For Those You Love

Chapter 16

"So, what did he say?" Carley asked when he made it back through to her. It was clear to him that she had been nervous and reached out to take her hand. "Did he tell you why he said it?"

"Yeah, he did." He said softly, as to not disturb Kenny, who was still staring out of the driver's cab with a blank look on his face. "He made some valid points... made me see some things I've been doing wrong."

"Doing wrong?" She asked, shaking her head and looking confused. "Lee, you've done everything humanly possible for her. For us. What more could you even think about doing?"

He sighed and clenched his jaw before answering. "Cutting her hair and teaching her how to shoot." He said shortly, giving her hand a small squeeze.

"No." Carley said simply, shaking her head and pursing her lips. "Yeah, I can understand cutting her hair. But I refuse to let my daughter handle a gun."

"Carley, we can argue about this later." He said firmly, moving along the train and dragging her behind him. "But right now, she needs to know that guns aren't something to be scared of. I'm not saying she has to be a sharpshooter. All I'm saying is that she needs to know how they work in case she needs to use one."

They passed Ben and entered the boxcar, closing the door behind them. Lee gulped before approaching the girl who was now playing with her nails nervously. "Hey sweetheart." He said softly, sitting beside her and wrapping his arm around her. Carley sat the other side of her and sent a one-eyed glare in her husband's direction behind the girl's back.

"Did you talk to him?" She asked, taking her mother's hand tightly and staring up at Lee.

"He... I did, Clem. And he's sorry for scaring you." He said, noting just how tiny she looked. Of course, this might have just been his protective nature coming through, but he didn't care. "We're not going to let what he said happen. I promise. But to do that, we need to take some precautions."

"Okay." Clem smiled, giving Carley's hand a squeeze. "That makes sense. What kind of precautions?"

Lee thought for a few seconds and reached to his left and into Chuck's pack, where the older man had assured him there would be scissors. His hand clasped around the metal and he grinned happily. He brought them out and flashed a smile to Carley before answering.

"You're probably not going to like this, honey." He said softly, crinkling his forehead as he tried to think of how to tell her.

"What's happened now, dad?" Clem asked, a tired look on her face, coupled with worry.

"No, nothing bad." He said quickly, rubbing her back and raising his eyebrows. "It's your hair. It's not safe."

The girl's face scrunched up in anger before she spoke, her tone offended. "That's not nice! Are you saying it smells?"

"No!" He once again said quickly, wanting to avoid her anger. "It's getting a little long, so I was thinking we could cut it."

"Why?" Clem asked, letting go of Carley's hand and touching her hair with a wide-eyed look. "I like it like this. Can't we just leave it like it is?"

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." He groaned, shaking his head and gripping the edge of the boxcar tighter. "But we need to cut it. D'you remember when Andy St-"

He looked across at Carley, who had stiffened notably at the sound of the name. He felt like slapping himself, but had to continue. Sending her an apologetic look, he finished his sentence. "D'you remember when Andy St. John grabbed it and I got mad?"

"You got mad a lot that day." The girl said.

"I did." He confirmed, sighing loudly. His eyes were focused on his daughter, as he didn't want to see the look on Carley's face. "And we're gonna make sure it doesn't happen again by cutting your hair."

"…Okay…" Clem pouted, looking up at her mother pleadingly. "Please will you do it, mo- Are you okay?"

"I-I'm fine, honey." Carley said shakily. Lee looked up at her and felt his heart drop. She looked pale. Really pale. "And I'll cut your hair for you. Don't worry."

"Are you-?" Lee started, only to be cut off with a one-eyed glare. "Okay… I think I'll go see how Ken's holding up…"

"You do that." Carley spat as she knelt up and took the scissors from him. "And this is not over, Everett."

"Yes ma'am."

Five Minutes Later

"Hey man." Lee said softly, entering the driver's compartment and smiling sadly at Kenny. He didn't look like he was doing well.

"Hey…"

"I… how're you holding up?" He asked, sitting down in the vacant chair by the window, which was still covered in blood and general dust. Lee brought his hand over to his cheek and winced when he touched his scar.

"I'm… I'm not, buddy." Kenny said lowly, letting his voice crack. He turned his head and glared at his friend. "But I don't suppose you'd understand."

"Why wouldn't I? If you tell me, I might be able to help." He replied, leaning forward in his sea and raising his dark brown eyes to look at the other man. "I can't say I understand, but I can try to. Only if you let me, though."

Kenny sighed and let his thought wander. He thought about everything good that had happened to him. All because of Katjaa. He'd stopped drinking for her and his (then) unborn child. She'd given him everything he'd ever wanted. A son… a family. Then, when Duck was born, he had promised the tiny boy that he'd never let anything happen to him. That he'd always protect him and love him.

He felt as if he'd broken that promise. He knew he'd broken that promise.

"Well tough shit, Lee." Kenny finally growled, still not taking his eyes off the tracks ahead. His words were getting gradually louder. "You don't know how I feel and you never will. My wife and kid are dead. No one will ever understand."

"You think you're the only man who's ever lost a kid?" Lee said lowly, noting the anger in his friend's words. "You think that you're the only person who feels like they can't protect their family. Well, think again."

"What do you know, Lee?" Kenny shouted, turning his head, his eyes ablaze. "Your kid's alive and well back there. So is your wife. When've you felt like this?"

"A couple of months before everything started." He replied quietly, tensing his jaw and clenching his fist. "Carley and I don't like to tell people because it's in the past and we can't change it... But we lost a baby. She was four months pregnant with our son. And she lost it. She almost died because of it."

He looked up at Kenny with teary eyes. "So don't say that no-one knows how you feel, because I fucking well do. You want to know the difference?" He asked, not waiting for a reply before continuing. "You got to meet your son; tell him that you love him. That should be the most important thing to you right now. You got to spend time with your wife and your son."

He stood and stuffed his hand in his pocket, fighting back the tears that were pricking his eyes. "I'm not trying to offend you. Just remember that you're not alone. And don't take it out on us." He said after taking a couple of calming breaths. His voice was shaky, but he understood how fragile Kenny truly was, so controlled himself. "I'm here for you man."

"I know." Kenny said, looking at Lee apologetically. "I just… I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. I understand what's going on." Lee replied as he walked out of the door and started along the train. It'd hurt him to no end talking about their lost baby. It still hurt him to that day. He felt so guilty, it was almost inhuman.

As he reached the train car once again, Ben's voice roused him from his thoughts and made him stop dead in his tracks.

"Lee… It was me…"

A/N- Hello! I know this is a really slow update but I've had a lot to deal with lately. Not gonna bore you with it, but I wanted to give a shout out to my friend Jo who's helped me a lot. Plus, she's an amazing writer. I know she reads this story, so yeah, this is for you bud! Plus, he friend reads this too, so hello! Haha :P I'll update as fast as I can, but I start college on Monday, so I'm sorry if I don't Until next time, bye!