(A/N: Bernie's speech is in bold so it separates it from the rest of the text around it.)
Chapter 2
A couple of hours after Bernie's departure Serena manages to pick herself up and leaves the office to do her final rounds. She knew that the staff were watching her closely, wondering what had gone down between their two clinical leads. Morven had just arrived for the night shift and was already aware of Bernie's leaving and Serena's reaction and Raf was concerned for his friend. He had never seen her like this before.
"Serena. Are you okay?" He says approaching the brunette doctor cautiously as she finishes up with a patient
"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" He could see through the front that Serena was putting up knowing she was devastated by Bernie's departure. What he couldn't understand was why Serena had tried to stop her? They were friends right? Wouldn't Serena be the supportive friend and tell Bernie to go if it meant Bernie would come back with new skills? He had noticed it had been a bit tense between them lately. Had something happened? Had they fought? Or was there something else going on entirely? They did looked a little flushed earlier in the office... No. No way. Bernie and Serena? Raf internally shakes away that thought
"It's just- well- Has Bernie gone then? To Ukraine? Is that what you were arguing about before?" Raf saw the tears gather in Serena's eyes and knew he had hit upon the truth. Yes it was clear Bernie had decided to take the secondment but now he had official confirmation "I'm going to Albie's. You're welcome to join if you want to talk" Raf puts a hand on Serena's shoulder letting it slip away as he walks towards the locker room to change. Serena stays still for a moment before heading off to the side rooms to check on the patients in them.
"Morven. Is Serena still here?" Bernie had just burst into AAU just as Serena headed into the first side room. She knew she had made a mistake and Cameron's words only fortified that. She had to make it right. She had gone to see Hannsen to tell him that she wouldn't be taking the secondment after all before she had rushed down to AAU
"Bernie? I thought you-Ukraine" The young doctor was stumbling over her words as the rest of the night shift staff all quickly went different directions not quite believing Ms Wolfe had come back so soon
"Morven. Later. Where is Serena?" Before the girl could answer Serena slips out of the side room she had been in, not looking up as she walks towards the next one "Serena..." The sound of her name being muttered causes the woman to look up, her eyes now fixed upon the familiar figure of Berenice Wolfe standing at the reception desk
"Ms Wolfe. Shouldn't you be packing by now? Would hate for you to miss your flight" There was no emotion in Serena's voice. Nothing. Bernie swallows the lump in her throat and looks around the ward, sensing the eyes upon her and Serena
"Can we talk in the office please?" Bernie asks quietly, her head hanging and her eyes looking at everyone and everything but Serena
"Dr Digby would you finish the rounds please?" Serena moves over to the desk, dropping the files in front of Morven as she makes for the office not once do her eyes drift to Bernie. The blonde doctor follows her surrounded by a deafening silence that is only made increasingly awkward when she closes the door behind her once she had filed into the office behind Serena
"I am so sorry." Bernie doesn't move from the door as Serena sits on the edge of the desk listening to Bernie's apology "When you-you told me you were falling in love with me I panicked. I've never been good at relationships; my previous two are prime examples of that and I couldn't bare the thought of hurting you as I hurt Marcus and Alex. You are the one thing in my life I can count on right now. You and this job. I didn't want you to regret us- I don't want you to regret us and I, certainly, don't want you to suddenly realise that being with me was wrong." Bernie runs a hand through her unruly hair and takes a deep breath before continuing "So I ran. It's what I've always done when-when things got too hard. With Marcus it was the army and with Alex, it was here. I didn't expect to- to settle here I didn't think I was capable of living a civilian life, of living by new rules then I met you and you gave me a purpose. You gave me a trauma unit, something I'm good at." Bernie doesn't move from her spot by the office door not wanting to crowd Serena. She looks up at the brunette, tears in her eyes "I told you my perspective on death is warped. So is my perspective of love. I've seen so many young men and women die before they got to experience love and over time I built this wall where nothing could get to me. Good old British reserve. I learnt, in the field, love was weakness. Love made you vulnerable. Yes it can a strength in the right situations but when you're being fired at in the middle of poppy fields you can't think about your family or your lover because it's a distraction, it breeds fear. Fear of never seeing them again so you lose focus." Bernie has to grip the top of the chairs that sat near the door to steady herself as her anguish came pouring out of her. The secret she had never laid bare to anyone "That's why I always seem so unaffected, so cold sometimes. Like today when you came after me, pleading with me to stay it may have seemed to you that I was stoic but inside I was screaming out telling myself to listen to you, to listen to what I already knew deep down. I'm in love with you and that terrifies me." Bernie could see the tears gathering in Serena's eyes as the truth came tumbling out. It was time to stop running and face up to what she had known all along. She could never run from Serena "I thought some time and space could help us both realise what we wanted but in fact I already knew. I've known for weeks. I just want you. I want us. I want us to go out to dinner, to go to the theatre, stay in on cold nights and cuddle up on the sofa with a glass of wine in our hands... I want a normal relationship where I'm not looking over my shoulder waiting to be busted or stealing moments in the store-room. I want you. I-I love you and I will I do anything to make you happy"
"That was quite the speech Ms Wolfe" Serena stands from the edge of the desk and reaches over to take one of Bernie's hands tugging the blonde towards her "If you ever pull anything like that again I'll make IEDs and gunfire look tame understand?" Bernie chuckles resting her hands on Serena's chest just below her collar bone
"Received and understood." Bernie leans in and kisses Serena lovingly knowing she wouldn't make the same mistake again. She'd never leave Serena ever again because love wasn't all scary, it was rather elating and something Bernie never thought she'd feel again. "Now about dinner... still up for it?"
"Am I ever?" Serena pecks Bernie's lips again before pulling away to retrieve her notes, files, bag and coat "I take it it'll be takeaway since it's probably too late for you to start cooking?" Serena knew Bernie too well. The blonde never cooked after a certain time. Claimed it was a by product of her army days but Serena knew it was one of Bernie's idiosyncrasies. One of many.
"I was thinking Indian or Thai?" Bernie opens the door for Serena smiling softly as the brunette passes her heading out into the ward. Raf and Morven look over to the pair then look at each other.
"Thai sounds really good" Bernie switches off the lights closing the door behind her. The pair walk past the desk and towards the exit walking rather close to each other
"Thai it is" Raf and Morven can only just stand and watch as the co leads leave AAU and a stunned staff behind them
"Serena didn't take long to forgive her then?" Morven smiles knowingly. She had seen the look on Serena's and Bernie's faces as they left AAU. There was something going on. Something that had gone beyond friendship. It didn't matter. As long as they were both happy.
"I don't think there is anything Serena could ever not forgive Bernie for" 'Bar cheating' Morven adds silently in her head as she finishes up typing the patient notes she had made during the last few beds of the round.