For Those You Love

Chapter 4

Six Months Later

"Honey! I'm home!" Lee called, stepping into their home and dumping his bags at the bottom of the stairs. Hearing no response, he crinkled his forehead in confusion and shrugged his blazer off before shuffling through to the kitchen. He smiled in relief, seeing his wife bent over her laptop, hurriedly typing while gulping a cup of coffee. Her hair short hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail and her shirt was untucked over her skirt. He walked over and planted a kiss on her cheek.

"Have a nice day at work?" She asked, not taking her eyes off the screen in front of her. Lee chuckled slightly, loosening his tie and pouring himself a glass of orange juice.

"Yeah, did you?" He replied, leaning against the kitchen counter and taking a sip. She turned, her emerald eyes glaring.

"What do you think?" She somewhat growled, scaring him slightly. He shrugged his shoulders, making her groan in exhaustion. "My boss is making me do my entire report over by tomorrow! Because of one lousy spelling mistake! Can you believe her?!"

He listened intently as she ranted to him. This, he found, had become almost a ritual since she had started working for WABE. Her boss seemed to have it out for her, and they both knew it. He put his glass down in the sink, walked over to her and massaged her shoulders gently.

"Carley… you have got to relax…" He murmured, kissing her temple and feeling her shoulders slump.

"You're right." She muttered, standing to kiss him passionately. He lifted her off her feet easily and felt her wrap her legs around his waist. He kissed her back just as enthusiastically, wrapping his arms around her back while he felt her hands on the back of his neck, running through his hair. Eventually, she pulled away, biting her bottom lip nervously. "Lee, we need to talk."

Fear consumed him, making him go numb. He set her back down and pulled her chair back out, allowing her a seat before pulling his own seat around to face her.

"Sure, honey." He smiled, taking her hand in his. She seemed to become more nervous and twitchy. "What's on your mind?"

She waited a while, trying to figure out the words to say. What would he think? They had only been married for six months!

"I… I was wondering about…" She started, stammering slightly. Lee chuckled. For a reporter, she wasn't very good with words. "I was wondering what you thought about… trying for a baby."

The words hit him like a freight train. A baby… a small human… She was getting broody! That's all! For a while, he thought she wanted a divorce (or something on those lines). He ran his hand through his hair and leaned back, letting go of her hand in the process.

Evidently, he gave off the wrong impression, because disappointment flooded into her features for a millisecond before ebbing away and being replaced with a (fake) smile.

"No! Carley, I didn't… I want to!" He corrected, his eyes widening at his own mistake. She looked at him in surprise.

"You're serious?" She asked, a genuine smile now on her face. "You're not just saying that?"

"Of course not!"

"So, we're trying?" She asked, standing and walking over to him. He nodded, pulling her down onto his lap.

"Well, why don't we just stop trying to not get pregnant? Throw the condoms and the pill away?" He asked, kissing her neck gently. She looked thoughtful for a moment before kissing him back.

"Good idea. That way, we don't have to say we're trying." She summarised, smiling at her husband.

Three Years Later

Still no luck. They had been trying for too long. Carley was starting to get seriously broody and Lee was getting frustrated.

"I've made the appointment for tomorrow." Carley said, hanging the phone on its cradle and turning to face Lee, who was reading his newspaper in his armchair. He sighed, folding the newspaper and putting it on the coffee table, gesturing for her to sit on his lap. She did as he asked and relaxed into his embrace. Eventually, she spoke, her voice soft. "Three years, Lee… I know it's me… I know there's something wrong with me…"

"Hey… shh… You don't know that." He soothed, kissing her temple softly and smoothing her hair. He took her hand in his and ran a thumb over her knuckles. "We could just be doing it wrong…"

The next day, they dressed in casual clothes (Lee in a t-shirt and jeans, Carley in a blouse and jeans) and made their way to the fertility clinic. After countless forms, they settled in a waiting room, shifting uncomfortably in the plastic chairs.

Carley seemed to not settle, shuffling around in her seat and moving her feet. Lee reached over and took her hand in his, seeing their wedding bands sparkle in the light. He looked in her eyes, shocked to see worry and stress in the place of happiness and calmness. He sent her a small smile and squeezed her hand gently, relieved to see her mirror his actions.

"Mr and Mrs Everett?" A voice called, alerting them. Lee raised his hand, smiling at the young woman in the doorway that was holding a clipboard. He felt Carley tense and led her to the open doorway.

The young woman led them to a sterile room and told them to sit down, smiling all the while. Somehow, Lee took this as a good sign. She was smiling!

"Now… You have no reason to be nervous…" She said, seeing Carley's edginess. Lee took her hand once more and squeezed it tightly. She didn't relax. "Well, your tests have come through and unfortunately… there is a problem."

"It's me, isn't it?" Carley asked, her eyes wide and her breathing fast. The woman looked at her sympathetically and patted her knee.

"There isn't an easy way to do this so I'm just going to come out and say it." She said, looking at us both apologetically. "But you have to remember the different options you have, and take time to choose which is best for you-"

"I'm sorry, but I thought you were just going to come out and say it?" Lee asked, fully aware of his wife's embarrassment and fears. The woman turned to him and leaned back in her chair, understanding his position. She tried to figure the right words to say to them.

Eventually, she figured, she just had to tell them. She couldn't make them suffer any more than they already had.

"It's you, Lee." She said finally. "You have a low sperm count."

Lee went numb. There had to be some mistake… had to be. He was so sure everything was okay, that they would just be doing something wrong. The world spun and he felt the floor fall from beneath his feet.

"Seriously?" He heard Carley's voice ask, but it seemed distant. Everything seemed distant. He felt her cool hand wrap around his wrist. Seeing the doctor nod her head sadly, Carley turned to face her dumbfounded husband. Her heart broke to see him like that: completely broken. He wasn't crying… he never cried… but he was close to it. "Shit…"

The journey home was uneventful. Lee hadn't spoken a word since they had received the news; not even swearing at the other drivers. He entered the house and walked straight to the living room, plopping down on the couch and staring straight ahead of him while Carley closed and locked the door. She followed him and stopped in the doorway, taking in the sight of the man before her and leaning against the doorframe.

"You want a coffee?" Carley asked softly, a sad smile on her face. She saw him nod slowly and walked to the kitchen, setting her purse down on the counter and pouring the coffee beans into the steamer. While she was waiting for it to boil, she thought about the last couple of hours. The nurse had given them numerous leaflets with (frankly) inappropriate titles and told them their options. They could use a sperm donor, adopt, keep trying naturally or try using IVF.

The coffee machine beeped, indicating the liquid was ready. She grabbed two mugs and poured it out, the aroma reaching her nostrils and making her long to curl up in her pyjamas and relax. Unfortunately, this was not the case, as she had set herself a goal to make Lee talk, at least once, before she did anything productive. She picked the steaming mugs up and walked steadily back through to the living room, finding Lee in the same place she had left him.

"Hey…" She said, sitting down next to him and placing the mug in front of him. He turned his head slightly and a small smile played on his features. To the untrained eye, his smile would have passed as genuine, but to Carley, she knew he was trying to be strong. He would let it all out later, when she was asleep.

They stayed like that for a while, simply sitting in silence, before Lee finally spoke up.

"I'm sorry…" He muttered, looking down at his palms. He was on the verge of tears, shaking his head and keeping his eyes closed. "I'm so fucking sorry…"

Carley's head snapped in his direction and she blinked her eyes rapidly, trying to figure out why this was happening. She leaned forward, taking his hands in hers and looked deeply into his eyes.

"Lee, don't you dare apologise…" She started, cupping his cheek and rubbing her thumb over the thick layer of stubble on his jaw.

"But… it's all my fault!" He said, pulling his head away sharply. Carley sucked in a breath and let her hand drop. She let him talk. "If you wanted a divorce, I wouldn't blame you…"

She stood and knelt down in front of him, sighing loudly. He continued to rant, hating himself.

"Lee, you stupid man…" She started slowly, patting his knee and holding back tears of her own. It broke her heart to see him like this. "Yeah, I want a baby… but you're the only person I could ever have one with.

"You can't help having a low sperm count. I know that! I don't blame you for anything! I know you want to be a dad… I want to be a mom… but we have to live with the hand we're dealt."

Carley had tears streaming down her face now, not caring about how she looked. Her husband was all that mattered. He brought her into his warm embrace and held her tightly, feeling tears stream down his own face. They sobbed to each other for longer than they could say, simply holding one another.

Two Months Later

Carley's eyes fluttered open, the sudden light almost blinding her. She turned over and looked at her sleeping husband. He looked so innocent when he slept… like nothing could hurt him. He was still broken up about his infertility. How could he not be?

Suddenly, she threw the covers off her and bolted out of the bed and stumbling to the bathroom. She hugged the bowl and painfully spilled the contents of her stomach. After a while, she felt cool fingertips brush against her neck and her hair being pulled back, away from the vomit.

She groaned and slumped against the cool floor tiles, now sweating profusely, wiping her mouth. She heard Lee's voice from the doorway.

"Look, you're going to the university's clinic." He grumbled. He had been telling her to get help for this bout of… whatever she had, for weeks. "Free care for faculty members and their families."

She nodded, shivering as the coldness of the tiles fully hit her.

Two hours later, Carley emerged from the infirmary with an unreadable expression on her face. When Lee saw her approaching, he sat up straighter in the car seat and snapped to attention. She sighed and plopped down into the passenger side, pulling a little piece of paper from her purse and hiding he image from him.

"So… how'd it go?" He asked, looking at her expectantly. She grinned widely and flashed the piece of paper in front of him. He had never seen her so happy.

"I'm pregnant."