Chapter 3

Muffy

an original point of view

I stared at the reflection of the gold-hemmed canopy that hung over my bed, freshly raised as the sun had just risen. Of all the top of the line furnishings I owned, it was the only thing that was distracting gorgeous enough to keep me from looking into my own eyes. Just barely enough of the suns light had entered my room that I could see clearly a few feet ahead of me. The room was emptier without my toys. I'd traded them away for trace morsels of powder.

Still, as much as it had reminded me of my dwindling wealth, the decaying room and the vanishing of the familiar hues my shining toys were easier to look at than my own eyes. The weakness, the confidence that faded more and more after every bump. Looking in my eyes was like watching a flower wilting in the fall.

The wind from my room door's opening teased my hair, and a preschooler with a coke-dusted nose walked towards me with the day's goods. "How much you got for me today," I timidly asked?

"Same as always, same price too." Her dead eyes came alive. "see how I take care of you? Francine would've cut it twice as much and jacked the price up as she went. You and I, we know how to treat it like a business, all professional and the like.

I pulled out some crumbled up twenties from the drawer.

"Exact change, huh?"

At first, all I had was hundreds, sometimes toys when I was out of allowance money, but now my dad had cut me off for failing one of Mr. Ratburn's quizzes. "This is all I've got to my name right now."

"Give me that golden Bionic Bunny, and I can give you even more," she pointed up at the figure standing atop my dresser with a dejected smile on her face.

I stared at it too, the voices in my head screaming, "You don't even like Bionic Bunny. It's a boy's toy. You don't need it. You need coke. You need release."

I shook my head, "What you have there is fine."

She pocketed the money and pulled out a big bag, filled with small baggies. "I've got truckloads of this stuff. If you can get your rich friends on it, I could move it twice as fast, and I could give you a nice discount."

"I'm sorry, the price we agreed on is fine." she couldn't possibly understand. When you have everything, time is the only barrier between you and your desires, so rich kids make up desires like status. If they found out about my secret needs, I would lose any that I had

The second the door closed I glared at the bag in my hand. I knew it was the same amount in the. Same sized bag every two days I received it, but it seemed to shrink each time. Every bump gave me less and less of a high, and the need grew more and more as the unsatisfying days passed.

I searched for some bills, a twenty, a five, a single, anything. All I could find was change. I didn't even have paper and there was none close enough to me that I could get to it without feeling withdrawals. I desperately dumped the contents onto the table, hastily swiping it into makeshift lines. I snorted as much as I could with my bare nose on the table but I only got half of what I wanted from it.

The voices cried "Get more! It's not nearly enough! You can get so much more!" Of all the people I lied to, why did I have to lie to myself as well? I was falling apart. If I didn't control myself, I'd throw it all away chasing the rush of that very first high until I had nothing left.

After I was sure I had gotten every grain, I picked my head up off the table and caught my own eyes in the mirror. My mother echoed in my head "you fucking piece of trash!"

I could still feel the stinging pain on my face.

Soon enough my eyes had welled up with tears. Hard as it was to admit to myself, this was my favorite part. It was like dessert after dinner. The tears melted the dust on my lip. I didn't let a single coke-infused tear fall to the table. It was the closest I could get to that first high. It took away the tears. It took the pan itself away. Now it couldn't even. Bring me comfort. All it could do was keep me from falling apart any further. I needed more

Before I could, I heard a knock on the door "howya doin pookie?"

"Hold on dad!" I swept the rest of the tears off my face, and hid the evidence of my shame in the drawer of my vanity.

He walked in before I could feign a different action. He knows something was happening under his nose." Its time to head to Francine's house darling."

"okay dad. Could I just get one more minute."

"of course angel cakes." He hung at the door for a minute, with pride covering his face, and left.

What was there to be proud of? I hadn't accomplished anything in my life.

I threw any evidence of my addiction out the window, and into the bushes, hoping that it would be blamed on the maid.

By the time my dad had taken me half way to the tiny apartment that Francine's father's meager salary could afford, I spotted Arthur walking down the pathway into a local park. I asked my father if he could let me jump out of the car for a few minutes. I thought that maybe this was it. This was when I could finally get a moment alone with him. I hadn't even caught a glimpse of his eyes, only the corner of one, but already I could feel coldness from them. He had changed so much since what happened with binky. Nobody could see it, but I knew.

I cried, "Hey Arthur!" trying to mask the pathetic need for his attention I had fostered since years before. He didn't seem to hear me and continued on. He quickly found the bench that he must've been looking for and sat down. Brain was on the other side of it greeting him like an acquaintance. I hid like a squirrel behind a tree, quietly listening to what they had to say.

"Have you considered my proposition?" Arthur asked brain, barely quieting his voice enough to ensure the park dwellers could not hear.

"I have". There was meekness to brains voice that sounded like fear. I never knew brain to be afraid, but with the way Arthur was acting lately, fear seemed an appropriate response.

"Well? What have you decided?"

"I wish I could, but I'm not built for that world like you and Francine. My answer is no."

"You're saying no to me?"

"I...I am."

"You're saying no... to me!?" Arthur had once told me of the day he had been invited to brains house. The shame he made Arthur feel was clearly not forgotten that day.

"Well it was an offer and not a demand if I recall."

"Of course." Arthur stood, and put his nose to the sky. I could see his eyes close as he took in the new spring air "What do you see Allen."

I looked out to the park goers that were just beyond the two of them.

"I see people."

"You know what I see, Allen? I see customers. I see a fortune walking around these city streets. I see a city, no, a world ripe for the taking. I see...our future. Do you see it Allen?"

"I see it Arthur." He never heard me say it

The Brain stood up. "What you ask is too much. You want me to risk my safety. You want me to risk my life. That's too much to ask, even for a friend.

"I don't know how to turn coke into crack. I only need you to synthesize it for me. Together we could make more than double the money Francine is making. You would be safe In a quiet little lab. You would be behind the scenes like I will be."

"There is no safe in this world Arthur." The brain walked up to him. And there is no behind the scenes for men like you. The filth you think is at the bottom of your shoe will creep up your leg. It will consume you.

"POOKIE!"

Arthurs head flung back towards my father. i did my best to creep out of his line of sight before entering the car. I refrained from looking at him, lest I met his eyes.

"Did ya' see him, muffin?"

"I did."

"Oh great...there's something I wanted to talk to you about."

My heart dropped into my stomach. He knows, I thought to myself. "what was it?"

He reached into his pocket.

"How did he find it? He can't prove anything with a coke dusted 20

In his hand he held a ring. It was hardly the most beautiful ring I've ever seen, I could even say it was hideous but he held it out to me like it was the most valuable thing he'd ever held in his hand before.

"This was your grandmother's. She gave it to me after I opened up my first store. Her grandfather gave it to her after he had gotten home from the war. The Crosswire family has held it since the days of Lincoln. I want you to have it Muffy."

My eyes welled up with tears and the detail of the ring was lost

"Why are you crying Pookie?"

"It's just, I don't deserve this, I..."

"Yes you do, darling," he interrupted quietly.

Putting his hand on my shoulder, "You're a Crosswire, and more importantly, you're my daughter. I love you so much."

"It's not even a special occasion."

"Every day is a special occasion as long as you're safe and as long as you're happy." He held out his hand, and I grabbed it. I still sometimes wish I hadn't. Even then I knew it would end up in the hands of d.w., or some other dealer would end up using it as a bottle opener. "Thank you dad."

He hugged me, and the sky began to darken as we drove on to Francine's house. It was the last tm anyone would see it. Even then, all I could see was the flames. I was barely able to convince my father to let me leave the car. The whole apartment complex was a fiery inferno, I paced towards the silhouette in front of it. its arms were outstretched, greeting the giant glowing orange torch that was Francine's apartment building. I ran my finger along a rough scar on the ring to calm myself. There was nobody around, no firemen, no cops, and strangely enough, no neighbors.

I couldn't even see anyone peeking out of their windows on the other end of the block. This was a fire that could be seen two towns across and no one was around to see it. It was like everyone was too afraid, but of who?

"Muffy?" The silhouette's arms were at its side. All I could see was a black phantom walking toward me with something glittering around its neck. I watched as it formed into my best friend with her brown hair and her stupid smiling face.

"Hey, sorry I was just finishing something up here."

I looked over her shoulder at the blazing inferno. "What exactly are you doing?"

"just something I wish I'd done a long time ago."

"Um okay, but your house is on fire."

"It's okay I have a new house. My dad just bought it. It's actually on your block."

"R-really?" I did my best to keep up my air of confidence. "That's funny because I don't remember having any dilapidated crack houses on my block."

Both of our laughs were faker than the gold Francine wore around her neck. She must've known the hollowness of every joke, and display of friendship I threw at her. If only I could be honest. How liberating would that be? Maybe if she wasn't thee poor friend. I wouldn't have to parade her through my neighborhood to show my false benevolence to the less fortunate.

Something louder than the cracking of the building's support beams roared behind us. Francine's dad had pulled up in a brand new Bugatti and honked the horn, the horn gesturing for us to come in.

He stuck his head out the window, "Hop on in kids! We're heading to the new house."

I stepped in the car. It smelled of fresh leather. Luckily my shame was incomplete, as none of my coke money paid for this.

"So what address do you have now?"

"7321 Oakton terrace"

"My god. That's the biggest house In the city."

Francine's smile grew wide. "My dad hit it big in Vegas."

Her father looked at me out of the corner of his eye. "Yeah. Yah I did. We've been truly blessed. His face and voice held more fear than I thought could be held in one person.

"We truly are dad. We truly, truly are."

Her father started up the car and we drove into the darkness beyond the flames.