Disclaimer: Yeah…no.

Four

Felony

Back in heaven, Balthazar sat on the Pinnacle. His wings – four of them – spread in the grass on either side of him. He'd been promoted, you could say, to Seraphim after the rite of passage. His true form, much larger than that of his previous Fledgling form, mostly resembled a wolf. His feathers were silver and bushy like fur, but they curled like leaves into a pale yellow tip. He held his hands in front of his face. They were long and bony with sharp nails, completely different to soft stubby fingers they used to be. He wasn't staring at the hands, however, he was staring at a white jewel he was holding.

There was a shrill of singing above him, as excited angels showed off their new colours, restless and ready to begin working for their Father. The sky was not as full as it usually was, but slowly filling as angels returned from a moment's tribute to those who had died during the rite of passage.

After a while of sitting alone, Balthazar sensed Uriel beside him. Uriel had also changed. He was a tall, hulking figure with purple, indigo, and red in his feathers. Feathers grew up and around his shoulders like the mane of a lion – his face, also, was similar to the creature, with fangs and a flat, handsome quality to it. He also had the horns of a ram. Balthazar refused to react to his presence.

"You missed the tribute." Uriel said, his voice hard as a rock in the quiet between them. "Angels were asking for you. Daniel, in particular, could have done with your company. I know you two are close and he's lost someone very dear to him as well. Why weren't you there?"

Balthazar scoffed, plucking some flowers from the dirt – two more promptly grew back in their place – and tossed them aside. "Didn't feel like it."

"Castiel would have wanted you to go."

Balthazar clenched his fist around the jewel in his hand. It was white with jagged edges and it glowed when you whispered sweet things to it. He knew Castiel would have been enchanted by something like that, so he was planning on showing it to him after the rite of passage.

"You can't sit here forever." Uriel scolded, "We're not Fledglings any more; we're soldiers. We have a garrison. We have a mission. They're expecting us to begin working straight away. You too."

"Just give me a second." Balthazar said. He didn't look away from the jewel. It had been glowing and warm before, but as Balthazar watched it, the light slowly faded away and the warmth dropped into a cold chill. It could sense Balthazar's intentions towards it.

Balthazar waited until he heard Uriel's wings disappear into silence and walked to the edge of the cliff. He looked down at the stars. The jewel felt like ice now as he stretched out his arm, with nothing but two claws holding it. He wondered; how far would it fall? How far did Castiel fall?

He heard a groan below him and started. He glanced down, ready to tell whoever it was to go away...Then stopped. The jewel went bouncing along the ground.

"Cas!"

Castiel clung to the mountain. His wings, exhausted, lay crippled against his back. His arms were shaking. He was so tired he didn't hear Balthazar's voice, and he didn't notice when Balthazar reached down with one long arm and plucked him from the cliff and into his arms. Balthazar realised how tiny Flegdings were compared to Seraphim and he was a little grateful that Castiel lost consciousness as soon as he let go of the mountain.

"Damn it, Cas! What the hell happened?"

Hours later, Castiel woke up. He felt heaven's energy pouring into him and sighed with relief. After endless searching and flying through space, he chanced upon a mountain that looked a lot like the Pinnacle, surrounded by blue light, and lunged for it. He couldn't remember what happened after that; he found himself awake in this room. It was bright white and circular, with ridges on the roof that spiralled round each other and met in the middle. The floor where he was lying was soft, almost fluid-like. He sat up carefully, stretching his wings out for a moment, before tucking them under his back.

"Hey. You're awake."

Castiel turned towards the voice. Balthazar was watching him cautiously from the opposite side of the room, as if he'd expected Castiel to suddenly leap up and attack him. He was in his familiar humanoid form – although Castiel couldn't help but notice the colour in his wings. A lump appeared in Castiel's stomach.

Balthazar knew what he was thinking. "I didn't want to scare you."

"You're a Seraph?"

"Yup."

"And your true form is...?"

"A lot different than before." That was all he chose to say on the subject. Instead, he came and sat beside him, leaning back and talking to the roof. "Uriel visited. I kept everyone else away, but I did get Liwet to heal the worst of your wounds. You didn't seem to be healing properly. I guess you were too tired."

Castiel cocked his head. "Who's Liwet?"

Balthazar blinked. "Hmm? Oh! She's a Rit Zen from my garrison. We can trust her: She's not like the others."

"You have a garrison." Castiel murmured, glancing down. "That's good. I'm pleased for you."

"Cas." The tone of Balthazar's voice made Castiel look up. His face was dark and his lips pressed into a thin line. His hooded eyes were hidden. "What happened to you? I thought…well, you know..." his laugh was dry, "The usual."

"I'm fine. I didn't go into the Void…I think."

Balthazar scowled and took a step back. "Excuse me?!" he hissed. Castiel blinked. "You 'think'? No offence, Cas, but I thought you were dead and I deserve more than that! What the hell happened? Where the hell where you?"

"That's the thing." Castiel said, getting to his feet, "I don't know where I was! I know that I left heaven. I was with the stars and then...I just flew - well, actually I was flying for hours, until I couldn't do it much longer. I saw this planet…"

"Jibjibjib!" Balthazar cut in waving his hands, effectively stunning Castiel into silence. "What? You saw a planet?" his voice was so demanding that Castiel couldn't help but nod. He was beginning to wonder whether he was truly back in heaven and that this wasn't some strange illusion. Balthazar was acting so strangely! Castiel knew it was a ridiculous thought but he couldn't help it.

Balthazar assessed him quietly and then said, "So you ended up in one of the six realms..."

"One of the what?"

"Six realms. You know the six planes of existence? 'In the beginning there was God, Death, and the Darkness' and all that. Those six realms!"

Castiel understood now. He'd had a lesson on it, if he recalled correctly. Fledglings weren't allowed to know many details. He only knew that the six realms were incomplete and they weren't allowed to go near them.

"Oh."

"I know that face. Cas, what the hell have you done?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "I may have…possibly…landed on the planet." at the look Balthazar was giving him, he quickly added, "I had to! I was exhausted! If I didn't land I might not have made it back!"

"Please tell me you didn't do something stupid like talk to someone?"

Castiel swallowed.

Balthazar pointed at him accusingly. "You DID! Who was it?"

"Two children."

"And what were they? And what planet were you on? Do you know?"

"I don't know!" Castiel shrugged helplessly. "They said…I think they said they were…Time Lords?"

Balthazar went very, very pale and very, very still. It scared Castiel, who was already lost in a state of confusion, but seeing Balthazar, who was usually so flexible and alive with energy, freeze up like that...it was like time itself had stopped.

"...Time Lords? Do you have any idea what–" Balthazar stopped talking suddenly and turned his head sharply to the right, listening to something Castiel couldn't hear.

"What is it?"

"Seraphim."

"How do you know? No Fledgling has the ability to hear Seraphim."

Balthazar just looked at him, and Castiel felt a hot coal of jealousy settle in his ribcage. "...Oh. Right. Forgot."

"They're coming for you."

Castiel went rigid – that hot coal suddenly flared into a fiery panic. "What? Why?"

"They know you're here. They sensed it when you regained consciousness." Balthazar looked at him dead in the eye, "Forget everything I just said!"

Seconds later, in a flurry of thundering wings, three angels arrived. Two of them Castiel recognised straight away; the Seraphim, Raguel and Ezekiel, as for the third, it took a moment, but Castiel realised it was Anael, the first Fledgling to pass the rite of passage earlier. She looked so different – still beautiful, yes, agile, even more so, but her wings, four of them, were lined with a glimmering red and her face had grown more elegant than it was before.

"Stand down, solider." She said tersely.

"Ma'am." It was Balthazar who replied and Castiel stared at him.

Raguel stepped dangerously towards Castiel, making Castiel snap his gaze back to the older Seraphim and quickly away again out of respect. "Castiel, you will come with us. You're presence has been requested by our superior."

"Permission to speak."

Raguel scowled at Balthazar's interruption and then at Anael, who looked back nervously for a moment but when neither of the Seraphim said anything, Anael nodded to Balthazar. "Permission granted."

"Is Castiel safe?"

Castiel was startled. The forwardness of the question...It was so harsh and demanding and Castiel wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer.

"That depends." Raguel said.

Ezekiel grunted disapprovingly and Raguel shot him a glare. "We'd just like to ask him some questions, isn't that right, Raguel?"

Raguel didn't answer.

Ezekiel looked kindly at Castiel. "Come with us. We won't keep you long."

Castiel swallowed. Knowing he had no choice anyway, he went with Raguel and Ezekiel. He looked over his shoulder and saw Anael talking to Balthazar in her hushed quick voice, and Balthazar nodding at whatever she was saying. So Anael was Balthazar's commanding officer now. They were both warriors. Maybe they were even part of the same garrison.

Castiel felt sick. It was as though he'd been gone for years, not hours. It was horrible.

A hand found Castiel's shoulder and he suddenly was somewhere completely different. He didn't recognise the place. It was small and made up of four white walls, and a desk against the far wall, where there was another angel, a female. She was in a basic humanoid form but the colours in her wings spoke of her true status. She was Seraphim too, but a special kind, because the colours cover the entirety of her wings instead of just the tips of the feathers. Her face was that of a cat. Her wings were indigo, as were her eyes.

"Hello Castiel." she said.

"…hello."

The mystery angel nodded to Raguel and Ezekiel and they left. Even though Castiel didn't like Raguel, he'd felt much safer with Ezekiel. There was something about this other angel; the way her cat eyes were sharp and without mercy made Castiel's instincts run rampant, whispering danger, danger, danger, over and over again.

"I understand you fell during the rite of passage." the angel continued, "Is that right?"

Castiel flushed and reluctantly confirmed the statement to be true.

"And, as I'm sure you're aware, most Fledglings don't usually return from a fall – in fact, you're the first." There was something in her voice that Castiel didn't like. It was clipped but confident as though it had been rehearsed. Castiel suddenly got the feeling that he was being interrogated and, like a good solider would, he said nothing.

"Will you tell me how you did it?" the angel prompted, "I'm very interested."

She didn't sound remotely interested. But this couldn't continue much longer, Castiel knew. They're be more consequences for him if it did. He remembered an angel Aurora who was always getting up to mischief. They say she disobeyed many orders and never repented a single one of her actions. One day, she was taken by Raguel's garrison to be questioned - she was never heard of again. The superiors refused to comment on whether she was dead, left heaven, or something completely different. Castiel wondered; was a similar fate going to befall him now? No. Castiel wouldn't allow that to happen. He had to explain his actions.

"I flew."

"But you didn't make it back straight away."

"…no."

"Where did you go?"

He was about to reply – but then he remembered what Balthazar said about the six planes of existence and stopped himself.

"Why aren't you answering?"

"I…um…I hit my head." Castiel said. It wasn't a lie, and it was much easier to say than one.

"You've forgotten?"

Castiel said nothing.

The angel pursed her lips and hummed thoughtfully. "It's open space down there. I can't help but wonder what you could have possibly hit your head on. Are you sure there isn't anything you can tell me?"

Castiel said nothing.

"I see." The angel said, rising from her seat, "Wait here, Castiel. I need to prepare some equipment."

"Okay."

Castiel's instincts were on edge. Something dangerous was going to happen, he knew it. He followed the angel with his eyes. She was stood by, in earth terms, a dental chair, looking into a cabinet on wheels. From the cabinet she took out a drill. (Despite common belief heaven wasn't void of technology, though it wasn't favoured) She looked at him and gestured to the chair with the hand-piece. "Please, seat. Relax."

"What's that for?"

"You've forgotten information that is vital to heaven. I'm going to help you remember it. Sit."

Castiel moved towards the chair.

Then the room began to tremble.

"Not again." the angel hissed, her fist clenching around the drill which snarled.

Castiel shuddered. The ground was shaking wildly and the light in the room was becoming brighter and brighter until... Castiel felt his presence before he saw him. It was like being mentally punched in the face, only imagine you just woke up when it happened. Castiel had to close his eyes. He was amazed and terrified at the same time.

"STOP!" commanded the Archangel. "Don't even think about doing that or I'll smite you on the spot!"

Castiel flinched. The Archangel was behind him, barely a breath away.

"But..." the female angel spluttered. "My job is to find information that may of may not depend on the future of heaven. That's what you selected me for!"

"First of all, don't answer back. Second, he's a fledging! I won't let you do this, it's disgusting! Fledglings cannot be subjected to this kind of interrogation - and we've lost enough siblings for today. Now, call back your subordinates and let the little one go."

"But, the subject.."

"...will be placed under extra guard if need be. An elite team has been dispatched to see what damage has been caused. Until they get back, we can't fully assess the situation. Now, do as you're told."

"...I understand."

There was a moment of silence and Castiel found the courage to slowly open his eyes and look at the Archangel who came to his rescue - but just as he did so, Ezekiel was called back. Then his hand was on Castiel's arm, and the white room dissolved.

Balthazar and Castiel were walking down one of the halls when it happened. Castiel was explaining what happened when he went with Raguel and Ezekiel - he'd only just come back and the two of them decided to find Uriel. However, rumours about Castiel's return had spread like a virus and many angels were talking about him. The rumours even spread to the highest hierarchy of heaven – myself – and soon everyone knew the name 'Castiel.' Funnily enough, it was at this point that I first heard the name but of course, like all things, its significance was nothing to me. Rumours were just viruses, maybe worse, and I didn't like to catch them.

Typically, it wasn't long before the virus came swirling back.

"Hey, Daniel!" Balthazar called as the other Seraphim angel approached them in a humanoid form. Similar to Balthazar, his four coloured wings were the only evidence of his change; they were banded in black and white. "You feeling better?"

"I see you are." Daniel grunted, glaring at Castiel, "I also see that the rumours were true. Castiel has returned. How lovely."

Castiel blinked. "...We haven't really been introduced."

Balthazar cleared his throat. "Well, this is Daniel from my old class. I mentioned him once or twice, didn't I? Nice to meet you. Blah, blah, blah. Cas, let's go now, quickly."

Daniel stood in their way.

"Don't." Balthazar warned him. Castiel tensed. He knew a challenger when he saw one.

"So, Cas, how did you do it?" Daniel ground out, "How'd you survive?"

Not again! "Well, I…"

"I'm surprised you haven't been punished already." Daniel continued, "After all, you did fail the rite of passage."

Castiel's wings twitched. Something twisted inside him.

"Everyone else who failed fell into the Void!" Daniel accused. "You should have too! There's no reason why you should survive!"

"Maybe I'm stronger!" Castiel blurted before he thought about it. He didn't care. He was trembling with rage.

Daniel gave a sharp laugh. "As strong as us? Sure. Whatever you say."

"Back off, Daniel. Go sulk somewhere else." Balthazar said, tugging on Castiel's arm. "Come on, Cas."

Castiel refused to back down.

Daniel chuckled. "He wants to fight, Balth. Even you can respect that."

"Don't you even…"

A moment later, Daniel was towering over them in his true form. Ah, Castiel suddenly thought. He'd forgotten that Daniel was no longer Fledging. He was bigger and stronger. Much, much, much bigger. And his hands – no longer humanoid – were like pincers. Castiel swallowed. He barely had time to register anything else because one of the sword-arms was swooping towards him. Castiel stumbled back to dodge.

Something stopped it. A tight bony hand gripped Daniel's wrist and Castiel turned round, and looked up, to see Balthazar's true form glaring at Daniel.

"Back down, Daniel." Balthazar hissed, his fist tightening around Daniel's wrist so hard that Castiel swore he could hear the groan of pressure. "I don't want to fight you. Not like this."

"I just wanted to scare him. I'm not going to hurt him."

They've fought many times, Castiel remembered suddenly, and so Balthazar must have known everything about Daniel, including what he looked like when he lied. Snarling, Balthazar pushed Daniel's wrist back. Daniel twisted his wrist and suddenly only air was in Balthazar's fingers. Daniel had leapt back, his hand re-forming in a twist of smoke. Balthazar lunged, shoving Daniel against the ground.

Castiel propelled his wings to get out of the way. He had ever felt so small in his entire life. He was an insect before two lions.

Daniel kicked Balthazar off him and moved to punch him, but Balthazar was too agile and slipped away before he could. They always duelled together, as equals, but Castiel couldn't help but wonder where they still equals now they had grown?

Castiel scrambled to get out of the way as Daniel was thrown down to the ground were Castiel had been seconds before.

"Back down, honey." Balthazar cooed.

Daniel just spat and threw him off. They circled each other again.

Castiel, scrambling to get out of the way off another attack, studied their movements. Balthazar, as always, was flexible and swift, able to deliver multiple attacks in seconds. Daniel was similar - he imagined this was because their rivalry had each other studying the other and learning from them - but slower, with more brutality with each attack. Daniel loved to fight; he drew his energy from it. Balthazar did not.

Daniel swung his blade-like arm towards Balthazar, who weaved effortlessly from the attack. Grinning, Balthazar swirled around and delivered a blow to Daniel's back, in the sensitive area below his wings. The wings shuddered and slapped back as Daniel turned to face his opponent. Daniel raised his arms, blade gleaming as it faced Balthazar, and charged.

Castiel gasped, "Balthazar, look out!"

Balthazar didn't move. He braced himself, pushing firmly against the ground, raring for impact. When Daniel hit, Balthazar grabbed his arms, the blades pushing into his hands and opening glowing flesh. The pain of his inner grace being exposed was excruciating - imagine cutting yourself with a blade that was first placed in fire, and then cutting the same wound straight afterwards with a knife covered in ice. Balthazar roared. His feet left wounds in the ground as Daniel pushed against him, but Balthazar had enough strength in his trembling hind legs to halt the movement.

"Calm down." Balthazar said through ground teeth, "Get a hold of yourself before you do something you regret."

Tears were in Daniel's eyes. "It's not fair! Why did Ambriel have to die?! Everyone loved him, needed him - nobody wants that spawn! It's not fair, damn it!"

"It's not Castiel's fault, you idiot!"

Daniel was swaying. He looked exhausted, up close, and dizzy - but this didn't sway his hysteria. "Maybe so." he muttered. "But we're angels of the lord. We should be allowed to deliver JUSTICE! Let me punish him, Balthazar! It's fair that way!"

"You've gone insane."

Daniel twitched. "You won't stop me, Balth."

"You're ill, Danny!"

Angels don't usually show such an intense expression of emotions. They were considered a disadvantage to warriors like Daniel; something that was usually cured by a Rit Zen, or if worse comes to worse, a visit from the hierarchy. In heaven, they called it warrior sickness, most common after battle or a sudden death of a close comrade. On Earth, a similar affliction, although it's effects were slightly different on humans, has a much more fitting term: shell-shock.

Daniel cracked a smirk - a depressed smirk. "I'll hurt you too. I don't want to, but I will. You can't stop me."

Then he was gone. Balthazar's fingers were curling round smoke.

Daniel flew swiftly, appearing behind Balthazar. Balthazar turned just in time to block a slice to the face - but he was too slow to completely avoid damage; he pushed against Daniel, causing Daniel to cut a fresh, glowing wound on his chest. Balthazar gritted his teeth and tried to use his flexibility to subdue Daniel again, but this time Daniel ducked and crashed into his open wound. Balthazar hissed and stumbled. Daniel hooked his wing beneath him and flipped him onto his back. Balthazar groaned as Daniel pressed his face into the ground, the claws on his feet digging into his skull and making it impossible for Balthazar to wrinkle his way free.

"Daniel!" Castiel cried, bristling and completely helpless. "Stop it, Daniel, you're going to kill him!"

Then a third Seraphim stepped between them.

It was Uriel, the Mountain; though that name fit him now more than it ever had done before. He smashed his way towards them, gripped Daniel's shoulders and threw him into the wall so hard it cracked down the middle like a thunderbolt. A second later it was healed.

Daniel spun round to face them. Two against one now. Castiel's throat went stiff. It was exhilarating, seeing his friends at their most powerful, but he couldn't help but feel isolated. It was as though he wasn't really in the room with them, but he was watching them from afar, unable to speak, touch, or fight with them. That made everything that happened a hundred times worse.

"I thought better of you, Daniel, what with your performance during the rite of passage." Uriel said, his voice loud and unwavering in the silence that stretched between them, "This is no way for a solider of God to act."

"I'm acting exactly how I should!" Daniel hissed, "I'm disposing of a threat."

A threat? Castiel lowered his head. How was he a threat? Because he went to the planet? Because he failed the rite of passage? Maybe they saw him as the runt of the litter. Or...maybe it was something simpler than that. Maybe it was simply because he left heaven and somehow returned and now they thought he'd contaminated heaven, or worse, their Father's creations. Castiel couldn't bare the thought of hurting his family and for a moment all he could think was I shouldn't have come back.

"Perhaps I should summon Raguel or his garrison?" Uriel said calmly. "You know how he hates to settle petty vendettas. Is that fitting of a soldier?"

Daniel growled quietly. He still had intent in his eyes, but he knew not to try and fight against both Uriel and Balthazar just to get to Castiel. "You agree with me though. I know you do. I can see it in your eyes." He said at last, "Everyone who failed died. He should have too!"

Then he was gone.

Castiel tried his best to contain his jealously and embarrassment as Balthazar and Uriel shrank back down to his size. Balthazar blew on his hands to heal his wounds, cringing in agony as he did so, and then wiped a hand along the cut on his chest to heal that also.

"Now tell me what's going on, you two." Uriel said firmly.

"Oh put it away, Uriel!" Balthazar snapped. He was flushed from the fight, looking at the place where Daniel had been stood with guilty eyes. But soon his eyes moved to where his hand was resting on Castiel's stiff shoulder, and the guilty look disappeared. "We'll tell you what happened, but maybe somewhere else? I need to sit down for a bit anyway."

Uriel's eyes narrowed, but he nodded.

"Good." Balthazar's hand slid away. "I know a place. It's this way." He jerked his thumb over at the wall. Uriel glanced at Castiel, who kept his furrowed brow fixed firmly on the floor, and then followed Balthazar, Castiel moving behind. At the wall, Balthazar pressed his palm against it and suddenly the wall dissolved at his touch, revealing a chamber within. He stepped inside and his friends followed.

"What is this place?" Castiel whispered. It was dark, unlike most of the heaven he was used to, and something about it felt forbidden. The walls were carved from stone, with scratches from off-fired arrows.

"Tunnel system used by the Cherubim."

"I've never heard of it." grunted Uriel.

"Most haven't." Balthazar replied, "A certain Cupid owed me a certain favour, so he talked to his team and they let me use the tunnels whenever I have to. This way!"

He turned suddenly to the right and dropped as the floor dipped sharply down a steep and rocky slope, going deeper into the darkness and lower into the secret tunnels. Compared to the rest of the tunnel, this part looked unfinished. "Built it myself." Balthazar said when Castiel asked him about it. "Needs a little work, but it does the job."

Uriel looked uncomfortable. "This place feels wrong...Why would you do this?"

"An angel needs his space."

They stopped at another dead end and Balthazar pressed his palm against the wall again and the wall disappeared. Beyond it, there was small room. It was dimly lit with diamonds. They were whispering and Castiel looked at them with fascination and then glanced round the room and smiled. It was a collection of everything Balthazar had 'found' - there was even the flask of that strange liquid Balthazar showed him the day they met. Castiel looked at Balthazar, who smirked, arms crossed over his chest and leaning back lazily against the far wall.

"You have a secret room that no one in heaven knows about?"

Balthazar winked. "I'd appreciate it if it stayed that way."

"I'm not sure if I approve of this other life of yours." Uriel muttered, folding his arms. "But it'll do. Now, tell me what's going on. I assume this has something to do with Castiel's de- ...fall?" he quickly caught himself on the last word, but Castiel already knew what he was about to say.

Balthazar chuckled. "Yeah. Simply put: He's alive, not dead like everyone else is. I imagine some folks are jealous."

Castiel glared at him. "The deaths of our brothers and sisters are not something to make jokes out of! How many died?"

"Sixty-six – not including you."

"Maybe some survived like I did."

Uriel turned to him. "How did you survive?"

"Which leads to our problem." Balthazar cut in before Castiel could get a word in. "He didn't fall into the Void. He passed through the Divide and into one of the six realms."

Uriel's eyes went wide. "You did what?"

Castiel grumbled. "It's good to know my survival meant something to you."

"Of course it means something. We thought we lost you." Uriel graced him with a warm smile before his frown returned, "But the six planes they're – well we've never been allowed to go near them, not until the time is right. I don't know what happens if one of us does. How did you find you way back?"

"Looked for the stars." Castiel said, "I…I needed to land, though."

"You were on one of the planets?" Uriel said, alarm increasing in his voice. Castiel winced. Would he have to go through this experience with every angel who asked? He remembered the angel and Gabriel arguing about him, about tests, equipment, and other things he didn't understand. He never thought he'd associate his friends with what was quickly becoming the most horrible experience of his young life. "Which one?" Uriel was saying, "Do you know?"

Castiel was about to answer truthfully when Balthazar beat him to it. "Just a lifeless rock. Nothing to worry about."

Uriel raised an eyebrow at him. "You're sure?"

"Positive. Cas, come here, we need to talk."

An arm around his shoulder turned him away and pulled him close. Balthazar's face was drawn tight were it sat next to his. Castiel whispered, "We're not telling him?"

"It's bad enough already. No one needs to know about Gallifrey."

"He was on Gallifrey?!" Uriel demanded, suddenly in front of them.

Balthazar pursed his lips, "Do you have to do that?"

"What's wrong with Gallifrey?" Castiel demanded.

Uriel stared at him like he blasphemed. For all Castiel knew, he probably did.

"Why can't you tell me?"

"You should already know." Uriel told him. "They've told us. Our first lesson."

"Come on. This is Cas! He was dreaming about seeing those damn stars of his."

"Hey!"

"Well, you should know, that out of all the planets and creations our Father has ever or ever will create, Gallifrey and the Time Lords are the ones we must not go near. Our Father and Death forbade it long ago."

"Why is it forbidden? They didn't seem so bad."

"You spoke to them?!"

"I…no." Castiel stuttered, "I meant the planet."

Uriel chuckled, "You're such a terrible liar."

Castiel swallowed, "They were just children, like me! And you wouldn't believe it but they knew telepathy like us, and I think they have the Grace inside them. One of them had a cut that was slowly healing while we talked. They must have healing abilities of some kind. I'm telling you, they're just like angels, so why is it forbidden?"

"Did they see you?"

It was Balthazar who asked this question.

"I was hidden so I don't think so."

"Good, we can work with that."

Uriel turned sharply from Castiel – much to his relief – to Balthazar. "Work with that?!" he repeated incredulously, "We can't actually hide this!"

"Damn straight we are!"

"Stop swearing." Uriel's voice was getting lower the angrier he got. "You think no one will find out sooner or later? Castiel has already been attacked! How long do you think it'll be before others come?"

"So, what then?" Balthazar snapped, "We just hand him over to Raguel and say 'Hey, Raggie, Castiel here has just committed one of the biggest crimes of our time. Go easy on him, will ya?' Please! If anyone finds out about this, Cas is dead. For real this time."

"Then I suggest you stop shouting about it!"

"Am I allow to…?"

"NO!" Uriel and Balthazar yelled simultaneously and Castiel shook his head in frustration. He couldn't bare any more of this! Growling, he spread out his wings, pictured the mountain inside his head, and in the next moment all was quiet and Castiel was on top of the Pinnacle, the place he had sought comfort for thousands of years.

I shouldn't have come back. No. Castiel pushed away the thought. This was heaven, his home, his family, his friends - he couldn't have stayed away even if he wanted to. He'd always wanted to find his place amongst his brothers and now...maybe his place was already decided, maybe... Maybe I should have just fallen into the Void and died like I was supposed to. Indeed, that would have had more honour, on par with the universal law 'die trying.' Sometimes, these things were just meant to be - Castiel scowled at the thought. So the way his brothers and sisters always always looked at him, the way he was driven to try harder, all of that was only building to his failure? That was meant to happen?

Castiel was at a loss. He was so confused he didn't know what to do with himself. He'd always done as he was told - more or less, anyway. In his classes, he was told to train and he did. In the rite of passage, he was told to perform and he did. Afterwards, he was supposed to take on his role, and he would have, only now he has no role. He's without purpose. He felt hollow inside. What was he supposed to do now? What do you do when you fail? Do you try again? What if the opportunity ever comes round again? Do you find something else and forget about it?

Sighing, Castiel looked down at the stars. One good thing about all this: he'd finally been with them. He'd watched them for so long that for that moment it didn't matter what had happened because he'd finally gotten a taste for what it was like. Part of him, slowly growing in size with his sorrow, just wanted to go back.

"Just can't let it go, can you?" came Balthazar's voice with a fluttering of wings behind it as the angel appeared beside Castiel.

"Leave me alone, Balthazar."

"So you can get attacked again?" Balthazar scoffed, "It'll happen. You know what our older brothers and sisters are like."

"I just want to be left alone."

"Good luck with that. I don't think anyone will leave you alone after today. But hey – you always wanted to be noticed, right?"

Castiel spun round and glared at him. "That isn't funny!"

Balthazar paused, lips pursed. "…I know."

Castiel glanced away. Down below, there was a greenish shape like a cloud, tiny from heaven, sparkling with red and purple, like dust. Castiel pointed it out to Balthazar.

"Pretty." the other angel mused with disinterest.

"That's where Gallifrey is."

"Cas, they're just stars! Little twinkly bits."

"It's there." Castiel insisted, "I know it is."

Balthazar sighed. "Castiel." he said, "Don't get me wrong. Everything aside, I really am tremendously pleased you're okay and I want you to stay that way. Yes, that little piece of rock down there saved your life, but it'll drag you down if you let it bother you like this."

Castiel didn't take his eyes of the dust cloud. "I don't even understand how I got there."

Balthazar pressed his lips together. "I didn't tell you this." he said firmly. "But the Divide is what connects the six planes together. It's like a bridge. A bad bridge. With holes. If you didn't fall straight through, you must have crossed it. ...Huh. Thinking about it now, I guess the others could have survived too, but for some reason they never came back. I guess that makes them deserters. They're the true Fallen Angels. Don't go making yourself one of them."

"Am I really the only one to ever come back?"

"If there was someone else, they kept it pretty shushed up."

"Why is it forbidden? I don't understand."

"Because it is. That's all there is to it."

"Why do you care?" Castiel demanded suddenly. "You've never obeyed the rules. I know you stole all those things you showed me."

"It's not stealing if it's still in heaven! Plus, when I do it, it's fine. When you do it, it's worrying." Balthazar paused. His mouth curled into a snarl and then: "I don't care if it's forbidden or why – I don't want you to go back! You barely made it back last time, what makes you think you could a second time?"

"I wasn't going to –" he stopped mid-sentence and blinked, "You think I couldn't?"

Balthazar scoffed. "Don't throw a tantrum, I'm trying to help you. In case you hadn't noticed, you're still a Fledgling – you can barely sustain your wings, or did you forget what happened during the rite of passage?"

Castiel flushed.

Balthazar knew he'd upset Castiel by saying that but protecting his friend's feelings wasn't his priority. He knew how irrational Castiel could be. Castiel had never been one for accepting a situation he didn't like, and while neither was he, he knew when to steer clear of conflict, when to duck down and hide, and when to fight. Castiel's questions will have consequences – consequences Balthazar only had a fraction of an idea about. Fledglings were usually kept in the dark about the harsher punishments, but as a low-ranking Seraphim, Balthazar knew a little more now. Castiel was trying to unearth something from the past, something the Creator had long buried, and for whatever reason Balthazar didn't care – why poke a grizzly bear? – this was one of those conflicts best avoided because, from Balthazar had learned from his new rank, if any place anywhere had a history needing to remain hidden, then heaven was the worst of them all.

Yet Balthazar didn't know that his comment had thrown Castiel into a mess of emotions. He was shaking inside like he was going to burst. All of it was too much. The accusations, the questions, the stares, the Seraphim, the Archangel, and the fact that the Fledglings he'd grown up with were either dead or exceeded beyond him – and he just didn't understand – and Balthazar... It was all building up inside him like he was going to explode. How had things become so bad so quickly?

"Look." Balthazar breathed out steadily, forcing his voice to soften. "It's no big deal. We'll wait until this whole thing blows over with the authorities and then we'll see about you getting re-assessed. Hey, I could even put a good word in for you. What do you say?"

"What makes you think you could a second time?"

"Castiel?"

Certainly, the idea was a bad one. There was no doubt about that. Yet, that ever-growing pit of sorrow and jealously was urging the idea, so much so that the events leading to those feelings were completely forgotten. The feelings were just there as if they always had been and they were controlling him. They wanted him to do this and the consequences were not considered nor cared about.

"Okay, you're scaring me a little. Wh-where are you going?"

Castiel walked past him. He'd need to run to get a good set off.

"You're not listening to word I'm saying, are you? Why do you have to be so over-confident, stupid little…CAS! What are you doing?!"

He was running. Balthazar moved to stop him, but Castiel leapt aside. It put him off a little and he stumbled, but he managed to straighten up and spread out his wings just as the ground disappeared beneath him.

"Cas, NO!"

Castiel was falling again - no, he was flying; he knew exactly where he was going.

References: We've got a couple new descriptions for angel-forms in this chapter so here we go…

Balthazar: Silver - industrial, sleek, modern, as well as ornate, glamorous, graceful, sophisticated. A precious metal that often symbolizes riches and wealth. Yellow – typically represents happiness, but can also represent deceit, corruption and cowardice. Wolf – social, loyal, cunning, compassionate in some cases, and friendly. It was also supposed to indicate how Balthazar goes lone wolf after leaving heaven, and yet is still loyal to Castiel.

Uriel: Indigo - structure/the need for order, dual perspective, both positive and negative colour. Purple - riches, dignity, energy. Lion - dignity, strength. Ram - the horns are a symbol of power and are similar to the traditional image of the devil with his horns, referencing Uriel's loyalty to Lucifer. His form was mostly about trying to convey his arrogance and strength, but also his insecurity ("there is no wrath, no fury, no God.") his reliance on order, and his admiration for the superior angels ("you remember how strong [Lucifer] was.")

Anna/Anael: Red - passion, love, energy, leadership, longing, lust, determination, radiance. (I might include her true form later depending on how the story goes.)

'Mystery' angel: Cat - depicted as Gods; they are clever, selective, mysterious, watchful. Blacks cats are a symbol of bad luck and witchcraft. Indigo - structure/the need for order, dual perspective, both positive and negative colour.

Daniel: Black and white – traditional symbols for mourning.