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Chapter 4

The next morning, Gwen and I got water from the well together just as the sun peeked over the hills. The air smelled crisp and fresh, something that Camelot was lacking. Despite the looming battle, Gwen and I couldn't stop smiling as we watched the sun rise.

"It's so beautiful out here," Gwen sighed. "I used to think there was no way I could live in a village, but this… I could get used to."

"I thought the same thing about living in a town, but I'm enjoying Camelot," I said and pulled the bucket out of the well.

"Are you sure that's not because of a certain prince?" She asked, looking at me through her long lashes. A smirk was on her lips.

"UHM NO!" I practically shouted. A frog was startled and hopped away from where I was standing.

She giggled. "I heard you two laughing together last night."

"That hardly means anything, Gwen," I said and poured the water from the well bucket into the one from home.

Gwen leaned against the stone of the well. "Maybe. But he's here, Merlin. That certainly means something. Morgana and I both think he has some sort of feelings for you, if perhaps he doesn't realize it yet."

"Maybe I'm just exceptionally skilled at polishing armor," I suggested sarcastically.

"Oh, polishing armor, really?" Gwen said suggestively and wiggled her eyebrows at me.

I blushed and laughed. "That's not what I meant and you know it!"

Gwen laughed again and shook her head.

"Besides, you're here and we laugh together. Does that mean you have feelings for me, Gwen? Are we lady going to be lady lovers?" I laughed and danced around the well, teasing Gwen who also laughed. "Do you think I'm pretty?" I stopped to pick a wild flower that grew next to the well and handed it to Gwen, stooping into a deep bow. "I am honored to be a recipient of your affections, my lady."

"Oh, Merlin, I was so worried you wouldn't understand!" Gwen laughed and pretended to swoon. She sat on the edge of the well and twirled the flower between her fingers.

I danced around the well again, the dew in the grass wetting my dress skirts and blades of grass sticking to my bare feet and legs. "Now that I know your feelings, Gwen. I will address the villagers today and I will stand in front of them like this-" I imitated Arthur's confident stance when he addressed the knights. "And I will swoop my hair over my eyes-" I pushed my hair to somewhat imitate the way Arthur wore his hair when he flirted with women who came to court. "And I will-"

I stopped because Gwen's laughter turned to hysterics as she bowed politely and pointed behind me. I slowly turned. Arthur was standing not twenty feet away, looking confused and irritated.

"Good morning, sire, did you sleep well?" I said innocently, slightly out of breath from my dancing and playing.

Gwen was snorting in laughter behind me.

"I slept on the ground, Merlin. What do you think?" he grumbled.

We stared at each other in silence as he tried to work out what he had just seen me doing.

"I was just- Gwen and I-"

"Oi, you can leave me out of it," Gwen giggled.

"Hunith needs the water for breakfast," Arthur said and went back towards the house.

"Merlin, I think you made him upset!" Gwen said pityingly.

I turned back to her and sheepishly shrugged before finishing getting water.

After breakfast, I helped Arthur get dressed behind the changing screen.

"Sorry about before, Gwen and I were just playing," I said to him.

"We're not in Camelot, so I guess I can't put you in the stocks for treason," he said sarcastically.

I giggled.

"I was just glad to see you happy," he said thoughtfully as I buttoned the last button on his jacket.

"Thank you, sire," I said before he left me behind the screen.

Soon after, I was collecting wood when Will approached me. "Well we both know you don't need that axe," he said with a smile.

"Arthur doesn't know," I replied. "And he handed me the axe."

"You do everything Arthur tells you?" Will asked and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Why are you being like this?" I snapped at him, stopping my work with the wood.

"You know why. Why did you leave?" Will came closer, the unspoken "me" was evident. I heard someone approach, but I didn't look to see who it was.

"You know I left to find work to help pay my mothers' debts," I said with a sigh.

"That's not enough of a reason to abandon what we could have had. What we still can have," Will pleaded.

"No, we can't. I can't come back to this life," I said and shook my head. I had given it considerable thought the months I was at Camelot. I was meant to be there, with Arthur, protecting him. Camelot was becoming my home.

"Can't come back to me, is what you're trying to say," Will said sadly. He placed a hand on my waist.

We had never explored a romantic side of our friendship, save some drunken kisses years ago. Those feelings never came naturally to us before I left. I supposed this was his way of processing that he had missed me and missed what we potentially could have had if we proceeded in the marriage that the village had expected.

"I don't want to lose you again," he said quietly and bent to kiss me.

I ducked out of his grasp. "I'm sorry, Will-"

"Did he change your mind?" Will was hurt. "Or are you just waiting for him to notice you? Guess what Merlin, you're his servant."

"Stop it!" I shouted at him. "I know you're hurt but this is not fair!"

Magic was beginning to rush through my veins and I tried to calm it. But it was like a tempting whisper in my ears to curse him, make him hurt. It terrified me and made me feel powerful at the same time. I rubbed my palms on my skirts, trying to relieve the itch to use magic.

"Merlin," Arthur's voice came from behind me. It must have been him that had approached earlier. His voice sounded like a warning and reassurance at the same time. "You alright?"

"She's fine," Will snapped.

I turned to Arthur, my arms crossed over my chest and I looked down at his boots. I was embarrassed that he witnessed that between me and Will. "I'm alright."

"Well, bring that wood to Gwen. I'm going to start training the men," Arthur said, giving me an out.

I didn't look back at Will as I picked up the wood and went to find Gwen. Arthur turned to follow me, giving Will one last look of warning.

"He giving you trouble?" Arthur asked quietly as he followed me to the center of the village.

"Nothing I can't handle, sire," I said brightly and flashed him a smile. I ran ahead of him to avoid further discussion.

Arthur walked up and down the lines of village men, calling out commands, teaching them the basics of fighting. Many were doing exceptionally well for having never picked up a weapon before. I gathered wood and helped Morgana and Gwen made weapons while watching the men practice. I admired Arthur's skill in commanding the men and getting them organized. As much as he was often a prat, he was good with the knights and all things weaponry.

"There's no way they're all going to be ready in time," Morgana said as she watched one of the men drop his weapon.

"Yeah, but they're not the only ones who know how to fight," I said.

Morgana and Gwen grinned in agreement as we watched Arthur direct the clumsy Matthew to organize a watch crew to keep an eye out for Kanen.

The rest of the day was spent training, and the night was mostly restless for all of us. Arthur stayed awake all night, staring up at the ceiling. And I stayed awake staring at Arthur. There was no way that we were going to win this fight without magic. There was no way Arthur would live through this without me using magic. Which means that there was likely no way I would live through this fight no matter who won.

The next morning Arthur confided in me outside the house after breakfast. "We need to pack our belongings and leave before noon today," he said, not looking at me.

"What? No, we need to stay here and fight," I insisted.

"I'm treating these men like soldiers, Merlin, and they're not. Have you seen them fight? They're clueless," he said dejectedly. He sat with his elbows on his knees and scrubbed his hands together.

I leaned towards him, my hand on his arm. "No, all you have to do is get them ready to fight. Get them organized and everything else will fall into place."

"What do you mean?" He asked, looking at me.

"I just mean that if the men are encouraged and incensed, then they will fight as hard as they can. You have to believe in them and they will sense that and believe it themselves," I said.

Arthur nodded and looked away, patting my hand on his arm in thanks.

That night Arthur gathered the townspeople and got them angry and ready to fight. Morgana, Gwen, and I were able to convince Arthur to let the women of the town fight if they chose. The villagers were ready to fight and potentially die for Ealdor. They chanted together, shouting "Ealdor! Ealdor!"

Later that night I found Mother at home, alone sitting by the fire. We talked for some time about my time in Camelot with Arthur. It was comforting to sit and confide in her again.

"I shouldn't have gone to Camelot, I've ruined everything for you," She said, tears in her eyes.

"No you haven't! Why would you say that?" I asked, outraged.

"I know what you're planning to do," she said as a tear fell.

"If it comes to a choice between saving people's lives and revealing who I am then there is no choice," I said with a shrug.

"You can't let Arthur know about your gift," Mother insisted.

"Why not? Maybe it's meant to be this way. And if he doesn't accept me for who I really am, then he's not the friend I hoped he was," I said determinedly.

Mother was unable to convince me otherwise and we all spent another restless night in Ealdor.

The next morning, I started to help Arthur into his armor, but he stopped me. He grasped my hand between his. "No, not today," he said. "Put on your own."

I wordlessly put my bracers on over my ill-fitting chainmail. My throat was dry and I was sure my voice would be hoarse. My magic buzzed in my veins with the nervous energy of looming battle. I couldn't finish the buckle on my bracer with shaking hands.

"Here," Arthur said and I allowed him to help me with my armor. "You ready?" he asked quietly.

"My throat's dry," I whispered.

"Me, too," Arthur said.

I looked up at him as he extended a hand for me to shake. I hesitated for only a moment before shaking it. "It's been an honor," Arthur said with rare sincerity.

"Whatever happens out there today, please don't think any differently of me," I said, forcing my voice out through the tightness of my throat.

"I won't. It's alright to be scared, Merlin," Arthur said, confused.

"That's not what I mean," I said and shook my head.

"What is it? If you've got something to say, now's the time to say it," he said with a look like he was going to laugh.

"Arthur," I started, pleadingly but stopped. I wanted to tell him that I was a sorceress. I wanted to tell him the truth. But I couldn't stand the idea of his laughing expression turning to one of hatred. I wouldn't be able to stand it.

But I was saved from saying anything because Morgana arrived to tell us that Kanen and his men had crossed the river. It was time for battle.

When Morgana was unable to light the fire for one of our traps at the start of the battle, I lunged from my hiding place next to Arthur to go help. I evaded his grasping hands as he tried to stop me and ran through the village street, dodging arrows using my magic's intuition. I was able to light the fire using magic and our trap was activated.

The rest of the battle happened quickly, and we were losing quicker. Good men and women were falling at the hands of Kanen's men. We all fought hard but their weapons were better than ours and their men more skilled. I looked around at the fighting, my heart falling. But my distraction almost got me killed. Will jumped off the fence to tackle a man to the ground who was about to kill me, and saved my life.

"I thought you weren't coming!" I exclaimed as he stood back up.

"Neither did I!" he laughed.

We fought more, side by side before I noticed more how many men and women we had lost. It was time. I needed to use magic. I watched as Arthur narrowly avoided a sword to his neck.

I allowed my magic to swell in my veins and take over. Rage uncoiled in my stomach and stretched sensuously. Will stood behind me, blocking off attacks as he noticed what I was doing. Wind began to pick up as I created a mini tornado in the field that blew debris at Kanen's men and chased them away. The people of Ealdor chased them out of town cheering as I struggled to regain control over my magic.

Will touched my arm and I snapped back to reality. I looked at him just as Arthur came stomping over demanding to know who made the wind and who had magic. My chest constricted and I felt ill at the way Arthur was looking at me. He was looking at me like he had never known me before now, like he had no trust for me.

"Arthur," I started hoarsely, but a voice came from behind us.

I was unable to finish my confession because Kanen tried to kill Arthur, and Will jumped in front of the arrow, taking it himself. I screamed and caught Will. People were yelling all around me but I couldn't hear them.

There was too much blood.

Arthur carried Will to Will's home and put him on a table.

Will took the blame for the usage of magic to cover for me. I told him not to but he had insisted as his dying wish. I held his hand and sobbed into his chest.

"It's been boring here without you, Merlin," Will said feebly. "It's good to see you again."

Will died then, his hand still clasped in mine. He had taken the blame away from me for the magic, and my identity was safe. But it was at the cost of my best and oldest friend, and it wasn't the cost I was prepared to make. I wasn't given the choice.

Arthur was upset with me for not telling him about Will being a sorcerer. It was while we were standing at Will's funeral that I realized that this was a part of my fate. Arthur was not ready to learn about my magic yet, and it was my fate to suffer for it. With a deep breath and a moment of reflection, I accepted that fate. I would suffer for everyone who would then live on.