Walking into his somewhat old house was weird. And it wasn't because he hasn't visited enough but more because of the fact that it's changed so much since his mom got married. The portrait of his mom and him above the couch had been replaced with a picture of her and Roger, both in swimsuits and hugging while he and Clyde we arguing in the background. Come to think of it, he didn't remember much about why they were fighting but he does remember Kyle's name being constantly hissed out by Clyde. He also remembered that right after, they took Clyde to the ER for his broken nose.

The wallpaper was changed from an olive green to a soft sky blue, and there were three nightstands. To the left of their beige couch was a black nightstand filled with various pictures of Cartman. Some of him as a pudgy baby and others as him dressed like a nazi. Other than those pictures, it was mainly just him and the gang. It was all off guards (a majority of them had Kyle and Cartman in the background arguing) except for one which was just a picture of them flipping off their elementary school. ...he still didn't understand why his mom framed the picture and put in the center of the nightstand.

The second nightstand that was located to the right of the couch were pictures of Clyde. It was mainly pictures of him and Craig in either matching astronaut outfits or just them sitting around the lawn. The one that caught Cartman's eyes the most was a Halloween one, where Clyde dressed up as a taco and forced Craig to dress up like a hot dog. To be honest, Cartman didn't notice the picture because of their bizarre outfits but,instead, the background. It had a visible sight of Cartman and Kyle laughing at them, in their DC costumes, while Kenny opened up a Playboy mag and shared it with Stan. That was a photographed moment of when sparks started flying between Cartman and Kyle. He remembered it vividly because his heart was throbbing each time Kyle touched him. It was funny, because when he came home he told Liane to take him to the hospital because he thought something was wrong with him. The aching in his heart was painful, and he was sure he was going to die. Liane laughed when she recognized the problem. She sat him on the couch and they talked for the whole night while sipping peppermint tea.

Before he could react, Liane tackled him into a tight hug.

"Hello, poopsykins!" She said, in her usual soft and cheerful voice.

Cartman struggled to breathe as he awkwardly patted his mother's back, "Hi, mom."

She released his grip before planting a kiss on his cheek. Then attacking his cheek with multiple kisses.

Cartman winced but didn't move away. "Where's Clyde?" He asked when she released his grip on him.

"He's in the kitchen with his father." She looked behind him and frowned, "You didn't bring Kenneth?" Liane always had a soft spot for the perverted golden haired boy. Mainly because it was such a relief to having a helping hand around the house and she adored those near rare moments when he'd fall asleep on Cartman's chest on the couch after binge playing a video game. She loved seeing them together, and loved seeing how every time he would make a perverted joke about Last Night, Eric would get so flustered. It was rare seeing her son so happy about him, and she wished she'd photograph the moments when she'd run into Kenny and asked if he'd like to sleep over. Because the ways Kenny's eyes twinkled were so pure, so innocent, that she couldn't believe Eric had been friends with him for such a long time. He never did sleep on the couch, nor the guest room. He slept with Eric every time, cuddled into his chest and sleeping so soundly.

So it definitely was a surprise when Eric brought Kyle home instead of Kenny. Slowly, Kennys visits were decreasing, but Eric had gotten much happier each time he was with Kyle. She didn't understand it, at first, because they both had a history of violence towards each other. But she found it sweet that they were able to work things out and change their relationship for the better. Kyle was the better choice for Eric anyways, he was hardworking and financially stable, and would make Eric all flustered just by being touched. She knew he liked him, that was why when they were kids, Eric would go on and on about how much he hated Kyle. He was too young to identify a crush, so he played it out as if Kyle was his enemy. It was refreshing to see Kyle and Eric all cuddled up, not saying a word of argument. While Kyle was the obvious and better choice for Eric, she would always prefer Kenny.

Cartman nodded, "He's parking the car." He said, he made his way over to the kitchen where Roger sat in the chairs, sipping something that looked like scotch while talking to Clyde who leaned over the kitchen counter.

Clyde immediately noticed Cartman and gave him a warm smile, "Hey, dude."

Cartman gave him a half smile before picking up a small cup and pouring himself the opened scotch bottle.

"Eric," Roger started, "How are your studies?"

Cartman shrugged as he took a sip, "Pretty good. I'm getting my marketing degree this semester." The alcohol burned his throat, and he was suddenly reminded of why he never drank. Seriously, it tasted like Satan's piss.

"Really?" He fixed his glasses, "I had no idea you were so close to getting your own business."

Cartman shrugged, "It's nothing." He looked at Clyde, "How's the hoe?"

Roger grunted disapprovingly as Clyde scowled.

"We broke up." He shrugged as he took gulp of his drink. He winced at the pain but forced himself not to gag.

Cartman snickered, "Weren't you planning to marry her? What happened?" Cartman would never be old enough to abandon his attitude. He'd rather be known as an asshole rather than a pussy.

Clyde nudged his arm, "Fuck off."

"Seriously, what happened?"

Clyde shrugged, "She wasn't... the one,you know?"

Cartman rolled his eyes, Jesus even by his tone you could tell he was lying, "Bullshit, what really happened?"

Clyde blushed as he looked away, "She was with Jason."

"Okay...what was she doing with him?"

Clyde casted him a glare. He was about to speak until Liane called for Roger.

Roger waved at the boys as he left the room to meet up with Liane.

Clyde watched him leave, eager to change the subject on his former girlfriend, he began talking, "So, how's Kyle?"

"Pretty good."

"Is the sex hot?" Clyde grinned at him and expected a nudge but was surprised when Cartman gave him a goofy smile.

"You don't know the half of it."

They shared a small laugh before gazing at each other's features. Clyde didn't look that much different from when they were younger, he still had the same chubby cheeks and dark brown eyes that were always welcoming. He also never grew tired of his messy hair do, nor did he ever grow tired of his letterman jackets. (No matter how many times Cartman told him they weren't teenagers anymore) he was still pudgy, but Liane always told him that's what made his hugs the best. He wasn't a crybaby anymore, he only cried when he needed too. But Cartman would always agree he's a pussy for showing his emotional side. Jesus, all sides of Clyde were emotional. But, he was glad he didn't turn out like those goths that hung out at the sidewalks of the school.

As for Cartman, he was still fat. But he was tall and he did have broad shoulders so that made up for it. He still has those menacing dark brown eyes and the soft subtle blush to his cheeks, but he dressed way differently than when he was a kid. He wore black button down shirts now, with brown jeans and a brown leather jacket thrown over it. He did grow a well shaved stubble and his brown hair was either messy or combed back, but it was mainly slicked back.

The boys turned their attentions to the blonde boy that walked in with a scruffy orange hoodie and a crappy wrapped gift. He waved at Clyde, "Happy Birthday."

Clyde walked over to him and gave him a firm hug. When they separated, Kenny handed Clyde his gift.

Clyde accepted it and scanned the gift, "What's this?"

"A gift-"

"A video game." Cartman interrupted, he picked up his glass and handed it over to Kenny, "Here-I'm not much of a drinker."

Kenny accepted it and took a swing, he winced as he laughed, "Strong as hell."

Clyde nodded and took a small sip of his.

The blonde man clapped his hand on Clyde's shoulder, "How's it feel to be 28?"

He shrugged, "I feel like an old man."

Kenny smiled and took another swing of his drink, "Ready for marriage?"

Clyde dropped his head as he twirled his finger around the lips of his cup.

Kenny glanced at the suddenly saddened man and looked at Cartman, he mouthed the words, "Breakup?"

Cartman nodded, he smiled at Kenny, "How's that marriage with Craig going for you?"

Kenny raised his eyebrows for a split second, "Pretty good. He's kinda being a dick to me but other than that, it's been pretty good."

Clyde nervously chuckled, "Jesus, it seems like all our friends are nearly halfway through their life." He settled his drink down in the counter and presumed to lean against it, "You and Craig are married, so is Token and Nichole. Hell, even Jimmy is married, and so is Timmy." He shook his head, "How long till I find my wife?"

Kenny and Cartman glanced at each other, unsure of what to say to the obviously saddened boy.

"Jesus, dude, you're only 28, you're not that old." He leaned into the counter and his brown eyes met Clyde's, "Fuck shit up while you still can. What's that saying you always said, Kenny?"

It took Kenny a moment to make up some stupid quote, "Fuck as many silly bitches as you can until you need to use viagra?"

Cartman chuckled and nodded, he glanced at Clyde and nearly sighed in relief to see he was smiling and giggling.

"What about you Cartman?"

Cartman furrowed his eyebrows at Kenny's sudden question, "What?"

"You planning on fucking as many silly bitches as you can?"

"No," he said, without hesitation, "I'm with Kyle." He paused and stared at the lint on his jeans, "You dickheads better not tell anyone what I'm about to tell you."

Kenny and Clyde straightened up as their ears perked and they watched the movements of Cartman.

Cartman picked up his head and glanced at Kenny and Clyde, he exhaled as he straightened up too, and looked between the two boys. He leaned forward and almost said in a whisper, "I'm planning on buying whips and chains for the bedroom."

Clyde and Kenny looked at each other and chortled before laughing.

"Dude, I thought it was serious!" Kenny said as he drank down the remaining liquid in his cup and began gagging.

Clyde and Cartman began laughing at the others misfortune.

Kenny flipped them off while managing a grin as the liquid from the alcohol dripped down his chin.

"No, but seriously you guys," he glanced at Kenny before looking down at his fingers and cracking them, "I'm planning on making him mine."

"Yours?" Clyde repeated, "Isn't he yours already? You guys have been dating for 5 years. That's like...half a century, I think."

"Decade." Kenny corrected and wiped the alcohol off his chin. He smirked at Cartman, "Do you guys role play?"

Cartman nearly choked on his breath, "Uh, what?"

"When you guys wanna spice shit up," Kenny walked over to the bottle of scotch and poured himself a refill, "Do you guys do it?"

"Sometimes," it wasn't really a lie but really close to it. Cartman and Kyle didn't find the need to role play, they were well over happy to continue what they were doing. Each time they had sex it was like their first time all over again. Skin lingering, wanting oh so desperately to be touched, breath quickening and hearts ready to beat out their chest.

They 'role played' twice. One by accident but both unplanned. The first time, Kyle came home with a horrible backache. He was kneeling over the lab table the entire day, working up different types of chemicals, trying to find the perfect effect. Cartman was in a bad mood too, because his professor was being such a fucking bitch and he had to constantly remind himself that if he wanted to pass the semester he had to suck it all up. So when Kyle came home, he immediately groaned when he had to stand up straight to reach Cartman's height to kiss him. So, seeing how much he was in pain, Cartman whipped out the body oil and massaged his naked back. And it was soothing, cause Cartman got to touch Kyle's nude, soft, oiled up skin, and Kyle got to enjoy those firm hands digging deep, massaging those painfully sore areas until he moaned. And the second he moaned, Cartman's dick twitched cause fuck, Kyle's moaning ringing through his ears was pure goddamn heaven to him. And he got a little overwhelmed and Kyle felt it. So the cheeky bastard told him to go lower, but his goddamn jeans on Cartman's hands started to hurt because of the fabric. But also, he wanted desperately to roam his hands on those perked cheeks of his. He had the best ass out of anyone in the world, they were small but plump and squishy, and looked so fucking delicate without anything on. And when he couldn't hide his frustration, he asked, but it sounded more like a demand, for Kyle to take his pants off. And Kyle moaned and said, Mmm, why don't you do it for me, Eric? And fuck, his name in his mouth sounded so goddamn sinful. So he flipped Kyle over, harshly, and tore off his pants, barely unbuckling his belt and sure as hell breaking the button. And then he palmed him through his briefs, and Kyle asked, with a god damn fake innocent accent, Babe, what about my massage?

And Cartman completely lost it and fucked him long and hard like there was no tomorrow.

The second time, Kyle was cooking. Despite popular belief, Cartman couldn't cook as well as Kyle, which was no problem for either of them as Cartman loved being served and Kyle loved cooking. But Kyle wasn't cooking for them, but a blood drive fundraiser him and Wendy were doing, Wendy was in charge of collecting the blood while he was in charge of cooking homemade chocolate bars for the donors after they donate.

Cartman was sitting on the kitchen counter making mindless small talk while watching Kyle stir up the liquid chocolate goodness in the pot. Kyle lowered the heat from under the pot and took a wooden spoon and collected a small amount of the liquid. He asked if Cartman wanted to taste and sure enough, he did. So when he spoon fed him the dish, it was fucking delicious. The liquid was hot but that was the best part, as it burned his tongue, he could only taste the sweet flavor and numbness in his tongue. He licked his lips and jumped off the counter and mimicked the same action for Kyle. But the window was open and the cold breeze made Cartman shiver, so his hands started shaking and he spilled the liquid on Kyle's chest. All the napkins ran out and Kyle refused scooping it off with his hands so Cartman rolled his eyes and leaned forward and slowly licked it off his chest. Something about it being on Kyle's radiating pale skin made it only sweeter. And he look up at Kyle who was blushing madly. So Cartman smirked and imitated a cocky accent, Mhmm his soft wet and pink tongue licked his dry plumped pink lips, tasty. And Kyle locked eyes with him and knew exactly what Cartman was implying but he wouldn't let him have the satisfaction of seeing him all flustered and moaning his name, ignoring the fact that they've been dating for 3+ years. So Kyle shoved Cartman onto the kitchen counter and Cartman winced and started yelling about the pain. He ripped off Cartman's shirt, much to his dismay, and accidentally spilled some of the chocolate liquid all over his chest. He slowly licked off the liquid as Cartman lowly groaned. Kyle traced his tongue over to Cartman's hard pink nipple and twirled it around his tongue before grazing his teeth over it and sucking lightly, driving Cartman completely mad with lust.

"What kind?" Kenny's voice snapped Cartman back to reality, Jesus he's been dating Kyle for five years now and he still thinks about him like he's still in the fourth grade, laying down on his bed and thinking about all the sexual fantasies between them. Only difference now was that they're real.

Cartman shrugged, "Cops."

Kenny rolled his eyes, "Dude, that's such a cliché."

"Seriously." Clyde agreed.

"Of course it's a fucking cliche, you have to be creative." He thought for a minute, "Who's the dominant one?"

Kenny's ear perked up, "Like in sex?"

Cartman nodded.

He shrugged, "I don't know, we've never had sex."

Cartman stared at him, his brown pupils dilating to a bigger size as his eyebrows furrowed, nearly connecting each other. He pursed his lips while Clyde choked on his sip of the alcoholic substance.

"Wait, what?"

Kenny shrugged and gave him a stretched out half smile as his eyes looked the other way.

Cartman and Clyde looked at each other in disbelief. Kenny, the old town whore who fucked the whole football team at once never had sex with his own god damn husband? It seemed so unbelievable and not to mention fucking weird as hell. Hell, he's pretty sure even Clyde got a hit. He wouldn't be surprised if all those nights that Kenny would stay with them, he would sneak off into Clyde's room and crawl under the covers and blow him.

"How the fuck is that possible?" He paused, "Didn't you say he was withholding sex from you?"

"Yea," Kenny nodded, "He took all my porn mags and put parental block on my phone."

"He put parental block on your phone?" Clyde snickered.

Kenny ignored him and watched Cartman close his eyes and pinch the bridge of his nose in irritation.

"Are you seriously?"

"Hmm?"

"You guys never had sex, he puts parental block on your phone, takes away your porn magazines...you don't think these are all hints?"

Clyde nodded in agreement, "He's practically begging for you to fuck him."

Kenny stared at them before his eyes widened and he made an oh sound. "Well, fuck." He said in unison.

"You're such a fucking idiot." Cartman said as he shook his head disapprovingly.