Noiz x SociallyIsolated!Reader

Ahh, the sweet dark. Nothingness. This was your home- the place in which you belong. Nothing could beat not being able to see anything, hear anything, feel anything. Curling up with your head resting on your knees, complete with your arms locking around them to close any shred of light left. Your eyes were closed despite the darkness you were already in to create a pitch-black environment. You could doze off like this. Sometimes you wish you could fall into an eternal slumber in this position.

But these thoughts were always ending up cut off.

It frustrated you. Despite your strong feelings toward him, it frustrated the living shit out of you when your boyfriend sat beside you while you tried to indulge in the blackness.
"Everyone's wondering where you are."

Yeah, I get that.

"You should come out."

You shook your head in refusal while your head was still concealed in your arms. "I can't go out there." You murmured. You didn't even look at him, but you could see him frowning and feel those piercing orbs of blue boring holes in the back of your head. "Go away, Noiz. And tell them to go away. I'm not going out there." You snapped. Your voice was muffled by the small space you created.

"But we want you to."

"Sure you do."

The German huffed, draping an arm over your hunched-over form. "I told you countless times that isolating yourself isn't going to make your social anxiety any better." He said in a deadpan tone.

No, shit.

"And don't give me the 'I like being alone' crap, because I know it hurts." You could feel his tension when he broke out his last sentence, and you peeked at him from over your arm.

How does he know?

You knew there were probably a couple of secrets Noiz hadn't told you. When you first became friends he was really quiet and kind of distant. When you started dating, he didn't really tell much about himself. Now being a couple for about a year, you know a lot about him, whether he told you or you carefully observed his actions and behavior. But you had a feeling that he keeps some of the big parts of his life secret. He never talks about his family or friends, except for all of your mutual friends.

Has he been through it too?

"A world where you can't feel is lonely, _." He muttered. You slowly emerged from your hiding spot to look at him properly. "I know this myself. . . before I met you I was not able to feel a thing. Literally."

"Literally? As in you didn't have your sense of touch?"

"No, I had my sense of touch. But it was extremely faint. I could only feel things fully with my lips and tongue at least, but I wasn't happy with that. Because I desired pain." His voice lowered to complete solemness when he let out the last sentence, to which your eyes slightly widened. Who would want pain? Isn't that something that nobody wants to experience? Then again, when you couldn't feel anything, why wouldn't you want to experience it?

"I wanted it so much since I was a kid that I fought other kids. I always hoped that I would get some kind of painful experience out of it. But I felt nothing. I always left those kids hurt and wailing. My parents thought I was a failure. They called me a monster child, said I was better off not being born."

They're monsters! How could they?!

"They locked me in my room, never to be let out again. The only things I could do were idly spend my time in my room and eat the meals given to me everyday. I literally woke up, ate, played in my room, ate, played in my room some more, ate, showered and went to sleep. That was my whole childhood."

You looked at the strawberry blonde with a look of pure heartbreak in your eyes, to which he frowned. But that frown turned into a slight smile. "I'm sorry. My life story isn't suited to this kind of setting." His large hand took hold of yours, which was set on your lap. You had gradually and unconsciously gotten out of your balled up state. You noticed this and immediately wanted to go back to your safe haven, but you looked into Noiz's eyes. They were so tender and soothing. Those baby blues once held loneliness and inner turmoil. They once held the need to die, the need to disappear from the world and never be heard from again. They once held the desire to be recognized, but be forgotten.
Your own (e/c) orbs started to fill with tears as you leaned up to him, your lips pressing to his. Noiz accepted the kiss with no hesitation, the hand that was holding yours let go to cup your cheek, his touch so gentle. You've always wondered why he had always been so gentle, his hands always barely grazing you instead of holding you. Now you knew, he was worried his lack of knowledge of his own strength would lead to hurting you. You wouldn't have it anymore. Taking his wrists, you wound his arms around your waist, prompting him to pull you closer.

He had gotten your message loud and clear, and although hesitant, he eventually contracted his arms around you, holding you so there was no space between the two of you as your lips remained connected.

And in that moment, Noiz knew he could never experience bliss more intensely than this.