The next day when I came to school, it was a new guy standing on the podium. Young, muscular and flexible. Much to Felix's delight. He was crawling all over the place, making for some awesome sketches and lines. Despite my disappointment of the lack of Delphine, it was easy to get back into a good flow and create some dynamic lines. His muscles and harsh structure was perfect for taking advantage off in croquis when everything moves so quickly. It's a funny thing. If I have to make quick sketches, I prefer drawing a guy because of his more harsh lines and square figure, but if we're doing a long study I totally prefer drawing a woman because I want to spend a long time with her softer curves and smaller details. Maybe it has something to do with whom you're attracted to, because I know Felix prefers it the other way around. It's not really in a sexual way, just in an esthetic way, the appreciation of what's beautiful.
In every sense, it seemed like life had just moved on again, without Delphine in it. I joked around with Felix in class. I played Runewars with Scott. Heard all the gossip from Krystal and was reprimanded a few time by Alison for leaving too many dirty dishes in the sink.
It wasn't until 2 days later that I saw her again. Back in class, back to being our model. Just as formal as before. Leekie introduced her; we made some quick sketches to some relaxing rock, before we got out all the easels and broads and chose a place to stand. Without any more fuss, she got into a more comfortable pose that she had to be in for the rest of the day. And that was that.
A part of me felt strange. Drawing so many people nude all the time sort of changes the way you look at nakedness and look at people. Standing there, right in front of me in all her glory, Delphine might as well have been an apple. A simple object for me to draw, just like anything else. I didn't really know what to make of it. A part of me liked it, liked the separation. It was a sort of comforting shield. But at the same time, it felt so wrong. She was beautiful, yes, but she was also a person. A living, breathing human with feelings and thoughts and a name. Delphine. Such a beautiful name. I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about her, hadn't dreamt about her or some sort of fantasy-version of her. I just didn't know how to deal with it. So I looked at her, leaning against a draped box, legs curled under her, head resting gently on her bend arm, looking away into the distant, and I tried my hardest to concentrate on my drawing.
It was a mild success. It was easy to get caught up in the drawing, the anatomy, her body. But every once in a while, I would look at her face, her curls over her shoulder, her pink lips and her distant eyes and wonder what was running through that head of hers. It wasn't long before we had our first break. Not really knowing what to do with myself anymore, I chose to leave the classroom while Leekie went over to Delphine to draw around her so she could get up and stretch and still find the same spot afterwards.
My head was spinning slightly as I lit up my smoke when I get out. I prefer smoking weed really, but I didn't like jeopardizing school too much, so I always went for a regular cigarette during the breaks. Right then I could have used a joint though. This was way too much excitement for just a regular model. I was half-way through my smoke, when I saw someone walk up to stand next to me.
"Do you have a smoke? I forgot mine inside." Delphine's voice was soft and when I turned to look her in the eyes, she was smiling kindly, her eyes always twinkling. I couldn't help but smile back with a small blush, almost relieved that she had approached me and was willing to talk to me even after I'd drawn and seen her naked.
"Sure, no problem." I said, finding a smoke. She carefully placed it in her mouth and leaned forward while I lit it up for her with my lighter.
"Thank you." She inhaled sharply before blowing out again; smoke elegantly leaving her mouth before disappearing with the wind. "It's nice to get some fresh air. It can get tiring to sit still for so long."
I smiled. I'd often wondered what it must be like to be on the other side of the paper, but it was rare that I actually got to talk to one of the models.
"Obvs." I chuckled nervously, and were relieved when she smiled back. "Do you ever get scared that you might, like, fall asleep or something? I seriously doubt anyone would blame you if you drifted off." She turns, leaning her back against the railing we're standing by so she can look me in the eyes more properly. There was something strange about her smile, so calm and confident, almost flirtatious. Like she was trying to seize me up, trying to figure me out. I had no clue what to make of it and it was seriously messing up my mind.
"It's very calming actually, like meditation. I can get to wander off to wherever I want inside my head. I feel almost spiritual, like a higher being." Her growing smile let me know she was trying to be sarcastic. "No, it gets very boring." She wrinkled her nose. "But I try really hard to stay awake. Could you imagine how embarrassing it would be if I began snoring all of the sudden." She laughed, a bit of color sneaking its way onto her checks. I break out laughing, finding it way funnier than it actually was.
"God, I could just imagine Leekie's face! Everybody suddenly becoming awkward and silent, nobody knowing whether they should try to poke you to wake you up or just like keep drawing, pretending nothing happened." I laughed, seeing it clearly in my mind, a mortified class of mostly introverted, nerdy artists with no social knowledge, trying to figure out what the hell to do with a sleeping model.
"Oh God, don't say that." Delphine said, laughing along. When the laughter died, it was clear to see her blush. It's a funny thing, she's not at all scared to stand completely naked in front of strangers, but the thought of falling asleep is the one embarrassing her.
A kind of quiet fell over us for a second as we puffed at our cigarettes in peace.
"You know," she began, almost shyly, after a small pause. "I wanted to say 'hi' the other day, and thank you for the light, but you were gone before I got the chance." It's neither a statement nor a question but something in between. She looks curious above all.
"Yeah. I thought about staying, but you were talking to Leekie and I didn't want to interrupt you. I also didn't know if you'd think it was awkward or weird or something." I scratched the back of my neck in slight embarrassment, searching hard for the right words.
"Why? Because I am your model?" Delphine asked with curiosity, not quite understand. I nod, looking to the ground for a second. She turned around, looking over the railing for a second. "You Americans are funny. It doesn't bother me. I am not ashamed of my body and being in there is probably one of the safest and most respectful places to be." She turned back again to face me.
"You got like a killer body, totally nothing to worry about." I said it before I could think, regretting how it sounded immediately. To my relieve she giggled sweetly and blushed. I felt my smile stretching into a grin. "But yeah, none of us bites. As long as we get somebody to stand on the podium, we don't really care how good or bad you look according to societies impossible standards." I paused for a second, before deciding against my more logical side of the brain and add, "But you were doing an amazing job. Very dynamic poses, always changing things up. You're pretty rad."
"Thank you." She answered sweetly, making my heart melt just a tiny bit.
"Is it hard, standing still in all those crazy poses for so long?" I asked. It was both a way for me to move on from the awkward compliments and actually ask about something I had been wondering about. She squinted her eyes, taking a second to think about it.
"Well, when it's only 10 seconds your imagination is more or less the limit. But when you have to sit still for 2 or 5 minutes you need some sort of ground in your pose. I always try to push my limit, but it can be hard. I would be lying if I said I've never found myself sweating after a session." She smiled sheepishly.
"I could imagine that. It doesn't really show that much, if you're sweating. But it's obvious to see when it's a hard pose. Like the limbs almost begin shaking. You hide it very well though, I've seen much worse." And it's true, I have.
"Thank you. I do yoga, I think it may help a bit." She smiled. "But I would love to see your drawings. It's always fascinating to see how other people draw you, how it looks on the other side of the paper. I'm sure they must be good. You always have a very concentrated look on your face when you draw." She took another drag of her smoke, looking me square in the eyes as I blushed.
"Yeah, sure. No problem." I smiled, tilting my head slightly to the side and playing with my hands nervously. I've been told from a very young age that I'm good at drawing and never had any problems showing people my work or drawing in front of them. But for some reason, the thought of showing them to her made me more nervous than ever. "But I don't want to promise you anything, Delphine."
She went silent for a moment, looking at me strangely.
"I don't think I ever got your name." she told me and it isn't until then that I realize that I never even said her name aloud before this moment. I blushed again.
"Cosima Niehaus." I said with a smile, stretching out my hand.
"Enchantée." I felt a small rush of butterflies hearing her speak French.
"Enchantée." I replied, completely butchering the language. She giggled, taking my hand in hers and shaking it softly. I suddenly realized how fucked I would be during class the rest of the day.