Hey, Butterflies. I'm back with Chapter 13. Ah, thirteen, quite the unlucky number for some, and considering what happened last chapter, it's fair to call thirteen unlucky. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy the chapter. This actually might not be the halfway point, but we'll see. Here's Chapter 13: L'Appel du Vide

Disclaimer: The Secret Saturdays belongs to Jay Stephens and Cartoon Network.

Trigger Warning: Suicidal thoughts and actions in this chapter! Reader discretion advised!

How? How in the world did this happen? Drew, the woman who has kept this family together through thick and thin, is working for the man who tried to tear this family apart at all costs. None of this even makes sense! For starters, how did Drew survive being hit with a vaporizing weapon? Second, how on Earth did Drew end up in a different hemisphere as her firesword, and how did the firesword even survive? I'm starting to think that maybe Dr. Beeman's weapon was a teleporting device rather than a vaporizing weapon.

Staring up at the ceiling, I ask such questions and make such speculations. I suppose a true scientist would do more than speculate, perhaps even making hypotheses or theories, but I am no true scientist. Maybe Dr. Beeman's vaporizing weapon wasn't a vaporizer at all. It might have been a teleporter, which would explain why both Drew and her firesword survived the fight. And maybe Dr. Beeman wanted Drew to be without her firesword, so he sent it to a different hemisphere. That would make sense. Drew's strongest with her firesword, so in separating the two, he would have been better able to convince Drew to join him. As I speculate, things start to fall together. However, I can't seem to figure out why Drew would join Dr. Beeman. She is so stubborn and set in her ways. It doesn't add up that she would go from trying to protect us from him to now helping him track us down.

My thoughts lead me to a window. The airship is currently recharging in the air, so we're not going anywhere. My heart beats faster. A sudden urge I am unfamiliar with washes over me. Leap, it says. Open the cargo door and leap. No one will miss you, and all your pain will be over. Leap. I pull away from the window. What the hell was that? Then I look out at the window. I could very well leap out of the airship. No one is paying attention, and I doubt anyone would notice. And we're so high up that I'd be dead before I even hit the ground. No more pain, no more suffering, no more hauntings. I could be free. Yes, I understand that call. In French, it's called l'appel du vide, meaning the call of the void. Suddenly that name makes sense. Maybe I should listen to the call. It would save the Saturdays a world of pain later on. Of course, at first there will be a lot of pain, but after the initial pain, it'll be okay. I will simply cease to exist in their world. Yes, I think I will listen to that call.

I find myself at the cargo door, staring intently at it. It's closed very tightly, and I know that opening it will alert Doc via his remote control. But I just want to end it. I'm so sick of being sick and struggling. I'm so tired of tragedy striking wherever I go and whomever I touch. I just need to go away. Only then can the world finally be safe. I'm not meant to stop Kur; Zak was doing an excellent job of keeping Kur under control. They never needed me to get involved. Hell, they never knew I existed, and they weren't looking for me. I don't even know how my powers could have stopped Kur. I just simply need to stop existing. I brush a tear away from my eye. If I really cared about the Saturdays, or anybody really, this wouldn't even be a question. I would do it without a second thought. I guess I'm just too selfish to put the needs of others first.

My finger is millimeters away from the button that will open the cargo door when I hear Zak's voice call my name. I shut my eyes and try to block out his voice. I don't want to do this, but I have to. Something grabs my hand and turns me around so that my back is to the button. The next thing I know Zak has me in a hug. I'm crying and getting his shoulder wet in the process, but he doesn't care. He just lets me cry. I think this is the only time, besides in the weeks following Drew's "death" when Zak has let me cry like this. Normally, he'd tell me to pull myself together in that annoying brother sort of way. When he finally releases me from the hug, he looks me square in the eyes. There is fear and relief in them. What was I thinking?

"I'm so sorry, Zak. I-I don't know what came over me. I-"

"You're okay, Lily. You're okay. You didn't actually do it. You're safe now." I can't tell if he is saying this to comfort me or himself, but his words are powerful. They comfort me and remind me that the Saturdays do care about me, yet his words also remind of the horrible crime I was about to commit against the Saturdays. Nevertheless, Zak walks with me back the living room. He looks at Komodo, and I assume that Zak is telepathically telling Komodo not to let me out of his sight for the rest of my life. Now that it's over, I can't believe I almost did that to the Saturdays.

"Hey, Zak?" I ask a while later.

"Yeah, Lily?"

"How'd you know I was about to jump?"

"I was feeling the same way, and when nobody had seen you for a while, I figured you might be in the loading area just thinking. I never imagined that you'd actually be on the verge of opening it."

"I'm sorry, Zak. I'm glad you found me when you did."

"Yeah, me too." Zak pushes some of his white hair out of his face as he leans back in his chair. A silence falls between us, and we let it sit with us for a good few minutes. It's nice to be able to sit in a room together and not have to say a word. I'm glad Zak's in my life. And I'm glad Zak stopped me from ending my life.

"Hey, Zak?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Lily."

So that's the end of Chapter 13. I know that got really dark and cynical really quickly. I'm sorry for that (and that this chapter was shorter than normal). Just a quick PSA before I go: feeling hopeless and/or helpless is a part of life. It's unfortunate, and I hate that anyone has to feel that way. But, as seen with Lily, suicidal thoughts can come from anything. If you're feeling suicidal or having thoughts about hurting yourself or others, please let somebody know. I've been in your shoes, and I understand it's hard, not just to admit you have a problem, but also to tell someone who cares about you. Trust me, it gets better, but hurting yourself or others can leave you with guilt and urges, and these urges are incredibly hard to defeat. Suicide and self harm are not healthy solutions, and they can have effects far worse than your current situation. Please, ask for help. You're going to be okay, I promise, but please don't end your life. You can do so much with your life. I know I'm just a faceless name on the internet, but please, do yourself a favor and take care of yourself. If you can't see value in your life or any reason to keep living, then stay alive for me. You are very dear to me, no matter what you've done, doing, or will do, and no matter what your struggle is. I love you to the very depth of my heart. Please, don't give up.