sebastian nodded in understanding, letting Finny help him up into a sitting position in the bed. Beside him, Ciel sneezed into his arm a few times.
The doctor started to run regular examinations on Sebastian, checking his heartbeat and breathing with the cold stethoscope pressed against his chest and his back. Ciel continued sneezing.
"If you'll excuse me." Ciel said between sneezes, walking out of the room to the hallway where his sinuses could clear up once again.
Sebastian opened his mouth, letting the doctor stick a thermometer underneath his tongue for a little bit before removing it and reading it.
"Well, you look like you're running a little hot, but you don't seem to be exhibiting any other symptoms that go with a fever. It might be that you're body temperature's a bit over the average, which is perfectly fine and normal." The doctor explained to him as he wiped off the thermometer. "Otherwise, you seem fine. There's no illnesses I can find. Now, onto the next portion of the examination. About how much pain are you in as of right now? Earl Phantomhive said you seemed to be in agony last night."
"My hips are a little sore, but that's it. Overall, I feel fine." Sebastian replied honestly.
"Alright. Well, I'm still going to have to check you over. I'll be as quick as possible, I promise." The doctor said, glancing over at the other servants in the room.
"I think that's our cue to leave them alone." Bard said, following Mey-Rin and Finny out of the room and shutting the door behind them to give Sebastian and the doctor their privacy.
Sebastian frowned a bit as he let the doctor guide him out of his bed and bent him over his desk. He closed his eyes and made himself focus on something else as he felt the doctor push his nightshirt up, spread his legs a bit wider and gently pull his cheeks apart to examine him.
"Nothing seems to be torn, thankfully. So you're fine externally. I'm going to have to check your prostate, though." The doctor said to him. "Just take a deep breath on three, alright?"
"Alright." Sebastian replied softly.
"One, two, three." The Doctor counted out before he slipped a finger into him, making Sebastian's breath hitch and his cheeks burn.
Sebastian did his best to keep quiet, though he couldn't really help himself when he felt a moan rise from the pit of his stomach as the doctor's finger pressed against the bundle of nerves.
"It's perfectly normal to make a noise, don't worry. Now, take another deep breath in and out." The doctor said to him, pulling the finger out as Sebastian exhaled.
Sebastian relaxed a bit when he felt the finger slide out and his nightshirt drop back down as the doctor backed away and let him sit back down on his bed.
"Well, everything seems perfectly fine, externally and internally. There's no tearing or rupturing that I can find. Physically, there's no trauma that can be found. However, that's just physically. There's not much that can be done about any trauma on your spirit, however. The only thing that will heal it will be surrounding yourself with positive and caring people and time. If it helps, you could always report the assault to the Scotland Yard. They might not be able to do much, but there's always the chance that they will." The doctor said to him easily.
"I don't think they'll be able to do anything. The perpetrators are long gone by now and I didn't even see their faces to begin with." Sebastian replied with a shake of his head.
"Alright. As for the pain, it will go away, likely before tomorrow. Just rest and lay low today."
Sebastian nodded and watched the doctor go to the door and exit the room, hearing him report everything to Ciel in the hallway, who just listened and nodded in understanding.
Ciel walked back into the room and went over to his butler on the bed, sitting down next to him. He opened his mouth to speak, getting cut off by a couple more sneezes.
"What is in here? Jesus Christ, it can't be that dusty." He asked, rubbing his nose. "Oh, sorry. I mean, It can't be that dusty."
"It's fine, I don't really care about it anymore, sir. You can say whatever you please." Sebastian replied softly to Ciel, glancing over when he saw the other's big blue eyes widen a bit in surprise.
"Are you okay? This seems really unlike you, Sebastian."
"With all due respect, sir, that's a really stupid question, don't you think? 'Am I okay?' I've done everything in my life to help my family and be a good boy. When I was old enough, I went to work in the bakery everyday, sacrificing my childhood for the sake of my family's income. When that wasn't enough, I sacrificed my body for the sake of my family's income. When even that wasn't enough, I came here to work for, sacrificing whatever left I had of my free will," Sebastian said, getting up from his seat on the bed and pacing around in front of the wide-eyed earl. "I've murdered and committed sin after sin for you, continuously tainting myself. And, just when I started to hope and pray that this will all be rewarded in the end, what happened? I saw my parents both murdered just before I sacrificed my body again for you. This is how God decides to reward me?"
"Sebastian…" Ciel said softly, watching his butler get visibly angrier and angrier.
"God holds no love for me anymore, if he ever did to begin with." Sebastian said, grabbing a vial of holy water he'd taken from home and throwing the thing against the wall as hard as he could, watching the glass and water explode against the wall and fall to the ground. "I'm damned. Likely since the day I was born."
Smashing the vial hadn't been enough to relieve his anger, so he took to his Bible next, unaware of the way his pupils changed to slits and his irises started to glow as he grabbed pages of the book and tore, letting them litter the floor. When he was satisfied with the amount of pages he'd torn, he grabbed them all and shoved them into the small fireplace in his room, the logs and pages catching fire without anything other than his own will.
"Sebastian, stop this!" Ciel finally said, grabbing his butler's wrist as the man grabbed the rosary on his nightstand, holding him firmly before he could toss the string of beads into the fire as well. "You're angry, I know. You're angry and you're hurting. Losing a parent is hard, and it's much worse when you lose both of them."
Sebastian listened to Ciel, letting the smaller man gently turn him around to face him rather than the fireplace. He looked down at the string of rosary beads in his hand, remembering how adamant his mother had been about making sure he had brought them to the manor.
"I'm not saying it's going to get any better anytime soon. It's going to hurt for a while. To lose your parents is one thing, losing your religion is another thing entirely. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to lose them both at once. But, destroying things won't help anything. The only thing you can do is carry on living. The world continues to turn and life carries on, even without them. It's your job to continue on living." Ciel said with a small frown to his butler, looking up at the taller man. Something about his butler was definitely off, but he figured it could just be the throes of grief doing it to him.
Sebastian just stayed silent before moving to wrap his arms around Ciel in a tight embrace, just holding the young earl close to himself. "I'm sorry, master." He said softly.
"It's alright. I understand." Ciel replied softly, letting Sebastian hold him and gently stroke his hair as he started to sneeze once again. "Honestly, what is in here?"
Sebastian blinked at the question before pulling away to go to his wardrobe and silently take out the small cat who'd been asleep by his shoes at the base of the wardrobe. The cat mewed in annoyance as he woke it up, though still too tired to fight back as he cradled it like a baby in his arms. "I brought it in last night. It's so small and it's so cold outside. It wouldn't have been able to make it. There was so much death last night, this kitten didn't need to add to it."
Ciel pulled out a handkerchief to shield his mouth and nose from the cat and it's hair in an attempt to save his fragile respiratory system. "Sebastian, I'm allergic, you know this."
"I know, but it's just a baby You can't just abandon a little baby." Sebastian replied with a small frown, reminding himself of the two men in the suits and how worried the redhead had seemed over the fact that he was supposedly a baby who'd been abandoned right away.
"Sebastian, I'm sorry, but my hands are tied. If it was just a small allergy, It would be fine. But if it gets too close to me, my asthma might act up again and I won't be able to breathe." Ciel said with a small frown.
Sebastian nodded, letting Ciel call Bard in to take the little cat away from him, trying his best not to think about how the little thing would more than likely die before it could see the spring flowers in bloom or catch any birds when they migrated back. He must have looked close to tears, because he felt Ciel walk over to him and gently guide him down to sit on the bed once again.
Ciel sat down next to Sebastian, wrapping an arm around the man as they were left alone in the room once again and gently rubbing his arm. "I'm sorry, Sebastian. This is just the way it is, you know."
"I know, master. You can't control your allergies." Sebastian replied with a nod to Ciel and a small sigh.
Ciel just nodded and kept close to the man. He couldn't shake the feeling that something about Sebastian was very, very different, but he decided against dwelling on the subject for too long.
"If it helps anything, I think you're a very good butler. Sure, you have room to improve, but that'll come with time." Ciel said gently to Sebastian, trying to console him in anyway he could. "I'm glad that I'll be able to watch you grow and evolve. I'm rather proud to call you mine."
"Thank you, sir. I'm proud to be able to work under your name." Sebastian replied honestly, looking over at Ciel and making eye contact with him briefly.
Then, Ciel leaned in to press a soft, quick kiss to the center of his forehead.
Sebastian didn't have any idea of what came over him. All he knew was that the kiss made him feel warm and safe, as if he was wrapped up in a soft blanket in front of a fireplace with a cup of hot tea in his hands. He also knew that he didn't want the feeling to disappear so quickly.
So, without thinking twice, he took Ciel's face in his hands and pressed their mouths together in an attempt to replicate the sweet, adoring kisses he only ever saw couples share on their wedding day, the kind of kiss he'd always dreamt of sharing with his little Blue-Eyed Boy.