Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss
Miscarriage happens in about twenty percent of pregnancies, usually in the first trimester. The most common reason for a miscarriage is a problem with the baby's early development. The body elects not to carry the baby to term if it has chromosomal abnormalities or developmental issues severe enough that the baby likely wouldn't survive. This is no one's fault! Because miscarriage isn't talked about much, many people don't understand it. Many women feel alone when going through this. I can't emphasise enough that it is more common than you know, and telling good, sympathetic people about a miscarriage will only help. Miscarriage is incredibly difficult to deal with alone.
Pregnancy loss after 20 weeks is known as stillbirth. It is often more difficult to deal with than miscarriage because the mother has been pregnant for longer. (Though miscarriages should not be minimized by this. A pregnancy loss is a pregnancy loss, ar twelve weeks or forty.). She has probably felt her baby move. She may have a name picked out. She probably knows the gender and may have already bought some newborn clothes, or started decorating the nursery. She is getting excited and preparing to be a mother. Loosing that can be devastating.
In fiction, characters who loose a baby are often in some sort of accident or drink or make other lifestyle choices that lead to pregnancy loss. This is much less common in real life. A full 60% of miscarriages are caused by chromosomal abnormalities. Most of the rest happen because of physical problems the mother has, or an infection. Again, it's not usually the mother's fault. A lot of people feel guilty about a miscarriage because of the way it is viewed in society. Please don't perpetuate that lie. And if your character feels guilty about her miscarriage, please make it clear in an author's note that no one should feel guilty about pregnancy loss that wasn't their fault.
As an author, you have the power to shape people's perceptions through your writing. Please be careful about how you handle sensitive topics like this. Don't pass along societal misconceptions. Do your research and your writing will be more powerful. You have the power to do a lot of good if you treat this topic carefully, but you can do a lot of harm if you don't.
Infertility
Some women take a long time to get pregnant. Others get pregnant right away. Some can't have babies at all, even with fertility treatments. This is a sensitive issue, so be careful how you write about it. Please do your research and understand the emotional impact of fertility problems before writing about them.
Also, recognize that every body is different. Sometimes infertility is caused by age, sometimes it's an underlying medical condition. Sometimes it's easy to diagnose, sometimes it's not. Sometimes it is the result of a problem with the man's reproductive system. This is emotionally difficult for men, but it usually affects them differently than it does women. Please do your research!
Mpreg (Male Pregnancy)
First things first: there are no documented cases of humans becoming pregnant if they don't have female reproductive organs. Unless you are writing an AU where your characters are seahorses, you are dealing with a medical impossibility.
Second, this is a majorly polarizing issues. People either love it or hate it. You won't change anyone's mind, so please don't waste your time trying. Instead, go write a nice review for a story you love.
Last, I just want to thank the mpreg writers for making sure to mention it in the story summaries. Mpreg is not something I would want to stumble upon by accident, especially a few chapters into a story I like. And because the authors of mpreg stories are so good about posting warnings, I never have. We all could do to follow their example when we write about things some people may not want to read.
Misconceptions About Labor
Men being useless during labor: Ron was in the room the whole time I was in labor, both times. Well, he took a few bathroom breaks and went to grab a sandwich. (By the way, you can't eat while in labor. So he was not allowed to eat in my presence.). Anyway, we took a class that told us what to expect, and Ron was a lot of help through the whole process. Of course, Ron is incredibly brave - he followed his worst fear into the Forbidden Forest at the age of twelve for Merlin's sake- so maybe he's the exception. Also, not only was he incredibly supportive, but it's worth noting that I didn't break his hand or threaten him with violence once during either birth.
Labor as a traumatic event: Well it's not a stroll in the park, but women often have more than one child, so the benefit obviously outweigh the horror of it all. We kind of tend to forget/gloss over how bad it was. Mostly labor is a lot of pain, with a couple hours of pushing at the end. Sure there's a lot of blood, but the person in labor doesn't see most of it. There is also a lot of bleeding for a week or two afterwards. We menstruate every month for years. Postpartum bleeding is worse than the worst period of your life, but you can handle it. Let's just say they have those giant hospital pads for a reason. Honestly though, recovery is harder than labor. Taking care of a new baby, all the sleep deprivation, plus the pain of recovery is not fun, to say the least. I'm so grateful I had Ron and my mother and Mrs. Weasley to help out. And Harry and Ginny took Rose for the week after Hugo was born. That made it so much easier. By the way it takes a good six weeks to truly get back to feeling like yourself after you have a baby.
Spending the entire time in a hospital bed: Really, that's the worst place to be. It makes the pain more difficult. Lots of women walk around, rock in a rocking chair or sit on an exercise ball. When Ginny had Al, the doctor didn't think her labor was progressing fast enough, so he broke her water. She had to stay in a bed for over an hour after that, because when the water is broken artificially, there is a risk of the umbilical cord slipping out and getting pinched somewhere. So Ginny was in that bed for over an hour and she did start threatening violence, not to her husband, but to the hospital bed. If a character gives birth in the modern Muggle world, they can get an epidural. This numbs the entire body from the abdomen down. In that case, the woman does spend her entire labor in a hospital bed and can't really walk around well for a few hours after. Many doctors prefer that delivery happens in a hospital bed, because it is easier for them that way, but it is not unheard of for a woman to give birth in a different position. Many women have strong emotions attached to the way in which they think they should give birth. Tread carefully here and remember that different methods work better for different people.
Nesting
This is the term for the urge to decorate, organize, or make casseroles that happens at the end of pregnancy. It's fairly common, but not as dramatic as it is often shown in fiction. And it happens throughout the second and third trimester, not always as an indicator that the character is going into labor soon. It really depends on the person.
Author's Note: If I missed anything or for something wrong, please let me know. I'm also very happy to clarify details or answer questions.
Also, if you have suffered a miscarriage or pregnancy loss, know that you are not alone. You may be surprised to find out that a good friend or even your own mother went through the same thing. You may never know unless you tell them about your own loss. I promise that sharing your experience will help you get through it easier. I've been there. And if you have no one to talk to about it, please feel free to send me a PM.