A/N: I'm sorry about how late this chapter is, I know. The interest just seemed small and for a few weeks, I had plenty going on in my own love life, too much to really care or focus on a fictive relationship and this story. Which also means that parts of this chapter has suddenly become more personal than I'd really like it to be. But I'm relying on my anonymity and generalism for it to be okay. Only two people knows what I'm talking about, and the second person isn't reading this, so... Don't even know why I'm sharing this much info… This chapter will be more Cophine-centric, very slightly M-rated. Thanks for the review, made me want to get back in the game, which I'm trying to do more looking forward! Enjoy, and tell me what you think :)
When we came back in from the break, I showed Delphine some of my sketches. She seemed impressed with my drawings. She even let me geek out about it for a while. I talked about the construction and perspective, the struggle with turning everything in the right angle and making sure the whole image would work in thumbnails before moving to a bigger scale. I had a tendency of getting caught in the details instead of keeping my focus on the bigger image at hand. She laughed, smiled, and nodded enthusiastically along while I told her about the struggles of the finding a balance between not creating too many details and still create details enough. I told her about noise versus calm. About straight versus curves and how I tried to be mindful of it, even in my life drawings. About how the light was stupid in the room and I had to create my own light point, and was now struggling with some overlaps. Her gaze never faltered, her interest never disappearing, even if I wasn't sure if she knew what I was talking about.
Her gaze is still one of the things I remember most about her. I remember hours spend together in bed, her eyes on mine, our naked limbs tangled together. We would just lie there, getting lost in each other's eyes. My hand would carefully trace over her face, memorizing every little curve, dotting out all her birthmarks with my finger. Trace her soft lips, as she would open her mouth to encourage me. Her dark beautiful eyes never left mine, even as she raised her eyebrows when I let my fingers trace over them, her hand stroking my waist. Her skin was so soft under my touch.
"Your eyes are so beautiful." She told me. I kissed her. Leaned slowly forward until our noses were touching, slightly hesitant before I leaned fully forward and captured her lips between mine. I can still feel her lips pressed against mine, the softness of it. The wetness of her open mouth moving against mine, our tongues battling for dominance. I moved in over her, kissed her harder, my hands roaming her body, never really touching her anywhere important. Even if wanted to, it was very important for me that even if she had once given me permission to touch her, it didn't mean that I had automatic permission to touch her again another time. I didn't want her to feel obligated or exposed as she lay naked under me. It wasn't until her hand covered mine and moved it to her chest that I squeezed her breast in my palm, kissing her harder and with more purpose.
It all seems unbearably romantic now. My head on her naked chest, feeling her heartbeat while her hand stroked my head, her fingers caressing my scalp between my dreads. It's strange thinking back to when we first met and began to talk. Back when everything was still so new and fleeting, so innocent and romantic. I still remember the fluttering of my heart, the permanent smirk refusing to leave my lips. I must've looked like a fool walking on the streets home from school, my shoulders raised, my hands clutching the sketches in my arms, a shit-eating smirk firmly plastered on my lips, a permanent semi-blush on my cheeks. Everything just seemed so perfect, so exiting. I still remember thinking that even if she didn't like me like I did her, my thoughts of her smile would be enough to satisfy me.
I asked her if she wanted to come to Sarah's party after school that day I showed her my drawings. Told her it would be a great way to meet more people from the environment and the school, get to know more people.
"Are you sure it wouldn't be a problem? I don't really know anybody." She said, hesitantly.
"That's the whole point! This way you can actually get to know everybody so you won't be a stranger next time." She smiled that sweet mysterious smile of hers that I had come to be addicted to. Her shoulder raised a bit as she pretended to think extra hard, biting her bottom lip.
"Okay." She told me in that intoxicating French accent of hers. If my smile wasn't beaming as brightly as the sun, I don't know what it was doing.
"Really?!" I asked, unable to hide my enthusiasm.
"Yes, really." She said, giggling at my respond.
"How will I ever move on?" I ask Krystal. When I woke up after my crash in the afternoon, it was dark and I was still in Krystal's arms. I can feel the wetness from my tears in the fabric of her shirt, sliding against my cheek. I don't care right now. I hold her closer, not wanting to lose this human contact. She continues to stroke my head.
My head feels foggy, spinning slightly, but my gaze is clear. I keep my eyes planted firmly on my desk. Concentrate on the reddish colors, the black of my chair. There is a skateboard leaning against my closet on the other side of my desk. I sometimes use it for transportation or to make stunts with my friend William in the school breaks. He's way better than me, but I like to joke around on my skateboard next to him anyway, or just watch him, cheer him on. Felix usually just rolls his eyes when he sees us together while he's smoking outside. He thinks I'm too much of a tomboy from time to time. I do enjoy guy humor I must admit. Watch way too much Adult Swim. I haven't been on my skateboard in a while though. I have been preoccupied.
My head flashes back to Delphine and me, naked limps tangled together in her bed. Her dark eyes on mine as I stroke her face, tracing her curves and birthmarks. For some reason that's always the image I come back to. Her eyes on mine, lying naked and tangled together.
"Oh, sweetie." Krystal says. "Of course you'll move on, in your own time." My eyes stares firmly on my desk, never moving. My head feels so filled and so empty at the same time. I can't decide if it's a horrible feeling or if it's okay. I can't decide anything right now. I feel empty. I just keep staring at my desk. "Tell you what, why don't you change into your pajamas and get some sleep, then I'll take care of you tomorrow. We can have a girls-only day! I can do your nails, we can make some hot chocolate and watch the newest chick flick and go out and have fun in the evening! Forget everything about Delphine for a night. Wouldn't that be nice?"
I hadn't noticed how tired and drained I am until she mentions sleep. Sleep would be nice. I nod my head, still rested firmly on her tear soaked chest.
"Just relax. Let us take care of you for a small while. You can't keep things up like this. We all just want you to be happy. Trust me, I know what boy drama looks like and feels like. Well, girl drama in your case, but still." She shrugs carelessly and I let out a small chuckle, the smallest of smiles appearing on my lips for a brief second.
"That's the spirit!" she says. "Now, while I would love to stay like this, my body is getting seriously stiff." She adds dryly as she pads my back, indicating me to move. Reluctantly I move over, chuckling slightly as Krystal makes a show of stretching her body out as she gets up.
"I'm sorry." I say, an honest and grateful smile on my lips, as I look her straight in the eyes. "Thank you, Krystal. Seriously. I wouldn't know what to do without you guys." Krystal smiles.
"Of course, sweetie. Just say the word." She kisses the top of my head a last time before moving to the door. "Just concentrate on getting your beauty sleep for now." She winks before closing the door after her, leaving me alone again.
That night I dreamt that I was a secret detective helping out in Rome where a tsunami had left an island deserted and the roads blocked. I dreamed of taking the train there, where I met William and Felix who were on their way to a hotel with the school. I dreamt of aliens and spaceships flying in the sky, casting their light over me in the dead of night. Felix was there too as they flew past us in the mist surrounding the starry night sky. I dreamt I met an old school teacher at a Pride parade I almost missed because I had forgotten to change my clothes and the city was completely crooked and impossible to get through fast, like an impossible labyrinth that constantly went uphill. I smile, enjoying the normal weirdness of my dreams.
A/N: Lol, totally looked through my own dream diary to get the dreams for this! If it's too strange, let me know!