Oh, Crud – Chapter 2 – What the Fuck?
So tonight I'll sing a song to all my friends,
Also to those we won't be seeing again,
To those I knew and those I still adore,
And I want to say once more,
I just pray that you will love me and trust me,
Laugh with me and cry with me,
Spend those silent times with me,
Love me evermore…love me evermore…
…don't love me anymore.
"What the fuck?"
A phrase constructed through necessity. It was necessary at some point in time to mutter profanity and throw care to the wind. It was necessary to have a medium to communicate your anger to the world. It was especially necessary when the one you pledged your life to was somewhere out there and hating your existence. Yes, to prove a point, it was necessary at that time.
Yes, necessity is indeed the mother of all inventions.
A sigh.
A tug on his flak jacket.
A disbelieving sense of reasoning.
A sharp and painful tear at his chest.
It was high noon at the village of Konoha. A time when all seems to slow down to a halt and when everyone seems to be in a different dimension. It was a time when all seemed right in the world of a shinobi. As true as this is, it was the other way around for someone who bears the name of Kakashi Hatake.
It had been almost a six hours since he was found in bed with another man by one Iruka Umino. It had all been a blur but he was sure of one thing: when Iruka doesn't want to be found, come hell or high water, he will not be found.
The silver haired shinobi let out a sigh as he continued his futile search for the Chuunin. Saying that he was worried was like saying that Gai was the epitome of normality and monotony. Heck, he was on the verge of calling an all out search party from the ANBU squad. Of course, nobody knew that. He was trained to be as passive as a pile of wood shavings.
He rubbed a hand on his aching temple and walked until he reached the Ichiraku ramen stand. He hadn't eaten for three days and what little he ate, he emptied out within five minutes into the nearest trash bin. That was the effect every time Iruka was away on a mission. It seemed that without his Chuunin to anchor him down, there's no way that he could manage the art of living. The dread that he could be facing the life of unrest created more waves of nausea in his core. He could live that way again but the difference now was that he knew that he would not. To allow one's own torture is a great misgiving to one's own preservation and a shinobi protects his own.
"But not his own lover," he remarked to himself before entering the modest establishment.
He drew out the blue hangings of the store and sat there. He didn't notice the voluminous set of white robes or the blonde shock of hair beside him. After thirteen years and being named the new Hokage of the village, Naruto still couldn't get over his unhealthy diet of ramen to rest.
"Kakashi-sensei, I never see you here without Iruka-sensei. You surprise me," Naruto said pointedly as he chugged down the stock from his fifth bowl of ramen. Much has changed in Naruto. He was no longer that loudmouth, careless youth. Over the years, he has developed a talent at concealing his emotions from the public and being a keen observer of his surroundings. You couldn't misplace a pin that he couldn't put back in place.
"Maa…we can't help what we can't, can we Hokage-sama?" Kakashi replied and gave his order to the nice lady behind the counter. Kakashi knew that Naruto knows about what happened that morning. It has always been an uncanny talent of Kages to know everything going on in the village. Sooner or later, news will leak out and Kakashi's bad will be the topic of every shinobi's water cooler meeting in Konoha.
"Hn, well, I guess you're right. Just so you know Kakashi-san, I'm not siding with anyone but if Iruka-sensei decides to jump off the deep end because of you, I will take action," the blond said with a disturbing mix of venom and saccharine sweetness. That is, the threat was said with his usual toothy fox grin. It was hard to decipher his thoughts. It's like trying to find ice in a desert or willing to see something on a blank wall. How he missed the days of his youth when people had been so much easier to deal with.
"I'll keep that in mind, Hokage-sama," he retorted plainly. As much as the boy had grown over the years, he was still Hatake Kakashi, the Rokudaime.
"NARUTO!" a pink wad of hair and a masked face burst through the bustling street with spitfires attached to its background. Of course, everyone knows who that is. It has always been a futile attempt to mask that pink color.
"Ack! Hide me, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto said as he cowered underneath his former sensei. It was unnerving how he managed to switch personalities so fast. However, his concealment tactic could not have worked. It could've worked but he was a good six-feet tall and the robes were just a dead give-away.
"There you are, you slacker! You have a ton of paperwork to do and you're lazing around in a ramen stand! How dare you! Go back to work!" she screamed to the high heavens while tugging on the neck of Naruto's robes. Naruto let out a choked sigh and resigned to his fate.
"Ah jii-chan, put it in my tab will you? I'll be back soon," he said half-heartedly and let out his usual smirk. Sakura kept on nagging about work and everything else before she finally noticed the masked Jounin.
"Kakashi-sensei! Nice to see you. We'd love to chat and all, it is lovely day, but he can't. Lots of work to do, see you sensei," she rambled and gave Naruto a menacing glare. The silver-haired Jounin just stared at her with his exposed eye. Man, she's still hyper when it comes to talking and threatening people. He wondered whether the inner voice of hers was still around.
"Sakura-chan, I wasn't slacking! Really, I wasn't! I was just having a pick me up…yeah, a pick me up! It was really tough doing the paperwork and I needed a break. Right Kakashi-sensei? Tell her!" Naruto pleaded at Kakashi but the Jounin did otherwise.
"Good luck to you, Hokage-sama. Do your work for the village!" Kakashi said as he raised his right hand for his trademark gesture. He was concealing everything behind his cloth mask – a cold relic from his childhood. This was his way to hide whatever it was he was feeling. Consequently, it wouldn't be surprising to say that underneath this tangible mask is another mask. A mask underneath a mask that every shinobi wore.
"Kakashi-sensei, you're really not helping," Naruto said though clenched teeth and reverted back to Sakura. "I was going to do my work, I really was. Won't you believe me, Sakura-chan?"
"Save it, Hokage-sama. Kakashi-sensei, give our regards to Iruka-sensei," she nodded to him and dragged Naruto in the open.
He was going to answer her about what happened between them but she, together with the Hokage, was gone in a puff of smoke and leaves. He just stared at the space blankly and reverted back to the newly served meal in front of him. A steaming bowl of pork ramen. Iruka's favorite.
"Thank you for the meal," he said and dug in. He let out a sigh after the first mouthful and listened to his now quiet environment. He could barely make out the whispered message of Naruto blow through the wind.
I mean it, Kakashi-sensei.
His wristwatch beeped, signaling the eleventh hour after noon. He was sitting his ass inside his apartment and he was exhausted beyond reason. Ah well, exaggeration doesn't really become him. He was just tired from the day's events but his mind still worked on overdrive so he couldn't sleep at all. Even if he could, he wouldn't. Not when Iruka was still out there an angry at him. He could've gone and continued his search but he figured Iruka needed a time alone to think things through.
"See? I'm not really an emotional retard," he mused to himself as he let out a shaky breath. He was already breaking a ton of moral codes and etiquette by being with Iruka and if he were to give in now, he'd break.
He just let out a sigh and resigned himself on the couch he had shared uncountable times with Iruka. Memories like that weren't for the weak-hearted. It hurt to lie here. Accordingly, it hurt to remember the times that could possibly never be recovered again.
"If you could only see me now," he thought as he lay prone. A defeated posture no one would ever admit to seeing being done by him, Hatake Kakashi.
The clock signaled that another half hour has passed. His thoughts drifted to all the faults he had done over the course of his relationship with Iruka.
As much as he loved the man, he was not a faultless lover. Genma wasn't the first one in his long list of traitorous liaisons. The pressure of the crumbling political effects after the war had bent Kakashi to his knees time and time again as he served the Hokage's office. A greater man could have handle that and a secret affair over time but Kakashi is not that man.
His indiscretions had started four years along their relationship. In the first few years of his and Iruka's secret union, he wouldn't even dream of cheating on the man. It wasn't that much of a secret in the shinobi community that Hatake Kakashi swung both ways. The first time he cheated, he had done so under s disguise. As he served the Hokage's office, such scandal could lead to civil and military uproar. It was a pressure he wasn't prepared to face then.
The first time was followed by a second and the second was followed by ten more. On and on from the first time he did it with Iruka on a mission, he felt a bad taste in his mouth afterwards but he never stopped. In the end, he just attributed it to release of body heat. Sometimes, in his selfishness, he attributed it to Iruka caring too much about others beside himself.
In all of that, he didn't think he would be caught.
A dead silence hung heavily around the room. It felt like someone just died and the sensation was disturbing beyond reason. Shinobi lived on stealth and silence but Kakashi couldn't take it. It always felt like the calm before a storm or in shinobi wordings, like the calm before the assault.
True to the idiom, chaos reigned when the clock chimed midnight.
A dull thud at his door.
A few stumbles and clapping of feet to the tiled floor.
A disbelieving thought and a foul smell of alcohol.
A dolphin and a scare crow in a lonely room.
"And he decides to show up. Iruka, we really need to ta – huh?" was all Kakashi could mutter as a drunken Iruka, carried by a well-known friend, stumbled inside his unit. What else can he say when a respected scholarly figure suddenly stumbles in his apartment, drunk to his ass, at midnight?
"So it seems, Kakashi-san," a masked man, Yamato of the ANBU squad as Kakashi recalled, piped up from behind a tan form he escorted from the local bar. "I found your sea mammal lying around in Fire and Ice. He was causing quite an uproar there," Yamato continued as he made a meek attempt to crack a joke.
"As much as I would like to accommodate him for the night, I can't. Contrary to popular belief, we don't live together and…" Kakashi trailed off, not wanting to elaborate on the painful events that had transpired that morning between them.
"Hn, where ish this hick ANBU-san? Oh? Why's that bashtard hick here? Oi," Iruka waved a hand in front of the ANBU guy carrying him while pointing an accusing finger at the silver-haired shinobi. Kakashi has never seen Iruka drunk before. Whenever they go to a drinking session, Iruka was always the last to go down and he was usually the one who carried all the other guys home.
He must have swallowed two barrels-full of alcohol to get this drunk.
Currently, though, it didn't seem like Iruka was up for carrying anybody home. In fact, he was the one being carried into the middle of the living room. Added to that, he was clinging to Yamato's chest. While being lugged over his back Not that Kakashi was being opinionated about his choice of words but his lover as definitely spooning towards the guy. Seriously.
"Sorry, Kakashi-san, I'll take him back to his apartment. In that cold and lonely apartment of his. He's probably going to be alone there. I'm going to have to spend the night there with him…in his apartment. Thoroughly alone with him all night," Yamato rambled and motioned to turn around. The very thinly veiled suggestion didn't escape the emotionally mute Kakashi.
"Fine! Lay him down here, ANBU-san," Kakashi said dangerously as he motioned for the couch. He side-stepped to let the masked man through and guided Iruka's body in the process. He stressed the name ANBU-san long enough for the masked man to get his meaning. He was always deadpan when he was jealous.
"Wah? No ANBU-san! You can't do this to meeeee…! No!" Iruka kicked and wailed at the guy but he was down on the couch before he could actually do some serious damage. Kakashi nodded at the masked man and said guy did the same. He started walking for the door but Iruka wouldn't go down without a fight.
"You just can't leave me alone with that bashtard hick ANBU-san!"
The Chuunin sat up straight and continued to stagger as he stood. He swayed his way over a footstool and landed on the ANBU's chest. Kakashi made a feeble attempt on controlling his ward but Iruka was determined on getting his way.
"Ne, ANBU…er…Yamato-san, thank you fer tonight. Let's meet again some time, 'right?" Iruka slurred and pulled down Yamato's mask. Yamato's, as well as Kakashi's, eyes went wide when Iruka did what he did next.
"Iruka-san, what're you-"
He kissed the guy.
"What the fuck?"
Ah yes, the phrase has been used to satisfy the demand for expressing oneself. Was it really needed? No doubt that it was.
Iruka was smirking into the kiss, Kakashi could tell. It was like he was doing it just to spite the masked shinobi out of his wits. The unsettling thing was that it was working.
Yamato abruptly pulled away from him. He muttered an apology to his former comrade and left in rushed silence. Kakashi was still standing there with a very intoxicated Iruka murmuring to himself. The event that had transpired between them a moment ago hadn't quite sunk in to his system.
"What'sh with this footstool? Heh, want some piece of me, huh?" Iruka staggered and kicked at the footstool that tripped him. It was like nothing happened.
Was that really Iruka right there? It can't be. His Iruka couldn't…wouldn't…do that. Not ever. This has to be some kind of mistake.
Kakashi decided that it was a mistake and performed a few hand seals as Iruka examined a nearby coat hanger.
"Kai!" Kakashi said and he waited for the release effects to come through. He hoped that everything was just a trick. Iruka seemed to notice so he swayed towards Kakashi.
"You're trying to hick dispel me, 'Kashi?" Iruka pouted and stared up at the Jounin as if to say 'how could you?' Kakashi couldn't quite make out what was lying behind the Chuunin's eyes but it was anything but good. "Cause you know, I'm real. I'm very very real. See?" the Chuunin said and pumped his chest just for good measure.
What are you getting at, Iruka?
"'Kashi? Oi…oi…OI!" Iruka slapped him across the face and Kakashi doubled back. He had zoned out. "Don't go zoning out on me, bastard"
"I guess I deserved that…" he muttered sadly and caught Iruka's shoulders after recovering from the shock of the night. "C'mon, Iruka, we need to get you to bed and maybe tomorrow we can talk."
Iruka slapped away his hands and stood still. It was like he was shocked. A hurt look flashed across his face and maintained its presence there. It was as if it was Kakashi who had wronged him. Actually, he did. The chuunin was now glaring daggers at him. The amount and intensity of it could probably impress Tenten by a foot and a half.
"You don't have the right to touch me. Not anymore, Kakashi," he said and collapsed into a drunken heap. He was already fast asleep before Kakashi could even recover himself.
Maybe not, Iruka, maybe not anymore.
A/N: Review please! Lemme know what you think :D