Summary: After Peeta left Katniss thinks about him. For d12drabbles (tumblr) prompt #20: Jealousy
My people, my color is celebrating today.
The fires in the middle of our meeting place are roaring into the black sky, our tables are full of food, drinks, all in celebration of the son of the honorable house leaving for the Institute.
The mistress of the house, Augusta au Mellarkus wanted to celebrate in opulence to show of the fortune that fall on her house. And to show how gracious and good willed she is all the servants were allowed to feast and celebrate too today
I`m sitting at the side of it, all that spectacle, disinterested in the splendid opulence, only watching the people around me. I started with watching the children with their big, round eyes, flashed by all this food, how their small unsure hands moved to the sweets, the whole time looking around in fear someone would come and punish them for stealing. But no one comes, the sweets, the meats, the breads and all the other foods are for them, for their parents, for us Reds.
Now I watch the sparks rising into the night sky, glowing red for a second and then vanishing.
They are like our life´s. They – We - spark for a second and then burn down – burn out - only the light of the endless, powerful, bright shining stars – Golds- are left.
I try not to think about Peeta. He should have arrived at the Institute now, maybe he is already in the middle of the first test – The Passage.
No! Don´t think about it, Katniss! I say to myself I can´t think about it. Can´t think about the possibility that Peeta, my Peeta is already dead, that I will never see him again.
I press my eyes together trying to quench the tears threading to spill. When I`m sure no tears will fall and the unstoppable question they would arise why I cry during such a happy day, I open my eyes again and let them wander over the celebrating people. I see my little sister Primrose dancing with Rory. Her movements are flawless, smooth and full grace. She was always better at dancing than me, I was better at singing.
I keep looking my parents sit together laughing with Rory´s parents, the hardship of their life´s visible on their faces, but on this night they seem kind of happier, their shoulders not so bend, the air around them seems lighter.
I have to think about Peeta again. When you first see him you see his beauty, his power. He is not the most attractive Gold, but he still has a nice face that is still round with youth, clear golden eyes and golden locks that reach his collar. He is more boyish than manly rufe., but he has this aura of power around him. He rules the room when he comes in, fills out every corner with his presence. And everyone not feeling it is lost when he starts to speak, his words weaving a net over the audience, capturing every person.
And his smile, his beautiful smile that melts hearts, including mine. I have to think back to the day we met, that day I was caring for the rose bushes, Lady au Mellarkus pride, singing the 'Valley Song' to myself. He surprised me, I didn´t heard him, something that never happened before. I am proud to say I have the best hearing in our clan. I am the best at finding the animals that stray the borders of the au Mellarkus estate. But he was silent, probably a Gold ability. And still, he is so different than every other Gold that is out there.
He is almost more Red than Gold.
The bell-like laugh from my sister pulls me again out of my musing. She looks so happy, carefree in Rory´s arms I wish I could feel the same, wish I could openly show who my heart belongs too.
But that is impossible, it will never happen, never will be. We can only have stolen moments, hidden in alcoves, in the garden or in his closed room.
My cheeks blush when I think about what has happened last night, how his hands felt on my body, his lips, I felt like a Gold.
Is he also thinking about it? About me or are all his thoughts on the Passage and the horrors awaiting him after. If he survives the Passage…
I feel my throat constricting, I can`t swallow anymore, my chest is tight down, I feel horrible, helpless and I wish I could do something, anything to help the man I love. I wish I could talk openly about the man I love, about my fears that I will never see him again.
I just wish I could lie down together with my mother and tell her about this wonderful man, about all the dreams I have about a life with Peeta, a future with him, something Prim will do this evening for sure.
I wish my life would be as easy as Prim´s. I wish I could sit at this fire with Peeta at my side, holding his hand, sharing sweet kisses, like the couples around me. Like my parents.
But that is not possible, all my jealous feelings to my sister, my parents, to everyone sitting her happy together with their significant other are pointless. Because he is Gold and I am just Red.
Chapter 2
Chapter 2:
My people, my color is celebrating today.
The fires in the middle of our meeting place are roaring into the black sky, our tables are full of food, drinks, all in celebration of the son of the honorable house leaving for the Institute.
The mistress of the house, Augusta au Mellarkus wanted to celebrate in opulence to show of the fortune that had fallen on her house. And to show how gracious and good willed she is all the servants were allowed to feast and celebrate too today
I`m sitting at the side of it, apart from all that spectacle, disinterested in the splendid opulence, only watching the people around me. I started with watching the children with their big, round eyes, amazed by all this food, how their small unsure hands moved to the sweets, the whole time looking around in fear someone would come and punish them for stealing. But no one comes, the sweets, the meats, the breads and all the other foods are for them, for their parents, for us Reds.
Now I watch the sparks rising into the night sky, glowing red for a second and then vanishing.
They are like our lives. They – We - spark for a second and then burn down – burn out - only the light of the endless, powerful, bright shining stars – Golds- are left.
I try not to think about Peeta. He should have arrived at the Institute now, maybe he is already in the middle of the first test – The Passage.
No! Don´t think about it, Katniss! I tell myself I can´t think about it. Can´t think about the possibility that Peeta, my Peeta, is already dead, that I will never see him again.
I press my eyes together trying to quench the tears threading to spill. When I`m sure no tears will fall and the unavoidable question they would inspire, how I could cry during such a happy day, I open my eyes again and let them wander over the celebrating people. I see my little sister Primrose dancing with Rory. Her movements are flawless, smooth and full of grace. She was always better at dancing than me, I was better at singing.
I keep looking my parents sit together laughing with Rory´s parents, the hardship of their lives visible on their faces, but on this night they seem kind of happier, their shoulders not so bent, the air around them seems lighter.
I begin to think about Peeta again, I cannot force him from my mind. When you first see him you see his beauty, his power. He is not the most attractive Gold, but he still has a nice face that is still round with youth, clear golden eyes and golden locks that reach his collar. He is more boyish than a manly brute, but he has this aura of power around him. He commands the room when he enters it, fills out every corner with his presence. And everyone is spellbound when he starts to speak, his words weaving a net over the audience, capturing every person.
And his smile, his beautiful smile that melts hearts, including mine. I have to think back to the day we met, that day I was caring for the rose bushes, Lady au Mellarkus' pride, singing the 'Valley Song' to myself. He surprised me, I didn´t hear him, something that never happened before. I am proud to say I have the best hearing in our clan. I am the best at finding the animals that stray the borders of the au Mellarkus estate. But he was silent, probably a Gold ability. And still, he is so different than every other Gold that is out there.
He is almost more Red than Gold.
The bell-like laugh from my sister pulls me again out of my musing. She looks so happy, carefree in Rory´s arms. I wish I could feel the same, wish I could openly show who my heart belongs to.
But that is impossible, it will never happen, never will be. We can only have stolen moments, hidden in alcoves, in the garden or in his closed room.
My cheeks blush when I think about what has happened last night, how his hands felt on my body, his lips. I felt like a Gold.
Is he also thinking about it? About me? Or are all his thoughts on the Passage and the horrors awaiting him after? If he survives the Passage…
I feel my throat constricting, I can`t swallow anymore, my chest is tightening. I feel horrible and helpless, and I wish I could do something, anything, to help the man I love. I wish I could talk openly about the man I love, about my fears that I will never see him again.
I just wish I could lie down together with my mother and tell her about this wonderful man, about all the dreams I have about a life with Peeta, a future with him, something Prim will do this evening for sure.
I wish my life would be as easy as Prim´s. I wish I could sit at this fire with Peeta at my side, holding his hand, sharing sweet kisses, like the couples around me. Like my parents.
But that is not possible, all my jealous feelings towards my sister, my parents, to everyone sitting here happy together with their significant others are pointless. Because he is Gold and I am just Red.