Week 1: The Hall of Trials

There was no other way around it: this was Hell.

What started off as a useful method of gathering information quickly devolved into the worst headache he'd had to deal with in months. At its core, using the Adventurer's guild was technically a good idea; they were the only major group in the city besides that Merchant's guild, and had provided him with a wealth of information. He had even learned about this world's crazy magic gems, one of the secrets behind the silly power that some adventurers seemed to have.

Oh, and on the topic of crazy magic gems, a bunch more just magically tried to suffocate him.

Okay, that might've sounded weird, but that was the best way he could've described it; the moment he destroyed one of these smiling jello things, it exploded into a bunch of those Power Crystals that he had been so curious about. It was like some sort of jewelry pinata, and the moment those gems hit the ground, they began flying at him with reckless abandon.

The first time it happened, he tried to duck out of the way, only to see the gems arc back through their air, intent on colliding with him like some sort of rich maniac's stupid diamond-shaped homing missile—Don't ask, He's been in the business for a while—only for those gems to, for lack of a better description, fuse with him.

Long story short, this trip was supposed to be something profitable, since the information he had gathered was indispensable, and Torchwick was well on his way to accruing plenty of wealth and power.

But, he had an unfortunate companion that was supposed to be his 'logistics support'. Apparently, no one had decided to tell him that a 'logistics support' was this world's term for 'annoying person inside an untouchable magical field'. Not that that would've made any sense either, but Roman would've appreciated some sort of explanation before being tossed into here.

And with Red of all people. Seriously, this entire journey was doomed the moment it started. It was with clenched teeth that Roman finished off his current target, driving his craftsman knife inside the little hopping slime thing. Like its friends, beady-eyed puddle exploded into a shower of power gems, each merging with Romans... Aura?, as it gave him more strength. Seriously, he had absolutely no idea how this worked.

Oh, and in addition to the magic gems, the slime also left behind a chunk of walnut bread. Clean and perfectly edible, complete with that fresh-bakery smell too, which only brought more questions to mind.

"Is it my turn yet?"

That was not one of them.

The whining voice of his latest annoying companion quickly stifled what little entertainment the well-dressed criminal had managed to gain from his little jelly-monster-murder session. Letting out a tired sigh, Roman turned his attention away from the fading mass of jello, quickly adjusting his cap before throwing an annoyed glance back to the girl.

"Seriously Red? This is the third time you've asked that. Don't you have anything better to do?"

"Hey! It's not my fault this is so boring! How come I'm the one that has to be in the bubble?"

"Not my problem, Red." Another exasperated sigh left the crook's lips as he shook his head in annoyance. See, the biggest problem with this arrangement was that their interactions had somehow devolved from being arch-nemeses, to simply being people who painfully tolerated one another.

Sure, part of that came from the fact that they were lost in some insane world that made less sense than usual. Then, there was the slight issue that they couldn't actually hurt each other, since Red's position of being a logistics support meant that she was being some weird magical field that prevent her from directly interacting with the ... "dungeon". Ugh, he hated that name.

Either way, magical nonsense meant that the only thing they could do was talk at each other. And unfortunately, a little teenage brat like Red tends to get bored easily, which meant a lot of wasted air. That didn't mean he didn't try to hurt her, of course, but his plan of feeding her questionable dungeon-sourced food backfired horribly when she thanked him for the food.

So now, they were locked in some horrible truce that neither of them really cared for.

"But can't we swap out or something? It's boring watching you stab things with your knife."

That managed to put Roman's actions on hold. Rather than proceed with the aforementioned to stabbing, the thief held his blade, simply picking up his targetted slime with a gloved hand, ignoring its ineffectual squirming as he turned back to the huntress-in-training. "... You know, you're pretty relaxed about the whole murder-genocide thing that I'm attempting. I figured a goody-two-shoes like you would've had more issues with this."

"That's because they're magic things that don't really exist!" The way she said it was so matter-of-factually that Roman honestly froze for a second, as if the absurdity of her words caused some sort of minor malfunction in his brain. What actually happened wasn't too far off, as he mentally began contemplating whether mental instability was a requirement for huntresses.

They do like pointlessly dying, after all. But, just as quickly as it came, that thought disappeared, replaced by equal parts dismissal and disbelief as Roman's eyes focused back on the little caped teenager.

"Okay, I'll just assume I misheard you, so... What did you just say?"

"Didn't you hear what that person said in the Dungeoneering 101 class?" Red's silver eyes peered back at the criminal, holding some sort of childish innocence that made him sick. After hearing silence from his part, the redheaded annoyance took that as an invitation to continue, only stopping to take a quick bite from her bread thing, before going off into some childish lecturer's tone. "Everything in the dungeon's formed by the dungeon, from monsters to items to money! So we're not really killing creatures, but just... fighting magic, I guess?"

Oh... Okay. So she was referring to that part.

Obviously, Roman had heard that little lecture topic yesterday, but promptly ignored it because it was utterly insane. He refused to believe that this world was so magically convenient that all it took to have a stable life and existence was a few hours inside some perfectly safe hole-in-the-ground. Though... if he were to seriously consider that for a few moments, that may explain why the various prices for items are so stable, since the supply would rarely change.

Or never change, if people here were all unambitious lazy hacks. After all, a twelve-year-old was well on her way to being a market behemoth, judging by the Merchant guild associates' ledgers, which spoke volumes about this world's economy. With that said, another thought crossed the thief's mind, as Roman's eyes fell to the next room, the sight of a treasure chest taking his attention. These things were still a key resource, and it was impossible to think that everyone was mindnumbingly unmotivated... So what plans would motivated people have in a world like this?

His thoughts turned to that of the Terme Finance company, wondering what Tinkerbell was hiding as he-

"Dibs on the treasure!"

... Roman let out another barely-restrained growled, annoyance filling his mind once more.

Finally, they were on the last floor.

All things considered, this entire ordeal had been an exercise in patience moreso than anything else. Sure, the not-sentient blobs of living slime had been an entertaining form of stress relief, and he also encountered a few more enemies that allowed him to practice basic combat the further he delved... Even if those enemies were dog-people that threw oversized chestnuts at him.

And he wasn't being racist or anything, since he knew what dog-people were, and he didn't want to insult these things by comparing them to white fang mutts. Either way, those enemies were literally dogs that just happened to have a humanoid appearance, standing around with two arms and two legs, complete with ugly mutt face, oversized paw hands, and stupid looking cartoon tin helmets.

But anyways, the dungeon had been an interesting experience for him, but it had also been a headache. Red was certainly not his choice of company, and he often ended up ignoring whatever nonsense she had decided to spout. Which was difficult, since that somehow prompted her for more conversation, as she tried to drag him into... whatever it was she was talking about. Whether it was questioning his motivations for his career choice, questioning why he had chosen to work with the white fang, or why he didn't pursue a more respectable career, his entire time spent in this little expedition had been filled with her annoying voice.

"Hey Roman...?"

Here we go again. Unfortunately, he had learned early on that she'd keep repeating herself until she got some sort of response, and that damned magic barrier that prevented her from interacting with the dungeon prevented him from attacking her, leaving him no choice but to suffer the girl's presence.

"... What is it, Red?"

"Besides me, have you ever... seen anyone else around?"

Roman resisted the urge to sarcastically snap back, mainly because he simply couldn't be bothered to. Sure, it was fun giving non-answers the first few times, but when your verbal sparring partner's got the vocabulary of someone like... well... Red, it starts losing its appeal. Besides... This wasn't necessarily a bad question. If this little Beacon brat was here, then she might not be the only one.

"Ooh, sorry kid, but I can't say I've seen your little gang of troublemakers lately. Why not give them a call or something?" Okay, maybe he didn't completely resist the urge, but old habits are hard to break. He sent an insincere smile to the little girl, making sure to keep the rest of his face expressionless, only his mouth moving to form a smirk. Still, he had to actually gather information, so he added on a few more words after his dismissal. "Unless you've already run into some of them?"

"... I haven't..."

Well, that was surprising. It certainly meant a lot when little miss hero ignored his jab entirely. Perhaps she really was the only brat lost in this place... Which, honestly, was fine by him, as it meant less chance of someone messing up his plans.

But he knew it wouldn't be that simple.

"Tch. Knowing my luck, the only reason Red hasn't found anyone yet is because they're probably running around looking for her... Last thing I need is anothe-"

"Do you really think that?"

Oh crap, did he say that out loud? Judging by her blinding expression... Yeah, yeah he did. This was just great. He did not need to have some hyperactive child running on nothing but concentrated hope, looking up to him for encouragement. So, the appropriate thing to do was to shoot it down, and Roman turned to face the little brat.

"No, Red, I don't. Knowing your friends, they're probably-"

"-already trying to find me by searching everywhere! You're right!"

What? No! Roman's eyes widened as the little bundle of insanity began prattling off impossibly coincidental situations, which had no realistic chance of happening.

"Maybe they're already searching through some other dungeon! Or they're lost in another kingdom, slowly fighting their way to the higher levels of intelligence! Or maybe they're subverting the criminal underground!" She wasn't stopping. Why was she not stopping? "So that means I should stick to one place, rather than try to find them. But where? I can't really think of a spot where Yang, Weiss, and Blake would all visit, unless it was something important like... like..."

Oh no.

Roman saw the beady eyes of the little brat looking up at him, filled with enough joy and cheer to send a puppy into a diabetic coma. He could feel the question before it left her mouth, and he was so focused on that little annoyance that he barely heard the sound of someone else entering the dungeon floor. Roman didn't even care who it was at this point, since he needed to shoot down this problem before it got out of hand.

"Can I work at the item shop with you all?"

"Of course you can't work a-... Wait... 'You all'?" Obviously Roman was about to shoot down that stupid suggestion. He had no idea how it even arrived at this point, but the last thing he needed was to be in close proximity with Red. Yet, he didn't miss that little slip of the tongue... Unless she was exceedingly terrible with words, that implied that...

Roman turned around, immediately catching the sight of the seedy looking adventurer who had entered the dungeon floor.

As well as his logistics support, a certain twelve-year-old merchant and a hateful fairy wearing a condescending grin.

Roman was certain that the tooth fairy saw his expression. Why else would she be smirking at him, eyes glinting dangerously behind her glasses as she adopted her professional tone. He already knew what was going to happen before the little fairy's voice rang out. "Of course, ma'am. As an associate of Mr. Torchwick, we would be pleased to accept your temporary employment at the store. Please consider yourself an honourary member of Recettear."

"(And Roman too)! You can't forget the last part, Tear!" The annoying chirp of the second brat sealed the deal.

Roman had no doubts anymore. He was in Hell.