Hey, Butterflies! I'm back with Chapter 12! I can't believe next chapter is the halfway point. Stars, it feels weird. Anyways, here's Chapter 12: Shocked
Disclaimer: The Secret Saturdays belongs to Jay Stephens and Cartoon Network.
Trigger Warning: Self harm mentioned, a lot. Don't read this chapter if you're triggered by self harm. Just skip to the last sentence before the bottom horizontal line for your own safety.
Doc lands the airship just outside of a Peruvian village. It is not yet dark, but since we are close to the equator, and it is early evening, I am not surprised. We have to get to Dr. Beeman's lab before nightfalls. Time's up at midnight, so we have to move fast. It's a fairly long hike to the mountains around the lab, and then we'll have to scale the mountains. If we weren't trying to be covert while doing this, we would just waltz right up to Dr. Beeman and demands to know where Drew is. Unfortunately, we are trying to avoid dealing with the Secret Scientists as long as possible, so we have to do this the stealthy way.
Everyone files out of the airship, well almost everyone. Komodo has to stay behind in order to keep the airship invisible. Normally, both he and I would object to this, but we both understand that we haven't any time to waste arguing. I run back inside the airship, give my beloved Komodo a quick hug, and go back outside so Doc can brief each of us on what to do. We created a plan on our way here, but now that we are actually here and about to do this, I am uncertain about the plan. Doc reassures me and tells me that we will be fine so long as we stick to the plan. I nod and brace myself for what we will find. For all we know, Drew could be locked in the same room where Dr. Beeman held us earlier this year, and she could be emaciated. Or she could be perfectly healthy in the physical sense but have been driven mad by four months of whatever they put her through. Stars, just thinking about it ties my stomach in knots. Do I really want to go through with this? Is this really what I want? I've gone most of my life without a mother, so why am I so desperate to get this one back? It's not like I even knew who she was before the War.
I blink back my tears. I am being so selfish right now, but that's not what I need right now. I need to focus on our goal. The others need Drew, and this is their only shot at finding her. Still, part of me dreads the moment when everyone will be reunited with Drew, but I will still be waiting to be reunited with my parents, with Mom. Tears escape my eyes and burn my skin. After all of this, they will go back to being a big happy family, but I won't get that. My dad was murdered back in May, and my mom is currently off the grid. My closest friend and supposed uncle is stars-knows-where. My family is spread out, but I doubt we will ever be together again. I hate the Saturdays for being so perfect, so untouched by the catastrophes around them. Yes, Drew and Doyle did lose their parents, and yes, Drew lost two children the night Zak, our two stillborn siblings, and I were born. Yes, the War ripped Zak from them for a few minutes, and yes Zak died at Dr. Beeman's hands, but he came back. Stars, I swear their family is protected from all deep misfortune, but at what cost? Is my suffering the price for their inability to truly suffer? I can't do this. They need to know what it feels like to lose someone they love and know that they will never have them back. They need to know what it feels like to be in a constant state of mourning a loss others have forgotten. The last time I spoke to my dad was the December before I turned seven. At least the Saturdays got to talk to Drew moments before she went away.
By now, tears are pouring out of my eyes and dripping down and off my face. I wipe them away before anyone sees them. No one needs to know how upset this makes me. They'll just make me stay in the airship and wait. Then I notice a urge swelling and growing. Oh stars no. Not here, not now. Nevertheless, the urge grows until it consumes me. But I have nothing to cut with and no time to do it. I glance around and see some sharp rocks. Those could suffice, but someone would notice me, so I opt not to take one. Instead I turn my attention back to Doc, who is reviewing the plan. Basically, we will start out as one team and divide up slowly until we are all on our own, although that is not supposed to happen until after we break into the compound. After that, we start looking any and everywhere for Drew, while also being careful not to get caught.
Doc looks at me and asks if I'm okay. I nod and tell him I'm ready when they are. The others say that they're ready, so we start off. The climb up the mountain around the lab is not as difficult as we imagined, so we start breaking into teams sooner than we had originally planned. Doyle takes Fisk and Zon while Doc takes Zak and me. We stop at the top of the mountain and discuss our plan once more. Zak will take the back, near the pool of water Dr. Beeman has, Doc will go the right of side the lab, and I will go straight from wherever we end up. I nod, unsurely. Why are my directions so vague?
At the bottom of the mountain, Zak, Doc, and I split up. Zak goes left towards the back, and Doc goes right. I head straight until I realize that I am about to walk up to the front the door. I retreat back to where we split up and observe the door from there. Nobody comes in or out, but I don't know if that is normal or not. I assume it is, but I've learned that assumptions can be very dangerous. Stars, look at Drew. She assumed Dr. Beeman had only one weapon when she challenged him to a duel that fateful day, and because of that assumption, we are here trying to find her.
I don't know why, but I glance to my right for some reason. I see Doc peering intently at something. I catch a glimpse of what he sees. It looks like a long ponytail in a familiar color, a white lab coat, and a commanding yet somewhat short posture. I look to Doc in confusion, but he doesn't see me. Slowly, I make my way closer to Doc. There is still quiet a bit of distance between Doc and me when I hear a voice I had hoped never to hear again. I look up from where I'm hiding and almost go into shock. No. Non. Je ne peux pas croire ça. I can't believe it. This isn't true. I'm asleep in my bed, and this is all just a dream, right? I look up again. No, it's real. It's definitely real.
I turn to look over to Doc. He must have already seen it because he has backed away and turned his back. I want to race over there to comfort him, but it is a sure way to get caught, and I'm in too much shock myself to process it. Instead, I start crawling over to Doc, and when I get to him, I tell him we need to go. He nods, so we make our way to the meeting place. Zak is already there, and we make our way back to the airship in silence. When we arrive at the invisible airship, the others come and greet us. Fisk has plenty of questions as first, but he falls silent when he sees Doc's face. Then we all go to our separate spaces for a while. Stars know we need it.
In my bathroom, I stare blankly at my razor blades. Not even cutting can help me know. Sobbing and weeping with all my being, I curl myself into a little ball. I make sure to make a little noise as possible as I cry. Before long, I find that my arms are burning and feel raw. I take a look through my tears; I have scratched my skin raw. It doesn't do much to offer a release, but I continue to scratch. Self harm has become much more than a coping mechanism. It has become who I am. I continue sobbing. It has become all I have left to hold on to. The problem is I don't want to hold on to it.
Later this evening, Doc calls us all into the kitchen; I am not beginning to associate the kitchen with bad news. He tells the others what he saw, and he confirms my fear.
"Drew is," Doc sighs, "no longer with us. She's working for Dr. Beeman."
I'm evil. I'm sorry. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I'll have Chapter 13 up soon. Thank you all so much for reading. Don't forget to follow, favorite, and review! I love you all so much!